Chapter 1

“Oh, God, Joe! That’s it. Jesus ... Harder. Faster!”

I looked up from my homework and rolled my eyes. Joe, my older brother, had what’s-her-name yelling about God and Jesus up in his bedroom again. It was the same every afternoon. Between the time we got home from school and our parents got home from work, Joe took his flavor-of-the-week into his room so they could make animal noises.

It had started in the fall when Joe got his driver’s license and a cheap used car. Once he could drive to and from school, he seemed to become irresistible. Our private school isn’t as big as the local public schools, but it’s big enough to let him have a new girl every week or two for the last six months.

I was too young to drive, too young to date, and never been kissed. That didn’t keep me from thinking about sex, especially with Joe’s afternoon ritual serving as a reminder. And as much as hearing my brother screwing all the time bothered me, it did make me curious about the whole thing.

I took a health class way back before I started my period. The class had explained all the biology involved in reproduction but never answered my burning questions. I’d learned more listening to Joe, disgusting as it was.

Sex obviously felt really good, which had never been stressed in health class. They had talked about sex building up to an orgasm, whatever that was, but no one explained what it actually felt like and I was too embarrassed to ask in front of the class.

My bestie, Bethany, and I had discussed it at length, which led us to internet videos of guys rubbing themselves until they shot their stuff all over the place. And the girls rubbed their vee in circles until they peed or jerked around a little. Watching it made my vee drool, but when I tried rubbing like they did ... nothing big happened. I mean, it felt nice, but nothing like the wild howls and shaky legs I saw in those videos.

I had just returned my attention to my algebra homework when I heard a quiet knock on the front door. Walking over to open it, I found my brother’s best friend Mark waiting. He was all sweaty, only wearing shorts and running shoes.

“Hey, Squirt. Is Joe here?” he asked as he looked over my shoulder.

“Yeah, he’s bangin’ whats-her-name.” Joe smelled good. Not good like cologne. He smelled salty and warm. Sweat dripped down his chest and I had the crazy compulsion to taste it. Gross! Instead, I gave him a long-suffering look and asked, “Wanna drink while you wait for him to finish?”

He chuckled and said, “Sure.”

Mark had never made me nervous before, but there was a little tingle in my stomach as I led him to the kitchen. It was cliche, but I’d had a crush on him for years. Only he was three years older, like my brother, and unreachable. And if anything ever happened, my Dad would have kittens before killing Mark and locking me in my room.

My hands trembled as I opened the fridge. Mark sat on the stool at the kitchen counter next to my homework. The cold air from the fridge made my boobs poke out. Or maybe it was the gaze I felt resting on me as I stood there.

“We’ve only got this,” I said and showed him a bottle of that green sports drink.

“That’s fine. Thanks.”

His eyes dipped to my chest for a second. Perv... It seemed like every guy wanted to peek at how the girls were growing. All ages, from kids to grandpas. They were like nature’s eye magnet.

When I tried to get the plastic cap open, he took it from me to twist it off easily. The muscles in his arms got tight when he did it and made me swallow hard. I kept telling myself it was just Mark. I’d known him most of my life. Why was he suddenly making me feel so stupid?

When he tilted the bottle back to drink, that thing guys have in their throats moved up and down. It hypnotized me. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. There was still sweat dripping out of his wet hair and down his neck. And I still wanted a taste. Damn.

“Oh, I needed that,” he said. After crushing the bottle and putting the lid back on, he tossed the remains to me and I caught it easily.

“Good catch!”

I felt my face heat at his smile and tossed the collapsed bottle in the trash next to the kitchen island.

“Whatever,” I mumbled, trying not to show how messed up he had me.

I sat on the stool next to his and picked up my pencil. I was close enough to smell him again. He looked down at me with a brotherly smile and mussed my pale blonde hair. That sent a shiver down my back and made the hairs stand up on my arms.

Mark noticed my reaction and his easy smile faded a touch. He cleared his throat and let out a sigh.

“So he just screws her up there while you sit around down here?”

It sounded weird when he said it like that. I mean, it had always been weird to me, but I guess I’d gotten used to it.

“Yeah.”

When I looked up at him smiling at me, I couldn’t take my eyes off his handsome face. His cheeks were shadowed like he hadn’t shaved. I had a sudden, irresistible compulsion to touch him. And before I could stop myself ... I did. My heart thudded in my chest. It felt like someone else had moved my hand to brush against his face.

“What’s this for?” he asked as my fingers traced his jaw.

I was embarrassed, but loved the rough texture of his skin too much to pull my hand back right away. A warm heaviness filled my stomach. His skin was still damp. When I pulled my hand back, I rubbed my fingers along my lips like some kind of freak.

“I don’t know,” I whispered with his salty flavor on my lips.

His tongue wet his own lips as he pinned me with a sharper gaze. Then his eyes got darker and he studied me like he’d never seen me before.

“You’re gonna be beautiful someday,” he whispered.

His eyes dropped to my chest again and lingered. My nipples were so hard it was like I wasn’t even wearing a t-shirt. Even worse, I’d taken off my bra when I’d gotten home from school and changed out of our uniform, so he could see every detail. Then his eyes dropped to my bare legs and feet. Everywhere his eyes passed crackled with electricity.

“But not now?” I asked with a quaver in my voice.

He was so hot. It made my chest ache that he didn’t think I was beautiful now. I lifted my shoulders and pushed out what little I had. My boobs had grown the last couple of years, but were still just handfuls topped with pokey nipples.

“Yeah, you’re beautiful now, too, but someday you’re gonna be a real heart breaker.” His comment made it feel like butterflies beat against my skin.

I could hear Joe’s bed was still squeaking, but at least what’s-her-name had shut up for a while. I wondered about so many things that didn’t make sense. Mark was making me so crazy, but I couldn’t deny it anymore. I wanted to ask him if he would kiss me, but I knew he would just laugh. Instead of asking, I leaned closer and put my hand on his sweaty shoulder for balance. His eyebrows drew together, but he didn’t say anything or pull away.

I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t see if he made a face. My first kiss was sweet, but only lasted a moment. I didn’t really know what to do, but just pressing against his lips made my stomach heat even more. When I pulled back, he let out a slow breath as I opened my eyes.

For a moment he had a look of wonder on his face, then he frowned. “Hold on, Squirt, you can’t just kiss people like that.”

“Did I do it wrong?” My hands covered my mouth. The idea that I’d screwed up my first kiss hurt like a physical pain. Mark was going to think I was a total head-case, if he didn’t already. “Shit.”

His eyes widened. “No, hey, it’s okay. You did just fine, but I’m a little old for you, yeah?”

“I don’t care,” I said, embarrassed by the tears welling in my eyes. “I just wanted to kiss you.”

“Wait, just talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

How can I do that when I don’t know myself?

Mark reached over to grip my shoulder with his hand. His touch made me shiver and confused me even more. So I dropped off the stool and ran upstairs to my room. Then I threw myself on my bed before rolling on my back and covering my face with a pillow, crying in embarrassment for what I’d just done.

My body felt like an engine revved up to the red line. My heart was beating so hard and fast that I could feel it all over. I pulled the pillow down harder and screamed in frustration at my lack of control. What the hell was wrong with me? It felt like little sparks were crawling all over my body and I had no idea how to make it stop.

I was still trembling a few minutes later when Mark came in to sit on my bed. He touched my bare calf and rubbed it for a minute. The heat in my stomach exploded into lava that flowed lower, but I refused to remove the pillow.

“Hey, come on. Talk to me.”

I took a deep shuddering breath when I let him push the pillow up. The tracks of my tears were suddenly cold. Concern was etched into Mark’s face. I could hear what’s-her-name making those stupid noises again and it suddenly pissed me off. I was so aggravated that the truth jumped out before I could stop it.

Chapter 2 »