Chapter 4: Resentment

July 2, 1991, Chicago, Illinois

“I don’t think this is over by any stretch of the imagination,” Ben said.

We were back in Jack’s office, discussing the interview, with the ‘remote’ lawyers on the phone. Melanie was with us as well.

“I agree,” Jack said. “They clearly are onto something, though nothing that appears to be tied to NIKA or Steve.”

Because they were looking in the wrong place for ties to me. But that was just fine. And, as I thought about it, I hadn’t done much recently. I was a bit surprised that they weren’t aware of my visits to the Old Neighborhood Italian American Club, but I’d only been there a few times, and it had been some time ago. And, as always, I had legitimate business that I could point to as cover.

“If I had to guess,” Melanie said. “They’re trying to build a case against Alderman Bloom, but that doesn’t make a lot of sense given his reputation. Obviously, they’re looking for dirt on the unions, and we all know there’s not just smoke, but a roaring fire there. They’ll be back to this well at some point.”

“I agree,” Ben said. “They’ve shown you the stick. The carrot will come next.”

“Forget it,” I said. “I’m not going to act as an informant, or a mole, or whatever the hell they’re it is they’re thinking of asking. First of all, you all know my feelings about the government. Second, it would wreck my business. No attorney would trust me to go anywhere near any computer with confidential information on it, which is all of them. That’s one reason I called you, Ben.”

“You’re exactly right on that account - if we felt you were a government informant, we would never, ever let your firm into our offices, let alone take care of our computers. The risk would be too great. Yes, there’s the whole attorney-client privilege thing, but if you were to feed information to the FBI, they could easily construct probable cause for warrants for things they never knew existed, and it would be tough to prove they broke the law.”

“So what next?” I asked.

“Just sit tight and wait for them to come to you,” Ben said. “Jack, do you agree?”

“I do. It may be weeks, months, or even years, but they will be back. The investigation of Aldermen Roti and Medrano took years. And the Feds have been trying to break the Chicago Outfit for longer than we’ve been alive. Someday, they’ll find the insider they need, but it hasn’t happened yet.”

“Omertà is a pretty strong idea amongst the Italians,” I said.

“You know, they haven’t come upon the fact that your Chairman of the Board is of pure Italian descent,” Melanie said.

“What?” Ben almost shouted into the phone. “Did you all not think THAT was relevant?”

“Nobody knew but me and Melanie,” I said. “And, to be honest, I didn’t even think about it. Joyce married a Naval officer, so her last name is Tarrance, but she’s of pure Italian descent, though it was her grandparents who were born in the ‘Old Country’. She’s from Cincinnati, and runs a bunch of small businesses like bakeries, delis, and the like. She’s completely and totally legit. I’m sure of it.”

“They’ll have a field day when they uncover that little tidbit,” Ben said. “It won’t matter if she’s as clean as the new-fallen snow. Expect to hear from them when they eventually figure that out. And the rest of your board?”

I chuckled, “I think Al Barton, Beth Pater, and Commander Schumacher are clean. My dad used to work for the CIA.”

“Oh this is going to be LOADS of fun,” Ben sighed.

“Ben, there is no way for them to find that out unless either he or I tell them. All the records are sealed, and his real name is known only to about five people in the entire world.”

“Real name? We’re talking the FBI here.”

“Yes, but my dad also has a phone number to call if anyone starts digging. They’ll put an end to it. Trust me.”

“I think you and I, and the rest of the legal team, need to have a nice long talk,” Ben said. “This may be more complicated than we thought. Not because you’ve done anything wrong, but because of the leverage the FBI might think they have when they uncover this. I’m curious, do they know about your lifestyle?”

“They’ve never asked, but it’s not like I keep it secret. I don’t take out full-page ads in the paper about it, but it’s not hidden. I did talk to Ned about it. He was shocked and impressed.”

Ben laughed, “Which is the same reaction the partners here had.”

“And you do remember the trouble I had, right?”

“Yes, but that’s all resolved, correct?”

“Yes,” I said. “My family attorney shut that down. And after your suggestion about how to handle the situation, I don’t see it coming back.”

“Now I’ve missed something,” Jack said.

“I’ll bring you up to speed later,” Jamie grinned. “As Ben said, Steve’s life is a real circus.”

“Indeed it is,” Melanie laughed.

And much of it had its origins in Miss Melanie Spencer thirteen years previously in Milford, Ohio. We exchanged a look that communicated volumes to each other, but nothing to anyone else in the room.

That evening at home, I was relaxing with my wives, Elyse, and Abbie, when the phone rang. I hopped up to answer it.

“Hi, Steve!” Katy gushed.

“Hi! How are things?”

“Good. I’m feeling great and we’re back in business!”

“No problems with the smoke smell?” I asked.

“Other than new wood paneling and the replaced ceiling in my room, you’d never know anything happened! Even the chimney looks like it used to, because they used pre-weathered bricks.”

“Great! Any other fallout?”

“No cancellations, if that’s what you mean. After all, besides the article in the local paper, who would know about it? Nobody died and the total damage was under $35,000. It’s not newsworthy enough to have made the paper even in Boston, let alone nationally.”

“True. Did you hear anything from the guests who were displaced?”

“A very nice thank you letter from one couple for how we handled it. Otherwise, no. No complaints. And everyone who had their stays messed up is happy. I talked to all of them.”

“Keep me posted,” I said. “You can expect Jessica, Kara, Birgit, and me to come out again next spring!”

“I’m looking forward to it! Thanks for all the help you gave me. And thanks for coming out right away.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll talk to you when I get back from Europe.”

“Have fun!” Katy giggled.

“I intend to!” I said.

July 3, 1991, Chicago, Illinois

“Thanks for seeing us on short notice, Doctor Green,” I said as he ushered us into his office.

“You’re welcome. What’s the crisis?”

“Crisis?” Jessica asked. “Tiger? What’s going on?”

“Jessica,” Doctor Green said gently, “Relax, please. Steve, go ahead.”

I’d had a private discussion with Bethany about whether or not I should tell Jessica in advance, and, in the end, I’d rejected Bethany’s advice. I felt I needed Jessica to react, to be upset, even, to make any progress. Bethany had countered that doing something like that right before I left for Europe, with Jessica seven months pregnant, was not something she felt was a good idea. I was about to find out who was right.

“Jess,” I said. “I’m going to be direct. I’ve started to have serious feelings of resentment about how you’re handling my mental health issues. I talked to Doctor Bradford about it, and he advised me to schedule this meeting with Doctor Green to get everything out in the open before I went away and the resentment built further.”

“Resentment?” Jessica growled. “Seriously? Because I care for you and want to make sure you’re healthy? Give me a break! Quit being an oversensitive baby about this! Act like a man!”

I hadn’t expected that kind of visceral reaction from her. And now I was very glad we were with Doctor Green to act as a referee. Putting Kara in that position would have been nightmarish.

“Jessica,” Doctor Green said gently, “Take a deep breath and relax. Remember, this room is the place where you can say what you really feel, and we deal with it. Can you do that for me?”

She glared at him, then at me, then at Kara.

“Did YOU know about this?” she asked, angrily.

Kara shook her head, “He didn’t talk to me about it, but I know he’s been bristling over how you’re treating him.”

“And you didn’t say anything to me? Why?”

“Jessica,” Doctor Green said firmly. “It’s not going to help if you lash out at your husband and wife.”

She crossed her arms and simply glared at Doctor Green again. I could FEEL the cold wave that was emanating from her, and I was sure that would not be her only outburst in the next hour. When she didn’t say anything for a moment, Doctor Green continued.

“Steve, as neutrally as you can, please explain why you feel the way you do. And remember, what you perceived may not be what Jessica intended.”

I nodded, “I understand. I guess I feel stifled. I’ve been exercising regularly since I was thirteen. First it was swimming, then running, then karate, and then running again, in addition to karate. I don’t need to be reminded constantly that I need to exercise. I have missed some days, but always with good and reasonable cause. And I do my best, allowing for the circumstances. For example, when I was in Vermont, I ran two mornings. And when I go to Sweden and Russia, I’ll run as well.

“As for my diet, I’ve been very good about it, and the low-sugar, reduced-carbohydrate diet is something I started even before I started seeing Doctor Bradford. Al had me on that for other reasons, but mainly to prevent diabetes years down the road. He was concerned about the amount of soda I was drinking. He had the same concerns about me smoking my pipe or a cigar on occasion.

“I guess what I’m saying is that I had already adopted the lifestyle changes, and don’t need to be reminded every second of every minute of every day to follow them. If I had any manic episodes, or got seriously depressed, then I could see Jessica checking up on me to make sure I was maintaining the diet and exercise regimen. I did have one near manic episode, but Kara quickly used the techniques Doctor Bradford suggested and I pulled back.”

Jessica was fuming, but didn’t say anything.

“What brought on that episode?” Doctor Green asked.

“It was our fault,” Kara interjected. “Jessica and I kept something important from Steve and he found out about it. He was upset, but as he said, I insisted very firmly he stop, take several deep breaths, and calm down. He did right away. And what we kept from him was important enough to him that I think him being a bit upset was probably warranted.”

“What was that?” he asked.

“I’d rather not go into too much detail, but it was about a girl who came on to him. We knew she was going to, and knew he would be surprised, but we didn’t warn him. It’s complicated. But WE made the mistake, didn’t we Jess?”

“Yes,” Jessica said grudgingly.

“OK. Now we have Steve’s perspective. We’ll delve deeper once I hear your perspective, Jessica.”

“I’m just trying to take care of him!” she growled, sounding both disgusted and angry. “And I guess he’s ungrateful!”

“Jessica, don’t assign motives or feelings. Just state the facts.”

“Fine!” she huffed, now more clearly angry. “When I see that there’s a risk for him having an episode, and when our routine breaks, I remind him to follow the guidance Doctor Barton and Doctor Bradford have given him. And OF COURSE I want him to stop smoking. So does every other doctor he knows, including you! But he’s a stubborn MAN and is set in his ways!”

That was both true and not true. I’d changed a lot. But there were indeed some things I wasn’t going to yield on, and the pipe that Stephie had given me was one of those things. I knew the risks and I accepted them. And that was, I thought, part of the problem here.

“Doc, may I say something that might be part of the core issue?” I asked.

“Would you let Kara give her perspective first, please?”

“Of course.”

“Well, I agree with Jessica about caring for Steve and making sure he follows the instructions from the doctors.”

Jessica smiled smugly.

“But, I also know that Steve understands and follows them. When he doesn’t, it’s usually for a very good, very clear reason, just as he said. If I saw a pattern developing, then I would say something. But I don’t see that. Missing a run because he has to take an early flight, or occasionally eating a burger on the run because of his schedule isn’t going to hurt him. So I keep quiet about it, except when there’s a real issue, like the other day with his manic moment.”

Jessica’s smile turned to a frown. Kara had just neatly pointed out that she, too, felt that Jessica was being oppressive.

“Steve?”

“I think there are two things going on,” I said carefully. “First, Jessica’s professional training has her, at least in this regard, treating me like a patient, not a husband. But more importantly, I think it’s a disagreement on calculated risk.”

“How so?” he asked.

“I’ll put it in terms of an ongoing debate between us. I think NASCAR drivers are well aware of the risks they take, and that they should be allowed to decide for themselves if the risk is acceptable. And the rules should reflect that. Not that there should be no safety rules, but if competitors understand the risks, then they are free to take them. It’s similar to when I went skydiving. I had to formally acknowledge the risk by signing my name a bunch of times. Or with the NHL when they imposed the helmet rule. They grandfathered players who never wore helmets before, were allowed to continue not wearing them, on the condition they acknowledged the risk and signed a waiver.

“Jessica doesn’t agree with my assessment. We’ve had very long discussions about that, and I’ve pointed out that everything contains some level of risk. I’m sure she knows it, because she has to take calculated risks in the ER. And that’s what I’m doing with my smoking, for example. I KNOW the risks. I’m not pretending they don’t exist the way the tobacco companies try to do. I understand. And I believe the enjoyment I get from smoking my pipe a few times a year is worth the risk. Just like my friend Bill Elliott thinks that getting into his car and driving at more than 200MPH in circles within inches of forty other cars is worth the risk.”

Doctor Green nodded.

“Jessica? Kara? What do you think?”

They looked at each other and Kara spoke first.

“I think there might be something to that. Both of those things, actually. When Steve received some news about a fire in Vermont, the first thing Jessica did was get her bag and insist that he let her do an exam. I’m a chemistry professor, not a doctor, but I think he looked fine.”

I couldn’t help myself laughing.

“What?” Kara asked.

“You just reversed the McCoy line!” I said, still chuckling.

“Oh! I did!” she giggled. “Oops!”

“So you think she overreacted?” Doctor Green asked.

Kara shook her head, “No, I think she reacted as a doctor, not as a wife. And I think that’s what’s bothering Steve more than anything. Yes, they disagree on assumption of risk. I disagree with both of them, actually, because I’m kind of in the middle. Steve is extreme in that anyone should be able to assume any risk they want to; while Jessica believes that we should eliminate any risk that we’re able to, without regard to individual freedom.”

Chapter 5 »