Chapter 28: The Whole Story

November 29, 1991, Chicago, Illinois

“So what did you tell her?” Jessica asked.

“The same thing I’ve told her ever since Nick died. And before, really. And honestly, Jess, do YOU think we should run that risk? You made your feelings clear a few weeks ago when you deduced how I felt about Jennifer, Bethany, and Kathy. Abbie did suggest I turn off my ‘emotion chip’, forget what she called my my misplaced honor, and fuck Bethany into next week. I’m not sure that’s the wisest idea at this point, obviously.”

“Obviously. Did you ever answer Jennifer’s question?”

“No,” I said. “I didn’t. She didn’t expect an answer anytime soon.”

“Do you know the answer?”

“It’s confusing as hell,” I sighed. “It’s easy to have sex with someone like Keisha or Jill. Or April. It’s a whole different thing to be with Bethany. And Jennifer? You know damned well how I feel about her, and always have. That never changed.”

“She was the one I always thought could steal him away,” Kara said. “Not Bethany. Well, Bethany kind of had him, sort of, even though he doesn’t think so.”

“What about Kathy?” Jessica asked.

“He made that choice a long time ago,” Kara said. “That moment passed, if you will. They love each other, desire each other, and, given the right circumstances, would fuck each other to death. But those circumstances are unlikely to ever arise. I thought that was the case with Bethany and Jennifer. What happened with Bethany was shocking, unbelievable really, and so the circumstances have changed in a way we’d never imagined. As for Jennifer, I wonder about her question.”

“How so?” I asked.

“I think she might be at a point where she thinks she might be able to do it. And the question is a real one, not a hypothetical one.”

That pretty much sealed it. If both my sister and Kara thought Jennifer was asking for real, then that made answering the question as dangerous as I had feared it might be.

“Would you do it, Tiger?” Jessica asked pensively.

“First of all, my rule is pretty clear. She’s married to Josie, and that puts her off limits. Remember, I turned down Katt numerous times over the years, despite the fact that she had permission. I’m not sure anyone can really get permission like that.”

“You do!” she protested.

“This is a unique situation,” I said. “And maybe Mikael is sincere. In fact, I’m sure he is. But what happens when I make that exception? Then every instance presents a chance to look for an exception. So, no, I wouldn’t do it for that reason. And, I’d need permission which I don’t think you would grant. In fact, right now, I don’t think you’re in an emotional state where you COULD grant permission.”

Jessica smiled, “Consent, though with a different twist.”

“Yes,” I nodded. “Exactly. And the point of getting her pregnant is completely moot, despite not having had the second test. Back to the point; don’t you think there’s a risk with Jennifer or Bethany?”

There was silence for a bit, then Kara spoke.

“I think so,” she said softly. “I think the way you feel about those two girls makes it even more important that you keep your relationship with them intimate, but with no sex. In a way, both of those girls are more dangerous than Becky.”

“How so?” Jessica asked.

“Because, after I’ve thought about it some more, in both instances he was with Becky, it was pure sex. Nothing more. After the abortion, he never felt the same about her. My concern a few days ago was misplaced. I suspect you’ll see that when you read the journal entries about her suicide attempt. Anala concluded that Penny broke the spell, and perhaps she did.”

“I’m curious about that whole relationship,” Jessica said. “I mean, I know you were with her, but I don’t know many details.”

“You’ll get there, Babe. And I’m not sure when the spell was actually broken, so to speak. In hindsight, and on reflection, I’m not sure that after the abortion the spell was anything other than sexual attraction. But it’s hard for me to say because I was never truly able to sort out my feelings for Becky. The abortion clouded everything. To a point, it still does.”

“That would have destroyed our relationship, wouldn’t it?” she asked.

“You know I don’t do speculative questions about the past. I don’t know what would have happened. Al is convinced we’d have survived it. I simply don’t know.”

“May I ask you something about Katt?” Jessica asked.

“Sure.”

“Did you ever love her? Or was she just someone fun to be with?”

“That’s a tough question,” I said. “I cared about Katt, and to some extent, I still do. But it’s not like with you and Kara. Or Elyse. Or even Abbie.”

“Even Abbie? It sounds like you’re relegating her to a second or third tier.”

“It’s difficult to compartmentalize it that way,” I said. “But if you want my honest opinion, Abbie is falling for Jason. It’s only the distance that’s preventing it now. She’s torn again - stay or go.”

“And you’re torn, too,” Jessica said. “And not because she’s your lover, but because she’s our nanny and the kids adore her, even more than they did Veronica.”

“It’s complicated,” I agreed. “Very complicated. Why did you ask about Katt?”

“I’m just curious. I couldn’t get the picture from what I’ve read, and you pretty much handed her to Mikael. No, pushed her to Mikael is a better way to say it.”

“Because I could never be what she truly needed,” I said. “And I knew it. It just took her some time to find love in a place she refused to look. It was there all along, but she missed it. There are a lot of parallels with Stephie in that way. But we’re way off topic, I think.”

“Are we?” Jessica asked. “It seems to come down to an issue of your heart. If you took up with Bethany again, you could never, ever just fuck her once and be done.”

Kara giggled, “Steve never does it just once!”

Jessica smiled, “You know what I meant. If they start, they would never stop. He couldn’t. She couldn’t. And they both know it. She’s not asking for just a fuck. She’s asking for a return to how things were. Well, to a regular thing.”

“Which is why I can’t do it,” I said. “She said she could, and I don’t believe her for one second. That’s her horniness talking. And what she perceives as safety. But it’s not safe. It’s dangerous as hell.”

“How upset is she?” Kara asked.

“I don’t think upset is the right word; I think frustrated is the right word. That girl is VERY sexual, and always has been. Two years without getting laid is driving her to distraction! My concern, and the only thing that gave me pause in turning her down again, is what she’ll do to solve the problem.”

“That’s not your issue, Steve,” Jessica said. “You want to protect her, and I understand that, but if you aren’t going to do it, then you need to distance yourself from this issue with her.”

“I know,” I sighed. “It’s difficult.”

“So you’re going to tell Jennifer that you could never just fuck, right?”

“Yes. But I’m also going to point out the rules, because those factor in as well. It’s a package. I can’t just decide things in a vacuum. Where did you leave off in your reading?”

“Prom. If I didn’t know you, I’d say that was some bizarre High School fantasy. But I’m sure it happened.”

“Oh, it did!” I chuckled. “There isn’t much left of that volume; really just Jennifer’s revelation about college. I’d like you to wait until after tomorrow to start reading Volume 5.”

“Why?”

“Just do it for me, please?” I asked.

“OK. You know I skipped over most of the details of Spring Break.”

“As well you should have. At this point, I’d probably have a bad reaction to reading that.”

“Good.”

November 30, 1991, Chicago, Illinois

“Jess, while Kara is bathing her girls, I need to talk to you privately.”

“OK. Your study?”

“No, the ‘Indian’ room,” I said.

We went in and I sat in one of the basket chairs and beckoned her to sit in my lap.

“This seems serious. What’s wrong?”

“I had a good talk with my father-in-law the other day.”

“You called my dad? Why?”

“No the conversation was face to face,” I said calmly. “With your real dad.”

“What?!” she shrieked. “How?!”

She slumped against me and began sobbing. I just held her until she stopped, hoping against hope that Kara wouldn’t come looking for us. It was nearly ten minutes before Jessica had control of herself enough that I felt I could talk.

“I knew something was amiss,” I said. “So I went to Al and simply pretended I knew what the secret was and asked him to tell me the story. He did.”

“You tricked him?!” Jessica gasped. “Tiger, how could you?!”

“How could I not?” I asked gently. “He’s not angry. We had a very good talk. And now, a whole lot of things make sense that didn’t make sense before.”

“You can never tell anyone! Never!” she wailed, starting to sob again.

“I need to tell Kara. No, WE need to tell her. We can’t keep this a secret from her. Al agrees.”

“No!” she growled, sounding almost panicked. “No! Nobody can know! You weren’t supposed to know!”

“Babe, trust me, I understand. But we can’t keep a secret like this from Kara.”

“That’s why you planned the night away tonight, isn’t it,” she said, sniffing.

“Yes. Al and I talked about it.”

“You must hate me!” she sobbed.

“Why would I hate you?”

“Because my entire life has been a lie! One big lie after another!”

“That’s not true at all. Being Doctor Jessica is no lie. Being the top Resident at UofC is no lie. Being my wife is no lie. Being mom to two, or four if you consider our situation, wonderful kids is no lie. My past isn’t exactly sparkling, you know!”

“But it wasn’t a lie!”

“I think we can excuse you not telling people any of that stuff, Babe. And what about Al? Is his life a lie?”

“I don’t know!”

“He loves you, Jessica. That’s obvious. And so do Kara and I.”

“He’s the only one before you that ever really wanted me.”

“I think Troy did, even if he wasn’t your biological father. I think he loved you and still does. And your mom kept you!”

She sighed, “Al doesn’t know the whole story. She never told him, and I didn’t after she told me.”

“I want to hear it, if you’re willing to tell it, but I think it should wait for tonight, when we tell Kara.”

“Do we have to?” she pleaded, sounding like a little girl being told to do something she didn’t want to do.

“Are you happy when Kara and I keep secrets from you? Like Katt and Mikael’s request?”

“No,” she whispered.

“Secrets have almost killed our marriage before and I won’t let it happen now! Jess, I need to go delay Kara so you can wash your face. Can you keep it together until we get to the hotel?”

“I can try.”

She got out of my lap and I stood up. I pulled her to me and hugged her tightly. I checked out the door of the room and didn’t see Kara, so I quickly went upstairs. She was just finishing dressing Stephie. I picked up Birgit and sat down on the loveseat and patted the spot next to me. Kara came and sat down.

“Are you doing OK, Honey?” I asked.

“Yes. Why?”

“Just with all the turmoil I wasn’t sure how you were doing.”

“I’m really OK. It’s Jess I’m worried about.”

“Me, too. We’ll talk more tonight.”

“How is Bethany?” Kara asked.

“She’s fine. She knows exactly why I said ‘no’ to her. I think she’ll ask once more. Probably when I’m Ohio in a week.”

“Do you WANT to be with her?”

“I don’t think that matters,” I said.

“Just answer the question, Snuggle Bear.”

“Here? In front of Birgit?”

Birgit giggled, “Daddy wants to make a baby with Aunt Befany!”

“No, Daddy does NOT want to make a baby with Bethany!” I chuckled. “Daddy has ENOUGH babies! Ashley was the last one!”

“No babies?” Stephie asked.

“We have seven! That’s enough!”

Jessica came into the room carrying Ashley, looking calm and collected. She’d done a good job of getting herself cleaned up.

“What time are we leaving?” Jessica asked.

“Anytime,” I said. “Shall we get our bags packed and get out of here?”

“I go?” Stephie asked.

“No, honey, just Mommies and Daddy,” Kara said.

Stephie made a sour face, but then she and Birgit decided to go to the playroom. Jessica put Ashley in her crib and the three of us packed our overnight bags.

An hour later, we were checked into a large suite at the InterContinental Hotel.

“What shall we do?” Kara asked.

“Talk,” I said. “Let’s sit in the drawing room. I planned to order dinner from Room Service.”

I turned on the radio and the three of us sat in comfortable chairs.

“Kara, we have something important to tell you,” I said. “It’s something I found out on Monday. I told Jess I knew earlier today.”

“Why not me?”

“Because it’s about her. I had to let her know that I knew.”

“And you waited until today?”

“Yes. I only got permission to talk about it on Wednesday, and by then, Bethany and Nicholas and Bethany’s parents were here. And yesterday was Thanksgiving.”

“So what’s this big secret?” she asked, pensively.

“Jess?”

She shook her head, got up, and came to sit in my lap. She pulled her legs up, put her arms around my neck and cuddled me. I took a deep breath.

“I found out that Troy isn’t Jessica’s biological father,” I said calmly. “Angela had an affair. A one-night stand.”

“Oh my God! Do you know who her father is?”

I nodded, “I do. It’s Al Barton.”

Kara gasped and turned pale. Jessica began sobbing softly, her face buried in my chest.

“What?” Kara finally asked. “I, uh, uh ... oh, Jess!” she sighed.

She got up and came over to us and knelt by the chair. She put her hands on Jessica’s back, and her head on Jessica’s thigh. We sat like that for at least ten minutes, before Jessica lifted her head.

“I’m sorry I lied to you both,” she said softly.

“But how?” Kara asked. “Steve?”

“You remember our conversation where Jessica begged me not to make her tell me about Al? Well, I knew something was amiss, so I went to Al and bluffed him into telling me.”

Kara laughed nervously, “Uh, sorry. But wow! Wait! Jess, he’s your boss! He’s your teacher! You could get into serious trouble!”

“Kara, Honey, they both know that. It’s why they kept it secret and why we’re never going to tell anyone. And it never, ever goes into my journal.”

“I don’t even know what to say!” Kara whispered. Then shock spread across her face, “Jess, Fawn is your sister!”

“I know,” Jessica sighed. “The lies and deceptions just made a mess of everything. But once we started, it wasn’t as if we could stop.”

“Wait, that means Troy isn’t your dad! So that guy you were with wasn’t your brother, really!”

“No, he wasn’t, but it’s complicated. Just as the thing with Fawn is. Just as things with my parents are. Well, you know what I mean there. Just as they are with my dad.”

“So now what?” Kara asked. “What do we do?”

“Keep this secret,” I said. “There is no option. Nobody knows. Not Doctor Green. Not Doctor Mercer. Not Elyse or Bethany. And not my journal.”

“And I tell you the whole story, from start to finish,” Jessica sniffed.

“The Jacuzzi isn’t really big enough for three,” Kara observed. “Why don’t we get into bed and cuddle?”

“I’d like that,” Jessica said. “But we both cuddle Steve, please.”

Five minutes later, we were naked under the covers with Jessica on my right and Kara on my left, snuggled close.

“What do you know, Tiger?”

“Not much, really. Just that Al met your mom when she was a Freshman, working in the Bursar’s office and sweet-talked her into having coffee, and ended up getting her pregnant. I don’t even know if it was that same day.”