So on our walk over to the apartment to make sure it’s properly staged for tomorrow’s open house, Curt and I stop at the Blue Coyote Café, just for a little snack, and he has his Coke and I’ve got my tea, and we’re sharing a bowl of nuts. The nuts seem to go really fast. Curt does love his nuts, and pretty soon there’s only one left.

I have the last one in my hand but then I put it back in the bowl. “Help yourself,” I tell him.

“You’re sure?” he says. “You know I wouldn’t want to deprive you.”

“I’m sure,” I tell him. “I don’t mind being depraved. And besides, I couldn’t get it open.”

“Aha!” he says.

It takes him a while, but he opens the shell. He looks at me. “If you know what you’re doing, it pops right out,” he says. Then he presents me with the nut.

“You’re sure?” I ask.

“I’m sure,” he says.

“Okay then.” I eat the nut. “Delicious,” I tell him. “Best nut ever.”

“I’m glad you liked it,” he says.

So we get to the apartment. It looks nice. Clean. “Would it be homier if there were, say, a bowl of nuts set out?” I ask Curt.

He laughs.

“You know,” I tell him, “back at the Coyote I lied.”

“Huh?” he goes. “Lied about what?”

“The nut,” I tell him. “The last nut. It was good, but it wasn’t the best nut ever.”

“No?”

“No.” I reach down. “These are the best nuts ever.”

I give a gentle squeeze. “Of course, being two of them, it might take some testing to determine which one is truly the best.”

“And what might that involve?” he asks.

A button. A zipper. And he pops right out. The test is extensive and thorough.

“That was fun,” I tell him.

Curt makes this adorable moan.

“You know,” I go, “when I was little, I thought penis and peanut were the same thing. But not anymore.”

“Good to know,” he says. Then he does the nicest thing. He kisses away the puddle of seed splurch that somehow made its way from my mouth to my breast.

“Time to check out the bedroom,” I tell him.