Chapter 1

“Hey! Ham! Phone’s for you!” my boss shouted from the office. I looked up from my lunch confused. No one should be calling me at work. Hell, no one should be calling me period. I stuffed the last of my sandwich in my mouth and trudged toward the office in a hurry. Dave didn’t like having the line tied up, especially for personal calls.

When I went inside, he nodded at the desk at the far end of the trailer where we had a few computers and a set of the blueprints laid out. We were building a housing development. In reality, we were slapping together yuppie habitats for next year’s suburban expansion. Forget the fact that there was a housing development on the other side of Austin that was filled with abandoned houses that they couldn’t give away after the mortgage crash. The developer here swore that we had a whole new housing market and he was poised to cash in.

I thought about all this in the few seconds it took to cross the room and pick up the phone off the desk. I pushed the line that was on hold and answered the call. “This is Ham,” I said worried. The only people who knew to reach me here were either HERE or Mrs. Sanchez, my landlady. That meant there was a problem with my place and it was an emergency for her to call me at work.

“Petey?” asked a voice from my past. “Is that really you?”

Instead of answering, I hung up the phone. I didn’t quite run outside, but I didn’t linger either. When Dave came outside, I was throwing up over the side of the steps.

“You get some bad news?” he asked. Dave was a good guy. He generally left well-enough alone, but I was the one guy on the crew that never called in sick, never showed up late or drunk or high, never started shit on the job and never brought outside shit to the job ... until today, that is.

I just nodded and heaved the rest of my lunch up wetly. Thank God I’d opted for peanut butter this morning and not tuna. Dave lit a smoke and kept an eye on me until I was empty. When it looked like I was done barfing, he asked what was wrong.

“That was my brother,” I said, spitting to try to get the taste out of my mouth.

“Someone die?” he asked guardedly. I think he was assessing whether my trouble was about to become his problem.

I shook my head. “Dunno, don’t care,” I said, getting hold of myself.

“You running from something, Ham?” he asked pointedly. “I run a clean crew. I don’t discriminate against ex-cons, but if you’re on the run, I can’t keep you, you know that.”

I shook my head again. “Nothing like that, Dave,” I assured him. “I just left Denver without leaving a forwarding address, if you know what I mean. I didn’t want anything from my old life and no one from my old life wanted me. Don’t know why Billy called me or how he tracked me down here, but he’s got nothing to say that I want to hear.”

Dave winced. “Sounds pretty bad,” he said. “You think it’s gonna follow you down here?”

“I hope he gets the message that I don’t want to talk to him or anyone else from Denver,” I said woodenly.

Dave shrugged. “Family are strange like that,” he said softly, taking a drag off his smoke while he talked. “They’re more likely to hound you ‘til they have their say and then hound you ‘til you knuckle under. You got two choices, really. You can keep runnin’ or you can stand your ground. Whatever happened in Denver, musta been bad if you walked out on family. Sometimes they ain’t much, but by and large, they’re all we can count on.”

“Not my family,” I shook my head. “The only thing I can count on them for is to fuck me.”

“Then what’re they calling here for?” he asked, curious.

“Someone probably needs a kidney or bone marrow or a lung or some shit like that,” I muttered darkly.

“So what’re you gonna do then?” he asked, finishing off his smoke and flicking it into the bucket full of water that was sitting at the bottom of the steps for just this purpose. “Run or stand? You’re a good worker, Ham. I’d hate to lose you, but you could do this work for this wage pretty much anywhere in the country. On the other hand, you’d have to leave your life here behind. You have some friends, you know your way around, you’re pretty senior on the crew. You’d have to start from scratch somewhere else if you left. Think about it.”

I nodded. “I will,” I promised.

“Good,” he said. “Take the rest of the day off. There’s no way I want you operating a nail-gun if you’re this messed up.”

I was about to argue, but I saw the look on his face and nodded. “Thanks, Dave,” I said quietly instead. “I appreciate you looking out for me.”

“You?” he asked surprised. “I was thinking about the crew. If you drilled your hand with the gun by accident, Larry’d piss his pants, Clyde’ll pass out and Jerry would absolutely start talking about getting a lawyer and suing the company.” He was smiling a little when he said it, but he might as well have thrown his arms around me and hugged me for days. I could tell he was worried about me.

I laughed and then went to pack up. I got in my truck and pulled out of the job site for the drive home. On the way, I turned on the radio and started to think about how this had all started for me.

Linda Cooper had been my high school sweetheart. We’d met when she was a freshman and I was a year ahead of her. We we fell in love and we were inseparable until I went away to college. I’d gotten an academic scholarship to UCLA. It was too far to come home for the weekends, but close enough that I’d still hear all the hometown news ... or so I thought.

I came home at Christmas and things were off. I shook it off as people just being used to me being gone from the house, since it faded after a few days. That feeling never quite went away though.

I suppose I should go into the backgrounds a bit. My name is Peter Hamilton. I used to get called Petey, growing up, but since I left Denver that last time, I’d started going by Ham. At the moment I’d gotten in my truck, I was 24. I had a younger brother named Billy who’d just cost me a peanut butter sandwich and had cost me a whole lot more over the years. I also had an older brother named Mike. Mikey, Petey and Billy. Mike was two years older than me and Billy was two years younger.

I’d been eager to see Linda during my time at UCLA. I wasn’t living like a monk, but I kept my party time to Friday nights and I never got so drunk that I woke up with missing time. I also never woke up next to a girl. I got to be something of a joke on campus for never hooking up. I had Linda waiting for me though, so I took it as well as I could.

That first day I got back to town, Billy was tasked with helping me move back in.

“So, you tapping the LA pussy parade?” he asked bluntly as soon as we took my bags up to the room we’d shared together forever.

I looked at him strangely. “No,” I said, like it was the only possible answer. “I have Linda here waiting for me. I’m not gonna cheat on her. I’d rather get hit by a truck than break her heart like that.”

He looked disappointed for a minute. “For real?” he asked, incredulous. “It’s not like she’d ever find out, right? Never even looked?”

I shrugged. “She probably wouldn’t find out, but I’d know I did it and I’d feel like she deserved better than some asshole that’s gonna hook up behind her back.” I smiled at him. “You’ll understand someday. You’ll meet a girl that’s worth more to you than all the random hookups in the world and you’ll do the same.”

I chalked up his disappointment to him wanting to live vicariously through his big brother and we talked a lot about my time in LA, college, seeing celebrities, surfing and a dozen other topics until it was time for dinner.

Dad worked in construction as a foreman and Mike worked with him. We’d all worked with him during the summers, but Mike had gone full-time. He had his own apartment at this point, but frequently came home for dinner since there was always a place set for him. I noticed that he was a little warmer to me than he’d been before I went to college, but that was just an addition to the strange little behaviors I was picking up on all day. Mom kept giving me worried looks, but she smiled whenever she saw me looking. None of it sank in though. I just assumed she was worried that I wasn’t eating right. I’d dropped a little weight after initially picking up some of the “freshman fifteen”, so she was commenting that I looked thin.

“How’s school treating you?” Mike asked, shaking my hand as we sat down to eat.

“Good mostly,” I said with a grin. I was happy to be back. I’d tried to call Linda to see if she wanted to come for dinner, but I hadn’t been able to get through, so it was just the five of us. “My life’s not nearly as exciting as Billy was hoping, but I’m sure he’ll get over it.”

“Oh?” Mike asked, interested. “What have you been talking to Billy about?”

“He asked if I was sniffing around any of the girls out there,” I laughed. “I think he was expecting that Linda and I would call it quits when I went to college.”

He looked at Billy, who shrugged but didn’t say anything.

“Have you spoken with Linda?” Mom asked delicately.

“Not yet. She knew I was getting in today, so I’m hoping she’ll stop by later, but I couldn’t reach her earlier.”

She nodded and we got onto other topics after that. I was prodded into telling everyone about LA and some of the friends I’d made and the things I’d been doing for fun.

Dad and Mike talked about work and Billy mentioned that he still hadn’t been expelled from school, but he’d get there someday.

It went like that for about a week. I finally got together with Linda, but things seemed strained. She wasn’t used to having me around all the time. We spent a few days together and then her parents were taking her to have Christmas with her grandparents in Kansas City, so I wouldn’t see her again until just before New Years. We exchanged Christmas presents and said goodbye. We were both extremely sad, but there wasn’t much either of us could do about it.

I put her gift under the tree when I got home and went to my room. I’d been looking forward to spending time with Linda, but she was stuck going out of town. I was moody and withdrawn for the rest of the day, busying myself with some of the reading for next semester and trying not to hate her parents for keeping us apart.

Mom came in late in the afternoon. “Did you talk to Linda?” she asked delicately.

I nodded. “I really don’t want to talk about it right now,” I said with a sigh.

“Sometimes these things work out for the best, Petey. It’s not the end of the world.”

“I know,” I said sadly. “It just sucks. I’ve waited for months to be near her and her parents turn around and decide to drive to Kansas City to have Christmas with her grandparents. I was hoping to have more time with her.”

She blinked at that. “Oh,” she said, sounding a little surprised. “I thought you two might have had a fight since you’ve been up here since you came home.”

I shook my head. “No, nothing like that. Just ... I was really looking forward to seeing her and now I’m only going to get a couple of days with her before I go back.”

She nodded and her frown told me that she sympathized. She patted my shoulder and got up, saying that she needed to get things started for dinner and asked me if I’d run to the store for a few things she needed.

When I got back, the house was tense, but everyone was treating me like I was made of glass, so word had quickly spread.

By Christmas Eve, things were mostly normal. Billy was spending the evening with his girlfriend’s family for their tradition and I was glad he’d found someone. I remember hoping that he’d find the same thing that I had with Linda and being happy for him. He said that she wasn’t ready to face the family here yet, but he was sure that I’d meet her soon enough.

Christmas passed, New Years came with a phone call from Linda, telling me that her parents wanted to stay a few more days, but that she’d try to pressure them to come back in time to see me off.

My mood sunk even lower at that revelation and I found myself sitting at home alone for the countdown. Mom and Dad went to a work party every year and Mike went with them with his new girlfriend. Billy had his New Years out with his girl and I had the Times Square countdown to keep me company.

I got back on the plane to LA two days later. Linda sent me a text saying that they were on their way back and asked what time my flight was. She confirmed that she’d be getting in about an hour after I took off, but promised to see me for spring break.

So I went back to school and did what I could to make the time fly. I was taking a four year degree in engineering, but I was trying to pick up extra courses so I could do it in three. Linda was going to college locally, so I wanted to get back to Denver as soon as I could so we could start our life together. I was really THAT stupid.

Spring break came and my workload was just too much to go home for the week. Everyone was understanding and upbeat. Mom said she was very proud that I was taking it so seriously. Mike had flunked out and gone to work with Dad almost before he started, so it made her happy to know that I was taking a different path.

I was looking forward to the end of term for several reasons. I was waiting on my marks. I’d need to do well to maintain my scholarship. I was eager to get back home because Linda’s prom was fast approaching and I was looking forward to spending the evening with her. She’d told me that she had everything taken care of and I didn’t have to do a thing, so I got myself packed and headed home to my worst nightmare.

Mike picked me up at the airport instead of Mom or Billy. I was glad to see him now that I wasn’t his annoying little brother. We got into his car and drove back to Mom and Dad’s place slowly.

“You know,” he said awkwardly, “if things at Mom and Dad’s get to be too much to handle, you can give me a call and stay at my place. I know it’s not always fun.”

I smiled at him. “Thanks,” I said to him. “It’s cool though. I haven’t been home since Christmas. It’ll take a little time for things to get stale.”

“Still,” he insisted. “If you need to get out, even if it’s just for a few days, let me know. No questions asked.”