Chapter 18: Personal Growth

January 2, 1989, Chicago, Illinois

After a New Year's Day with our friends, Kara, Elyse, Leila, Alejandra, Jennifer, Josie, and I decided to go see Dangerous Liaisons on our day off work. I took a good deal of ribbing from the girls about being like Vicomte de Valmont, played by John Malkovich, though I pointed out that I, unlike him, did not simply 'rob' women of their virtue and move on.

"No, they give it to you willingly," Jennifer smirked.

"And does that make you the Marquise de Merteuil?" I asked, referring to the character played by Glenn Close.

"Backstabbing? «Moi»?" she laughed.

"Ah, but does that make Fawn Madame de Tourvel?" Kara giggled, referring to Michelle Pfeiffer's character.

"Maybe seeing this movie with six women wasn't the best idea I've had," I chuckled.

"Did Madame de Rosemonde's comment about men being unable to devote themselves to only one person cut a little too close to home?" Josie asked.

"Only if you see that as a problem," I replied. "I obviously don't! And neither do my wives!"

"The best line was the one by Marquise de Merteuil," Jennifer said. "Like most intellectuals, he's intensely stupid."

The girls all laughed.

"SO true!" Leila said. "I find men who think they are very smart are too often the dumbest around! Present company excluded, of course."

"Of course," I agreed.

"Steve is pretty smart," Alejandra said, then paused for effect. "Smart enough to know that the women are always in charge!"

The girls all laughed.

"I learned that lesson a LONG time ago!" I chuckled. "But then again, the Marquise de Merteuil did have a comment on THAT: 'One of the reasons I never re-married, despite a bewildering range of offers, was the determination NEVER AGAIN to be ordered about.'"

"But you LIKE being ordered about," Kara giggled. "Steve, kiss me! Steve, stick your tongue in me! Steve, fuck me!"

All the girls laughed.

"I'll pass," Jennifer deadpanned.

The girls laughed harder.

"Says the woman who, of everyone here, was first to have sex with me!"

"Everyone is entitled to a mistake," Jennifer smirked.

"I'll be sure to inform Jesse of your opinion when we get home," I teased.

"I guess I didn't think that one through, did I?" Jennifer laughed.

"No, you didn't!" I chuckled.

January 3, 1989, Chicago, Illinois

I had run with Jacquelyn, and had breakfast with Kara before coming into the office.

"Good morning, Kimmy," I said when I walked in.

"Good morning! Thanks for inviting me to the party! I had a great time hanging out with Tasha, Penny, and their boyfriends. I wish we could use the sauna!"

"Being able to use it together would be a bit tricky."

"Oh, I understand! Lunch one day?"

"Today would work," I said. "And I'll see you on Saturday."

She beamed, and I walked into the main office and then to the office I shared with Penny. Jeri came in a few minutes later and said that Dave and Julia wanted to talk to us before the staff meeting. We went to Julia's office.

"Are we ready to demonstrate the new software?" Julia asked.

"I think we're close," I said. "We head out there in two weeks, and really, we just have some tweaks to do, and then fix anything that Jack, Cassie, or Ralph find that's not working. This isn't a complete replacement for the DOS client as yet, but it'll work to demonstrate the system. It could even be used in a limited fashion."

"That's right," Jeri said. "None of the maintenance screens are done, nor are any of the secondary screens, but all the primary ones are finished and we've implemented about 80% of their functionality. I need to sit with Jack and get some basic documentation completed."

"Do you plan to leave this with them to play with?" Julia asked.

"That's what I think we should do," Dave said. "We'll lend them two Windows licenses and install the code on two machines so they can test."

"I'm curious," Julia said. "Could this work with a Mac?"

"Potentially," I answered. "It would require a complete rewrite of the front-end, but the concepts apply. As much as I like Macs, I don't think it makes sense. I haven't seen too many Macs at law firms or in doctor's offices. Check with Zeke, Ralph, and Andy, but I think they'll tell you the same thing."

"Not to mention our constant resource challenges!" Dave added. "The consulting business is really taking off, and so is Novell support. Once we finalize the sale of the logistics software and the other stuff with it, we'll be focusing on Cindi's expansion plans and expanding the consulting business. Mac stuff will have to take a serious backseat, except for the odd consulting project."

"I agree," I said. "Microsoft is winning in the business market. And that's where our money is."

"When are you going up to Milwaukee?" Dave asked.

"Probably Monday of next week. I managed to put Chris off until then. But I have another, more important question. What do I do with Dante?"

"Dante?" Dave asked.

"He left a message for me while I was in Michigan or Maine or wherever, and asked me to call today, because he was out last week."

"We offer him exactly what we discussed," Dave said. "No special deals for him. And I'm serious about the recertification. We don't want to walk in blind and find out that everything is screwed up."

"OK. I'll call him after the staff meeting. Anything else?"

"No," Dave said. "Your tickets for California will be delivered on Friday. Cindi and I will call Ben Jackson and reconfirm today, so we can change the tickets if we need to."

"Sounds like a plan," I said.

Jeri looked nervous, but that was par for the course. I knew Dave was going to sit down and talk with her at some point before we left to give her a pep talk. He was convinced that she'd be fine. I wasn't so sure.

After the staff meeting, which was largely routine, I dialed Dante's number and was put right through by his secretary.

"Did you have a good holiday?" he asked.

"I did. And you?"

"We were in Italy last week. It was great! I got a tour of the Ferrari factory!"

Him and his Ferraris.

"I bet that was fun!" I said. "What can I do for you?"

"Let's go to dinner and talk," he said.

"Sure. Name the time and place, though tonight isn't good."

I couldn't skip teaching karate on short notice, especially not for Dante.

"I'm pretty busy this week trying to catch up. What about Saturday evening at Shaw's? Take a limo or cab so we can drink. I'll cover it."

I chuckled, "What time?"

"I'll make reservations for 7:00pm. See you then."

After we hung up, I went to tell Dave that Dante wanted to have dinner, and that I'd keep him posted. Dante had sounded pleasant enough, but I'd seen that behavior before, only to have him go into full-on 'jerk mode' at the drop of a hat.

"Dante again?" Penny asked.

"Yes. We'll see what happens. How did things go on Sunday?"

"OK. Tasha and Zeke helped Terry and me move my things. My mom was pretty sad, but she'll get over it."

"If you want a 'problem mom' you can have mine! Yours is a dream compared to what I had to put up with!"

"She's still upset about the baby."

"I'm sure you can understand why, too. Just cut her some slack. She'll be a doting grandmother. You can count on it. Did you tell your dad?"

"No. I don't even talk to him at this point. Bart's more like a dad to me than my real dad."

"You should let him know, Penny. It's just common courtesy."

"You can be a real pain in the ass, you know that?" she groused.

"I've had plenty of girls give me the exact same treatment! Not to mention Dave chewing me out a few times. Are you settled at Terry's place?"

"Yeah. It's cool to just be able to go to bed with him at night without having to worry about going home or what my mom will think."

"Just keep up your studies. I assume you're working full-time until school starts?"

"Yes. We can use the extra money for baby stuff!" she smiled.

"They are expensive, that's for sure! If you guys need any help, just let me know."

"Not yet, but when the baby is born, we do want to be able to leave her with Veronica when I'm working or in school."

"That's all set. Kara and Jennifer talked to Veronica. The more the merrier! They'll let you know what your share is."

"Cool! Now I guess we need to get to work."

"That we do," I agreed.

Jeri was working with Jack, so I decided to get started on some conversion work that had been languishing for a few weeks. I made pretty good progress before Jolene called.

"Lunch tomorrow?" she asked.

"Sure. Did you start your new job today?"

"I did," she said.

"Good. Then you're buying!" I chuckled.

"I guess chivalry is dead," she teased.

"Not at all. I'll hold the door, pull out your chair, be polite, all that kind of stuff. You're still paying!"

"See you tomorrow at 11:45am at that diner across from the hospital."

"You got it!" I said.

I had a nice lunch with Kimmy, which included a passionate lovemaking session, and spent the afternoon working on the conversion project. That evening, after dinner, we went to karate as usual and I was surprised to see Sensei Jim at the dojo.

"Are you free for lunch on Sunday?" he asked. "That's when our next ISKC meeting is being held. I meant to tell you about it before Christmas, but with all the stuff going on with Jessica, I wanted to wait, and then it slipped my mind."

"I think that will work. I'll check with Kara, but it shouldn't be an issue. Where?"

"We meet at Lou Malnati's. Do you know where that is?"

"Sure. Just north of the Loop on Wells."

"11:30am on Sunday."

"I'll be there!"

January 4, 1989, Chicago, Illinois

Jolene and I were eating our burgers at the diner across from the hospital that Alex had called a 'greasy spoon'.

"It's your dime," I said.

"Phone calls have not cost a dime at a payphone in YEARS," she laughed.

"Fine, it's your quarter!"

"First, I'm curious why the fast song for our one dance?"

"Because you're still trying to decide what to do. But it's also true that things have changed a bit on my side."

"Jessica?"

"Yes. And our agreement, hers and mine that is, was no long-term relationships. I can be your close friend and VERY occasional lover, though even that might be limited. Not the friendship part, but at what point it becomes 'too much', so to speak. I don't know how that impacts your decision or your thinking, but you need to know that."

"To be completely honest, I think the whole thing sucks because I missed my chance because you basically ignored my overtures when Stephie moved away. Believe it or not, that annoys me more than you sleeping with my daughter."

"I don't know what to say, except that it was way more complicated than you realize. You don't know about Bethany, Karin, Sofia, or Anala, all of whom were part of my life then. Bethany and I had been working towards marriage for years, even though we didn't completely understand what was going on between us. Eventually, we realized that we might belong together. It turned out not to be the case, but what I'm trying to say is that it was really complicated.

"I figured out a few years before I got married that monogamy wasn't for me. And that meant I was looking for a very special kind of girl. And with all the girls I've dated, only three could really handle the situation — Kara, Jessica, and Elyse. And Elyse's proposed solution was a bit different, because marriage wasn't at the top of her list of things to do and she'll probably never marry.

"What I'm saying is that even if I'd responded to your overtures, I don't know that it would have mattered. In fact, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have because I don't think you're the type to share long term. There were girls I was really, really close to who thought they could handle it, or thought I'd outgrow it, or that I'd decide to set it aside willingly. They were all mistaken.

"This is who I am. I'm married to two women, and I have another woman, Elyse, who is the mother of my son Matthew and who'll have another son this Summer. I have an agreement with my wives that I can have what they call 'dalliances'. Kara and Jessica each have different reasons for agreeing to that, and for being one of two wives. It'll probably be this way for the rest of my life. But even if the dalliances go away, I'll still have two wives."

"So my daughter gave her virginity to some Casanova or Don Juan, who saw her as a plaything? Just one more conquest among many? To be used and discarded?"

"Ask Hope if she feels that way," I said. "I bet she doesn't. In fact, I'd wager anything you care to bet that she'd willingly sleep with me again on whatever terms I needed to set."

"Just another satisfied customer? Is that it?"

"That is NOT it. Everyone has their own reasons for having sex. I happen to like it. And I don't attach the significance to sex or virginity that so many people do. You do it if you like it and it feels good and everyone agrees. As for the girls, well, if you believe the reports, I'm pretty good at it and they're happy when we're done. In fact, I don't recall you complaining!"

"You are a conceited asshole!" she growled, but quietly enough not to be heard.

"Tell me I'm wrong. Look, it's not conceited to know that you're good at something. The problem is when you lord it over people or go around bragging about it. Your entire line of questioning brought that on, not to mention the fact that you did like it! You liked it so much you wanted to do it again! Heck, you told your daughter how good it was! Now, how is that ME being conceited?"

"Fuck you!" Jolene spat. "I hate you and your logic!"

"Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence."

"Obviously, that's a quote. Who?"

"John Adams," I said. "He said that when he was arguing to defend the British soldiers after the Boston Massacre."

"HE defended the British soldiers?"

"Yes, because nobody else would. My friend Melanie is a criminal defense lawyer for the same reason. Somebody has to stand between the government and the accused."

"Even someone like Ted Bundy?" she asked.

"Especially someone like him," I said. "If society decides they want to fry the guy, they better make damned sure he had the best possible defense lawyers and had EVERY opportunity to make his case. It's not like we can take it back if we electrocute the wrong guy!"

"You sound like you oppose the death penalty."

"Do you have the right to kill someone who commits a crime against you? I'm talking after the fact, not as self-defense."

"No, that probably isn't right."

"How about organizing a mob and paying them to do it for you?"

"Well, no, of course not."

"But it's OK to vote for people to organize the mob, tax you to fund it, and then do it on your behalf?"