Chapter 6: Becka

March 4, 1990, Chicago, Illinois

It was 3:45am on Sunday morning, and I was walking Jessica to work in the cold. It wasn’t as cold as it had been back in January, but it was a good ten degrees below freezing. Kara had stayed in bed, and I would join her when I returned. Jessica and I had thought about taking the car, but since there was no wind, I didn’t mind the cold and she was OK with walking.

“I still want your opinion on what Abbie is suggesting,” I said.

Jessica giggled, “I know you do!”

“Why are you being difficult on this?” I asked, slightly exasperated.

“Because it’s up to you, Tiger. I mean that. You’ve been the model of a perfect husband since last summer. You’ve been working hard, going to karate, and helping Kathy take care of Bethany. You’ve been a good dad to your kids. And there hasn’t been a whiff of drama since I came home.”

“But I needed to see Doctor Mercer,” I said.

“Yes, you did. You didn’t freak out. You didn’t shut down. You talked to your friends and took their advice. And you got the help you needed.”

I chuckled, “Doctor Mercer still insists that I didn’t need her help, that she needed mine with Bethany.”

“Are you going to see Doctor Mercer on Saturday?”

“Yes, I’m driving down Friday night so I can have an early morning appointment with her. Mostly it’ll be about Bethany, I’m sure.”

Jessica laughed again, “Sometimes you are so clueless, it’s sweet.”

“What are you talking about?”

“She IS helping you. She’s just using different tactics. What do you talk to her about?”

“Bethany coming to terms with what happened and getting on with her life and how to help her.”

“Make the connection, Tiger. You aren’t an idiot, no matter what your sister says!”

I laughed, “I’ll always be a ‘dumb boy’ in her book.”

“So?”

“So, by having me talk about Bethany and what she needs to do, I’m not obsessing about what I need to do, but everything I’m saying about Bethany applies to me as well.”

“Exactly.”

“So why tell me?”

“Because it’s been two full months. You weren’t going to be upset by the revelation.”

I stopped dead in my tracks. Jess stopped and turned to look at me.

“You talked to her!” I gasped.

Jessica smiled, “Come on, I don’t want to be late for work.”

We started talking again.

“One day ... one day, I’m going to be a step ahead of all you girls.”

“Good luck with that, Tiger! You keep too many smart girls around you for that to ever happen! Kara, Jennifer, Elyse, and Abbie!”

“You too, Babe,” I chuckled. “And you could have named yourself. I know full well that doctors are egomaniacs!”

“Takes one to know one, Buster!”

“Doctor Green talked to her as well, AND got all the files, so he knows a lot more about my history at this point. And that has made for some interesting questions at counseling.”

“There will be more this time,” Jessica giggled. “I can’t wait to hear what you have to say about Elyse’s Aunt Jennie!”

“It’s hardly fair that both of YOU had your first time with me, so there’s nothing to talk about, really. Me, on the other hand...”

“Did you just use the ‘f-word’? I might have to wash your mouth out with soap!”

“I can think of better things to get in my mouth than soap!” I teased.

“Later! Give me a kiss so I can go inside and warm up before I have to start!”

We kissed and hugged, and she went inside. I headed back to the house, went upstairs, and slipped into the very warm bed, being careful not to put my cold hands or feet anywhere near Kara’s naked, warm body, lest she knock me senseless waking up from the shock.

Just before 8:00am, Kara and I went down for breakfast, and were joined by Katy and Elyse.

“It was great that Lauren went out with us on Friday,” I said. “I guess she still can’t stay over?”

Katy shook her head while she swallowed a bite of her waffle, then answered.

“No, she can’t. Her parents are really strict with her, and on Sundays she has to get up and go to church.”

“She’s a Junior in college!” Elyse protested.

“Yes, and living at home while Mommy and Daddy pay for that college,” I said. “What would happen if Mr. and Mrs. Evangelical Fundamentalist caught wind of their daughter being a lesbian?”

“All hell would break loose,” Katy answered before Elyse could.

“So have a girls’ sleepover or something on a Friday night!” Elyse said.

“She has a curfew, believe it or not,” Katy said. “They relax it occasionally, but mostly she has to be home by midnight.”

“A curfew?!” I asked, rocked back in my chair. “Seriously? And I thought that Jeri had it rough!”

Katy nodded, “Seriously. She did suggest that the day after she starts her job when she graduates, we’re going to have sex on her parents’ couch so they can catch us!”

“I wouldn’t advise doing that,” I said.

Katy smiled, “I know. I told her that. On the other hand, I’ll be happy to go with her and hold her hand while she comes out to them and then kiss her in front of them. That is kind of where I draw the line!”

“You aren’t Kara, then?” Elyse giggled. “She has a penchant for showing it all at the most interesting times.”

“The pizza guy!” Katy laughed.

“Or now!” Kara giggled, standing up and tossing her robe on the floor, then sitting back down.

“Can anybody do that?” Abbie asked, coming into the kitchen.

“Sure!” Kara replied, smirking.

Abbie stripped off the long t-shirt she slept in and sat down naked at the table.

Elyse shook her head and took off her robe. Katy rolled her eyes, and then did the same thing, but had to remove a nightie.

“Steve?” Kara teased.

I stood up and dropped my robe.

“New breakfast rules!” Kara giggled.

“Oh god, I hope not,” Veronica laughed, coming out of her room.

“The kids are all asleep, Veronica! Go for it!” Kara teased.

Veronica stood there for a moment, then stripped off her long nightgown and panties.

“Happy?” she laughed.

“Very!” I chuckled.

“Down boy!” Veronica ordered, but she was smiling.

“Veronica, you can refuse to answer, and nobody will say a word, but have you ever been tempted?”

“I think it’s best if I take the Fifth on that one!” she smirked.

“So that’s a ‘yes’, then!” Elyse smirked.

“She’s engaged,” I said. “That means she’s so far across the line, I can’t even see her from where I’m standing on my side of the line.”

“Oh relax!” Elyse snapped. “We’re just having fun. And you know damned well she’s at least THOUGHT about it. She is fairly normal. Well, as normal as anyone can be living in THIS house!”

All the girls laughed. It was time for a bit of restraint on my part.

“I think we need to get dressed before one of the munchkins decides to come downstairs, or worse, Jesse comes in and decides that it’s ‘naked day’ and wants everyone to be naked around the house, instead of just in the sauna!”

“That’s more likely your eldest daughter,” Kara giggled. “But you’re right.”

At that, everyone started putting their robes and nightgowns and t-shirts on.

“Maybe we should do a naked Rap Session?” Abbie smirked.

I groaned but the girls all laughed again. We finished our breakfast, and then Kara and I went up to shower and dress for the day. I set a tape for the race, since it would occur during the Rap Session. Bill had finished fourth in the previous race at Richmond, putting him just ten points behind Dale Earnhardt in third place in the points standing. It had been only the second race of the season, but it was a good start for Bill. There was a bit of controversy over Mark Martin’s engine spacer, which ended up costing him 46 championship points, taking away from his win.

Our Rap Sessions in January and February had been about death, dying, and the afterlife. Given the youth of the score of college students that attended, it wasn’t surprising that most of them had never contemplated their own mortality. The exceptions were one guy whose sister had died of leukemia and one girl whose grandmother had died of breast cancer. They had a better grasp of the concepts and contributed a lot to the conversation.

I wanted a more upbeat topic, so we discussed the democracy movement in Europe and the collapse of communism. After more than three hours of discussion, one of the new guys, Bob, asked me where I thought things were going and I said something that they all found shocking.

“I’d say that there’s a good chance, based on everything I’m seeing, that as the Eastern Bloc countries like Poland and Hungary move towards freedom, we’re going to pass them going the other direction.”

“Say what?” Job, one of our new attendees since Christmas, asked.

“I think we’re quickly losing our freedoms, especially because of the ‘War on Drugs’, but for other reasons, too. The US is becoming less and less free every day.”

Jessica came in from work and sat down next to me.

“You really believe that?” Melody asked.

“I do,” I said. “Which is why I lean heavily libertarian. I think both the right and the left are all about taking away rights. They just hate different things at different times. And once something is banned or made illegal, it’s damned hard to undo it. The courts offer no protection - they are siding with government over people, and I know this may shock some of you to hear it, but business over people.”

“Wow, Tiger!” Jessica exclaimed.

“Mostly I’m concerned with regulatory capture where effectively the businesses write the regulations and then the courts enforce them over the will of the people. You know my thought on the AT&T breakup. It’s slowly moving back towards a monopoly or maybe a duopoly because the Baby Bells are basically in control of the regulations!”

“So how do we protect our freedom?” Peggy asked.

“By zealously guarding our Constitutional Rights. That means fighting political correctness, fighting censorship, fighting overregulation, fighting government overreach, and insisting that law enforcement and the government engage in trying to achieve justice. That means a district attorney should strive for the TRUTH, not for convictions. The police should investigate all sides, generating evidence of both guilt and innocence as they find it. But we elect state’s attorneys here based on successful prosecutions and reward the police for arrests.”

“Interesting,” Henry said. “I like that thinking.”

“Another thing we need to do is drop our biases. I want an honest show of hands, and nobody will say anything, but who here was ‘put off’ or ‘uncomfortable’ the first time they saw Abbie, Trish, or Henry?”

I quickly raised my hand to show that I wasn’t excluding myself. Most of the kids raised their hands. I wasn’t surprised when Jorge and Jessica didn’t.

“You?” Lisa asked me. “You’re one of the most open-minded people I know!”

“Which just goes to show you how easy it is for bias to creep in,” Abbie said. “He looked like a deer in headlights when he first saw me. He mellowed quickly, but he sure as heck had an instant thought of ‘what the hell?’.”

I nodded, “My point exactly. But I took the time to get to know her. And Trish and Henry, too. I’ve seen people reject them simply because of how they dress and the makeup they wear. That’s nuts!”

“Do you have other biases?” Becka asked.

I smiled, “I do. First of all, I am severely biased against stupidity!”

Everyone laughed and there were lots of nods of agreement.

“Second, I have a very serious problem with Evangelicals who try to push their particular brand of puritanism on the entire country, and my default thinking when I meet one is that I want nothing to do with them. Ever. It’s a bias, but I can work through it in the right circumstances.”

Becka nodded, understanding exactly what I was telling her. I didn’t think she fit into that camp at this point, but she certainly had back when I first met her.

“Did you have a problem with someone like that?” Job asked.

I nodded, “Several times. Kara’s dad and her pastor are two good examples from when I was younger.”

“And me,” Becka said. “I treated Abbie, Henry, and Trish badly because I didn’t like how they dressed and the makeup they wore. I never took the time to actually talk to them, I just judged them. I was wrong.”

Trish reached over and squeezed Becka’s arm, and Henry and Abbie both gave her big smiles.

“We’ve all done it at one time or another,” Jorge said. “It requires constant attention so that we don’t fall into the trap of judging people who are different from us in some way. Just stay on your guard.”

“The simplest answer is the one from the Christian bible,” Trish said. “Love your neighbor as yourself and do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

“On that note,” I said, “we’ll adjourn until two weeks from today!”

Everyone filtered out, though Becka, Abbie, Gaby, and Trish were talking at the side of the great room. Jorge and Henry came over to stand by Jessica and me.

“Now, if we could just get everyone to hear the message we all heard today, life would be so much better,” Henry said.

“Amen to that,” Jorge said. “Becka seems to have come a long way.”

That was certainly true. And it made me consider Abbie’s idea in a serious way. I wasn’t sure, but after today, I wasn’t opposed. The small group of girls broke up and Gaby and Henry left, followed by Jorge and Trish. I wasn’t surprised when Abbie and Becka came over to stand by me. Jessica smirked and excused herself.

“Hi,” Becka said.

“Hi. That was a pretty gutsy move to confess like that in front of the group.”

She nodded and then looked at the floor, “I needed to. I treated Abbie, Henry, and Trish quite badly.”

“But you’re past that now, right?” I asked.

She looked up and nodded, and answered softly, “Yes.”

“That’s good,” I said.

“Can we, uh, go someplace and, uh, talk?” she asked.

This was the inflection point. If I agreed, I was starting down a path that I would very likely complete. If I turned her down, she’d find someone else to do what she wanted. Or what I thought it was that she wanted. I knew intellectually that I could stop, but I also knew that if it got to that point and she wanted it, I’d give it to her. Abbie smiled at me and with her eyes implored me to agree.

“Sure. Where?” I said.

“Come on,” Abbie said with a big smile.

She took Becka’s hand and led her out of the room. I followed, knowing the ultimate destination. We went up the stairs to Abbie’s room where she closed and locked the door. I went to sit on the loveseat and wait to see how things would unfold. Abbie led Becka to the loveseat and indicated she should sit, turned on some music fairly loud, and then went to sit on the edge of her bed. I looked curiously at her and she mouthed, ‘Trust me’. Becka didn’t see that because she was looking at the floor. She looked up when Abbie spoke.