Chapter 22: It Sounds Like World War III!

October 27, 1991, Chicago, Illinois

“Do you feel better, Babe?” I asked as Jessica, Kara, and I cuddled in the whirlpool tub.

“A bit. I probably shouldn’t have drunk a whole bottle of Cabernet.”

“Probably not. But that was better than a bottle of Absolut or Jack Daniels!”

“Yuck. I still can’t understand how you drink whisky!”

“It’s the water of life, Babe!” I said. “From uisge-beatha in Gaelic!”

“Some MAN made that up to justify drinking that stuff!” she teased.

“Yes, because it was the only way to tolerate the WOMEN!” I retorted.

“You two seem to be in a better mood,” Kara said, snuggling even closer to me, her beautiful breast pressing on my chest.

“The sauna always puts our husband in a good mood,” Jessica said. “And it’s helped my headache.”

“This is his ‘Fortress of Solitude’,” Kara agreed. “It has been for as long as I’ve known him. Whether it was at Melanie’s house or here.”

“Or in Sweden,” I said.

“That’s the next volume, isn’t it?” Jessica asked.

“Yes. And, honestly, there’s very little drama, and only two incidents that will even raise an eyebrow. And I’m pretty sure you already know both of them.”

“The bizarre way you first had sex with Karin is one. What’s the other?”

“My grave error with Annie.”

“That’s right; the one that really drove home Bethany’s lesson about consent.”

“Yes. Otherwise, you’ll find out more about Pia, Sofia, Katt, and Tina. Well, just a little bit about Tina. The real story with her comes later, when I visited Sweden again.”

“That’s where you met Pam, wasn’t it? I mean the first time you were there.”

“Yes.”

“And you’ll get the complete story about his Olympic hockey bet!” Kara giggled.

“I know that story, at least in outline,” Jessica laughed. “He’s very proud of that one!”

“For the US beating the Soviets and me winning the bet. And then the US winning the gold medal. The reward was nice, too.”

Both girls laughed.

“Changing the subject,” Jessica said, “how did your meeting go with Doctor Mercer?”

“She’s going to let me know in the next few days if she can ethically try to treat me given the distance. But I need to tell you both something I kept from you about that.”

“Now what?” Jessica spat, suddenly upset and defensive.

“Relax, Babe. You know this isn’t solely my problem. I took Stephanie with me and we saw Doctor Mercer together.”

“And you kept this from me, why?” she groused.

“We kept it from everyone except Ed. Bethany didn’t even know until we walked off the plane. And Doctor Mercer didn’t know until we walked into her office and introduced ourselves as ‘Abel’ and ‘Delilah’.”

“I don’t understand,” she sighed.

“I was afraid that someone might put two and two together if we talked about it openly. And, I wasn’t sure you would agree. I didn’t want to fight about it. My sister needs the help FAR more than I do. I’m even more convinced of that after the trip.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s still fixated on me. Still locked in. I think it’s why she’s never had a healthy relationship with anyone else.”

“Or you, Tiger,” Jessica said, but this time gently.

“I won’t debate you on that; I’ll just say it’s not as simple as that.”

“Nothing is simple about the entire situation. Ed knows all about it?”

“Yes. And I think if she has ANY chance of a healthy relationship, it’s with him. He knows, and he’s worked through it. He’s decided she’s worth the struggles they’re going to go through.”

“So she told Doctor Mercer she still sees you that way?”

“Yes. She told her that she wanted to marry me, have my children, and live happily ever after together. And that deep down, she still wants that, even though she knows it’s impossible. The problem is, she DOESN’T know that. Not even close.”

“What makes you say that?”

We were at an inflection point where we’d see how the rubber met the road. I knew I had to tell Jessica and Kara about what Stephanie had said, as much because of the need for openness, but also for the need of their help in fending off what I expected to be a full-scale assault by my sister. It might be very subtle, and it probably wouldn’t be frontal, but it was coming unless we found a way to fend it off.

“When we got back to Chicago, when she got out of my car at Ed’s apartment, she said that even though she and I could never make love, and she understood that, she hoped that ‘Abel’ would see his way clear to fuck ‘Delilah’ senseless.”

“Oh no!” Kara gasped.

“Tiger, you are treading on VERY dangerous ground!” Jessica warned.

“You’re telling me? I know that! And as soon as Doctor Mercer makes her decision, I’ll tell her what I just told you. Well, assuming she agrees to see us.”

“You can never be alone with her in any private place,” Jessica said. “Never! It’s far too risky.”

“I hear you, and I’ll do my best to comply. But I need the freedom to exercise my own judgment. If I have to take her to Ohio, we’ll be alone in the car, and that kind of thing.”

“I meant anyplace she could conceivably try to have sex with you, Tiger. I wasn’t suggesting you never talk in private or anything. But it has to be in your study, with the door at least partway open, or something like that. You know, the kind of rules you would impose on teenagers.”

Kara giggled, “I don’t think that’s the comparison you want to draw, Jess! Steve would have no problem with Birgit taking a boy to her bed if he felt she was doing so voluntarily and had taken proper precautions.”

“OK, the kind of rules Doctor Barton would impose!” Jessica said with a smile.

“That might be going too far the other way,” I chuckled. “Just ask Fawn. But I take your point and I agree.”

“She did think he stifled her quite a bit,” Jessica said. “Though from what I hear, you took care of THAT!”

“From what you hear?” I asked, knowing the answer before she said it.

Jessica giggled, “I might have had a report from Fawn after you came home.”

I sighed, “Maybe I should just film everything and bring you the videotapes!”

Kara laughed, “Abbie would LOVE it! She still wishes she could make that ‘Virgin Slayer’ movie she was talking about!”

“Jess, are you going to go to a meeting?”

“I don’t think I need to,” she said. “I can stop.”

“You’ve said that before,” I said gently. “A couple of times, in fact. Your drinking is like my mood swings. You need to follow the doctor’s orders on this one. And Al was pretty clear with me on the topic.”

“I don’t WANT to go! I can do this. With your help! You quit seeing Doctor Bradford and asked for MY help!”

“Yes, and what did I do last Wednesday? Hmm?”

“Went to see a counselor,” she said, sounding defeated.

“For the same reason I started seeing Doctor Bradford in the first place. Or Doctor Mercer in the past. And why we see Doctor Green. Jessica, you and I are MESSED UP. We need professional help.”

“What about me?” Kara asked.

I shook my head, “You are perhaps the most well-adjusted, sane person I know. Your mom was right about you all along. The only problem you had was two men who decided to put a straitjacket on you and control the free spirit that was inside you. I don’t know anyone as confident in, and open about, their sexuality as you are. You don’t see ME going to the front door naked to get pizza! Not even if I knew it was a female delivery person!”

Jessica smirked, “So we know where Birgit gets THAT from!”

“Was there ever any question?” I asked. “But anyway, Kara only needed counseling because of what those two men, her father and pastor, did to her. Nothing else. Her meltdown was directly related to that. They had, to use a technology analogy, installed a virus in Kara’s mind and it conflicted with her natural programming and tried to take over. She needed someone to help clear that virus and restore things to their correct state.”

“I like that analogy,” Kara said. “It really was like a nasty computer virus that takes over your system and causes faults and errors.”

“Yes, and once purged, and proper anti-virus software was installed, you were perfectly healthy in every way.”

“Especially that body,” Jessica sighed. “How the heck did you get a body worthy of a supermodel?”

“Just because her dad was a religious fanatic doesn’t mean there weren’t good genes!” I chuckled.

“But brains, too! A Master’s in Chemistry? And she’s going to start her PhD next year! It’s just not fair!”

“Says the hottest doctor at UofC!” I protested.

“That’s not true and you know it! But I suppose I can accept that you believe it to be true!”

“Jessica, you’re beautiful,” Kara said. “We both think so.”

“Yeah? And do you when you see me after a thirty-six hour shift? When she’s wearing dirty blue jeans and a t-shirt and weeding the flower bed, Kara STILL looks like Miss Universe!”

“Are we suffering from feelings of inadequacy, Doctor Adams?” I asked. “Because you shouldn’t!”

“You know Birgit is going to look just like her mom, don’t you?”

“So it would appear,” I said. “I’ll buy a couple of shotguns when she turns twelve!”

“Didn’t you just say she could fuck whenever she wanted to?” Jessica laughed.

“Yes, but the boy had better be worthy!” I paused for effect. “Or else!”

“Doctor Barton said the same thing!”

“Yes, but his criteria were such that NO boy would be worthy. I don’t think I have that same viewpoint. In fact, I know I don’t.”

“Are we going to get breakfast?” Jessica asked. “I’m hungry!”

“Yes. Are you going to find an AA Chapter and go to a meeting?”

“You won’t leave me alone about this until I do, will you?”

“Nope.”

“Then yes, I will,” she sighed.

She’d agreed, but like just about everything else in my life at the moment, Reagan’s admonition to ‘trust, but verify’ loomed large.

October 29, 1991, Chicago, Illinois

“You have a lot of nerve coming in here!” Crystal said when she came to the booth I was sitting in.

“Send a different waitress over!”

I knew she wouldn’t, because I knew she LIKED the banter and silliness. I was also reasonably sure that she DID want to go to bed with me, but she was in such a state that she’d never admit it. And that was fine with me. I was enjoying myself.

“No, despite being annoying, you always leave a very good tip!”

“If you like the tip, you’ll like the whole thing even better!” I smirked.

“What is it with you?!” she asked, exasperated. “Are you going to twist EVERYTHING I say into some kind of innuendo?”

“Absolutely! In fact, I believe every word or phrase in English can be used as innuendo! It’s because, in general, Americans are so repressed, and so prudish, that we ONLY use innuendo instead of just coming right out and saying it!”

“And you’re that direct?”

“Yes, but I’m not a complete idiot! I don’t go up to a random girl at a party and ask if she wants to have sex! But once it’s clear she’s interested, then sure, why not be direct about it?!”

“You think I’M interested, but you keep using all those innuendos!”

“Because you’re enjoying it! And I’m enjoying it. But it’s all a game.”

“A game?”

“Sure. And we both know the rules to the game and we both know exactly where this game ends. You WANT it to end there!”

“Do you want the same order as last week?” she huffed.

“I do, thank you.”

She left the table and I took out my copy of The Economist and began reading. I knew what she wanted. She knew what she wanted. And she knew I knew. And that’s what made the game fun. The only real question was, in the end, did I want to have some serious fun with her, instead of just verbal jousting. She was ‘girl-next-door’ cute, with curly blonde hair, and blue eyes. By her accent, I’d guess she was from the Great Plains, though that could be deceiving because quite a few people thought I was from New England, as I’d picked up much of my dad’s vocabulary and grammar, and the way he pronounced certain words.

Years in Chicago hadn’t given me a South Side accent in any way, shape, or form. I didn’t say ‘da Bears’ or go ‘over by the Jewel’, or use any other typically Chicago-accented phrases. One thing I certainly hadn’t done was purposefully change my way of speaking the way ‘Lucy Alexa’ had done. I found her transformation nothing short of amazing, even after some time to get used to the idea. She’d called and asked about visiting over Christmas break and I’d let her know she was welcome.

Crystal put my salad and drink in front of me without a word and simply walked away. I had her flustered again, struggling with how to deal with my impertinence. It was time to switch tactics and not make any kind of suggestive comments. She’d wait for the other shoe to drop, and THAT would make her just as flustered. And that reminded me of how Jesse and Birgit tried to ‘one-up’ each other, switching tactics to try to find the one that was most effective. Birgit had the upper hand at the moment, but Jesse hadn’t given up.

When I finished my lunch, I left the usual nice tip, paid my bill, and left without even making eye contact with Crystal. I walked back to the office grinning.

“ANOTHER lunch with Crystal?” Penny asked with an arched eyebrow. “What’s going on?”

“You know how you like to ride me?” I asked, smirking because I knew the response it would cause. “Well, that’s what I’m doing to her!”

Penny lowered her voice, “If you’re offering THOSE kinds of rides, I’ll buy ALL the tickets!”

“Sorry, Pretty Penny, but you have your own hobby horse to ride!”

“Hah! So, seriously? She was cute and all, but I don’t see it.”

“I’m just toying with her, really. She’s so flustered and hot and bothered she can’t think straight. But at the moment, I have no plans to do anything about it. I just hope her boyfriend is grateful!”

“If she doesn’t have one, she’ll need to buy a case of batteries! I know EXACTLY what you can do in that regard!”

“The time before your fifteenth birthday?”

“Yes. I thought I was going to DIE from pent-up desire!”

“And the two months or so after you had Amber?” I teased.

“Hey, ASSHOLE! You pass a bowling ball and then you can come talk to me!”

“Trust me, Penny. I know exactly when to keep my mouth shut about things I know nothing about. I was simply referring to the, uh, tender nature of certain parts following delivery.”

“Yeah, and that kind of kills the sex drive. So does nursing and changing diapers. But I got over it!”

“The sex drive?” I teased.

“Not in THIS lifetime, or any other!” she laughed.