Chapter 64: Pull the Other One!

May 26, 1991, Iron Mountain, Michigan

“Shall we see if we can find a farm?” I asked at breakfast on Sunday morning.

“That sounds like a great idea,” Jessica said.

“There’s a visitors’ bureau in town,” Kara said. “I saw it when we were here the first time.”

“I’m sorry I ruined that vacation,” Jessica said.

“Ruined?” I protested. “Are you kidding? Getting you back was way more important than a few days of vacation!”

“I agree,” Kara added.

“Jess, you know exactly how bad off Steve was back then,” Elyse said. “It’s really a good thing that we managed to get you here.”

“Yes, but I shouldn’t have caused the problems in the first place!”

“Don’t beat yourself up over it, Babe. All of us had so much baggage to deal with that it’s amazing we’ve managed to overcome it and get where we are. We should be thankful for that!”

“Dad, do we have to go look at dumb animals?” Jesse asked.

“I don’t think they’re dumb, Jesse. There will be plenty of time to walk in the woods, and play, and do other things. Today we’re going to go see some cows, horses, sheep, and whatever else we can find.”

“Dumb girls,” he muttered under his breath.

“Jesse Stephen!” I reprimanded sharply. “You do NOT speak like that about your sisters, or any other girl, for that matter.”

He glared at me but didn’t respond. When everyone had eaten, we went out to the car and minivan and headed into Iron Mountain so Kara could go into the visitors bureau and find out where some working farms were. She was back out in less than five minutes, and came to the window of my car.

“There’s a farm not far outside of town that has a petting zoo with several baby animals. They also let you try your hand at milking a cow, if you’re game!”

I chuckled, “I’ll stick to human mammaries!”

“I’m glad you used that word, Mr. Adams,” Kara smirked. “Had you said ‘udders’ you’d be sleeping in the shed for the rest of the trip!”

I chuckled, “Nah, none of you are THAT big!”

She made a face, then gave me directions to the farm. Less than ten minutes later, we turned into a long gravel drive and followed the signs. We were met by a young man, probably in his mid-twenties, who introduced himself as Bill, and said that his parents owned the farm. I told him what we were looking for, and he nodded. He pointed to the sign that gave the prices for the petting zoo, and I quickly paid him the small fee from cash in my pocket.

“Bunny rabbits!” Birgit shrieked when she walked over to the fence.

“Pumpkin, don’t be so loud, please,” I said, walking over to her. “You’ll scare the animals.”

Between the four adults and Bill, we carefully helped the kids into the pen with the animals. They were able to pet rabbits, a young sheep, a colt, a baby pig, some puppies, and some kittens, as well as look at baby chicks in a warmer. Despite his protests, Jesse seemed to have a good time, and the others certainly did, though Stephie, being not quite one, was a bit afraid of the larger animals. She loved having a bunny rabbit in her lap, though.

A drop-dead gorgeous girl, who I guessed was about sixteen or seventeen, came into the pen.

“Hi, I’m Jodie! Who do the kids belong to?”

“Me,” I chuckled. “These are three of their four mothers. The mom of the oldest one,” I pointed to Jesse,” isn’t here.”

“Wait! You had kids by four girls!”

“Yes.”

“And they’re, like, all friends with each other?”

“Yes. I’m married to those two,” I said with a grin, pointing to Jessica and Kara.

“I may be a farmer’s daughter,” Jodie replied, laughing softly, “but I’m no rube! You can’t marry two girls at the same time!”

“All things being equal, I would agree with you,” I smirked. “That said, I did. Legally, I’m only married to Jessica, the one on the left, but she and Kara, the one on the right, are both my wives, and the three of us consider ourselves married to each other.”

“Pull the other one!” Bill laughed. “Sis, they’re just messing with you! I’m sure the other dads are out hunting or something!”

“He’s not messing with you,” Elyse said. “Matthew, Michael, who’s your dad?”

They both pointed to me.

“Those are my boys,” she said.

“Jesse,” she said. “Who’s your dad?”

He smirked, and pointed to me, “But I have two moms, but they’re with their friends Larry and Drew!”

“Birgit, who’s your dad and mom?”

“Daddy!” she said, pointing to me, then “Mommy!” she said, pointing to Kara. “Stephie is my sister! She has the same daddy and mommy!”

“Albert, who’s YOUR dad and mom?”

He laughed, and pointed to me, and then to Jessica.

“Nice trick,” Bill laughed. “I know kids well enough that you can get them to play along with stuff like that!”

“We’re not kidding,” Jessica said. “Seriously. We all live together in a house in Chicago. Well, Jesse lives with his two moms in a house on the same property.”

“No ‘effing way!” Bill protested.

“Just stop for a second, Bill!” Jodie insisted. “You really aren’t pulling our legs? You really live in some kind of commune or something?”

“I wouldn’t call it a commune,” Jessica said. “We’re all professionals, and all live normal lives, with the exception of having a unique family setup. I’m a doctor at University of Chicago Hospital. Kara is a Chemistry professor who hopefully will be teaching at the same university, but right now teaches other places. Steve owns his own computer software company. Elyse is the Chief Financial Officer for that company. Jesse’s moms are an Electrical Engineer and a Civil Engineer.”

“Moms? Like a lesbian couple?”

“Yes, exactly,” Jessica said.

“Yes! They kiss!” Jesse giggled.

All the adults laughed.

“This has to be the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard,” Jodie said. “And you’re all totally cool with this?”

“Sure!” Jessica said. “Why not?”

“Well, you all are so pretty, you could each have your own guy! Why share one?”

“Shush!” Bill laughed. “I’m starting to like this guy! And his ideas!”

“I’ll mention that to Ellen tonight at dinner!” Jodie threatened.

“Ellen is my girl,” Bill laughed. “Somehow I don’t see her agreeing to anything like THIS!”

“It’s a long, complicated story,” Kara said. “But Elyse and I have known Steve since High School. He met Jessica about six years ago. Actually, Elyse met him a couple of years before I did.”

“Wild,” Jodie said.

“Now that we have THAT out of the way, is there a way the kids could see a pasture? With horses or cows or sheep?”

“Sure,” Bill said. “We can do that. Just follow me.”

We followed him with Jodie tagging along and talking to Elyse and my wives, still trying to get her mind around our unique setup. Bill didn’t say anything, but several times he looked back at the girls, looked at me, and just shook his head. After a walk of about half-a-mile, with me carrying Stephie, and my wives alternating carrying the other little ones, we were standing by a post and rail fence.

“Those are dairy cattle,” Bill said. “We don’t raise cows for beef here.”

The kids were fascinated, and were again when we walked a short distance to a field that had sheep in it. After watching them for a bit, Bill led us back to a barn where the kids saw horses and chickens. A man in his late forties or early fifties walked into the barn.

“This is my dad, Bill Senior. Dad, these are Steve, Jessica, Kara, Elyse, and their kids.”

“Nice to meet you all!” he said. “Are the other dads outside?”

Bill laughed, “If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me!”

“Daddy,” Jodie said, “he’s the father of all the kids, by these three women plus one more!”

Bill Senior laughed, “We don’t get too many fundamentalist Mormons up this way! I ran into a bunch where I grew up in Idaho. And usually, they hide it amongst outsiders because of the government.”

“We’re not Mormon,” I said, smiling. “We just have unique relationships!”

“And you aren’t pulling my leg? Having fun with me?” he said looking directly at his son.

“No,” I said. “Your kids are telling the truth.”

“I suppose if you live long enough, you see everything! Well, I’m glad you stopped by, and I see my kids are taking care of you. I need to get back to work!”

“Thanks for your hospitality. Our ‘big city’ kids from Chicago don’t get too many chances to see the countryside.”

“You’re welcome! Enjoy what I assume is a family vacation!”

“It is. Thanks again!”

We shook hands, and he put his gloves back on and headed deeper into the barn. After another ten minutes, the kids had more or less had their fill, and we thanked Bill and Jodie, who walked us to our vehicles.

“We do have fresh eggs, if you’re interested,” Jodie offered.

“Absolutely!” I said. “Two dozen would be perfect!”

She went to get them, and I paid Bill what I thought was an outrageously low price, but without the middlemen, it was probably more than they’d get selling them to a distributor. Jodie was back a minute later with a box, which she handed to me.

“Come by again if you run out!” she said with a cute smile.

“Thanks!” I said.

I carefully put the eggs on the back seat between the two car seats, and then got into the car. Once everyone was buckled in, we headed back to the cabin.

“Don’t like farmer’s daughters?” Elyse teased. “I thought she was exactly your type!”

I chuckled, “Despite what Jesse said the other night, this is NOT a hunting trip! Not for animals OR for smoking hot, red-haired, green-eyed, athletic farmer’s daughters with small breasts!”

“You DID notice!” Elyse smirked.

“Well, of course I did! I’d have to be DEAD to not notice THAT, especially in a sundress!”

“We could go back, you know!” she teased.

“Daddy, she was pretty!” Birgit said from the back seat.

“Yes, Pumpkin she was!” I agreed.

“Do you want to kiss her like you kiss my mommies and Aunt Elyse and Abbie?”

Elyse laughed loudly, and spluttered, “Oh my gosh! She’s been around Jesse WAY too much!”

“She’s my daughter with Kara. Would you expect ANYTHING less?”

“No, I guess not,” Elyse said, wiping a tear from her eye from laughing so hard. “She is a lot like her mom! Especially with her desire for being naked!”

“Naked breakfast!” Birgit giggled.

“She’s going to be a handful when she hits puberty!”

“She already is!” I chuckled.

May 27, 1991, Iron Mountain, Michigan

“What’s the plan for today?” Jessica asked.

I looked up from the newspaper that I’d found delivered on the front porch earlier that morning.

“I think a walk in the woods,” I said. “Though minus the rifles that Jesse and Matthew were hoping we’d have with us.”

“Anything interesting in the paper?” Elyse asked. “I’d turn on CNN, but Kara might bury me in the woods on our walk if I did!”

Kara just smiled primly.

“Oh, just another plane crash, that’s all,” I said deadpan.

“Jesus! Where this time?”

“Thailand. Lauda Air Flight 004. It broke up in mid-air, killing 223 passengers and crew. Supposedly, the last transmission was about a problem with the thrust reverser on one engine deploying unexpectedly. I’m not an expert, but I think that would put the plane into an uncontrollable, turning dive due to unequal thrust and drag.”

“Now how do you know THAT?” Jessica asked.

“I read up on aerodynamics before I started skydiving. The principles are pretty straightforward. According to the pilots who flew the skydiving planes, flying is easy. Landing, on the other hand, takes a lot of practice and training. I actually sat at the controls of Patrick Shaughnessy’s Twin Beech for several minutes. He offered to teach me to fly, but I’ve never had the time. Not to mention that he’s based in Blue Ash, not far from Milford. And remember, I didn’t meet him until after Bethany’s accident.”

“So you slept with his daughter while you were helping Bethany recover?” Jessica asked.

“Yes, with Bethany’s full knowledge and permission.”

“And while we were dating?”

“Yes. Is there a problem?”

“No, I’m just putting the pieces in place in my mind. So much of what happened before we got engaged is a deep, dark mystery!”

“It’s all in Steve’s journals,” Kara said with an evil smile.

“I can’t go for the quid pro quo,” Jessica said. “Nobody can read my diary!”

“Afraid of what we’ll find out?” I asked.

“It’s just too personal, Tiger. I wrote a lot of things in there that I would never, ever want anyone else to read.”

“How bad could it be?” I asked. “You told me all your secrets!”

“It’s different. Don’t you write things in your journal you don’t want others to see?”

“I guess it doesn’t bother me,” I said. “Bethany read them all the way from when I started in eighth grade until she and I broke up. But I’d never ask to read your diary, because you want to keep it private.”

“Steve has pretty much always lived his life as an open book,” Elyse said. “And some of us have become very adept at reading not only the book, but between the lines!”

“One day I’m going to figure out how you discover all my secrets, Elyse Clarke!”

“Good luck with THAT,” she laughed. “Shall we get the kids dressed for our walk in the woods?”

“Yes. I need to get my compass and map from the glove box of the BMW. It’s too bad we don’t have one of those satellite positioning sets! That would make sure we never got lost.”

“Can civilians get those?” Jessica asked.

“It’s possible because Reagan made it available, but the receiver sets have always been pretty big, and weighed between twenty and sixty pounds. A couple of years ago, a company whose name I can’t remember announced a portable set, but it costs around $3000. Give it time, and as with other electronics, the price will come down. Eventually I suspect we’ll have them in our cars.”

“Just like your cellular telephone?” Kara asked.

“Exactly. The new models are coming down in price, and they’re quickly building out the system. In the next two years, all of our sales and support teams will carry them. They beat the heck out of pagers. The limiting factor is they don’t work everywhere. I checked when we got here, and there is no signal. I suspect that’s going to be true in Iron Mountain for quite some time!”

Once everyone was ready, we went out the back door and walked towards the back of the lot where the woods began. I had a topographical map, and had read up a bit on what the Swedes called ‘orienteering’ and did my best to keep track on the map of where we were. There were no trails, so I was careful to note the streams we encountered, as well as significant landmarks like small lakes.

“What are you doing, Dad?” Jesse asked as I made pencil marks on the map for the tenth time.

“Just making sure I know where we are and that we can find our way back to the cabin!”

“How does it work?” Matthew asked.

I squatted down and showed them the compass and the map, and explained how the compass worked.

“So it always points the same way?” Jesse asked.

“Yes. Always to the north.”

“North?” Matthew asked.

“You’ve seen the globe in my study? With the oceans and countries on it?”

“Yes.”

“North is the top. South is the bottom. West is left, and east is right, if you are facing north. On this map, you can see this little picture here with an arrow which shows which way is north. I look at that, and I look at the compass, and at the things we see, and I can find my way around.”

“Because there are no signs!” Jesse said.

“Exactly. In the city, we have signs that tell us where to go and what the street names are. And there are numbers on the buildings. Here, it’s just trees and streams and ponds. But even in the city, I sometimes need a map because I don’t know where a street is. The map shows me how to get there.”

“Mom One showed me a paper with all the stars on it. Does it work the same way?”

“Yes. She showed you a star map. But in space, there really isn’t a north or south. You find your way based on where things like the earth, the sun, the Moon, and specific stars are. But we can even use the stars to find north on earth! There’s a special star, Polaris, or the North Star, that tells us which way is north. But in space, it’s different, as I said.”

“How do astronauts find their way?” Jesse asked.

“Kind of like you would on a boat. Out on the ocean, you use something called a sextant and a clock, and then you can look up in a book where you are. It’s a bit more complicated, but if you know where the Sun or the North Star is, and what time it is, and you have the right book, you can figure it out.”

“Wow! That’s cool!”

“By the time you’re an adult, I bet you will have a little computer that can tell you exactly where you are!”

“Like my Game Boy?”

“About that size, yes. Just as I have that telephone I carry with me that works by radio.”

“If we’re done with the science lesson, we could keep walking?” Jessica requested. “The girls are getting impatient.”

“Dumb girls,” Jesse said.

“Jesse Stephen!” I said firmly. “I warned you about that once already. A third time, and I’ll take away your Game Boy and Nintendo for a week when we get home!”