Chapter 34: ... And Nothing But The Truth

February 11, 1989, Chicago, Illinois

Our drive from Syracuse to Chicago was mostly uneventful. There was some construction on the Ohio Turnpike that slowed us down, but otherwise, we listened to music, mostly alternative rock, and talked. The bulk of the conversation had been about my history with my sister, how it had started, what I thought had happened and why, and how it had progressed. I knew Jessica was extremely uncomfortable with the situation, but she'd agreed that we could work through it. When we pulled into the driveway, she knew as much about things between me and Stephanie as Bethany did, which was to say more than anyone except Stephanie and me.

"Ready for this?" I asked.

"Yes. I knew I'd have to face everyone. It'll be OK."

"Actually, I wasn't worried about that. Nobody will say a word and they'll greet you with open arms. I meant ready to restart our relationship with Kara."

"Yes. You and I have a long way to go, but I'm afraid the three of us have a longer way to go."

"That's what concerns me, too," I said.

We got out of the car and I got our bags from the trunk. We walked across the backyard and then went into the house.

"Chess!" Jesse squealed and came running towards us.

He'd called her that since he'd started talking, and had never corrected it to 'Jess', despite the fact that he could say his own name just fine.

"Hi, Jesse," she laughed, scooping him up. "I missed you!"

"You were gone! Why?" he asked.

"I was sick, but now I'm better!"

"Good!" he said. "Hi, Dada!"

"Hi, Jesse. How's my big boy?"

"Good! Can I stay up?"

I chuckled, "That's up to Mama One and Mama Two, not me!"

He frowned, "Why?"

"Because they decide when you go to bed!"

Everyone else in the house had come over to us by this time, and was greeting Jessica with hugs and kisses. Even Jorge, who was usually VERY correct towards my wives, got a quick peck on the lips. He smiled sheepishly at me and shrugged. I just laughed. Kara was the last to greet Jessica, and they just held each other for a couple of minutes, with Jesse and Birgit in their arms.

"How about we let Jessica sit down," I suggested.

"Dada!" Birgit exclaimed happily as Kara handed her to me.

Jessica handed Jesse to Josie, and Kara and Jess walked arm-in-arm to the couch in the great room and sat down. I sat next to Jessica, and Elyse sat next to me, and Jennifer sat next to Kara.

"How are you, Jessica?" Elyse asked.

"I'm good. Steve kind of wore me out yesterday and today."

All the girls laughed and Jorge just rolled his eyes.

"I meant by talking!" Jessica said, pausing for a beat. "But we did do the other thing three times last night and once again this morning!"

The girls laughed again and Jorge just winked at me.

"Only four?" Kara teased. "Snuggle Bear, are you feeling OK?"

"I guess old age is catching up to him," Jorge deadpanned, causing everyone to laugh.

"That's what I wanted, Kara," Jessica said. "He was ready for as much as I needed."

"That's our Steve," Jennifer laughed. "Laser-focused on the girl's needs."

"As it SHOULD BE!" Leila laughed. "It's good to have you home, Jessica!"

"It's good to be home, surrounded by people who love me."

"Do you need some food or a drink?" Elyse asked.

"No, I'm fine," Jessica said. "What I could use is some time in the sauna. Just me and Kara and Steve, if you all don't mind."

"We don't," Elyse said.

"I'll take Birgit!" Alejandra said quickly.

I chuckled and got up and walked over to where she was sitting and handed over Birgit, who cooed happily. She loved all the attention she got from the women in the house, and the fact was, she was quickly wrapping all the men and boys around her little fingers!

"I'll take your things upstairs," Elyse said. "Give your son a kiss so I can put him down."

I went to where Matthew was sitting on the floor playing with blocks, picked him up, gave him a kiss on the forehead, and handed him to Elyse. Jessica, Kara, and I said goodnight to everyone and then went to the basement. I saw Katy's door was shut and decided to knock. She called out for me to come in.

"Hey!" I exclaimed. "Why weren't you upstairs with the rest of the gang?"

"I don't really belong here," she said.

"Yes, you do! Now, come say 'Hi' to Jessica, and start acting like a member of the family!"

"Yes, Dad," Katy giggled.

She and Jessica exchanged a hug, and then Katy headed up the stairs while I turned on the sauna and my wives and I got undressed. Ten minutes later, we were watching steam waft from the heated stones.

"Now we start over," I said. "Kara, will you marry us?"

"Yes, of course!" she said happily. "I guess you asked Jess that question yesterday?"

"I did. She said 'yes'. As I told her yesterday, that was the hard part. The rest is just talking it through. But first, I have a confession to make to you."

"To me?" Kara asked. "About what?"

"When I went to Ohio back in December, I spent the night with Becky."

There was dead silence in the sauna, save for the steam hissing from the rocks. I could see that Jessica was holding her breath, just as I was, waiting for Kara's response. Kara's face clouded, and a tear formed in her eye and dripped down her cheek. I took a tentative breath.

"I'm sorry, Kara," I said quietly. "I know I hurt you by doing that. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

"Why her? Why that girl?" Kara asked, weeping.

"I have no defense," I said.

"Why tell me? Why not just let it be in the past?" she wept.

"Because we're telling the truth. All of it. Jessica knows what happened while I was gone. And she knows about me and Stephanie."

Kara gasped and stared at me, eyes wide and full of tears.

"It's true, Kara," Jessica said gently. "He said he'd tell me the whole truth, and I asked."

"But how?" she whispered.

"There were enough clues," I said. "And she picked up on them. She wasn't sure, but she asked me and I told her the truth."

"Now what?" Kara asked.

"We start over. The three of us. Jessica has some things to tell you, too."

Jessica repeated to Kara what she'd said to me during our drive, while Kara sat mute and dumbfounded at all the revelations, from mine about Becky to Jessica's about everything from her alcoholism to the accident. When Jessica finished, we'd been in the sauna for a long time, so I got up, adjusted the temperature and filled the whirlpool. The three of us got in and snuggled together in a very tight fit.

"This is all so overwhelming," Kara sighed. "I, I, don't even know what to say."

"That you still love us and want to be with us," I said.

"I do," Kara said softly. "But it's hard."

"Yes, it is," I agreed. "And it might be even more difficult than we imagine. But now that everything is in the open, we have no secrets between us."

Except the one I simply could not tell. But I didn't see how I could say anything about that, nor did I think it really mattered to our relationship. Well, at least as long as I stayed out of trouble with the law.

"Why?" Kara asked again.

"Why Becky? It's a long story and maybe it will make sense. Maybe it won't. I'm not trying to justify myself here, just explain why."

I spend ten minutes talking through it, with Kara weeping the entire time. I'd hurt her badly, but I had to get it off my chest and tell her my motivations. That was the only way I was going to protect myself from grave mistakes in the future — ensuring that I and both of my wives knew how my mind worked, and why I did the things I did.

"I still don't understand how you could do it," Kara said when I finished. "You had to know how much it would hurt me."

"I'm sorry, Kara. At this point, that's all I can say."

"How can I ever trust you? That's twice now that you went to her when you were with me. I told you I'd never forgive you if you did it again. And yet you still did it!"

I took a deep breath and let it out, "I know."

"You know that I'd be justified in leaving you right now and never speaking to you again?"

"I know. But I had to tell you the truth. And then pick up the pieces afterwards."

"But how can I ever trust you?"

"I don't know," I said. "All I can ask you both is to start over. Today. Now. With everything on the table."

"Will you at least try, Kara?" Jessica asked softly. "Steve and I both failed you miserably. And we failed ourselves as well. And each other."

Jessica was right. Kara really was the innocent party here. And when I thought about it, she'd always been the innocent party. Even when she walked out on me, it was really my fault for not doing a better job of protecting her. For not being the man she needed me to be. That had been true with Becky the first time and Becky the second time. And true with the incidents with Joyce. And with what had happened with Jessica. My actions had led to these problems.

I recalled Sensei Jim's admonition that all parties had some amount of fault, and I was sure there was something that Kara had done wrong, but I couldn't put my finger on it, and truthfully, I didn't even want to try. I didn't want to do a single thing to take away my faults and my flaws. In the end, I'd blown it. Big time. And now I had to hope that we could put the pieces back together.

"Yes, I'll try," Kara said slowly. "Because I love you two and Birgit more than anything in the world."

February 12, 1989, Chicago, Illinois

Jessica, Kara, and I were snuggled in bed on Sunday morning, with Birgit snoozing on my chest.

"One thing we didn't talk about was your plans, Jess," I said.

"Doctor Barton arranged for interviews for later this week for me at the two clinics. I have his recommendation, so I should get at least one offer. I have to meet with him, the hospital administrator, and the dean of the medical school, about the reinstatement process. That meeting is on Friday. The interviews are Wednesday and Thursday. I have to call the counselors tomorrow as well. When can we do the couples' counseling?"

"Try for Monday, Wednesday, or Friday evenings," I said. "Those are the nights I'll have off from the dojo once Sensei Jim leaves. Would that work OK, Kara?"

"Sure," she agreed. "Any evening is fine."

"Do we need to set some new ground rules?" I asked.

"Remember, we said no conditions," Jessica said. "Though the STD issue really does need to be taken into account."

"That one I've been adhering to of my own volition," I said. "I was tested at the end of December."

"Good. We'll figure it out as we go along, Tiger."

"Jess, right now, I'm self-limiting. Even though you gave me permission to be with Kimmy if I needed to, she's not expecting it and she won't even ask about it unless I say something."

"You gave permission for him to be with Kimmy?" Kara asked, surprised.

"Yes. If he needs to. I told him no conditions, so really, he didn't need permission, but I understand why he asked."

"Elyse has a condition that I AM sticking to," I said. "And that's to talk to her before I'm with any new girl. And that I agree to abide by her decision on it. But again, right now, I have zero desire to be with anyone other than the two of you."

"What about Elyse?"

"OK, the three of you. But that's it."

"Kara," Jessica said, "would you make love with me? Please?"

"Yes," Kara whispered. "I'd like that."

"Let me get out of bed," I said. "Do you want me to leave the bedroom?"

"No, you need to stay, Tiger," she said.

I pushed down the duvet and scooted out of bed, trying to avoid waking Birgit. I carefully laid her in her crib and put on my robe. I sat on the loveseat and watched as my wives moved together and began making love to each other. I was always amazed at how soft and gentle they were with each other, and yet both had tremendous orgasms, both from fingers and mouths. When they finished, they cuddled close together and held each other.

About fifteen minutes later, they got out of bed and the three of us went to the shower. We got in together and each of us took turns being washed by the other two. After we were all clean, we dried off and dressed. I picked up Birgit and the four of us went to the kitchen to have breakfast.

"Hey, Squirt," I said, seeing her in the kitchen.

"Hey, Big Brother, how are things?"

"Good. I need a minute, though. Can you come to my study?"

She nodded, and we walked to the study and I shut the door behind us.

"I told Jessica about us," I said.

"You what?!" my sister gasped, recoiling in shock.

"No more lies. No more secrets. Jessica knows, and she's still here. It's not something to talk about openly, but I want you to know that she knows. She might come talk to you at some point, and that's OK with me. Obviously, you have to decide what you tell her, but nothing is hidden about you and me. Nothing."

"Wow! I don't even know what to say."

"I have one more confession," I said, knowing that ultimately this would be more difficult.

"I don't like the sound of that," my sister said warily.

"You shouldn't. Back in December, when I was in Ohio, I spent the night with Becky."

I stood still, with my hands and arms at my sides, for what I knew was coming — a hard slap across the face that was well deserved. It stung, and I didn't move my hand to rub my face, I simply let the pain flow through me unimpeded.

"You fucking asshole!" she growled. "Jennifer is going to KILL you. And what is Kara going to say?"

"They both know," I said. "I told Jennifer about three weeks ago. I told Kara last night."

"And you're still alive?! And have your balls?! And Kara is still with you?! How is that even possible?!"

"No more lies, Squirt. That's how it has to be. Whatever the consequences, I'll deal with them. Jennifer and I talked it out. Kara, Jessica, and I are working through it."

"You are the luckiest dumb boy in the long and storied history of dumb boys."

"I am. I have so many friends who love me. I have two loving wives. I have three loving children. And I have a sister who I love more than she could possibly know."

"Oh, I know," she giggled. "That love is seared into my memory."

"I have another thing to tell you," I said.

"What?" she sighed.

"Your big lug of a Puerto Rican knows about us."

"Bullshit!" she blurted. "Wait! Did you tell him?"

"Hell no! But last Saturday when we talked, he said that he could never be number one in your heart because someone else was. And it was damned clear he knew it was me."

"Jesus," she breathed. "This is fucked up, Big Brother."

"Tell me about it. We're not quite as smart as we thought we were."

"It's a good thing it's over, or we could really get into a world of trouble."

"We still have the memories, Squirt. And those will always be there. Always."

"I'm sorry I hit you," she said, putting her arms around me.

I pulled her to me, "I deserved it. Just as I did the first time. My stupidity with Becky earned me both slaps."

"Very true. But, as dumb as you are, I still love you."

"And I love you, too," I said.

We hugged and went back to the kitchen to have breakfast.

February 13, 1989, Chicago, Illinois

"How did things go over the weekend?" Kimmy asked when I walked into the office.

"Everything is fine, as far as it goes. Jess is back home, and that's what matters."

"You seem very happy. I'm glad!"

"Thanks. Did you come in early to see me?"

She smiled, "Yes. I was on pins and needles all weekend. I want you to be happy and I'm glad you are!"

"Thanks. Is Keri starting today or next Monday?"

"Next Monday. They gave her hours this week because they need to find someone to replace her."