Chapter 3: Crescendo

I took a deep breath and nodded. ‘Okay, yeah.’ She was going to confront me about my erection at the bar, then, and she had noticed. Crap, I was hoping that it was something that we’d never have to discuss. This was going to be awkward as hell.

Carole was looking down, playing absently with a thread that was coming loose in the colourful patterned quilt we were both lying on. One eye was obscured by her golden curls, but she seemed to be thinking very hard.

‘Caleb,’ my cousin began slowly. ‘You know that coming here to go to school was very hard for me.’

I nodded curiously, one eyebrow raised, suddenly unsure that I knew where this conversation was going, after all. Maybe I was off the hook.

She still wouldn’t meet my eyes. ‘And I know, that it would be, like ... a lot of pressure, on you, to ask something like this, so I’ve really thought a lot if I should, or not, you know, but—Caleb, will you move here to the city with me?’ Her hazel eyes finally locked with mine, big and vulnerable. She swallowed hard.

Not at all what I expected. My eyes widened.

Now all her words were rushing out quickly without a breath, as if she was afraid of what my answer would be and she had to explain before I rejected it. ‘I’m just so lonely ... I don’t really have those friends very much, I just sort of study with them sometimes. At home, school wasn’t that different, but I had always had ... you. And that made all the difference. We had so much fun, and built each other up. And when your mum died ... my parents broke up... ‘ her words trailed off. ‘I’m sorry, I know how you love your new job. Obviously, you don’t have to say yes. But I miss you so much, Caleb! Why couldn’t you find somewhere to work in the city and we could room together? Maybe you could try just a few sit-in classes sometime to see what interests you.’

‘I—don’t know what to say,’ I said finally. She’d thrown a lot at me in a second. ‘Except that, Carole, I miss you too, just as much. It feels weird to be apart.’ I reached for my cousin’s hand, between us, where we lay on our sides facing each other, and brought it to my lips, then held it to my heart. ‘You are my best friend, and we’ve always been the other’s strength.’ She nodded, with a small smile, although her eyes shone and chin quivered. I pulled her into my arms, then, resting my chin on her head where she tucked it into my neck, arms wrapped tightly around each other, her body pressed into all the nooks of my own.

Somehow this still didn’t feel wrong, even after earlier. Was it just so ingrained in us for this to be natural, and right? It gave me a profound sense of relief to know our relationship remained as comfortable, the same as always. I couldn’t lose her.

I thought she was feeling better until I heard the small sob and felt her body shake just a little. ‘Oh, don’t cry,’ I said softly, pulling away enough that I could look at her, into her face. With my thumb I gently smudged away the tears under her eyes, and leaned down to kiss a cheek. ‘Why are you sad?’

‘B-because you’ll be going h-h-home Sunday night,’ she hiccupped miserably, burying her face in my chest again so her next words were muffled. ‘I know we talk all the time, but it’s not the same as it used to be.’

‘No,’ I agreed, feeling rather maudlin myself. I forced myself to smile. ‘Look at me. Carole. You know what? Tonight, it was just like old times again! Me following you blind with trust like a puppy dog into another one of your amazingly crazy and intelligent brainstorms, and everything turning out great in the end anyway, as always.’

Finally, she giggled. ‘It was sort of fun, huh? I did enjoy the look on Henry’s face when he saw us together like that. Maybe I got too carried away at the end, though,’ she said, her smile becoming warm and impish when it settled on me. Damn!

‘I don’t know what you mean,’ I teased, but felt myself blush anyway, and looked at the ceiling. ‘Fine ... I admit it. Sorry, Carole, it was a little much to handle. And without any notice? Geez, I’m only human.’

My cousin’s grin widened exponentially. ‘Fine, Ito. Compliment accepted.’

‘Compliment?’ my mouth dropped open. ‘I never said that I was ... Carole!’

‘What?’ she giggled, smoothing the hair out of her face. Now it was becoming a little awkward to lie so close, hold her body to mine so tightly. ‘What else could it be except a compliment? It says I’m pretty. Sexy. Pretty enough that some instinctual part of you doesn’t care at all that I’m your cousin,’ she said with an uncharacteristically wicked grin. The air between us suddenly seemed somehow ... charged, and her body suddenly felt strikingly hot. Her breasts were pressed against my stomach, I noticed out of the blue. Carole’s eyes were burning into mine, and it was getting harder and harder to look away, with her cheeks flushing like that, eyes half-closed, mouth soft and pink, open slightly, breathing fast, her heart hammering against my chest...

Clearing my throat, I used the last of my discretion to look away. Whatever else she said to me, I couldn’t believe she wasn’t at least tipsy. Didn’t know what she was doing, what sort of signals she was appearing to give me. But that was impossible. She was just being silly, that must be it; we were best friends and had never been more, and besides—cousins! Related by blood. I laughed it off and sat up, running a hand through my black hair as I did, trying not to pay attention to the way Carole’s face fell in disappointment as I pulled away and left her lying on the covers.