Chapter 30: Kimmy Bradford

February 4, 1989, Chicago, Illinois

All through breakfast and karate, I thought about my conversation with Jorge. It seemed that he had identified the core issue underlying the problems Jessica and I were having. I thought through the events from the time I received that fateful call about Bethany's accident, to August, when I'd proposed. I'd need to talk to Kara before I talked to Jessica, but I had all day Sunday to do that.

I was going to see Kimmy later in the day. Kimmy, who had provided the simple, caring, loving support that I'd needed for the past two months. Kimmy, who simply wanted to make me happy and meet whatever needs I had with no demands of her own. We'd said that we'd talk about our relationship, and I wondered what that conversation might reveal. But first I had to finish my lunch with Kara.

"How long is the party?" I asked.

"Noon to 5:00pm. Elyse will watch Birgit for me while I'm studying with my group and doing homework afterwards."

"I want to spend some time talking to you tomorrow afternoon," I said.

"About Jess?" she asked.

I smiled, "Exactly. I had an interesting conversation with Jorge this morning that shed some light on it. But we'll talk tomorrow because your study group will be here soon and I need to go to Kimmy's."

"Are you meeting Jolene tomorrow morning?"

"No. We agreed that we'll reserve Sundays for the seminars twice a month — once at UofC and once at IIT. I talked to both schools and we can reserve lecture rooms at both campuses. Doctor Bauer is sponsoring the group at IIT and Doctor Lambert is sponsoring the one at UofC. Faculty sponsors make it MUCH easier."

"When do you start?"

"In April. I figured that for the rest of February and March, I'd like to have my Sundays wide open."

"When does Sensei Jim leave?"

"March 7th. And he's not back until mid-September. I don't know the exact date because he doesn't know it yet."

"Are you going to have any time off?"

"Yes. Because I'm teaching the lunchtime and afterschool classes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, Jolene is going to teach those nights. I plan to skip those most of the time so I can spend time with you guys, plus work a bit later to make up for the time I'm missing during the day."

"That sounds good. Go have fun with Kimmy! I'll see you when you get home whenever that is!"

"She'd keep me for the night, if she could!" I said.

"You have permission. After all, she should get that at least once before it's over."

"I'll play that by ear. I'll call if I decide to do that. I'm not sure yet if that would be a good idea or not."

"OK, Snuggle Bear. Now, kiss me so I can get the tea and cookies set for the 'Chemistry Mafia'!"

We kissed softly, and I bundled up for the walk to Kimmy's apartment. The temperature had nearly doubled since Jorge and I had shivered our way to the car. It was now a whopping 9°F, up from 5°F, when we'd gone to breakfast. It was snowing again, as it had been intermittently all morning. The forecast high for the day was only 10°F, so there wasn't any relief in sight.

When I arrived at Kimmy's, she buzzed me into the building. Just inside the doorway, I stomped my feet and took off my «ушанка» to get the light dusting of snow from my boots and hat. I unzipped my heavy Winter coat and walked up the stairs to Kimmy's door, which was open a crack. I went inside and shut the door behind me. Kimmy greeted me with a tight hug, then took my coat, hat, gloves, and scarf and put them in the coat closet. I kicked off my shoes and then the two of us went to sit on the couch.

"What's the plan for the day?" I asked.

"How long can you really stay?"

"As I told you, as long as you want me to."

"I planned dinner for 6:00pm. And I rented Casual Sex? at the video store. It's supposed to be funny, and about sex from a girl's point of view."

"Sounds like a 'chick flick'," I groaned. "But for you? I'll watch!"

Kimmy giggled, "It's rated 'R' so you probably get to see Lea Thompson or Victoria Jackson in the buff! Quit complaining!"

"I'd rather see you," I said, sincerely.

"Oh, that's sweet! Right now?"

I nodded and in a flash Kimmy was standing naked in front of me and I drank in her sexy beauty. There was only one thing to do, and that was to get my clothes off, which I did.

"Because you can stay, let's cuddle and watch the movie," she said. "Or we can go to bed. Your choice."

"Cuddling works for me," I said. "And I do want to have that talk we discussed."

"Yes, of course. After dinner, OK?"

"Sure," I said.

Kimmy started the movie, and then we lay down on the couch. I pulled the light quilt over us and put my arm around her, cupping her small breast. She squirmed a bit, pushing her body tightly back to mine with a deep sigh.

"It was the early eighties, and sex was still a good way to meet new people," Lea Thompson narrated.

"AIDS," I said. "That sort of put a serious damper on 'casual sex'."

"It's kind of scary; I'm glad we were tested."

"Me, too," I agreed.

The movie wasn't too bad, and there were some funny parts, but also some very poignant commentary that really hit home.

"That happened to some friends of mine from High School," I said.

"They have AIDS?" Kimmy asked.

"The guy does. The girl is HIV positive, but doesn't have any symptoms."

"Now THAT is frightening!" she said. "Were you ever with her?"

"Yes, though it was long before that happened. In fact, it was before AIDS was even in the heterosexual community in any serious way. Dumb luck, really. Now I'm careful."

"Which is why we were tested. Shouldn't we have done that first?"

"Yes, but you know I wasn't thinking straight."

When the movie was finished, Kimmy turned to face me, her small breasts pressing against my chest.

"Have you ever done that? Had great sex without knowing someone's name?"

"No. I have had sex with people I didn't know very long, but never casually like that. I need to at least have some connection with the person. I'm guessing you never have."

"No. I've only been with two people. You and the music teacher. I never quite got that far with my jerk of a boyfriend. I actually never got to do that thing that Lea Thompson's character said that she missed — falling asleep in someone's arms."

"Maybe we can do something about that," I said gently.

"I don't want to sleep! I want you to make love to me!"

"I could stay the night, if you wanted."

"Seriously? And I could fall asleep in your arms? And have you hold me all night? Oh, God, yes! Yes! That will make it so perfect!"

"Did you want to make love now?" I asked.

"Yes, and then I bought some candles and some incense, and some bubble bath. Could we take a bath together? The tub isn't huge, but we'll fit!"

"I'd love it!" I said.

Just as we got up from the couch, the phone rang. Kimmy never answered it while I was at her place, always letting it go to the machine. We went to Kimmy's bed and made love slowly and passionately, and when we finished, we got up and went to the bathroom. She lit the candles and incense, while I drew the bath and added lavender bubble bath. Kimmy turned off the overhead light, and we climbed into the tub. It was a tight fit, though she was small, and I was in good shape, so it wasn't bad.

"This is very nice," she sighed as she leaned back against me.

"It is," I agreed, squeezing her in my arms.

"It would be nice to use your sauna sometime," she said.

"That might give away our little secret," I said. "I have to consider how it looks if I'm naked in the sauna with people who work for me."

"But you don't have that rule for your close friends, do you?"

"No. But our friendship isn't public, either. This is the problem with a secret affair."

"It's not a secret from Elyse or Kara."

"True, but still."

Kimmy sighed, "I suppose that's all true."

"Should we just talk now?" I asked.

"Sure."

"You said that having a good lover was a nice bonus, and I wondered if that's what I was."

"There's no question about you being a good lover! What I meant about the bonus was that it was above and beyond the simple life that I like to live. A serious boyfriend, or a husband, would complicate things. I do want those, but for right now, this is exactly what I want and need. You make me feel very, very good, you treat me very well, and you don't make any demands on me. I get to be with you, take care of you, and make you feel very, very good. Simple and perfect. No complications."

"That does make sense. I know this might be a dangerous question, but I'm going to ask it, anyway. How do you feel about me?"

She giggled nervously, "The truth?"

"That's always the best."

"I'm madly, deeply, hopelessly in love with you. But I can't have you; I know that. And you know what? That's good. I'm not ready for that at this point. And I don't have to worry about you wanting something from me I'm not ready to give. I can give you my body willingly, but I can't give you my heart. I can't give it to anyone just yet."

"I'm a bit confused by that," I said. "Didn't you just say you were in love with me?"

"Yes, but this is different. It's, well, I guess 'safe' is the right word. I was ready to give my heart to the music teacher. Actually, I did. And he broke it into a million pieces. I'm afraid that will happen again. But not with you. I came into the relationship with my eyes wide open. Not like I did with him."

"You didn't say, but you implied, that he was single. Is that true?"

"Yes. He wasn't married and didn't have a girlfriend. He was perfect in every way. About ten years older, handsome, a gentle lover who made me feel very good from the first time to the last. He was kind, considerate, and sweet. And then he left me the day before I turned sixteen. I guess he was afraid of being fired and maybe going to jail. But we could have worked it out. I hated him for a long time."

"Do you still hate him?" I asked.

"I don't know. I suppose that I do. He hurt me so badly."

"And your boyfriend after him?"

"He lied to me so many times. The final straw was when I found out he was seeing another girl at the same time as me, even though he swore that he wasn't. I dumped him. And I'm glad that he and I never made love."

"And me?"

"I fell for you the first time I saw you. I knew you were married, but I started to pick up hints that you were unconventional, and later those were confirmed. I told myself that you were the perfect lover to have — someone who could provide what I needed, but who wouldn't ask me for something I couldn't give. Not yet, anyway. Can I ask you the same set of questions?"

"Sure. I love you Kimmy, but it's not what people usually mean by that. It's deeper than that. I always thought you were cute, and I very much enjoyed watching you walk around the office, but you were off limits because you worked for me."

She wiggled her butt a bit, and giggled, "And you REALLY like my ass now!"

"I enjoy all of you," I said. "But it's more than sex. It's the closeness and the emotional bond. You provided me with exactly what I needed when things went to Hell with Jessica. Someone who just wanted to take care of me, and who wasn't needy, or demanding, or directly involved in my life. I rediscovered the value of simplicity."

"Rediscovered?"

"Three times in my life now, this kind of thing has happened. Once when I was a Senior in High School. My life was in chaos and turmoil, and a very close friend became a regular lover. She did pretty much what you're doing, helping me stay on an even keel. A couple of years later, after another series of blowups, another girl took on that role as an uncomplicated lover. Now, it's you. You came along exactly when I needed you and provided exactly what I needed."

"And once Jessica comes home, it has to end?"

"I believe so," I said. "One of her rules was that I couldn't have long-term relationships like this one."

"So, you could, like, have sex with a girl once or twice, and that was it?"

I chuckled and moved my hand so I could slip my finger between Kimmy's legs.

"You know once isn't enough for me!"

"Sorry, be with her once or twice!" she giggled.

"Yes, that's right. And mostly I've self-enforced that while Jessica has been gone. Mostly."

"Why did you make an exception for me?"

"Because I needed you," I said. "And Kara agreed with that analysis, just as Elyse did. You've done wonders for me, and I'll always be grateful."

"It's not like I'm leaving or you're leaving," Kimmy said. "I can still do things for you. I just can't have sex with you."

"And that's fulfilling?" I asked.

"Believe it or not, yes. And if Jessica were to allow it, maybe you could come to me every once in a while, when you needed comforting. If not, I'd understand. But I like doing that for you. When we get out of the tub, I want to make love to you my way."

"I'd like that," I said.

We stayed in the tub until the water cooled, then rinsed off with the shower. We dried ourselves, and Kimmy led me to her bed and I watched as she climbed on top of me and made love to me for nearly thirty minutes. After we both came, she lay down on top of me and I held her tightly to me. I was going to miss what we had; a lot.

We finally got out of bed and put on robes. Kimmy had bought a plush, black, ankle-length robe for me to wear when I was at her place, and she wore a similar one that was light blue. We went to the kitchen, and I sat at the table and watched as she began to make dinner. She'd just put the penne noodles into the pot to boil when the door buzzer rang.

"I don't usually get visitors," she said. "OK to check?"

"Sure."

She went over to the intercom and pressed the button, "Hello?"

"Kimmy! Hi! It's Keri! You didn't answer your phone. Buzz me up!"

Kimmy turned to me with a look of concern. I shared that concern.

"She doesn't know about us?" I asked.

"No way!" Kimmy said. "What do I do? If I send her away, she's going to be suspicious and maybe even hurt. I've never, ever sent her away!"