Chapter 38

The last week of class before finals was mostly review in most of Phil’s courses. His economics professor – a prick of the highest magnitude – dropped a quiz on them each day for no apparent reason other than to ensure very few people came out of his class with an A to show for it. Phil’s grades were high enough he could have skipped the final and still earned a B but was determined to score as high as possible just in case it caused the hateful fucker personal distress to send a good grade to the registrar’s office.

He had mended fences with all the females – and also with Susan O’Malley, who unbeknownst to Phil was just as pissed at him as her cousin had been. The conversation with his parents had been less painful than what he’d expected. His father had told him that if Phil was comfortable that the situation was resolved he wouldn’t bring it up again. His mother had told him she had been confident he would make the correct decision – once she showed him what the decision was.

She laughed when she said it but Phil wasn’t certain she was entirely joking.

He walked into his Friday lab knowing he had five exams the following week and he was free and clear for the summer – of working an entry level job in a company didn’t care a thing about.

He took his assigned space at the pod he shared with his lab partner and for the first time he took a look around the room. Hailey’s assessment had been correct. The people he shared the room with were, almost to a person, geeks. They were eminently more comfortable with compounds and formulas than they were with human beings.

Emma Msatif entered the room with the cool air that she normally possessed and checked to make sure all the students were present. There was no final exam for the lab portion of the class but each weekly experiment had been graded.

“Well, we made it through,” Emma said, setting down her binder. There were no chairs or desks in the room, only workstations where the students stood to work.

“There are no experiments today,” she told the group. “I figured that since we made it through the entire semester without a fire, an explosion or anyone manufacturing a new designer drug, we’ll call it a win. Today we will review safety procedures and then release the class. Unless you’re totally inept – and we all know who I’m talking about so I won’t belabor the point – you’ll walk out of here with an A for the last day.

“Mr. Warner, I will start with you since the playing field is clear. What is one safety procedure we adhere to while working in the lab?”

“Always wear goggles,” Phil answered in a monotone. Emma had given him a ton of shit the second week for not having his goggles on when she entered the room – ignoring the fact that no chemicals were out at that point.

“Winner!” Emma said enthusiastically. “Well, that takes care of the one person I truly worried would fail the day. Let’s go around the room until we have the rest of them.”

As the class was nearly through reciting the safety rules, the door to the lab banged open and Hailey strode in purposefully. She marched up to Phil and stood in front of him.

“You want to learn something about chemistry, Mister,” she declared. “This is all the chemistry you’ll ever need.”

She grabbed his face, ignored his startled look and dragged his face down for a four-alarm kiss – complete with tongue action and her body pressed to his. She released him and walked away. She slowed down for a high-five with Emma and walked into the lab assistant’s room without a backward glance – but with a well-practiced sway to her hips.

“Mr. Warner?” Emma asked. “Do you have any questions?”

Phil gulped and saw the rows in front of him turned around and looking at him in awe.

“Uh, I hoped someone got that girl’s number for me,” he stammered. “I think I’d like to have it.”

Emma Msatif laughed along with the rest of the group and moved in front of the work station she used. She leaned against it and took in the rest of the class.

“That demonstration proved that science isn’t a career for everyone,” she explained. “Mr. Warner, if you would quit staring longingly at my assistant’s door, I’d like your attention up here. Thank you. As I said, not everyone is cut out for a career in the hard sciences and for some this is the only class they’ll ever need. Some of you – well, one of you – will be an absolute menace if you continue in this field. For those of you who don’t know, Mr. Warner’s father is a well-respected chemist who has perhaps hundreds of papers published and hundreds of patents under his name. He is one of the men and women who will determine if I receive my master’s degree in two weeks.

“Obviously, I had no idea of that when I started to bust his chops. But he’s been a good sport about it – and apparently didn’t tell his father – so I thought I’d explain why I’ve treated him like an unwanted stepchild all semester. Chemistry is about taking risks. It’s about confidence. It’s about trying something no one else has dared to try before. Whether we’re talking about a new vaccine or a new fragrance of deodorant the very best chemists are fearless. I look around this room and I see some wonderful minds with limitless potential in this field. Mr. Warner, obviously I’m not referring to you here so feel free to stare at the door again.

“I also see a roomful of fragile egos and a group of men and women who would be irreparably harmed if I cast my unusual form of wit and charm in their direction. Mr. Warner was the exception so he bore the brunt of it. I’ve studied chemistry for six years now. There were 80 people in my major when I walked onto campus and 12 of us received degrees in the discipline. Of the nine master’s candidates in chemistry, two of us will receive a diploma. Well, I hope I do. I don’t suppose it’s too late for Mr. Warner to put an end to that.

“I’m kidding. I snapped at Mr. Warner the first day of class because I was nervous. I know chemistry but, like many of you, I don’t interact well with the world at large. If my unthinking comment had been directed at some of you, it likely would have led you to drop the lab and maybe the subject. Mr. Warner looked at me like I was an ogre but went about his business. I have used Mr. Warner as a scapegoat this semester – without his knowledge or consent. You will be thankful – as I was – that he is not majoring in chemistry and the world is safer because of it.

“I used his shortcomings – which were all imagined and not real – to impress upon the rest of the class a few pitfalls that have befallen previous students. Some of them were dangerous mistakes and others were the silly little things that sometimes slip through when dealing with complicated formulas. By spending time droning on about all the mistakes I pretended to expect him to make, I was able to ensure the rest of you didn’t make them.

“I realized a few weeks ago that I was doing everyone in the class a disservice, Mr. Warner for obvious reasons but to the rest of you, too. A career in chemistry is not for the weak at heart or the weak of mind. If you can’t stand to fail, it’s best to get out now while you still have other options available to you. If you can’t stand criticism, you’re going to be in for a very unhappy, very lonely career. I have come to realize that part of the laboratory experience is learning from your mistakes and admitting when you were wrong.

“I was wrong – in treating Mr. Warner as if he was inferior and in spoon-feeding the rest of the class the lessons. He completed every lesson successfully and earned an A for the lab. He was careful in how he handled the chemicals and studious when he crafted formulas. He is not a bad student, regardless of what I have led you to believe. As for rest of you, I’ve watched your confidence grow and I’ve watched you become better chemists. There are a few of you I hope will take my words to heart and switch majors as soon as possible. Pre-pharmacy is available and so is engineering. Both require strong backgrounds in math and science and both will insulate you from criticism and still let you succeed. If you wish to know if you fall into this category, please feel free to ask me. I do not promise to shield your feelings. I’ve done that too frequently. Oh, and Mr. Warner, if, God forbid, you decide to take another science course, I’d like to suggest geology. I sincerely doubt that even someone with the appalling lack of aptitude for the sciences you possess could blow himself up with a rock.

“I hope you’ve all managed to take something away from this class and I wish you well wherever your academic career leads you next. Class is dismissed. Oh, one last thing: I believe someone is waiting for you in the assistant’s room, Mr. Warner. Have a nice summer.”

“What was that about?” Phil asked Hailey – after he had received pats on the back from most of the males in class. Even the geeks knew who Hailey Warren was – even if many of them had missed the brief romance in the middle of the term.

“I told Emma about us and what happened,” Hailey said. “She knew I wanted to be back with you and she told me that I should do just what you saw today. I called her last night and asked if I could really do it. She didn’t know we’d gotten back together so I told her that, too. She said it would be a perfect segue into what she needed to tell everyone about the class and about their futures. Plus she figured that if you were a little off-kilter you wouldn’t call her a bitch in front of everyone.”

“What would she have done if I’d have thrown you on the table and had my wicked way with you?” Phil asked.

“Watched and learned,” Hailey remarked with a laugh. “You’re not angry, are you?”

“Nah, you can feel free to kiss me whenever you want,” Phil replied.

“Ooh, I can feel free, too?” Hailey asked with a wicked gleam in her eye. She was about to put her hand on his crotch when someone knocked at the door.

“Are you decent?” Emma yelled from outside.

“Depends on your definition,” Phil yelled back. “We’re dressed but decent might be another matter.”

“I am sorry, Phil,” Emma said once she entered. “It seemed like a good idea and I thought you were strong enough to handle it. Hailey explained some things to me when she started to work here. If I had known, I probably would have rethought things. I hope there are no hard feelings.”

“It’s fine,” Phil told her. “I was a little peeved at first but then I figured my dad had shot down your Master’s thesis and this was the best job you could get.”

Emma laughed until she realized Phil wasn’t kidding.

“Oh, well, I suppose that makes sense,” she said. “Hailey, there were no experiments today so you’re free for the afternoon. I’ll make sure you get your hours but there is no reason to stick around – unless you plan test out your chemistry theory in the lab. If you do, please clean up after yourselves and lock the door behind you when you leave.”