Chapter 20

I always imagined that being tried for a capital crime would involve many witnesses called before Balance and a trial focused on the facts of the case. However, once Lady Elizabeth determined that there were no disputed facts in our claim, our disposition was entirely a matter of law. Neither Lord Morgan nor I represented our houses in matters of law, so our presence was not required. As the days dragged on, we waited behind the grate.

I worsened. Stone mocked me from my dreams. I felt his disdain as he rutted in me. What noble would have tolerated that? How could I have let him treat a lady so? Then, the next day, there had been Lucinda! Even knowing what Stone had done, I submitted to her. I begged her to take me; I offered all that I was. I enjoyed it. Even now, I felt a thrill from the experience. Now, though, the thrill was combined with disgust. How could I be so weak as to throw myself on two people who used me with such little respect?

I tried to talk to Morgan about my feelings. He tried to comfort me. He reminded me that Lucinda did respect me. He reminded me that by sacrificing myself in Stone’s chambers, I made it possible for Passion Mill to survive. He told me he loved me, and he saw me as everything Oak Leaf embodied.

Later, I realized he had never told me how he viewed Oak Leaf. Perhaps Brenhaven viewed us as weak, easily manipulated. Perhaps he thought that I would offer all my house had to offer just as I had offered Lucinda everything. I doubted that was the case, but the thought could not entirely be put to rest.

The next day, when we met with Lady Elizabeth, he brought up my state. “The Lady Third’s soul languishes. Her dreams are ever a more poignant torture. Can my lady not feel her despondence through the web?”

“I can feel Lady Ashley’s pain all too well. What would you have me do?” Lady Elizabeth asked.

“Find an end to this claim. Waiting for the best political advantage may hurt the Lady Ashley grievously.”

“If a bullet for the Lady Third’s head and heart would satisfy my lord, we can have an end within the hour,” she said, frustration evident in her clipped words.

The color drained from her face. She continued with more compassion in her voice, “Fuck! We haven’t come far enough that would be a mercy have we?”

I reached and gripped her hand tightly. “No,” I said shuddering. Sometimes shadow rot was quick, but sometimes it could be a long, protracted end. Normally we offer healing even when hope is faint. However when the strength of passion is scarce, or when the shadow-touched choose to give up, mercy may be all that remains. “I came here completely free of the shadows, or so Lady Lucinda said. If the boundary is strong, I should be as safe as the children.”

“But you are finding passion harder?”

“Yes. Some of it is that there is nothing to do but fuck, make waste, eat and talk. There is nothing more cruel than captivity.”

She squeezed my hand. “I am filled with rage every time I think of you stuck behind this grate. The Lord Balancing the Scales knew this was likely to be a long trial. The confinement would be a challenge for any lover.”

“I’m afraid it’s more than that,” I said. “I am doubting myself. I find it hard to see worth as a lover.”

“Oh, Ashley! Oak Leaf will embrace you and bring healing when this is done.”

“I wonder whether I can find healing at Oak Leaf.” As doubt had grown, my confidence as a noble decreased. I feared I would see shadows of Stone and Lucinda every time I contemplated accepting vulnerability rather than a noble’s poise. Yet I could not be myself without that vulnerability.

I didn’t want to dwell too deeply on the future. Doubt is dangerous for a lover. It is easy for doubt to spiral out of control. Then at the first weakness in a boundary, the shadows reach us when we cannot defend ourselves.

“We are here for you. I am here for you. You are loved.” she said. Morgan nodded emphatically.

I smiled weakly.

Lady Elizabeth, Lord Morgan and Lady Michele all offered themselves to help me. As time dragged on, my body continued to perform physically. However, lover’s work lost much of its sparkle. I kept thinking of Pleasure’s Gift and her description of Gnarled Birch.

Our routine was interrupted by the unexpected appearance of Lady Elizabeth. “Ashley, if Balance for you was to mate Lucinda and destroy her, what would happen?” she asked.

“If I’m going to be discarded thus, perhaps my lady had best enjoy her fantasy and leave me out for the demoness once the servants are done using me. If I chose not to destroy her when I had the chance, I’m not going to do it just because a bunch of nobles tell me to.”

As I was, I doubted I could willingly ask Lucinda to mate me; even the vulnerability to share myself with Lord Morgan and Lady Michele was difficult. Perhaps when the shadows touch grew close to ending me, she would mate me against my objection. While I felt dirty thinking about our time together, I blamed myself for submitting. Even if we were mated, I could not summon the will to see her die.

“Ah, good. I would hate to have spent so much time coming up with another option only to find that for once you would have made things simple.

“In a few minutes you will be called to face your judgment. I think it best to spoil some of the surprise. No one today will be receiving a bullet to the head and heart. Things are more complicated than I might have wished, but all is well. You need not fret.”

“We are safe? The house is not besmirched?”

“You are safe; there are politics of course, but that is always the case.”

She would not say more.

Soon, though, she was proven true and we were called before the scales.

We stood naked and chained. Lady Elizabeth’s kindness gave me the calm to realize that the chains were not secured, and the guards were intent on the proceedings, not on Morgan and me. I suspected this lassitude would be corrected in other circumstances.

The Lord Balancing sat in his accustomed seat behind the scales. I realized I did not know which house named him, nor how much of his term he had served. My day dream at Passion Mill was prescient in one regard: Lady Rocky Point sat on the panel. I did not recognize the third member.

“All rise for Balance!”

The Lord Balancing cut straight to the point: “The claim of bad law is denied by the Legats as a whole: Oak Leaf failed to propose credible new law while stipulating that law is required in this area. The matter shall be referred to the houses in general session.”

I trembled. I trusted Elizabeth, but even so, I could not see how this would end well with our case destroyed in the first sentence of the panel’s findings. Perhaps things had evolved since she came to talk to us. Lady Rocky Point was relaxed, but I didn’t know how to interpret that. I would have expected some solemnity were we condemned, but I did not know her well.

The Lord Balancing continued. “Lord Morgan acted on his own initiative as a scholar, providing scholar’s advice under the direction of Oak Leaf. Lord Morgan did not make the decision to involve a demon in Passion Mill’s defense. Lord Morgan named at Brenhaven and Brenhaven are found not guilty of Consorting with Demons; they are severed from this action.

“Lady Ashley, an agent of Oak Leaf, did negotiate an agreement binding the village of Passion Mill to her house’s benefit. This agreement was duly consummated by herself for Oak Leaf and Elk Unstoppable from Passion Mill, a proper agent of his village. Later, called to meet Oak Leaf’s obligations under this agreement, Lady Ashley did with forethought and planning bargain with a demon bride, recruiting her help that Oak Leaf might receive benefits due under the agreement. In doing so, she arranged to bring the demon into Passion Mill’s boundary.

“It is the finding of this panel that the Lady Riding Atop, Ashley, Third for Oak Leaf did consort with demons. Furthermore, Lady Ashley acted for her house with authority granted by Oak Leaf seat; Oak Leaf did consort with demons.” The scales unbalanced, clanging against their stop as the left side fell and the right rose.

“The punishment for consorting with demons is set in law: execution. The motion titled ‘Execution by Demon Bride, ‘ is denied. While that end might fit the crime, Brenhaven has shown ample evidence that the mate must offer their soul willingly. More certainty is required in methods of execution.”

I was numb. Dimly, I wondered whether I’d even get around to appreciating the scope of Elizabeth’s betrayal before sentence was passed.

“Now the panel comes to Oak Leaf’s motion in the matter,” the Lord Balancing said. “Long-established precedent holds that when the available punishment is entirely inappropriate to the crime, the panel may strike the restrictions on available punishments in order to find Balance. Oak Leaf claims that in denying a finding of bad law, the Legats did not deny the merit of the claim, simply its completeness. In referring the matter to the houses in general session, we concur. Oak Leaf’s motion is sustained and the Legats are notified that chapter 120 section 4 B is struck.

“Free to consider Lady Ashley’s Balance without restriction, this panel finds that she acted to uphold her duty to Passion Mill and save the community. Any Balance due is paid in personal sacrifice: the Lady Riding Atop, Ashley, Third for Oak Leaf is severed from this action.” The scales tilted, not-yet balanced.

“It is stipulated and agreed by all that one purpose of the demon laws is to prevent one party from gaining benefit trafficking in another’s soul. In gaining benefit from its agreement with Passion Mill, after encouraging Flowing Mane from Pine Hills to offer his soul, Oak Leaf seeks to gain exactly that forbidden benefit. In Balance, section 5 of the agreement between Oak Leaf and Passion Mill is struck, any severability provisions notwithstanding.”

What was section 5? I thought. I began to go through the standard agreement in my head. With horror, it came to me: in bright bold letters, “Section 5: Compensation.” Oak Leaf would be perpetually obligated to sustain Passion Mill in times of bad harvest, sickness, and shadow. We would receive nothing in return.