Chapter 10

“Ham?” Linda said. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“Not really,” I told her. “I’m just on my way to LA and I put in a long day on the road. What’s on your mind?”

“I just wanted to call and see how you were,” she told me.

“I’m good. I stopped in Austin for a couple of days to see Rosa on the way through. It was good to stay in the old apartment for a couple of nights.”

“That’s nice,” she said and I could tell that she was smiling. “So you’re planning on being in LA in the next few days?”

“I could probably make it tomorrow if I pushed,” I told her. “I’m not really interested in doing that though, so probably the day after tomorrow. I want to get into town early enough to buy the furniture I need right away.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to drive all day and then have to move furniture,” she admitted. “So how have you been doing, other than the trip?”

“Not bad. One of Rosa’s new boarders is taking computer sciences, so I got to play mentor for a day. Other than that, Mike and Mary bought a house and I helped them get it ready for the kids when I was there.”

She made the appropriate sounds when I talked about the house and Rosa’s new charges and the drive, but I could sense that she had something that she wanted to talk about. There was an expectant note in her voice as she responded, like she was waiting for me to broach the subject. There were only two subjects she’d want to talk about that she wouldn’t start the conversation for. She was either eager to talk about Billy or Eve.

I paused the conversation and finally asked. “Okay, Linda,” I said, prepared for what she might have in mind. “Billy or Eve?” I asked.

She sighed, worried at how bluntly I brought it up. “Eve,” she admitted. “She feels kind of shitty about the conference. I talked to her and she got cold feet.”

“No reason she should feel shitty about it,” I said nonchalantly. “I looked back at the emails and she never actually promised that she’d be there or that she’d see me there. I assumed she wanted to meet and I was disappointed when she didn’t come, but I got a lot out of the conference. I’m glad I went.”

“She’s toast, isn’t she?” she asked. “I recognize that tone from the day you found out about me and Bill.”

“I dunno,” I said. “I’m not pissed about it, but I definitely felt a little jerked-around at the time. She really hasn’t haunted my emails since and I just figured that she decided that I wasn’t the kind of guy that she wanted to have around and backed out of the picture.”

“It’s not that,” she said. “I told you that Eve’s mouth tends to get her in trouble. It’s cost her some relationships with friends and family and even a guy or two. She’s a little shy about new people because of it. She let her anxiety get the better of her and just couldn’t find a way to talk to you afterwards.”

“It’s all good,” I told her. “She still living in Denver?” I asked.

“No, she’s lived in LA since she got out of school,” she said.

I closed my eyes and suddenly wished I’d taken the job in Kandahar. “So she was kicking around the conference and just avoided me?”

“She’s really shy,” she said apologetically. “She didn’t mean to leave you hanging.”

I sighed. “You told her about my history?” I prompted her.

“Yeah. I figured that it was best if she was forewarned about anything that she might say to fuck things up,” she said.

“I know we talked about you doing that,” I reminded her. “We just never followed up on it. I never asked if you’d told her all of it.”

“Yeah. I even told her about the Christmas presents,” she admitted.

“Okay,” I said. “I’m cool with you telling her all that. I said that before, but it’s worth repeating. With everything that’s gone on, it’s hard for me to put myself out there. What happened with you and Billy hurt me for a long time and just when the clouds parted and I could feel the sun on my face, Sabrina was taken from me. It’s terrifying to think of trying again, Linda. Those two experiences were so horrible that I’m more comfortable with the thought of growing old alone than putting my trust in someone else or my faith in some magical happy ending. Going to that conference was a huge leap for me. I get that it’s scary, but it sounds like she’s just not ready to take that leap. I appreciate you trying, but it’s cool.”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you!” she said. “She’s ready now. She felt really bad about the conference and even worse when I told her that you’d had problems with the registration. She wants to meet you when you get to LA.”

I sighed wearily. “What changed?” I asked. “The conference was two weeks ago and she didn’t want to talk. What’s different now?”

“You’re moving out there,” she said simply. “Part of what scared her off before was the distance. She’s a nice girl. She wasn’t interested in being your girl for the length of the conference and then being just another notch on your belt.”

That got me laughing. It was ludicrous and absurd and tragic all at the same time.

“It’s not funny, Ham!” she growled at me.

“Do you know how many women I’ve had sex with in my whole life?” I asked her, finally getting myself under control.

“Well, I figured that there were girls out in LA,” she said, taken aback.

“Billy told you there weren’t,” I said dryly. “I figured out afterwards that he was so eager for me to confess to cheating on you so that it would soften the blow when you two came out.”

“Okay, so you’re saying you didn’t have a rebound girl?” she asked.

“Nope. I was too hurt to let anyone in,” I told her.

“So just me and Sabrina?” she asked, surprised.

“Wrong again. The night of the accident we were on our way home to spend the night for the first time. I have exactly one notch on that belt. Yes, I know it’s pathetic. Her worrying that she was just gonna be another stamp on my Stud card is kind of funny, in light of the fact that she’s probably had more partners than I have.”

“I didn’t know that,” she said quietly. “About you and Sabrina, I mean.”

“Why would you? I don’t exactly advertise it, for good reason.”

She was quiet for a moment. “That might have made a difference to her if I’d been able to tell her before the conference.”

“Not a big deal,” I said. “I’m guessing that she knows though. She at least hasn’t been able to uncover any evidence that I’ve had a sex life, since I don’t brag about any conquests and there doesn’t seem to be anyone capable of bragging about their time with me.”

“Well, she’ll probably be relieved that it was never going to be an issue,” she said.

“Or she’ll feel like shit for conjuring problems out of smoke,” I pointed out. “Telling her that might make her feel guilty for thinking about me like that all over again.”

She nodded. “I supposed that’s possible. You want me to keep it from her?” she asked.

“Nah,” I said. “It’ll come out sooner or later, or it won’t matter either way.”

“Does that mean you’re willing to meet with her?” she asked hopefully.

“Why not?” I agreed. I personally thought I’d rather get a blowjob from a piranha, but if this was what it took to get Linda to fuck off about how shy her friend was, I’d sit in another restaurant and waste an afternoon in polite conversation.

“You don’t sound very enthusiastic,” she chided.

“I’m really not at this point,” I told her. “Every time we’ve looked like we might be inching toward being friendly, she sets off a smoke-bomb and disappears like a movie villain. There was a couple of times that things got flirty on email and she vanished, then the conference happened and now we’re on attempt number four.”

“I didn’t know she froze you out over the email chats,” she admitted.

“Twice. Once when she first started talking to me and once when she sent me a picture of a naughty schoolgirl costume and I asked if it was her in the picture.”

“Oh,” she said. “Well, I’ll talk to her tomorrow and call you back to let you know what’s on her mind.”

“Okay,” I said. “I’ll be on the road most of the day, but the truck picks up the phone.”

“I’ll call you in the afternoon then, once I’ve straightened her out.”

“Sounds good,” I said and we said goodnight.

I laid down again and suddenly I wasn’t looking forward to getting into LA. It was the one place that none of this shit had ever followed me and now, Linda’s personal information broker was waiting for me with a brand new enthusiasm for moving forward.

I finally tripped and fell into sleep accidentally, having bizarre dreams where a faceless woman pushed me around a map of the US, moving me from city to city until I was staggering with each shove. Or another one where everyone around me was laughing at me while I smashed computers to try to protect myself. I had a strange dream where I was hanging sheet-rock on the side of my truck while Rosa told me that I’d never find the bottle I was missing until my reservation was straightened out. On and on they went, jumbling things from the past several years. Larry offered me a box of rattlesnakes if I promised not to let the computers find where he’d put his power-saw. My father told me that I needed to man up and buy a house. Sabrina’s parents asked when I was going to make them grandparents. Mike and I sealed Billy in the walls of his new house.

By the time dawn broke, I was awake and ready to hit the road. I packed up my cooler, got a shower and changed and then I checked out and hit the road. At least I didn’t have to worry about the sun in my eyes until much later in the day.

The sun wasn’t the only thing I was dreading the afternoon for. I took a deep breath as I thought about the impending call from Linda. “Well, Sabrina,” I said softly. “You wanted me to persevere. Here we go.”

Linda called just as I was pulling off the road to get gas. I hadn’t made good time and was just getting into California. I figured I had another hour or three still left before getting off the road became urgent.

“Hi, Linda,” I said, answering the phone. “How’s your day been?”

“Mine’s been okay,” she said. “How’s yours been?”

“Good. I’m not making great time, but I’m into California now, so I’ll keep on the road for another hour or two and then find a place to stop.”

“Well, don’t overdo it,” she cautioned me. “So, let’s talk about Eve.”

“Good talk or bad talk?” I asked lightly.

“Good mostly,” she said hopefully.

“Okay,” I said. “How’d your talk go?”

“Well, she does feel bad for thinking that you’d use her. She knew you weren’t that kind of guy from things I’ve told her and what she could gather online. She doesn’t feel guilty really, more embarrassed that she thought that way.”

“Understandable,” I said. “If there’s someone more laughable in the role of a remorseless womanizer, I can’t think of who it might be.”

“Maybe your nephew?” she asked teasingly.

“Are you kidding? He’s been fresh with his mother, his sister, half the kids in his daycare and a couple of the teachers too.”

She laughed. “I’ll bet he’s real cute,” she said.

“I haven’t heard complaints from the ladies yet,” I told her.

“In any case, we’re getting distracted. Eve’s kind of a basket case, right now.”

“Embarrassment put her into a tailspin?” I asked, knowingly.

“A little bit,” she admitted.

“Tell her not to worry about it,” I advised her. “That kind of thing really does happen. She works in security. She knows to protect herself.”

“I’ll tell her you said that,” she said. “She’ll be grateful that you understand.”

“Well, I don’t want her to freak out more than she already has,” I told her.

“Still willing to meet her?” she asked.

I thought about that for a moment. “Yeah,” I said. “I’m done with doing things online though. It’s fine to use email and text to arrange for lunch or dates, but she’d been using it as a shield to keep me at arms-length. If she needs to do that, then I don’t feel like I’d be doing either of us any favors by playing along, you know?”

“Yeah, Eve’s always been like this. Stepping out from behind the computer is probably scaring her too.”

“Linda, I haven’t tried to pry into what you can tell me about her,” I reminded her. “I’m essentially being set up on a blind date with someone that I know absolutely nothing about. On the flip side of the card, she’s essentially been stalking me for you for two years. I get that she’s got a bad case of the nerves, but she’s got every advantage here.”

“Maybe that’s part of the problem,” Linda suggested. “She does hold all the cards. If you met, it would put you on even footing with her and she’s not used to not being in charge.”

“Well, I’ll agree to meet her, but you’re not painting a picture of a woman that’s ready for a relationship, Linda.”

“Just be patient,” she begged. “You were always pretty popular through school. She wasn’t. High school wasn’t kind to all of us.”

“Oh, Jesus!” I breathed. “So you’re saying she’s one of the walking wounded?” I asked.

“I’m just telling you that her bluntness has cost her in the past.”

I blew out my breath. “Alright, so what’s the bottom line?” I asked.

“She’s going to email you tonight and arrange to meet you,” she said. “If that goes well then the two of you can start arranging other meetings.”

I didn’t voice the opinion that I didn’t think our first meeting was going to go well. Instead, I told her I’d let her know how it went after the fact. We chatted a little more and then she let me go. I filled up the truck and got back on the road, with a shake of my head. I finally stopped in Banning, which was in commuting distance of LA and crashed for the night.

With some reluctance, I pulled out my laptop and checked my mail. There was a note from her telling me that she’d like to meet me. She left a restaurant and a time and told me that the reservation was in my name. I replied that I was looking forward to it even though I had visions of awkward conversation where she knew everything about me already and continued to reveal nothing to me. At least I’d be able to match a face to the yanking of my chain.

I turned in and was up early and out the door. I got my apartment squared away. I had a bed and a dinette set by mid-afternoon. I’d sprung for a king sized bed since I was increasingly convinced I’d be here for a few years at least. I’d managed to spend a couple of hours getting a lot of the things I’d need and knew I’d only scratched the surface. I ran the new dishes through the new dishwasher, grateful for its presence and put away groceries before I decided to shower and change. I ended up having to use a t-shirt as a towel, having forgotten to pick some up today.