Chapter 20

Okay, I screwed up. My mouth got ahead of my brain, then my anger got ahead of my sense. Now Mark was going to the turn-about dance with Lydia Jenkins. Worse, he’s blind to Lydia’s agenda and was too mad to listen to my warning.

Joe bugged me all afternoon about what happened between Mark and me. I ignored him until he went away. To keep busy, I browned the ground beef for taco night, chopped the lettuce, tomatoes, and onions, and then arranged the shells to warm in the oven. Joe finally came out of his room when Mom came home to set the table. Dad came in right as we all sat down to eat.

“How was everyone’s day?” Mom asked us all.

“I aced my geometry test,” Joe said, then shot a nasty look in my direction. “And Steph is seeing someone named Sam.”

I felt my stomach twist at his words. I looked down at my plate when the heat rose in my face.

“Who’s Sam?” Dad asked in his usual rough tone.

I wasn’t ready to go there, so I took a deep breath. “It’s no big deal. We’re just friends.”

“I heard a rumor that you were gonna go to the turn-about dance together.” Joe had obviously talked to Mark when I shut him down. Which was against the rules of his grounding, I might add, but he had me over a barrel since he knew Mark and I had hooked up.

“I thought we were clear about how old you had to be to date,” Dad grumbled.

When I hung my head in defeat, Mom came to my rescue.

“It’s just a school dance, Robert,” Mom said. I looked up to see her smile of support. Of course, she didn’t know Sam was a girl. Yet.

“I’d like to meet this Sam before I agree,” Dad said. I could imagine him cleaning his guns at the kitchen table when they met. This was quickly spinning out of control. I decided to try to head off an inquisition by proposing something I was sure no one would agree to.

“Since the dance is next week, why don’t you come watch Sam play at the softball game on Friday,” I suggested, praying my idea worked. “I planned on hanging out after school until the game anyway.”

“Since when do you like softball?” Joe asked with a look of disgust. He only considered soccer or basketball legitimate sports.

“Obviously since Sam plays on the team,” Mom said with a chipper smirk at me.

“I’ll see if I can get off early from work then,” Dad said as he gave Mom a look that said the two of them would be discussing the topic again later.

Shit! Was I really ready to tell my parents I liked girls, too? The threat to take Sam to the turn-about dance had been an impulsive, jealous reaction to Lydia asking Mark. Now, thanks to my asshole brother, my parents wanted to meet my potential date.

I couldn’t imagine how my parents would react to the news of me wanting to date a girl. They weren’t super religious or anything, but whenever the topic came up on the news they weren’t exactly supportive. My cousin, Peter, came out as gay and Dad made the unfunny joke, Peter, Peter, peter eater.

Sam was only a little younger than Mark, so the age issue was going to come up. And dates were probably out of the question. Would they freak out about sleepovers now? I missed Bethany so much, but even if we got past everything I doubt Mom would allow us to sleep in the same bed again. And how would Sam feel about me having friends over if she was my girlfriend?

Maybe it wasn’t fair to Sam. So far I’d only asked her out to eat some ice cream so I could get to know her better. And then kissed her cheek. And noticed she was adorable. Shit. Who am I kidding?

If I introduced Sam to my parents and asked her to the turn-about dance, she would think I was serious about her. But there’s no way she was really interested in dating me, right? I mean, she’s a hot, older, outspoken lesbian and I’m ... confused. Being with Bethany had been amazing, but I wasn’t sure sex with girls was something I wanted to be open about with my family and friends.

There’s no question that I still wanted Mark, but Dad would have kittens if he knew what we’d been doing. Mom would be pissed when she found out I’d gotten on birth control without talking to her first. Maybe I should just let the idea of dating Mark go for now. No. My chest hurt just imagining him kissing Lydia Jenkins.

With no clear answer to my dilemma, the next day at school I wandered from class to class in a fog of confusion. Bethany’s attempts to torment me went ignored. Mark made a point of glaring at me every time we passed in the hall, but I ignored him, too. Joe kept shaking his head at me, like it was my fault Mark wanted to go out with Lydia. By lunch, I was hanging on by my fingernails, but I refused to cry about the situation I’d put myself in.

I walked into the lunch room with my sack lunch. Bethany was hanging all over Collen and eyeing Joe to make sure he noticed. Mark laughed next to Lydia and her choir friends. I had just decided to head over to a table at the edge of the lunch room to eat by myself when I heard my name.

“Steph!” Sam called and waved with a huge smile on her face.

She was sitting at a table with a mix of guys and girls I recognized from the softball team. I swallowed down my tears and forced a smile as I walked over to join them. When Sam made room next to her and patted the bench, I instantly felt better

“Guys, this is Steph.” Sam said to the group as I sat.

Most of them grinned at us. Sam started giving me their names, but they slipped through my head as fast as she said them. I nodded at everyone and opened my sack lunch. A quick glance over my shoulder showed Mark giving me a furious glare.

“I wanted to warn you,” I whispered to Sam. “My parents are coming to the game to meet you on Friday.”

“Meet me?” Sam asked as she picked up a French fry with a worried frown. “Why?”

“Because,” I started and paused. It hit me that this was the exact moment when my life was going to fall apart. It seemed inevitable. I considered lying to her, but the truth squeaked out in a whisper. “I want to go to the turn-about dance with you and Dad won’t let me unless he meets you first.” I must have spoken too loudly because everyone around us stopped talking and stared at me with matching expressions of shock. “I mean, if you wanted to go with me.”

The color drained from Sam’s face and I was certain I screwed up somehow. She frowned for a moment and shook her head slowly. “Are you fucking with me?” she hissed in anger.

I was so shocked I couldn’t form words. My best friend left me to fuck my brother. My secret boyfriend was going to the dance with someone else. I had no one left in my life that I felt close enough to talk to, and now even Sam had turned on me.

The tears I’d been fighting all day rolled down my cheeks like twin rivers. I jumped up and ran for the restroom. The roar of conversation from those sitting around Sam followed me, but I ignored their words. I had just made it to the restroom door when a strong hand caught my arm and spun me around.

“Which one is he? What did he say to hurt you?” Mark yelled through a mask of rage.

My thoughts swirled, but if I opened my mouth I was gonna puke on his shoes. Panic forced me back to the women’s restroom door, but Mark refused to let go of my arm.

“Get your fucking hands off my girlfriend,” Sam screamed as she pushed Mark away to stand between us.

Mark nearly fell, but managed to keep his feet. He stared back and forth between Sam and me while his rage faded into confusion. “You’re ... Sam?”

“Yes, I’m Sam.” She was panting like she’d run a marathon, her hands gripped into fists at her sides. “And if you ever grab her like that again I’ll break your fucking fingers.”

Lydia came running up to stand beside Mark. “What’s going on?”

Mark ignored her to point a trembling finger at me. “If she’s your girlfriend, then why was she running away from you, crying?”

“Because I was an idiot,” Sam muttered with an apologetic glance over her shoulder at me.

That made my chin quiver. I wiped my running nose with the back of my hand.

“Steph asked me to the turn-about dance. I’ve liked her for weeks and it seemed too good to be true. So, like a dumbass, I asked her if she was fucking with me. Obviously that was the wrong thing to say after she’d finally worked up the nerve to ask me.” Sam turned to face me cowering against the restroom door. “So if it’s not too late, I’d like to say yes.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet,” Lydia said and clapped her hands. “I just asked Mark to the dance yesterday, but luckily he said yes right away.”

My eyes shot to Mark’s face and fresh tears rose. He’d already said yes. The guilty look on his face told me he’d lied to me. The offer to let me decide his answer and his attempt to fix me up with Mason was all just to cover his ass.

Lydia and Sam must have seen something in my expression because they both gave me odd looks and glanced at Mark. By then a small crowd gathered around us. I saw some of Sam’s friends giving me smiles and nods. Lydia was giving Mark a measured look.

“No, it’s not too late,” I said to Sam, then I shot a glare Mark’s direction to make sure he knew it was too late for him. Just then Bethany walked up with Collen trailing behind her like a puppy. I looked back to Sam and forced a smile. “I’d love to take you to the turn-about dance.”

“You’re going with her?” Bethany gasped. My bestie and first lover had been so angry about Joe breaking things off with her that she’d ignored me for a week. Now she appeared furious I was openly taking Sam to the dance.

“Yes,” I announced with a firm voice. Mark’s face went pale and Bethany’s face turned red. “So if no one else has any objections, I’d like to go to the restroom now.”

I held it together until I’d locked myself in a stall. Then I threw up the remains of my breakfast. After I flushed, I dropped my khaki pants and panties to sit on the toilet with my head in my hands. That was when I noticed the pad in my underwear had the smelly remains of Mark’s spunk in it.

I lost it at that point. All the secrets, all the lies, it all came crashing down on me at once. I sobbed into my hands for a while until I could get control of myself.

After I finished in the stall, I stepped out and saw Sam sitting on the counter next to the sinks swinging her feet. She gave me a thin lipped smile.

“You okay?” she asked me.

I didn’t trust myself to answer. I was still too raw, so I went to the sink to splash water on my face and dried off with a paper towel.

When Sam opened her arms to me, I stepped into her embrace without shame. I needed the hug and with her sitting up higher, the top of my head fit under her chin. She smelled like warm sunshine and honeysuckles. I felt her kiss my hair.

“I’m a mess right now,” I whispered. “Are you sure you want all this?”

“Judging from the way your friends reacted you hadn’t told them you wanted to date me. Have you told your parents yet?”

“They know your name is Sam,” I said with a sad laugh.

“But not that I’m a girl,” she concluded and I nodded into her neck.

“I’m so sorry. I never meant to use you like this.” There was no reason to drag her into the middle of my shit hole of a life. I barely knew her. She didn’t owe me anything.

Sam sighed and pulled back to look me in the eyes. “I don’t feel used. I’m a little worried about you, but I’m willing to help if I can.”