Chapter 9

Cal helped Maureen into his grandfather’s car, and they sped off toward the hospital. Maureen used her cell phone to call the hospital and get confirmation about Jared. Yes he had been brought to the hospital. Yes he had dropped something big and heavy on his foot. Yes it was broken, and yes the hospital, owing to Jared’s advanced years intended to keep him overnight. Otherwise he was doing quite well. He was alert, feeling bearish, and angry with himself for being stupid.

Maureen shared the good news with Cal; still, it didn’t seem to make a dent on his somber mood, “What’s wrong Cal?”

He didn’t want to tell her he’d figured everything out. Though he was sure she’d be OK with it, he was just a little chary about the whole thing. The further they drove the more about the past came into view; the wheel chair, the bedroom, the sofa, the gazebo, her tears, the pleading. That was what it was. Her suffering he remembered now so clearly; her pathetic little girl voice begging with the doctors and nurses not to hurt her, the chilling screams as they worked with her legs, the shrill shrieks as they tried to get the bones close to being back in place. He recalled her sobs; her soft whimpering that continued hours after the medical people had left.

He remembered the made up stories; he was the mighty knight, a brave hero fighting off the dragons, beating back the trolls, him hiding under the make believe bridge, actually the steps of the old gazebo, so he could ambush the evil monsters, and him always there to rescue her from the terrors lurking in the dark after the sun went down when it was time for bed.

He remembered her clinging tightly to his hands; he recalled how it sometimes scared him, and sometimes he’d make her let go. He remembered the way she looked at him; to her he really was a knight, a prince, or at least now in hindsight it seemed that way, like she so desperately wanted to believe it.

These were all terribly painful memories. They were an agony for him; how much worse would they be for her? How would it affect her if he dared to bring them up again after so long? Still, he had to say something, “I bet you don’t remember anything about that little boy from when you were so little.”

Maureen couldn’t remember very much, but what she did remember was becoming increasingly vivid. Yes, the reality of her painful early childhood was becoming more real with every passing hour, “I remember some things. I do remember the boy. I was only a baby really, but I know I loved him, and I knew even then I’d love him forever.” She said that as a kind of investment; for a time when he discovered he was the boy, then he’d remember what she’d said.

“What would you do if say today he showed up again? Would you still love me?”

She thought of the Roy Orbison song, ‘Running Scared’. Was Cal running scared? To him she guessed the little boy was something of a rival, a rival he could never defeat. She had to tell him, “No Cal. If another man showed up and said he was my hero from the time I was four, I’d stick with you.”

“You’d abandon him?”

“No. I’ll love him till the day I die.”

“You’d say no to him, but yes to me.”

Maureen had come to something of a crossroads. She could make her next statement more meaningful if it came out right. “No Cal, I could never say no to that little boy, but I could never say no to you either.”

“Then you’d say no to me? You’d have to.” That bothered Cal.

“I love you. I love you more than anyone else in the world. I also love that little boy. I love him more than anyone else in the world too. The reason why I couldn’t say no to you, or to him, is because he and you are the same person.” There, she’d said it.

Cal pulled the car to the side of the road. He fiddled with her hands, holding her fingers, fumbling with them, “How long have you known?”

“My mom told me the story a couple nights ago. I sort of suspected something, but I just couldn’t put the pieces together. Once she told me everything, showed me some pictures and some old toys everything fell into place.”

After he turned the car off and got Maggie settled in the back seat again he was ready to say his piece. Looking down at his lap and then at her, “My eyes were cleared just moments ago; it’s still hard to understand.”

Maureen took his right hand in her left and put it to her cheek, “I know.”

He put his left hand on her right cheek and rubbed it softly, “All these years we’ve only been a few miles apart. I thought you had died. My mom died a little after, so there wasn’t anybody to remind me. I remember trying to put it out my mind, but it wouldn’t go away. I mean I was a pretty happy kid, but it was like there was this empty place. Nothing would fill it.”

“And now?”

“Now, now I don’t know. I mean I don’t want to see you go back over all those painful times. Look, I mean I’m happy. I think for the first time ever I can honestly say I’m completely happy. It’s like I’ve gotten my heart’s desire. But at the same time I’m afraid. I’m afraid I might make you remember a lot of really bad things.”

She reached over with her right hand pulled his head toward her; and she pulled him over the console that separated them. She placed her mouth next to his left ear, “You bring me so much joy. You make me feel like I’m the center of the universe, that I’m just this really special person, that everyone wants to be me. And when I think of that little boy, my little hero with his toy shield and toy sword, I don’t remember any pain. I only remember my wonderful little defender, my brave little soldier, the sandy haired child who fought off the dragons, Cal the courageous.”

Cal didn’t say anything. He wrapped his arms around Maureen. He nestled his head in her rich, well braided, hair. It was all right. Everything was all right, “We better get to the hospital.”

Jared was sitting up in bed; his foot elevated above his heart. Though loaded with pain killer he knew as soon as they entered the room they’d figured things out, “Got it figured out, huh.”

Maureen leaned up and kissed Cal’s left cheek. She unconsciously lifted her right foot as she completed the oscillation, “Yeah, we got it grandpa.”

Jared looked at his grandson, “That makes me feel good.” He looked at Maureen, “When’s the wedding?”

She was resting her head on Cal’s left arm. Her left hand was fiddling with his belt; adjusting his T-shirt back in his pants. She had her right arm around his back at waist level, “As soon as you’re up and about.”

The old man, cocked his head a little to the right, half smile on his lips and said, “Maybe the end of September.”

She slipped over, put her left hand around his head, “A September bride.” She whispered it in a wistful, breathy, ethereal voice.

“I’m a little worried about something though.”

“What’s that sir,” Cal assumed his standard obedient tone.

“I’m not sure I want you to use your grandmother’s old rings.”

Maureen’s eyes widened in surprise; Cal stood there nonplussed, more than a little surprised.

“I mean they’re nice and all, but maybe they’d be better used in another way.”

Maureen started to ask what that might be, but Jared stopped her, “I mean I think I’d like to buy you two some real expensive rings.” He gave Cal a fixed look, “Never got a chance with your grandmother. Thought I could do it now. Then we could take these old rings and make something else, like a necklace or some sort of broach. I’m no jeweler, but I bet somebody could come up with something. Besides, your mom never got...” The old man didn’t finish; he glanced away, then added, “You know.”

Cal gave a noncommittal nod, “I see. The thing about the rings; that might work. Maureen what do you think?”

Maureen successfully held her excitement in check. Growing up she’d never exactly been what people called a wall flower or ugly duckling, but her years of invalidism and the therapy had led to some serious day dreaming; a really big diamond had been something she’d looked forward to, “I like these,” pointing to the one ring on her finger, “but I think having one of my very own would be nice too.”

The old man took her hand and pulled her closer. He was tired, and the medications made him groggy, still, he needed to touch the girl who would be his granddaughter; the young woman who would make his great grandchildren. He didn’t have anything to say. He just wanted to experience her physical presence. She made him happy.

“I think we better leave so grandpa can get some rest.”

Maureen nodded, agreeing with Cal.

Jared said, “You get home and tell your mother and father.”

Cal asked his grandpa, “What about us knowing.”

Jared growled, “No, tell them you’re both worried about global warming.” He looked at Maureen, “He can be thick sometimes. Try to keep him in line.”

She wiped an errant tear from an eye. In a raspy whisper, “I will.”

Cal and Maureen left Jared in the emergency room. He looked frail, a lot worse than the injury warranted. They both silently and separately wondered if he’d be around much longer. Maureen secretly hoped she’d already gotten pregnant. Seeing the old man hold his first great grandchild would be sort of nice.

As they traveled back to see Andrea they passed a of myriad sights neither had paid much attention to before, but this time, on this trip, both seemed to be looking at things in different, newer ways.

The distance that separated the hospital from Maureen’s childhood home was covered rapidly. Maureen noticed the many churches. There were two Baptist churches, a Catholic church, one for Presbyterians, two Methodist churches, a quiet little synagogue, and several nondenominational churches.

They’d have to pick a church. She wasn’t Jewish, but she thought she might have had a Jewish grandmother. She thought Jewish people had it wrong. That was OK though. She figured God wouldn’t hold it against them. Besides she sort of thought Christians and Jews needed each other; like they were stuck in this bad marriage that neither wanted to leave.

The smart thing to do was be an atheist. She’d thought about it, but she didn’t think God would approve. That sounded silly, but not believing in God was about the silliest thing one could do. He was here. She knew he was here. She knew because he talked to her all the time when she was little.

She’d never been much of a church goer growing up. The hospital where they’d worked on her had been Catholic; it had a beautiful little chapel, and some of the nurses were nuns. They were all nice to her, and she thought the Catholics had things pretty much figured out. She could go that route; but preferred something else; the idea of a Pope being smarter than the Bible didn’t make much sense.

Another thing she knew from what she’d read and been told was the Lutherans, Presbyterians, and most of the more evangelical groups sounded too damn dead sure. Anybody that sure was probably less sure than she was, and she sure wasn’t sure.

From among all the denominations she thought the Methodists made the least sense, and by making the least they made the most. Based on what she’d read, and she’d read a lot about God when she was younger, figuring she might not be around all that much longer at the time, the Methodists always sounded like they had the most questions and the fewest answers. Based on what she’d read they never seemed to have any, what she liked to call, definitive answers. Everything always ended with the same thing, ‘belief in things unseen’, or more simply put what they called faith, simple faith. What was it; ‘trust and obey, for there’s no other way’, and don’t be telling other people they’re wrong.

She thought the Baptists were just like the Methodists about most things, and they sounded friendlier. What turned her off about the Baptists was the Matthew thing, Matthew twenty-seven she thought. “Let his death be on our heads and the heads of our children.” The way she saw it, if Jewish people had killed Jesus they’d have probably stoned him. Even if they had done it, or caused it to be done, she didn’t think it was fair to blame millions of people for what somebody in a crowd said once two thousand years ago. Heck she’d read about all the lynchings and stuff in the South, and she certainly didn’t want a lot of black people blaming her for all that. She felt bad about it, but she didn’t want to be hated for it.

Still, all in all, any church was probably OK. They all had their points. She guessed it would all come down to which church had the biggest children’s Sunday school, and which church had the best Vacation Bible School program. After all, wasn’t church really about getting the kids off to a good start? And she and Cal were going to have a bunch of kids, and her kids were going to get the best. By the best she told herself that might not mean a lot of money or stuff, but it would mean a good family life, and a life brought up inside a church.

She figured Cal would go along with whatever church she picked. He was more a God guy, not a religion guy.

Cal looked over at the pensive woman beside him, “What’s on your mind?”

“We have to pick a church?”

“What, for the wedding?”

“Yes that, but we’ll need a place to go on Sundays.”

He teased, “You a holy roller?”

“Not at all, but we’ll need a good place for the kids.”

“Do I have to go too?”

She punched him, “Of course you’ll have to go. We’ll go together, sit in the same pew every Sunday, hold hands; we’ll sing hymns, pray. We’ll do it all. At the very least everybody will see the handsome man I caught.”

“Ouch!” He flinched from the sock in the ribs. “Yeah, I guess we better go. We have a lot to be thankful for.”

“I love you Cal.”

Cal sat up extra straight in his seat. Nothing else she could have said was better than that.

Back home at Andrea’s Cal and Maureen sat around and waited for Andrea to get home. Maureen went upstairs and got the old pictures and old toys to show Cal. He loved them. He remembered the toys, and he sort of even remembered the day they took the big family picture.

“I think I remember the day this picture with everybody was taken. You were having lots of trouble all day getting straightened out. Your mom had an old pink pillow she used a lot to soften the chair.”

Maureen jumped up, “Wait here!” She ran upstairs and came down with an old tattered, almost flat pillow, “Is this it?”

“That’s it. I remember it. Your mom used to put it under your bottom. She smelled at it a lot, and constantly washed it. I guess you lost your bowels a few times and the pillow took the heat.”

Maureen held the pillow in her hands. She put it too her nose, but couldn’t smell anything, “My mom must have had a hard time.”

“I don’t know. I was little too, but I do know you were never alone. My mom, your mom, or one of the nurses was with you all day and all night. I remember listening to you at night. You cried a lot.”

“It must have been hard for you too; a little boy like that I mean.”

“I look at you now, and I see so much beauty, so much goodness, and so much purity. Maureen I love you so much. I feel lucky I got to be with you when you were little. It makes everything that much more wonderful.”

Maureen looked away. She didn’t want him to see the tears.

Andrea’s mom pulled in the gravel drive. She got out and inspected the gazebo. She guessed they must have been tired and took the day off. She saw Jared’s car parked nearby; she figured they were inside. She was tired, but wanted to hear how they were doing.

As the screen door slammed Andrea called into the living room, “Is anybody home?”

“We’re in here mom.”

Andrea went in and sat down on the only other seat, an old easy chair, “How did your day go?”

“Cal’s granddad is in the hospital, nothing serious. He broke his foot. Mom, Cal knows.”

Andrea flushed, “Cal knows about you and him?”

“He knows everything. He remembers more than I do.”

Andrea looked at Cal. She felt old, “How do you feel about ... things?”

He saw she was tired, and he could tell she was probably close to the end of her emotional rope, “I feel complete. I’m filled with all this love; love for you, for your husband, for my grandpa, and for Maureen. It’s like all of a sudden my life has purpose, I know where I want to go, what I want to do, and who I want to be with. Suddenly I have all these dreams; dreams about my girl here, our future, the children we’re going to make, the children you’ll get to play with. You know it was like I was living in a cell, alone, in a fog, and then the fog cleared, the sun came out, and the sky got real blue. I feel like I’ve been set free.”

He paused long enough to collect his thoughts and let everything he articulated set in, “Andrea, you made this happen. Not many mothers would have had the courage you had. Most moms I think would have given up. You didn’t. I can remember. Sure it’s the memory of a little boy, but I do remember. You were always awake when I went to sleep. You were always awake when I woke up. I don’t ever remember you being asleep.”

He patted Maureen’s arm, “Look at what you made.”

Andrea felt like crying. No one had ever seriously said any of these kinds of things to her. She felt so good. Someone had noticed, and then ‘that someone’ who’d noticed was the little boy, the little boy who turned out to be the man who was going to marry her little girl, “Thanks Cal. It’s nice to hear that, especially from you.” She turned to Maureen, “Let me call your father. I know he’d like to come home. He’s been hiding out till you got the gazebo done, but there’s no need for that now.”

Maureen yawned. It was a large fake yawn, “I’m tired.”

Cal replied, “Me too, let’s go to bed.”

“Just sleep OK?”

“Yeah just sleep tonight.”

After Cal let Maggie out for a smell around and a dump, he and Maureen, hand in hand, slumped off to her bedroom. Both were tired, and both knew tomorrow, Saturday, was going to be a busy day.

Later that same evening Travis, Maureen’s dad got home. He looked at his wife, “Tell me how things are.”

“Would you believe Trav.? They’re really in love; a match made in heaven.

“They’re still working on the gazebo I see.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about that Trav. Though it started out as Maureen’s gift for you, it evolved out and away from everything.”

“It was a nice thought just the same.”

“I think the idea of building something drew Cal to our girl, then with Maureen and her, well you know the odd way she has of alienating and embracing people at the same time, the gazebo was the magnet that kept them going. The next thing I saw; they were in love.”

“He was a good little boy. Has he changed much?”

“The good boy has grown into a wonderful young man. His mom, you remember her, would have been proud of him. I know Jared is.”

Travis looked toward Maureen’s bedroom door. He had a far off look in his eyes, “Do you think they’re asleep?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Mind if I look in?”

“No, let’s look in together.”

Andrea and Travis both sneaked over to Maureen’s bedroom door and slowly opened it. They eased it open just enough to allow a smidgen of light to peak in. Maureen was curled up in a fetal ball. Cal was lying up against her, left arm wrapped around her chest, hand pressed against a breast. Andrea and Travis looked at the children, then at each other.

Travis whispered, “This is wonderful.”

Andrea pressed her head against her husband’s hollow chest, “Our prayers have truly been answered.”

Reading his wife’s mind he opined, “This is what it’s been about. We may be poor, but we’re rich.”

“I love you Trav.”

Travis, the tired and haggard father, pulled his wife into his arms. He wiped his hand over her greying hair, “We did it Andy. We got it done.”

Andrea leaned up and kissed her husband, “Come on; let’s go to bed.” Together they softly closed the door, and drifted up the stairs, walking past the paper toys lying on the worn old sofa.

Maureen had only been pretending to be asleep as her parents peaked in. She heard most of their whispered comments. These were the happiest moments of her life; her parents were happy, she had Cal, Jared would live long enough to hold his great grandchildren, and they’d all live happily ever after.

Not too far down the road Sandy was plying Cal’s half-sister with expensive cognac, “Tomorrow night there’s something of a do on at my country club. I want you to come.”

Laurie was only half listening to her new friend Sandy; she, Laurie, had never been much of a socializer. She’d been her father’s only child, her father had been a womanizer when she was little; eventually her mother had divorced him and disappeared, leaving the two of them alone. Her dad remarried and straightened up, but he and his second wife had their own lives, and somehow she got left out.

It wasn’t that her father didn’t love her; it was more about him not knowing or caring much about children. She got things; she just never got much attention. Truth was, she was kind of lonely most of the time; big house, lots of stuff, indifferent parents, no friends.

There had been other problems too. Her dad’s business went south, and they had to rely on her step mom’s resources. Luckily step mom had money; there was no financial stress, but that didn’t make her life any easier. Laurie knew she was never anything more than ‘the child’. She knew to get anywhere it would be on her own. She devoted herself to getting good grades in school, doing the best she could. It paid off too; top ranked S.A.T. scores got her recognition, scholarships, and all kinds of other outside help.

Then at the end of her senior year of high school she was diagnosed with leukemia. One would have thought that would have awakened something in her father; it only drove him further away, like he’d been right all along not to invest too much emotion in a child. Treatments had cost a lot of money, but it also cost a full year away from the books. Her cancer went into in remission, but it had really slowed her down; still she got on with her studies and her life, such as it was.

Now she’d just finished her senior year of college, almost ready for graduate school, with a promising future as a biochemical engineer, nothing like a little cancer to give one a goal in life. She remembered she had an older half-brother, Cal something. She’d learned about him when she was in junior high; she got her first good look at him in her high school freshman year. From then on she fantasized about him. He was so handsome, the other kids all talked about him; what a great guy he was, how considerate he was, what a gentleman he was. She imagined they’d meet up, become true brother and sister; maybe even stay together. It never happened.

She saw Cal a couple times, once up close. She knew who he was, and she could tell he knew who she was, but nothing ever came of it. She guessed he hated her because she was the ‘legal’ kid and he was the ‘illegal’ kid. She never felt especially ‘legal’. She wished she’d had the courage to go up to him. Even though they were related she’d kind of fallen in love with him.

Sandy kept going on about the dance, about some people she wanted Laurie to meet, and how the dance could be a big step for Laurie. Laurie wasn’t interested, but agreed to go anyway. What difference did it make? Laurie figured she’d have some fun, meet some people, dance a little, and in a week or so be back at school, no big deal.

Saturday morning came early for Cal and Maureen. They were up with the sun, and outside working on the gazebo by 8:00 a.m.; between the two of them they got the rafters for the roof in place. It was hard work, and a couple times he was afraid it was too much for Maureen. She hung in there though, and by lunchtime he was ready to start cutting out the plywood sheathing and fit the sheets in place. Maureen, however, persuaded him they should give it a break till Sunday. She wanted to be well rested for the dance, and she wanted to give Cal some rudimentary lessons on how to dance at a gathering where a lot of older folks would be watching.

Andrea fixed everybody lunch; grilled cheeses and tomato soup. Maureen thought it was a little out of season for cheese and soup, but if that’s what her mom wanted, that’s what they’d eat.

They all sat around the kitchen table slurping up sodas and wolfing down the food. Cal had on his standard uniform, raggedy T-shirt, jeans, white socks, and tennis shoes. Maureen was imitating her future mate with her own version of the same attire, though from Cal’s perspective T-shirts took on an entirely different outlook on Maureen. Andrea was lounging around in a short baby blue romper. Travis was wearing a pair of khaki shorts and a yellow polo shirt. The yellow shirt did nothing to hide his sallow appearance. His poor health stood out like a beacon.

Cal asked, “What do you do Travis?”

He answered, “I’m in sales.”

“Like what?”

Travis replied, “Right now I’m selling tools. A few months ago it was electronic equipment.”

Cal asked, “You know much about computers?”

“Some,” was the reply.

Cal said, “You know I’m heavy into the electronics piece, software, and hardware. It’s a busy time right now, and I could use some help.”

“I don’t know,” was Travis’s response.

“No I mean not in sales, but in managing inventory, and in taking calls; I get a ton work from people. I specialize in finding people with ideas, and in helping them get started. You’d be surprised how many people are out there inventing and creating, but who lack the back up. I mean the infrastructural support. I’m busy all the time. The people I work for and with are always on the lookout for reliable and smart middle level types. I mean I’m not putting you down, but it would keep you off the road; out of trouble as it were.”

Travis sat back, “What is this; my future son-in-law offering me a job?”

“No more a partnership.” Cal could see Travis needed rest as much as anything, and he, Cal, could use some back up. He had a couple really big ventures on the immediate horizon, a responsible older person, even if it was just to answer the phones and the e-mails, would be a big help.

Travis looked at his wife. He could tell she wanted him to take the opportunity, “I’ll think it over, and get back to you.”

Cal answered, “Fair enough.”

Andrea watched the interplay between the two men. She knew how tired Travis was. He was worn out. Cal was accomplishing two things; he was giving their daughter a life, and he might be saving her father’s life, “I think you ought to take Cal more seriously Travis.”

Maureen added her two cents, “I would be nice to be able to see you on a daily basis dad.”

That sold Travis. He didn’t care if it turned out to be minimum wage, if Maureen wanted him home, knowing what the doctors had said, this was a chance to at least slow down a while, “OK Cal. Let me wind up what I’m doing, and in a couple weeks I’ll give you a call.”

Cal grinned, “You won’t have to call. I expect to be right here every night.”

Everybody had a good laugh.

Cal and Maureen spent most of the rest of the afternoon practicing their dance steps. Cal was true to his word. He couldn’t dance worth a darn, but Maureen was gracious, and after several long tedious hours, numerous unintended stomps on innocent feet, and long periods of counseling Cal was at least minimally able to pretend to lead.

Maureen especially wanted him to do more than the usual fake slow dancing young people their age were so pathetically committed to. With love, and lots of patience, she got him to learn to fox trot, and waltz. It wasn’t pretty, but he wouldn’t stand out as being any worse than a lot of the people, some older ones too, who couldn’t tie their shoes without stepping on someone’s feet.

Around 4:00 they agreed a good nap was in order, so off they went to Maureen’s bedroom. Cal tried to get frisky, but Maureen fought him to a stand still. This was her time; she was teaching him to dance, how to behave, and most importantly, how to obey. She’d decided after their first couple dates she was the one who would figuratively wear the pants in the family. She’d save him for the big decisions.

Cal liked the arrangement that had evolved between them. He knew she liked to boss him around, and he enjoyed making her the center of attention. It was fun watching and listening to her; she had a way about her, she could seem to be bossy without being abrasive, at least that’s how he saw it. He was confident, he’d already seen it, when there was something really important, his word became the last word. Their relationship was becoming a very positive symbiosis; they both liked it.

Shortly after 7:00 they awakened; it was time to get ready for the dance. Andrea had prepared a light meal; some broiled crab cakes and a tossed salad. She was determined Maureen wouldn’t go out and make a pig of herself; it was an old drill, it followed along the lines of the opening scenes of ‘Gone with the Wind’. Nobody wanted their daughter to act like a field hand at a party; and Andrea was the classic mother hen.