Chapter 82: The Core Family Grows Again

Mark

Ryan looked worried after we shook hands and sat down at the bar in the Club Infinity. He’d accepted my invitation for a ‘confidential talk’ for a half-hour or so at the club. I wanted to see how things were going there in any case, and I wasn’t sure what Ryan felt.

I explained right away, “My reason for talking with you is nothing bad, especially from your point of view. You may even consider it very good. I have an idea about our family and I want to get your input on it – and your ideas.”

Ryan’s relief was palpable; his shoulders relaxed and his facial expression changed from the tense grimace he’d had to a friendlier smile – his normal façade. I’d never singled out one of the guys to have a drink with before, so this was a unique situation.

After the bartender set down our drinks, I launched into my spiel about the family. “Ryan, you know I am married to ten women – Elsa, Cindy, Melanie, Sheila, Izzy, KC, Alice, Brita, Marcia, and Stacy. I love them and they love me, AND I have observed that they also love you, Deke, Mike, James, and Carter, AND it appears that you love them.”

I paused and Ryan spoke after a few seconds, “I love every one of them, and can feel their affection back. My friends experience the same feelings. Not one of us is trying to displace the love they have for you in any way.”

I nodded, “I know that. I did study each of you guys as you’ve interacted with the women in all sorts of different situations after I started to get this idea. What I’m about to propose may surprise you and we need to discuss it.”

Ryan nodded and even gestured for me to continue.

“I have been wondering whether you would like to be annexed into the family the same way each of the women have been – some kind of simple ceremony and maybe a symbol like the rings the girls wear. You’ve been at some of our ring ceremonies, so I think you understand what I’m talking about.”

Ryan would be a good poker player. He absorbed the thought and waited for further information from me.

I went on, “If you wanted, and I would encourage you to do so, we’d like to have you move into the condo and The Meadows, and enjoy ... well, everything and everybody the way we all do in the family. I’m was planning on extending this invitation to not only you, but also Deke, Carter, Mike, and James, but I wanted to hear your thoughts about it. I have only talked to Elsa about this, by the way.”

Ryan took a sip of his wine, nodded, and said in a low voice that sounded sincere and thoughtful, “I’m blown away.”

He swiveled around on the bar chair and looked out over the restaurant that was starting to fill up with the Tuesday night diners. Other men and women came into the lounge and bar area as well, but no one paid us much attention. We were just two guys having a drink together.

Ryan said, “I assume you’re serious with this, because I’m going to answer you on that basis. On one hand, you make me think of what I’d gain: continuous access to people I love – the girls and my friends – if they accept, two gorgeous places to live, and access to all the toys everywhere – pools, the river, and all. On the other hand, I worry about frictions developing between us that aren’t there now, frictions that would destroy the friendships and love I feel for you and my friends. Further, in case you didn’t know it, I am not into other guys. I don’t mind being in the same room with them when we’re doing something with the girls, we might occasionally touch, but other than that ... forget it.”

I laughed and interjected, “I’m the same way, don’t worry, that’s not at all what I was thinking about when I thought about this.”

Ryan went on, “Another large concern I have, and it is one that’s been ongoing with you specifically, is that none of us want to sponge off of you ... and we have been. Almost every time the other guys and I get together we mention it, and we look for opportunities far and wide to carry our own weight in some way. We’ve all heard you light into one of the girls about this issue, and we’ve tended to avoid a confrontation, but I can assure you that if we move in or change status that we each will want to do something to contribute financially or some other meaningful way to the well being and activities of the group – the family.

“Another issue pops up, and Elsa kind of started it, but she’s pregnant by you, yet each of the five of us wish we were the father. Some of the other women want children too, and all of the men want to be fathers, and not just in name only; we want to know or at least believe that the child we’re helping to raise is ours.”

I was almost taking notes and trying to memorize every word Ryan said. His points were valid and important, and most didn’t overlap with my own thinking about what potential issues might be.

I asked him, “Ryan, what do you think of the open relationships we have with each other and with people outside the family, so to speak, when we have our parties?”

Ryan smiled, “I think they’re marvelous – a teenage wet dream that matured and materialized right before my very eyes only a thousand times better than anything I could have conjured. I can’t imagine a better life than this.”

“What about in ten or twenty years; what do you think you’ll want then?”

Ryan harrumphed, “The same only better. I want to be a dad; I love kids. I’m doing well in my career and I think that’ll continue to be rewarding financially and mentally. As for the sex, I would hope to maintain long-term relationships with the people I love now, and maybe one or two others over time. I could go on and be more specific.”

“No, thanks. You answered my questions, I think. To go back a step, you like the idea of becoming part of the family, only have some cautions and reservations, right?”

“Right. Overall, I would be honored.”

Deke and I met at the little French restaurant just down the street from my condominium. I’d hosted him there dozens of times, so he knew the place and had even befriended the grand-mère, a point that had endeared him to all of our hearts and hers. He was more personable than anyone I knew. We met a five-thirty so we could talk before the others in our growing clan could join us for dinner. We had time for a glass of wine and the chat I sought.

I had asked Ryan to not discuss the topics we talked about with the others, since I wasn’t entirely ready to go public just yet. I wanted to talk to everyone individually first, a point Elsa had taught me about ‘socializing’ a decision before it is ‘publicly’ announced, except when that happens everybody already knows about it. I’d used it extensively at work since that valuable lesson, realizing that I’d used the technique occasionally on my own, but without conscious thought. The methodology was in play more often since.

In contrast to Ryan, Deke didn’t seem at all concerned that we were meeting to have a cocktail without any of the others around. I didn’t know whether to chalk that up to his self-confidence or to a total innocence that something might be wrong.

I went through my build up to the question about the annexation of the guys into our clan. I asked what he thought of the idea and whether he saw any downsides.

Deke got pensive, “I like what you’re offering, but there are lots of implications about giving us ‘family’ or ‘husband’ status, as you imply. Does that give us the ‘right’ to impregnate any of the girls, if that’s what they want? Do we have true husband status or does that only reside with you as the don of the family?

“Are there expectations for our behavior that aren’t there now? What would they be? What if one of us was traveling and we had a chance for a one-night stand; would he be allowed to follow up his carnal urges? What if we weren’t traveling, but just around the city and met someone interesting?”

Deke paused and looked to me for answers. I could tell he was thinking up more questions.

I responded in terse sentences, “You get full husband rights, no questions about your status. You become an equal to me. As for me, I have no expectations about your behavior beyond what you do now. You have to manage your own expectations by your wives or whatever we call them. If you’re up for a one-night stand with someone, I’d just ask that you take pictures and come home and tell the details.” I grinned and he laughed.

Deke followed my replies and said, “I can think of several billion reasons why you and I won’t be on an equal footing, but I think I know what you mean by that statement. It may be more a philosophy than an actual occurrence. Moving on, our group formed around our sexual preferences and high libidos, but if we live together as you suggest and at the size we become, the family or clan is going to fragment into smaller groups with affinity not only for sex, but also for other activities, sort of like Elsa, Cindy, and you and your flying; or Sheila, Mike, and me around gourmet cooking; or Melanie and James about photography. I would hope those and other subgroups don’t result in a larger schism of the larger group.”

I said, “A good point, but we aviators were careful not to let what we were doing or learning dominate all our interactions with the others. We didn’t put conditional blinders on, for instance, by saying we won’t love you if you aren’t interested in flying. We try to keep all conditional statements regarding how and who we love out of the clan.”

Deke teased, “So, I could love somebody outside of the family?”

I nodded, “Yes. Maybe the others in the family would love them as well, but it’s not a requirement or a restriction on you.”

Deke acknowledged my reply so I went on, “Deke, I have no wish to curtail or stop the various size parties that we have with people outside the family. If one of us were to fall in love with one of those others, I would applaud the coupling and hope they would continue to love the rest of us. As an example, think of Brita going off and marrying Nils, but remaining connected with all of us.”

Deke nodded and asked, “Suppose some subset of us decided they didn’t want to participate in the parties?”

I thought, “Hummmm. I suppose they could go off on their own and do their own thing. Maybe they’d stay at the condo while the party went on at The Meadows. We could work things out, I’m sure.”

Deke said, “The last thing I think about is the money angle. How do we participate? How do we contribute so you’re not carrying all of us like a bunch of freeloaders?”

I protested, “The money is not even an eye blink to me. I’m not even aware of what some of the things cost; Sheila has handled that for me for the past decade. I have principles about promptly paying a bill, and not wasting time on protesting small charges that she adheres to I suppose.”

“So you don’t know what a dinner for all of us costs here?” Deke posed. He gestured around the otherwise empty restaurant that had started to fill up with delightful aromas from the kitchen area.

“I guess I could estimate it. I see the prices on the menu. What are there typically, thirteen or fifteen of us at fifty to a hundred dollars a person? Deke, I might make or lose that much in less than a second in my business dealings. It’s inconsequential, whereas to you that’s a large chunk of your take home pay.”

Deke smiled, “And for certain occasions, you should allow each of us to pay for something like that. It’s a matter of pride and a sense of contributing to the family in some way. We need that validation and sense of belonging, especially as guys. You know, real men carry their own weight.”

“For me it’s a way of showing my love. I want to shower everybody with gifts.”

Deke held a finger up, “You’re going to become a father, so what do you do when your child or teenager wants a large chunk of money? Do you just hand over a pile of bills?”

I shook my head, “No. I’d want to know what the money was for. I’d also want to develop a sense of balance in my offspring about money, and dealing fairly with other people. I’d want them to learn from mistakes of not making wise spending decisions, so on that basis they’d have to feel there wasn’t an infinite amount of money they could draw on anytime they wanted. I want them to learn the value of money, and what it can and can’t buy. I want them to learn to budget, to save and prioritize, to have a work ethic, and maybe I’d want to hinge giving them money on their behavior or contribution to the family by doing chores or something.”

Deke smiled, “I rest my case. Financially, we’re your children, except we don’t want you to give us your money, we want you to allow us to spend ours so we can do all those things you just rattled off. In all our cases that I’m aware of, that means we want to spend our money, just as you do, on the rest of us. We each want to pay for a group dinner or buy a Christmas tree or get just the right piece of furniture or art for some place in one of your homes. Please allow us those opportunities.”