Chapter 10

The six of us watched Lord of the Rings: the Fellowship of the Ring, largely so as to unwind and recover a bit, not to mention subconsciously see how we clicked as a group dynamic. We certainly shared an interest in Tolkien, as well as one in George R.R. Martin with his A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) work, though I also dug Harry Turtledove’s books myself. In any case, we speculated a lot about the offscreen stuff that might have happened, realistically, which would have been on screen if Martin had written it instead of Tolkien.

“I love Tolkien, don’t get me wrong, but I so wish there was an uncensored version of his work, one with a hell of a lot of sex in it. I mean, hell, the Tanakh has more sex in it than Tolkien’s works do. And that’s the holy book of the Faith, supposedly all simon-pure and righteous!” Natalie noted, making me blush in particular.

“Tell me about it, bro. One thing that I love about Martin is the unabashed, gritty, realistic take on human relationships, both the sex and the violence! As well as the dark world of politics and intrigue, among other things. Banking, I mean, Martin includes banking and other mundane realities of war, government, and economics, to say the least! Now, if you had to make a dirty version of the Fellowship of the Rings, what would be the first thing that you did?” I asked the others.

“Oh, I’d start by making Pip and Merry gay lovers, maybe even Frodo and Sam together. Just because Sam ended up with Rosie Cotton didn’t mean that he was totally straight, after all,” Aaron spoke up, eager to be included in the fun.

“Yeah, the homoeroticism of the Hobbit male friendships was blindingly obvious in the subtext, if you ask me. Maybe it was a sort of Hobbit subculture of young men, or young Halflings, that is, having gay sex while they got up the nerve to court women. Like a necessary bond that forms because the men are all shy about girls for some reason, at least from my impression. Have you ever noticed, by the way, that Bilbo remains a bachelor throughout his days? Just like Frodo, in fact,” Bianca licked her lips as she said this, too, clearly aroused by the idea of the male Hobbits all getting it on with each other.

“I think that Frodo was Uncle Bilbo’s bum boy, and if he did have an attraction to women, they were unattainable, non-Hobbit women that he had trouble approaching, just from my experience. I just get that impression that he only went for foreign women. Frodo tended to put them up on a pedestal and not pursue any heterosexual relationships whatsoever. Maybe he hooked up with some Elvish ladies when he arrived on the shores of the Undying Lands to the West, given that he would have never died, right? Just as Uncle Bilbo never died ... they could have found Elvish women, but maybe Frodo still bend over for his uncle for auld lang syne,” I commented, making Mom snickered and snort out her Tom Collins through her nose.

“I would have loved to have seen Frodo or Bilbo bang Galadriel, if nothing else. Can you imagine the reaction to that? Maybe both of them screwing her, with Elrond and Gandalf joining in later to make her pull a train ... can you picture an Elf queen pulling a train? That would have been very sexy, as would Bilbo buggering Frodo, too,” Mom announced, making Dad chuckle and his cock stiffen a little by now, with more than a little time elapsed by then.

“Any more talk of that, and I’ll have to bring up the idea of wife-swapping between Aragorn and Arwen on their end and Faramir and Eowyn on theirs. Picture Eowyn getting hammered by Aragorn at last, while Faramir sticks it to Arwen’s sweet Elvish ass but good. I can only imagine what the women of Rohan, and Elvish women, for that matter, would be like in the sack,” Dad grinned as the credits rolled now.

“Want to roleplay as Aragorn/Faramir and Arwen/Eowyn some time?” Mom suggested, making Dad blush, too.

“Can I be Arwen some time, getting it on with Elrond, or at least sucking Elrond’s ... or Legolas’s ... cock?” Natalie asked, “or maybe I can be Eowyn, getting hammered by her brother, Eomer?”

“I would love to be Eomer screwing Eowyn with you, as we wouldn’t have to pretend not to be brother and sister, either, that’s the beauty of it! Maybe you can be Eowyn with her uncle Theoden, sleeping with the King and ... said King being Dad,” I proposed, causing Natalie’s eyes to glaze over with a pleasurable daydream and her tongue to run across her lips in response.

“Maybe I should be Galadriel with Elrond as well ... and with Aragorn to boot. And Galadriel with Faramir, Theoden, Eomer, and the Hobbits as well!” Mom’s eyes danced now with devilish playfulness.

“I think that Bianca should be Arwen, actually, if you don’t mind Arwen getting it on with half of Middle Earth, that is,” Natalie winked at my girlfriend, who giggled in response and then licked her lips as well, “I’m happy to be Eowyn myself. The looks fit somewhat better. We can all take turns as Rosie Cotton, I believe, we ladies.”

“So ... I’m Galadriel for this roleplay, but who is Larry in this, just to be clear?” Mom asked us.

“Lord Elrond, of course, and King Theoden ... and Gandalf and Bilbo. Nathan should be Aragorn, at least in these group settings, what we do one on one is still our business, of course. Nathan should also be Boromir, Faramir, and Legolas. What about Aaron, though?” Dad inquired.

“If we’re really doing this, I should be all of the Hobbits, plus Gimli. I think that I’d make a kick-ass Frodo and Sam, not to mention Gimli! Hey, if I can’t have fun with my size with sexual roleplaying, when I can have fun with it? If we’re doing any Game of Thrones RPs, I also call shotgun on Tyrion, Varys, and Littlefinger ... irony that Littlefinger probably only bedded one woman in his life, and that was Lysa Arryn. This from the pimp, but I can still have fun with it. Imagining if Littlefinger had succumbed to Ros’s charms, maybe when she wanted to save her life, or something like that,” Aaron laughed with his usual self-deprecation, “oh, and I’d want to be Samwell Tarly. Who would be my Gilly?”

“I’d be your Gilly, babe. You have to admit, Natalie, that I have the better shape or build for Gilly. She’s a plump one, just like me,” Bianca carried things even further now, especially with all of us aroused, “and I’d be Rosie Cotton, too, if it’s all the same to you. Just give me a wig of blonde curls or something.”

“Just lend him back when he’s Tyrion, so I can be his Sansa. You should be his Shae, though. You look right for the part. But imagine if Sansa and Tyrion really had gotten it once or twice, maybe when Tyrion and she were both too drunk to recall it, thus making Sansa’s marriage to Ramsay invalid. I’d love to be Myrcella, too. And Ros. And all gingers in the story, at least, including Ygritte. You could be Meera Reed, though, or I could be. Or we could take turns with that role,” Natalie told Bianca with a very sweet kiss.

“What about Harry Potter characters, then?” I spoke up again, making everyone think a bit.

“Well, first, before we move onto that, let me call shotgun on Cersei ... and Ellaria ... and Catelyn ... and Lysa. I think that I’m good for those roles. But Natalie should be Daenerys, too ... and Bianca should be Missandei, right? As for Harry Potter, I’d say, Aaron as Ron and his brothers, Natalie as Ginny, Bianca as Hermione, Nathan as Harry and Neville both, Natalie and Ginny can take turns as Luna, Larry as Voldemort, as Dumbledore, as Sirius Black, and Professor Lupin ... and Severus Snape. I’d like Bellatrix Lestrange, Rita Skeeter, Professor Trelawney, and... , “ Mom continued, as if giving Dad a cue.

“Nymphadora!” Dad winked at her, making her blush and playfully hit him on the arm.

“Don’t call me ‘Nymphadora’!” Mom played along with the fake outrage, but added, “Larry as Hagrid, too, I think.”

“And Alastor ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody, right, Nymphadora?” Dad kept it up.

“Don’t call me ‘Nymphadora’!” Mom continued to play along, even slapping his ass a little, to which he replied by slapping hers.

“Oooh, kinky!” Natalie teased both Mom and Dad, making both of them blush now.

“I’d like to be Podrick Payne, too,” Aaron brought us back, awkwardly, to Game of Thrones role-playing, not that we disagreed.

“I totally see you as that, and I think that I should be your Brienne of Tarth. I’m larger and taller than Natalie or Bianca, after all,” Mom suggested.

“If you’re Brienne, I get to be Tormund and Nathan should be Jamie Lannister ... he should also be Jamie with you as Cersei ... and I should be Tywin,” Dad proposed.

“That works for me. I’d like to be Stannis Baratheon, too. Aaron could be Renly, if he doesn’t mind me as Ser Loras,” I offered.

“Oooh, gay stuff ... nice!” Natalie giggled, Bianca and Mom joining her in that now, “but I get to be Melisandre!”

“And I get to be Selyse, then!” Mom piped in, more than happy to play such a role, it would seem.