Chapter 19

We arrived at our next meeting with Lady Elizabeth cum-smeared and filthy. We had requested access to the shower room. The guards felt they would need to approach us too closely in the small space.

When Elizabeth heard, she was furious. “I suppose bathing you is another way I will serve the two of you.”

“Are there no servants from Oak Leaf who will come and see to us? I thought I had more trust established with them.”

“Oh, Ashley, no fear on that count. You could find volunteers to follow you into the demon’s jaws if you requested. This is proving one of the hardest cases I’ve defended. I am well known; serving you last night captured people’s attention in a way no words I’ve spoken has. It helped get through their fear and get them to think. I’m not ready to give that up.”

“Elizabeth, I’m so sorry. You know I’ll never be able to repay you.”

“I would not have that kind of debt between us. It will be hard enough some day with me Lady Oak Leaf and you Lady Second.” That was certainly true.

She continued, “You can repay me by appreciating my eventual plan to repay the Lord Balancing on my own personal scales and to be there to see the look on his face when he realizes what I have done.”

“Gladly.”

“His fear is most improper,” she said. “This ridiculousness is starting to backfire. If I were sure people would see it as his doing, I’d bring you to dinner unwashed, covered in cum and pee. However, some might see it as Oak Leaf’s failure, so I shall go demand access to your shower.”

As it transpired, Lady Elizabeth did not actually need to bathe us. She escorted us to the prisoner’s shower room and watched while we accomplished the task. Since we were running late to discuss our case, Morgan and I showered efficiently with little play between us.

As we suspected, our case would come down to politics. Some houses were worried that Oak Leaf could gain too much of an advantage with the commoners by saving Passion Mill. They looked for a way to offset that. Many were simply frightened of demons and found it hard to step past their fear and consider the claims before them.

“If we can find a balance to offset the reputation we might gain with the commoners somewhat, I think we have a chance. Even so, this will be no easy case,” Lady Elizabeth said.

At dinner that night, Lady Elizabeth wore the uniform of a common servant. It was crisp and fresh, but incontrovertibly a uniform rather than Oak Leaf dress. If anyone had told me that Lady Elizabeth had been seen in a noble seat in a servant’s uniform I would not have believed. It was not credible even as a joke in poor taste.

The entire hall stared as she waited in the cage to be permitted to enter, the cart containing our food trailing her.

I could not sense anything through the web, but she was visibly distressed, her lip almost trembling as she tried to maintain control. “Elizabeth, what happened? Did they force you into that?” I asked.

“Ashley, this is hard. If you could be sensitive ... could perhaps see the lady behind the clothes?”

“Yes, my lady. Whatever I might do for you.”

“Thank you Lady Ashley. No, this is my doing, not the Lord Balancing. Later tonight, I must be seen not to be serving you, but meeting one noble to another. I needed to emphasize serving so I can discard it later; by dressing as I have, I can discard the uniform and emphasize the change in role.

“Oh, this is hard. I hope I can succeed,” she said.

“My lady will succeed in showing our strength; we will support you. You are of course still the lady even when necessity drives you to serve. As you said, you cloak yourself in the dignity of what is needful.”

“Thank you Ashley. You must really believe that. Not all of them do,” she said pointing to the grate, “So I must do this.”

Dinner passed in relative silence. All eyes were on us.

After dinner, Lady Elizabeth retrieved a garment bag and extracted her Oak Leaf gown.

“Lady Ashley, could you help me into this?” she asked.

“Gladly.” We were both aware that the gown required no assistance, but if she wanted to emphasize herself as a noble among equals, I was happy to help.

Lady Elizabeth motioned us to the blankets and suggested we get comfortable. A chill ran down my back as I guessed her purpose. Just as a single noble tries to connect in compassion with a commoner they might judge, we all try to connect as the scales are balanced. It’s not always possible, but especially in a case where a party cooperates and brings forth their own claim, it is desirable for those involved in the case to open to each other. Ideally they will be able to open enough to join as lovers.

“As you might have guessed, none were willing to step across the grate and join us to find connection and passion. Ashley, I know it would be very difficult for the two of us to meet in passion, but I offer myself as your lover. You don’t have to do this, but there are two factors to consider.

“First, the web connection is important. They are two afraid to sit down and approach you with compassion. Even so, through me, they can connect indirectly. They will feel you at some level as a lady shining bright in passion. It is harder to act recklessly with such a connection to one you would judge.

“The second factor is political. I hate to bring politics into lover’s work. However, if even I do not join with the two of you, people will believe it is because I am afraid. Of course I will describe in as much detail as you like exactly why meeting in passion is hard for the two of us. Some will believe that, but others will not.

“Even if you do not join with me, you need not worry about safety. Lady Michele has come to Balance Hall and she can help you gain the strength to hold a boundary you trust.”

“Elizabeth, or would you rather Lady Elizabeth? Presenting our case is so much more difficult than I ever imagined. Thank you for rising to the challenge. You would face the vulnerability of bringing forward the dirty laundry from my burgeoning for all to view?”

“Elizabeth now, if you would. Yes, it has been hard. I wasn’t sure I could make it through the cage in that uniform.”

I hugged her to me. “You have been very open on my account. I’d like to return the kindness and understand you. With all that is between us, it’s hard to see you as valuing me as a lover.”

“I know. At first, I guess I did not. At your burgeoning, I was furious and disgusted. You arrived on that platter after the servants had you. I thought you were mocking Oak Leaf just as we would call you lady, saying we were good enough only for seconds. At best, I thought you were irresponsible, a girl led by her cunt with no regard for noble poise or the honor of the seat.”

To my surprise, I had enough distance now to chuckle. “Led by my cunt is closer than I might like to admit. Not perhaps the same way a boy of that age might be led by his cock, but the freedom of being able to embrace my sexuality fully was enticing. But to mock Oak Leaf, no never.”

“I think we all enjoy that freedom, and now I realize that you do not mock Oak Leaf. I think you do not maintain the dignity of your station, but now I see the value of your work. Over time, I’ve watched the vulnerability you show with amazement and growing lust.

“Of course you must know most of how I feel now after what I did to Celeste the morning you were captured in the coup.”

If she treated my mother as poorly as she treated me at my burgeoning, I would destroy her, even if it cost me my life in this trial. Still, she couldn’t possibly think she could approach me with vulnerability and openness if she had mistreated the Lady of Oak Leaf. For that matter, she was our advocate, not a prisoner in her own right charged by the Lady of Oak Leaf, so she must not have abused my mother’s vulnerability.

“No, I have not heard,” I said.

“Oh, fuck. Lord Oliver didn’t tell you? I am so glad I chose not to wear the lover’s gown: to sit here in that, tell you my fantasy, and then have you reject me would be more than I could take.”

“Did you respect my mother, honoring what she did?”

“On my honor as a lady, that was my intent. I tried as hard as I could to show that respect. I believe I succeeded.”

I squeezed her hand and looked into the depths of her brown eyes. “Then I shall not reject you. I may not join as your lover, I may be upset, but I shall value you.”

Elizabeth squeezed my hand and began:

{quote}

It was near the end of the time Celeste lay in the junction. You had already missed your check-in; Lord Oliver was trying not to worry, but I was sure that you understood the importance of that deadline. I was worried for you; I didn’t want to lose you just as you were growing up, developing the confidence to be strong on the counsel.

I was torn. I worry that you undermine the dignity of Oak Leaf seat. But I see the benefits we reap from your work finding openness across class. I was frustrated that I was not benefiting from that, not pushing my own limits. I was frustrated that now, even the Lady of Oak Leaf was not honoring the dignity of the seat.

Eventually, I realized I didn’t have to offer myself to servants, did not have to take a servant’s seconds from your mother in order to challenge myself. I could bring one of my fantasies closer to reality.

I stalked over to your mother and stood over her, legs spread. In my mind though, it was you between my spread legs. “Celeste, I too would offer tribute and strength for Ashley. Over the years I’ve grown to realize the power of what she does. No matter how frustrated I am, no matter how much I wish for a different path, Ashley makes us stronger. Some of us must sacrifice our dignity to bring that connection. I know that we could not turn aside from that strength.

“In my fantasy it works differently though. Rather than sacrificing the dignity of the house, one of us sacrifices themselves to bring that connection. We accept her sacrifice, giving up a lady, appreciating fully her value, but discarding her like we might discard a used garment, offering her for the servants and commoners. I imagine you there, one of our strongest lovers, soon to be discarded for the servants use, for our connection with them. I imagine that now, though, you are there for us to use before, like so many things we are done with, you will be taken away. And so, I use you.”

I squatted slightly, using her as I might a chamber pot or a rag, pee splashing across her face, neck and tits. The hiss of my pee, the sound of it splashing against her, and the warmth rising from her body were burned into my mind. The smell of my urine was strong, but in that moment it was the most wonderful smell. My stream finished. I bent, pulled her head up by her hair, and used her hair to wipe myself. I let her head down, turned, and walked away without a backward glance.

As soon as I was far enough away, I fell to the floor, one hand in my cunt, one hand twisting and pulling at a nipple. It was not your mother I saw as I masturbated, but you, coming to my room to be tied down. I imagined many lovers that night, and you were there for us to pee on. Not that the sacrifice inherently involves pee, but I cannot imagine any sacrifice you would make that wouldn’t involve pee in some form. The next morning, I go about my business and when I next return to my room you are gone, taken by the servants. I no more care what they have done with you than the contents of a water pot, or the food left on the tray. Except that one of the strongest lovers I know has been sacrificed both to connection across class and the honor of the house. Someday perhaps the servants are done and they too discard you.

{/quote}

Morgan said, “Discard her how? Ashley, thrown atop some pile of trash, left outside the boundary for some demon bride like Lucinda to find?” Elizabeth flushed, and her hand was already against her mound before she thought to stop it.

“Oh, play with yourself. It’s certainly hot enough,” I said, placing my own hand to cunt. “I suppose if we’re playing Open as You Can, I’d better take the next round.”

I looked at Morgan as I began speaking. I hoped he would still value me when I was done. “The truth is that the thought of mating Lucinda excites me. It excites her too. She told me that if I were sure I wanted it, she would mate me.

“Neither of us is sure what would happen. I’m sure I could destroy her, but the thought of being consumed, of that ultimate surrender appeals too. I guess I’ve gotten much more comfortable being taken lately. Can the two of you still value me?”

I found myself at the center of a big hug. I dared not tell them the darkest part of my reaction to Elizabeth’s fantasy. If I could somehow refocus people on standing together in the light of passion, removing barriers in connection between all the groups—nobles, commoners, shepherds—I’d come to value, that might be worth a permanent sacrifice. If somehow demons were included in the mix, judged fairly, then that might well be worth a life. However, today, it was just a fantasy.

“I can hardly believe you can hear my fantasy and accept me,” Elizabeth said. “If any lady or lord would have a case of demon lust, it would be you.”

“After my time at Shepherd’s Crook and Passion Mill, understanding sacrifice is easy,” I said. “Although, I think I’ll keep my nobility and continue to connect as I have. We’ll have to disagree on whether I’m dishonoring the house.

“One thing that might help you understand. I too cloak myself in the greater dignity of the situation’s necessity. There’s no way I can build the connections I do without being open as I am. And yes, I believe the situation does demand that openness.”

“Thank you. I will have to ponder what you say.”

Lovers’ screams interrupted our conversation. While we had been getting to know each other, the nobles across the grate had moved onto the more physical side of lovers’ work.

“So, Ashley, will you be able to join with me as a lover?” Elizabeth asked.

“I have one more question. Despite our disagreements, do you respect me as a lady? Do you respect the work I do, respect me in counsel?”

“Yes, absolutely.”

“I can. Do you wish to act out something along the lines of your fantasy tonight?”

She licked her lips. “Wish, very much. However, I think it would work better for me to be taken by the two of you; it would send a strong message that I’m not afraid of being vulnerable around you. Ashley, opening to you this way will be rare for me, but I would not be a lover in half-measures. I’m prepared to accept the vulnerability, even the vulnerability that people might see me as less the lady for being taken by you.”

“My burgeoning is too recent for me to feel comfortable licking your cunt, and even fingering you will be difficult, but yes I can take you. Morgan, what about you?” I asked.

“I value Elizabeth’s work as an advocate and would enjoy growing closer to her. She’s attractive, and so is joining Ashley in taking a lover. Elizabeth, what is your consanguinity? Ashley and I used 140A.”