Chapter 27: Al’s Solution

November 26, 1991, Chicago, Illinois

It had been difficult not to say anything to anyone about what I’d discovered, and I most certainly could not write anything about Al’s revelation in my journals. I did spend some time writing my thoughts and reactions, but in a separate file, on a separate disk, with a separate password. I put that diskette in my locked desk drawer at work. I had thought of simply erasing the file after I’d got it all out of my system, but as I’d said to my wives, I never deleted anything.

Sitting at my desk on Tuesday morning, I was having real trouble concentrating on my work. I knew that Al had to come to a decision about how, when, and to whom I could reveal my knowledge. I hoped he would agree that I could tell my wives, because it completely changed the character of what Jessica was telling me. A child by Troy Wilton with another woman was not a blood relative. Not even a half-brother.

As I thought about it, I couldn’t think of a classification. She wasn’t Troy’s daughter, despite what the birth certificate said. Troy denied paternity of the boy, though the paternity test had shown him to likely be the father. But, that was really irrelevant given that Jessica was born of a one-night-stand between Al Barton and Angela Wilton. I supposed that growing up thinking Troy was her father made her view this young man as her real brother, but he wasn’t. Or was he? Maybe I was making a distinction without a difference. I had no clue. Maybe that would help her; maybe it wouldn’t.

The revelation from Al also brought other things into focus. His behavior when he knew Bethany and I were close to getting engaged had confused me, but it turned out that he was a father looking for the perfect suitor for his badly damaged daughter, and he found him, and wasn’t about to let him escape. His daughter. His daughter! I’d missed something that hit me like a ton of bricks!

Fawn! Fawn was Jessica’s half-sister! Where I now had clarity in Al’s actions, Jessica’s confused me even more! She’d known that Fawn was her half-sister and yet she’d not only allowed me to be with her, but had encouraged me to be with her. I was dumbfounded. And I couldn’t even ask the question unless Al gave me permission.

“Steve?” Penny said, shaking my arm.

“Sorry, I was deep in thought.”

“Yes, but then you went pale and looked like you’d seen a ghost. Are you OK?”

“Uh, yeah. No light-headedness or anything. I just realized something that I hadn’t understood before. It’s not something I can discuss, Penny, not even with you.”

“Then it MUST be serious! You talk to me about anything except sex, and even that you occasionally do.”

“I know. This is just one of those personal things I need to deal with. I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“I was a bit worried. I called your name twice and you didn’t answer. You weren’t coding, so you weren’t in your ‘zone’. I was ready to call 9-1-1.”

“I’m glad you’re watching out for me,” I said, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

“You know, I have other places that could use kisses, too!” she giggled.

“Not today, Penelope!” Then, realizing what I said, I added, “And not tomorrow, either!”

“So Thursday, then!” she said happily. “I’ll clear my calendar!”

“You know better!” I chuckled.

I got up and went to use the toilet. I kept turning things over in my mind. It hit me that Jessica’s meltdown wasn’t just over her legal father’s affair, but over her own birth, which was the result of a casual, one-night stand. I wondered if Angela had told Jessica why she’d done it, or just that it had happened. I couldn’t even begin to fathom the thoughts that had gone through Jessica’s mind at that point. I’m not sure I could have handled the revelations any better, and given my mood swings, it could have been the end of me.

I finished in the bathroom and decided to take my lunch a bit earlier than usual so I could get out of the office. I decided to still go to the diner, though I wasn’t in any mood for banter with Crystal. That was a mess I needed to clean up, but given where my mind was at the moment, it was likely going to have to wait. Assuming she’d even talk to me. If not, then I’d do what I’d decided - switch where I ate for a month or two.

I entered the diner and sat at a booth that I knew belonged to Crystal. When she saw me, she frowned but didn’t tell me to move.

“Hi,” I said. “I am sorry.”

“Sorry that you acted like an ass?”

“Yes. I’ll have my usual please, if you’re willing to take my order. I’ll move if you want me to.”

“No. I’ll take it. But something is wrong. This isn’t you apologizing. It’s something else.”

“I can’t tell you, and if I could, you wouldn’t believe it. It’s just something I need to work through.”

“Got caught with your hand in the cookie jar, did you?”

I smiled, “Not at all In fact, that’s impossible. I told you quite clearly that I have almost complete freedom in that area.”

“Which you would use with my roommate, but not me.”

“I’m sorry, OK? Really. But right now, I’m just not in the mood.”

She shrugged and put my order in. I pulled out The Economist and started reading about the end of the KGB and the major changes in the Soviet Union. To me, though, the more immediate problem was Yugoslavia. There was an all-out civil war in progress by my estimation, and I could only see it ending with the dissolution of the country. My concern was my knowledge of history. World War I had started in that same area, and basically in the same way. Bosnia and Serbia going at it, and the rest of Europe lining up on one side or the other.

Crystal brought my meal and set it in front of me and asked if I needed anything more. I just shook my head and started eating, while I continued to read. Fortunately, I was able to concentrate on the news, which helped lighten my mood a bit, but not much. I was still in turmoil over the revelation of Al and Jessica’s relationship, but the entire Fawn incident bothered me even more. Something was amiss.

That seemed to be the story of my life. No matter what I did, no matter where I went, no matter who was involved, something was always amiss. It was as if the universe saved every single curve ball to throw at me, knowing I was a fastball hitter. I felt like Pedro Cerrano playing for the Indians in Major League. I didn’t have a Jobu statue, but I did have Loki, though I didn’t think Loki would help any more than Jobu had helped Cerrano. In the end, Cerrano’s solution had been: Fuck you Jobu, I do it myself!

While I understood the sentiment, it was a solution which I couldn’t abide by in my context. I needed someone to help me hit those curveballs without striking out. Or multiple someones. The problem was, except for Al and my wives, I couldn’t go to ANY of my usual confidants. I couldn’t talk to Elyse, Bethany, Jennifer, or Kathy. Or Abbie. I couldn’t talk to Doctor Mercer or Doctor Green. If Al, Jessica, or Kara couldn’t help me, I would HAVE to do it myself.

I finished my lunch and put the usual tip on the table, then rethought it and added a couple of dollars more. I wasn’t so much as trying to buy my way out, as to show that I was sincere in my apology. I didn’t know how else to do it. Perhaps if I were in a better mood, a card or a single flower would have been nice, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do that at this point.

“Steve?” Crystal said as I walked towards the register.

“Yeah?” I asked turning to look at her.

“I’m sorry I acted like a bitch. Can we start over?”

“Crystal, you had every right to react the way you did. I take full responsibility. You apologizing to me just feels wrong.”

“No, I have no claim on you. I just, well, never mind. See you next Tuesday?”

“Sure. And thanks.”

She smiled and I turned back to the register, paid my check, and then headed back to the office.

November 27, 1991, Chicago, Illinois

As I walked to the hospital to meet Al for lunch, I regretted confronting him before Thanksgiving. Bethany and her parents were arriving later in the day, and if Crystal could easily detect that I was in a strange mood, Bethany would know instantly. The thing was, no matter what resulted from my talk with Al, there was going to be turmoil in the Adams’ household. And my best friend would figure it out the second she saw me. I HAD to ensure I didn’t show an inkling of this issue to anyone.

“I ordered Chinese, I hope that’s OK,” Al said when I walked into his office.

“Perfect,” I said. “Though I assume you’ll excuse me if I skip the rice!”

“I didn’t order any,” he chuckled. “I do know which diet I assigned you, you know!”

“Yes, Doctor Barton!” I smirked.

I rarely called him that, and when I did, it was usually in the context of giving him a hard time about his instructions to me.

“Did you give up smoking?”

“No.”

He shook his head, “You are about as stubborn as they come.”

“So I’ve been told. I believe the word ‘pigheaded’ has been used once or twice, though the usual epithet these days is to say that I’m a ‘MAN’, with the emphasis implying every negative connotation you can think of.”

Al laughed, “I’ve heard that once or twice in my life. And the second one, which you’ll eventually hear is ‘Daaaad!’.”

I laughed as Victoria came in with the food and set it on Al’s desk, then left, closing the door behind her.

“Are you upset with me at all?” he asked as we dug into our lunches.

“No. There’s nothing to be upset about, really.”

“Not even pushing Jessica between you and Bethany?”

“Bethany and I were doomed from the day she and I met. The psychologist I see in Milford once said that we knew how to be best friends and lovers, and we were good at that, but we were never cut out to be married. It sounds strange, but I think she was right.”

“So I rescued you two from yourselves?” he grinned.

“Not quite. It was always going to blow up the way it did with or without Jessica in the picture.”

“And the fact that I withheld all of the things I knew about her?”

“That was up to her to tell me, Al. I wouldn’t have expected Kara’s parents, or Bethany’s parents, or any other parents to tell me things that their daughters should have told me.”

“For a guy who can be a real idiot at times, you’ve got your head screwed on straight.”

“I’ve been told it’s testosterone poisoning,” I chuckled.

Al laughed, “Who said that?”

“Jamie Ferguson’s wife back when I was dating her.”

“You dated ... never mind. The list of women you know who you DIDN’T have sex with seems to be the shorter list.”

“Spoken like someone who, for the times, could give me a run for my money.”

“The 60s were a LOT more fun than the 50s, that’s for sure. Sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll. I did skip the drugs part.”

“Me, too. And I’m an ABBA fan.”

“There’s no accounting for taste! I’m more Rolling Stones, Jefferson Airplane, Bob Dylan, the Grateful Dead, that kind of thing. The thing is, given HIV and other issues, I think we’re slowly swinging back towards the 50s. Free love ain’t free.”

“It’s never free, Al! You pay for it one way or another!”

“That’s one of these comments that gets the ‘MEN!’ response, isn’t it?”

“Indeed it does! I’m curious about something, though. Why send your daughter into a situation like mine?”

“I made a judgment call, based on how you handled yourself in Indianapolis those few days. You were one of the strongest people I’d ever seen walk into a hospital with the way you dealt with Bethany’s injuries, and the surgery, and the implications for her recovery. But, even more importantly, you listened to me.”

“That makes some sense, but I can’t imagine you were happy when you found out I planned to not only have a pair of wives, but continue to have sex with other women.”

“I believe you’re the one who said something about not casting stones or judging. You at least had the integrity to be completely open about it. Look what I did.”

“Sure, but I’m still not seeing why a father would want that for his daughter.”

Al smiled, “That’s not what I wanted. What I wanted was a man who had the strength to deal with everything that had happened to her in the past. I can’t imagine too many men who would just take it all in stride.”

“I suppose that also makes sense. And now I understand why you were so adamant about finding out what was wrong with me, as well as ensuring I was treated for my mood swings.”

“Yes. You’ve stopped seeing Gene Bradford. Why?”

“I’m seeing Doctor Mercer, the woman who counseled me for years when I lived in Ohio, and who helped Bethany. She and I connect and despite the distance, it’s working. I talk to her every Monday morning by telephone, and once a month I go to Milford. That lets me see Nicholas and Bethany as well.”

“I think the way you treat Bethany proves my point, by the way.”

“How so?”

“How many guys do you know that would take that dagger in the heart and STILL be her best friend?”

“Not many, I would guess. But it was really touch and go with Jessica when she tried to stab me in the heart. And you know why.”

Al smiled, “The abortion issue? You would have taken her back. I’m confident about that.”

“How the hell can you be confident about that?”

“Because from what you’ve told me, and what your dad has said, you forgave the young woman who nearly ruined your relationship with Kara after SHE had an abortion. But it’s not only that. Tell me, has your position on that topic mellowed? At all?”

“No.”

“You’re one of the more strident anti-abortion people I know. Immovable and unreasonable in my opinion. Your dad agrees with me by the way.”

“Oh, I know. You’ve obviously been talking to my dad about more than NIKA stuff.”

“His son is married to my daughter. He just doesn’t know it!”

I chuckled, “My friend Katya Sergeyevna, an ex-KGB Colonel, found out things I never told her with some ease. My dad was ex-CIA, so don’t be so sure!”

“I missed that somewhere along the way! But returning to my point, do you agree with that assessment?”

“Absolutely. I find it to be one of the baser things someone could ever do.”

“And yet, in your very odd way, you accept it as a reality. Bethany had an abortion. I know that because we got her complete medical records. You STILL intended to marry her. I already mentioned that other young woman. And when Jessica chose to assist with elective abortions during her medical training, you didn’t utter a peep. So yes, I think you would have taken her back.”

“I don’t do that kind of speculation Al, because it’s silly. I have no idea what I would have done, but I do know what I was thinking.”

“Fair enough, but I still believe, in the end, you would have stuck by her.”

“And you’re happy with the fact that she has a husband who sleeps around?”

“The key words in that sentence are not ‘sleeps around’, but ‘she has a husband’. Another of your quirks, one you don’t speak about as much, is that you simply don’t believe in divorce. I’m sure you considered it, as you say, but I’m willing to bet it was a last resort. If nothing worked, and Jessica refused to return to you, then divorce was possible, even if it was a reprehensible solution. You don’t believe divorce is OK any more than you believe abortion is OK. But your quirk applies there, too. Other people get divorced and you don’t hold it against them.”

“I’m consistent in my insistence that people leave me alone. That means I have to leave them alone. So I’m opposed to abortion. I won’t have one, nor be a willing party to one, but I also can’t argue with Bethany’s choice at age thirteen. I hate the concept of divorce, but I think Katy’s divorce was the right thing to do. I’m not so sure about Cindi’s.”

“She’s back to work, though,” Al stated.

“Yes. She just needed some extra time after the baby to clear her head. Maybe she and Chris will work things out. Illinois requires a two-year separation unless there are actual grounds like adultery.”

“So, back to the reason you’re here for lunch today. You’ve had some time to process what’s gone on. How are you doing?”

“Fine, I think. It was a shock, but once I had some time to process it, as you say, I realized that it was the only thing that made everything make sense. I have a lot more information than most people, obviously, so I don’t know that anyone else would have the same thought independently. I can tell you for sure that Kara is going to be shocked to her core.”

“I was a bit surprised at how calm you stayed, given that you didn’t know what I was going to reveal.”

“I used every technique I’ve learned from the various therapists over the years, as well as from a girl I dated who taught me all kinds of relaxation techniques.”

“This doesn’t have you depressed or manic? And no syncope or near-syncope?”