Chapter 8

You fucking idiot.

I sat in bed, staring at the wall. The Meditations sat on the nightstand, unread.

What the hell do you think you’re doing? She wants you. You want her. What’s wrong with that?

Legalisms didn’t bother me. I had convinced myself that what was happening between Vi and I wasn’t incest. Not really. Violet was my half-sister, and we’d grown up apart for most of our lives. The doubt that had hooked its barb into me was entirely about what was best for her.

She was right. I thought and obsessed about things far too much. But I loved my sister, and I knew how volatile her past relationships had been. I wanted sex. My entire body yearned for it, for her. I was still achingly erect. But more than that, I wanted to be with her. If Violet was only offering herself for long as we were in this house, I didn’t think I could stand it. And I didn’t know if she was ready for anything more, or even if that would be the best thing for her.

The abuse we had experienced in childhood had made both of us magicians of denial. Distraction and avoiding the big picture were our common stock in trade. They had been vital skills in helping us survive as children, but disastrous for our adult selves.

My solution had been to overcompensate, to focus with single-minded intensity on whatever was before me, sinking my teeth into every challenge like a terrier and shaking it to death. Violet’s was to escape into acting, to have expectations of no-one and nothing.

As a combination, it was explosive. A recipe for doom. Yet I couldn’t give her up. And I couldn’t stop wanting her.

I desired to be the best thing possible for Vi. I even dared to think that I might be. But I didn’t know that she would accept that after our time in this house was over. And I was caught on that not knowing.

Lost in my thoughts, I almost missed the tiny, tremulous knock at my bedroom door.

“Vi?”

The door pushed open just far enough for me to see my sister standing in the hall outside. She wore a pink T-shirt that fell just below her hips. And nothing else.

She didn’t say a word. Just stood in the dim light of the hall, eyes downcast, at the threshold of my bedroom door.

Instinctually I knew this would be the last time. If I turned her away tonight, Violet wouldn’t try again. We’d go back to how we were and never speak of what had happened.

I felt a moment of balance, teetering back and forth.

Holding my breath, heart racing in my chest, I finally told my brain to shut up. My fingers moved the bedsheet that covered me to one side. Just slightly. It could have been a random twitch, if she’d wanted to see it that way. Just enough to reveal my hip. And the fact that I was naked underneath.

But Violet saw it. Without speaking, she crossed the room to my bed.

It wasn’t incest, I repeated to myself desperately. Not really...

Excuses fled hand-in-hand with rational thought as my sister slid onto the bed, kneeling between my legs, the T-shirt riding up to her waist. I swallowed, dry-mouthed.

Still not speaking, her fingers grasped the edge of the sheet. Violet looked up at me. I knew what she was after. She was seeking permission.

My nod was so small it might have been a nervous tic. But it was enough. She smiled like a child on Christmas morning.

Violet lowered her eyes and drew her hands down slowly, taking away the sheet a fraction at a time. There was a moment when I almost caught on the edge of the cotton; then my cock sprang free, sliding upwards against my abdomen.

“Oh.” Violet’s gasp was music. “Oh!” Her eyes widened as she looked at me.

The edge of her teeth appeared as a hint over her lower lip as she wrapped her hand around the the root of my cock. Or tried to. Her fingertips could not touch her thumb. She raised my shaft slowly upright as I groaned. The sensation of her touching me, the very knowledge that my sister’s hand was holding my cock, was incredible.

Women’s reaction to my size had varied over the years. One had insisted that I use her hair scrunchies around the base of my shaft for fear of penetrating her too deeply. For another, my girth had made sex too painful, no matter how aroused she was.

Violet’s response was different. She was ... awed. Adoring. Worshipful.

With infinite slowness my sister brought her face closer to me, nostrils flaring as she inhaled my scent. I felt her breath against my skin. My erect cock, pulsing with my heartbeat, ticked above her tiny hand.

Violet’s head rose slightly, her mouth opening. I couldn’t breathe. The air in my lungs burned. The feeling of her breath swirling against me grew hotter.

Her eyes closed as her full lips kissed my shaft just below the head. I felt the tip of her tongue press against my skin.

Air shuddered out of my lungs as I groaned. My head trembled with the tension of holding it up to watch her. I couldn’t believe this was happening.