Chapter 2

“Petey, can I talk to you?” she asked, startling me. I had the bike-lock half-raised to use as a weapon before I realized who it was.

“What are you doing here?” I asked warily.

“I came to see how you were doing,” she said tentatively.

“Go home, Mrs. Hamilton,” I said, purposely refusing to call her mother.

“Just talk to me, sweetie!” she begged.

“About what?” I sneered and finished getting my bike ready for the ride home.

“I’m worried about you,” she admitted.

“Really?” I asked sarcastically.

“Yes, really!” she snapped, starting to get upset. “You’re hurt and angry and you don’t understand.”

“You’re right,” I said. “I don’t understand. I don’t understand how you two could stand by while my brother stabbed me in the back and did nothing to stop him or punish him or warn me that it was coming. You felt like you had to take sides and you chose to side with the son that did wrong. I don’t get that. He took the woman I loved and you stood by and let him do it. Then you stood behind him and that took away my mother and father. That left Mike. You know Mike’s about the only person in the world that I trust and he’s the only person that could have told you where I was working.”

“He’s worried too,” she said, pleading. “He sees you getting more bitter and withdrawn all the time. He doesn’t know what to do. You work and sleep. That’s all you do.”

“Because that’s all I have,” I told her.

“You have a family that loves you,” she reminded me.

“That’s touching,” I said dryly. “Does my father still think I’m a pussy or is he satisfied that I manned-up.”

“I’m not here on his behalf,” she said, trying to steer me away from dangerous topics. “I’m here because I don’t want you to leave thinking that there’s nothing here for you to come back to.”

I stared at her blankly. “I’m not coming back,” I told her. “I’ll get my degree and then look for work in LA or somewhere else. Fuck Denver, fuck making up with the family and fuck whatever bullshit fantasy you have of all of us having Thanksgiving together with Billy and his happy whore holding hands and grinning like idiots while your husband carves the turkey and you insist on us saying Grace for some stupid reason.”

“You and Billy are brothers,” she said. “As angry as you are, someday I have faith that you’ll remember that and find it in your heart to forgive him.”

I shook my head. “Not anymore, we’re not. There’s no way. They were fucking around behind my back last summer before I went to college, so it’s not like some bullshit romance story where they both miss the same person and turn to each other for support. Maybe if Billy had cancer and was dying and she abandoned him rather than stick it out, then I MIGHT let him think I forgive him on his death bed. MAYBE.”

She looked sad about that. “I hope that your feelings start to change once you find someone that makes you happy,” she said gently.

“I HAD someone that made me happy!” I said harshly. “If I find someone else that I could ever trust, I’d never let any of you within a hundred miles of her. I wouldn’t worry too much though. The two women I trusted most turned out to be so stunningly good at lying to me that I’ll never trust another one again.”

“I wanted to tell you,” she looked upset. “I finally told Billy that he had to tell you or I would.”

“And instead of telling me, he waited until I came to say hi and deliberately turned and made out with her in front of me,” I told her.

She nodded. “He’s ... He’s still young,” she said tactfully. “He wasn’t very mature about how he reacted, but then neither were you.”

“I tried to walk away. Your douche-bag husband wouldn’t let me leave the room. I can’t get much more mature than trying to leave without causing more of a scene. I understand though. Billy’s your baby. You and your husband always favored him, always loved him more. Mike told me that he got out because he was sick of paying rent and watching the money handed over to Billy right away. How many fantastic dates did you guys send Billy on with Mike’s money?”

She winced at hearing that. “Your brother and Linda are in love,” she said. “Linda didn’t love you. I know you loved her, but she was feeling trapped. You were going away to college.”

“So instead of breaking up with me or, God forbid, sharing her feelings with me, she lied to me for a year while she was cuddled up to my brother,” I finished the though. “Does she sleep in his room now that everything’s out in the open?”

She cringed again, but didn’t answer. I figured that meant she did. “I know it’s a lot to ask,” she said, “but try to see things from the other side of things. You met Mike’s girlfriend, right? What if you fell in love with her?”

“Then I’d slit my throat, to eliminate the temptation to betray my brother like that,” I told her evenly. “I’d never confess that love to her or him or God or myself and if I couldn’t help it, I’d move far away and keep away from her so that I’d never be tempted to act on it.”

“Billy didn’t have that option,” she said gently. “He was only sixteen.”

“Fair enough,” I shrugged. “I don’t particularly care at this point. She’s his problem now and they’re your problem. My only problem is that you tracked me down here. That means you’ll be back, so if you’ll be so kind as to watch my bike for a minute, I need to go tell them I quit.”

She looked stricken at that. “Petey, don’t quit. I ... I just wanted to talk. I won’t bother you here again, I promise. Just talk to me. I’ll come over to Mike’s so that you don’t have to see Billy or Linda. I just don’t want to lose you over this.”

I didn’t answer. I just propped my bike against the wall and went back inside to let them know that I needed to quit. They asked me if I could stay until the end of the week and I agreed to that, since I was scheduled anyway.

When I came back out, she was looking at me with the same look she had when I’d hurt myself on the playground when I was small. “You don’t believe me?” she asked, devastated.

“The currency of promises is trust,” I told her. “When you covered up Billy’s antics, you threw mine away.”

She nodded, getting a feel for how broken things were. “What will you do?” she asked.

“Leave,” I told her. “Maybe I’ll stick it our with Mike for another few weeks, but that’ll be strictly to say goodbye to the city.”

“Will you come back for Christmas?” she pleaded with me.

“No,” I said. “I don’t ever want to see Billy or Linda or your husband again. You want them around for Christmas, so I’ll stay in LA.”

“At least think about it?” she begged. “You might find yourself feeling less anger by the time December rolls around. Maybe once enough time passes, these wounds will heal.”

“Maybe, but after the burns heal, you don’t go back to playing with fire,” I told her and got on my bike. “It was nice talking with you, Mrs. Hamilton, but you’re a married woman. You shouldn’t be seen talking to me alone. My family has a reputation for not having respect for other people’s relationships. You should go home to your family.”

I left her standing there and pedaled off. I had four more shifts at the restaurant and then I was done. I’d made arrangements to get an apartment this year and it would be ready for me when I got there. It was actually mine as of August 1st, so by the time I was done at the restaurant, I could move right in. I needed to get some kitchen stuff and furniture, but I wasn’t too worried about that. I could only sit my ass in one spot at a time and I wasn’t planning on entertaining.

I got back to Mike’s and let myself in. He was seated on the sofa with his girlfriend so I didn’t want to hang around, but I wanted to let him know what happened. “Your mother was waiting for me when I left work tonight,” I told him.

He looked surprised by that. “She was?” he asked. “What did she want?”

“She wants me to be part of the family again,” I said and shrugged.

“How did she find out where you worked?” he asked.

I shrugged again. “I kind of figured she heard from you,” I admitted.

“All I told her was that I’d helped you find a job at a restaurant. She must have figured I’d set you up with Tony since he owns the place,” he said sourly. “What are you gonna do?”

“I put in my notice. He asked me to stay the rest of the week, which I can do. I’ve got my apartment in LA waiting for me. I was planning on going early anyway to get the place set up, so this is only a couple of weeks difference.”

He nodded. “What else did she say?” he asked.

“She wanted me to see it from Billy’s point of view and asked what I’d do if I fell in love with you, Mary,” I told her, drawing her into the conversation for the first time. I’d generally left our conversations to greetings in the past, but I figured she was about to be family so long as Mike kept her away from Billy, so she should be included in the family talks.

“Me?” she asked. “What did you tell her?”

“That I’d kill myself before I’d do that to my brother and that if I couldn’t deny those feelings, I’d move far away to keep from being tempted.”

“But you ARE moving far away,” she pointed out.

“Yeah, but that’s because I’m going to college out there,” I said. “I think she was hoping that I’d see what motivated him and I’d soften my position.”

“Sounds like she’s in for a long wait,” she commented.

I nodded. “Yeah. Mike’s the only family I have left,” I said with a rueful shrug. “The rest of them share some DNA, but they’re not family anymore.”

“That’s really sad,” she complained. “I can’t imagine life without family.”

“It takes some getting used to,” I admitted. “I think I’m gonna turn in though. I don’t wanna bring down your night.”

“Have you decided when you’re leaving?” Mike asked.

“Not yet,” I admitted. “I’ll look up flights tonight and decide.”

He nodded. “Let me know and I’ll take the day off and drive you out.”

“Thanks,” I said appreciatively and moved toward my room, waving goodnight to them both.

I decided on a Friday flight so that Mike would be able to get a long weekend and I booked it with my credit card.

I finished out the week without a repeat visit from my mother, but now I was on the look-out for the rest of the former family members. None of them came though.

Mike and Mary and I spent a little more time together that week and I got to understand what he saw in her. I wasn’t falling in love with her, but I was seeing that she made him happy. Part of me was jealous, not in the sense that I wanted Mary, but more that he was happy and I remembered what it was like to feel that way.

I was packing Thursday night when he came to my door and knocked on the frame. “Hey,” he said when he had my attention. “Got everything?” he asked to start the conversation.

“I think so,” I told him. “There’s a few things in the bathroom, but I’ll get them in the morning before I pack the last few things.”

He nodded and tossed me an envelope. I caught it instinctively and looked at him curiously. “Go ahead and open it,” he nodded.

I did and it was full of money. I looked at him, surprised. “What’s this?”

“Just a little something to help set up your apartment. I also made a list of all the things that I needed when I moved in here that I hadn’t thought to pick up,” he told me. “That’s in there too.”

“Thanks, Mike,” I said, touched that he was willing to help me out this much.