Chapter 3: My roommate and I have some fun

After graduation and summer vacation I headed off to college. At this point I had no idea I would someday become a nurse so I decided I’d take an exploratory year to see where my interest as well as talents lay.

My new roommate’s name was Gloria. She was a somewhat blonde girl of average height and weight and although I wish I could tell you we were instant friends, that was not the case. Gloria had her own circle of friends whom she had graduated high school with and had gone off to college with in group fashion. I often wondered if they had chartered a bus for the drive from home to the university. She never failed to tell me how she had drawn the short straw and had not been partnered up with one of her cronies. As if I really cared.

Within a few weeks I began to develop my own circle of friends, none of which were males I might add. I had a bad feeling that my sexual persuasions or perversions were drying up faster than the mojave in draught. That’s when I met Angela Gordon.

I was sitting in the library one afternoon idly thumbing the pages of a book on American history when Angela walked in to both the library and my life.

The only word that comes to mind to describe her was “stunning.” She was statues at somewhere around five eight or nine with an hourglass figure. Her amber green eyes sparked, her jet-black hair shinned and her soft pink lips seemed wet. And her breast were, oh well, you get the idea. I was not into girls at all, but I was mesmerized by her enchanting beauty. She looked at me and smiled. I smiled back.

Angela surprised me when she walked over to where I was sitting, pulled a chair up and sat down. She held out her hand and said, “Hi, I’m Angela Gordon.” I shook her hand and said, “I’m Sarah...” and she finished my sentence for me with, “Garner. I know. You share a room with Gloria. I went to high school with her.”

I guess I failed at concealing my feelings because Angela said with a smile, “You’re right. She’s a snobbish jerk. I was coming to this college anyway so I figured knowing a few people in advance would be a plus. That was fucked up thinking.”

I couldn’t hold back a little giggle. “Well, she’s not the friendliest girl I’ve ever met, but she is clean and she doesn’t snore, well at least not real loud.” Now we both laughed.

“Listen, if you’re done with that book let’s go get a cup at the campus shithouse.”

I frowned. “Where?”

“The campus coffee house.”

I closed my book.

Angela and I became fast friends. She was bright and beautiful and so full of energy. She got me into jogging in the mornings and dance in the afternoon. Soon I was losing my summer vacation bulge and toning up really fine. We were spending a lot of time together.

One evening we were sitting around the “campus shithouse” when Angela said, “I don’t see you around any of the guys here. Do you have a boyfriend back home who’s waiting with baited breath for you return?” She grinned, but there was something behind that grin that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

“You know,” I said, “I’ve never had a boyfriend. There was this guy in high school I spent a lot of time with named John Fuller, but we were just friends.” I paused while remembering the things John and I had done then I added, “with the same interests.”

“Oh,” Angela said and raised her eyebrows! “What kind of interests?”

I was sorely tempted to tell her, but I didn’t want to ruin our relationship with tales of my sordid past. Instead I just said, “You know, school work and crap like that.” She nodded.

One night after having coffee Angela and I were walking back toward the dorm when she reached down and took my hand. We stopped and she looked at me. I was frozen in place.

“I’ve got an idea I’ve been wanting to run by you for a while,” she said. “Now if you don’t want to I will understand so don’t feel pressured, ok?”

I merely nodded. I didn’t know what her idea could be, but with her holding my hand I was really hoping it wasn’t what I was thinking.

“I’ve been thinking that since you and Gloria are a really bad match for roomies and I’m stuck with her fat ass friend, Rachel, why don’t we let those two have each other and we can share a room?” Again she paused then added, “What do you think?”

My first thought was thank God it wasn’t what I was thinking she was going to say and secondly, “That’s a great idea. What do we need to do to get it to happen?”

“It’s easy. We just go to our ‘Den Mother’ and tell her we’re moving in together, (Angela had a way of giving everyone a nickname) I’m sure Gloria and Rachel will jump at the prospect of re-living high school for the next four years.”

And so it was done. Our dorm mother gave us the okay and within a few days Rachel had moved in with Gloria and I moved in with Angela. It was going to be great I thought. I underestimated just how great it was going to be.

Angela and I pretty much quit going to the campus coffee shop. We bought a coffee maker and just stayed in most nights studying and gossiping. After about a week Angela brought up the subject of boyfriends again. This time she dropped the bombshell.

We were quietly studying when Angela closed her book and sat up on her bed. “I need to tell you something,” she said. She sounded so ominous.

I closed my book and also sat up. “What is it?”

She drew in a deep breath. “I’ve been wanting to tell you this since that first day I met you in the library, but I was afraid of what you’d think.”

“And?”

“And well, you know how you and that friend of yours in high school were just friends and not boyfriend and girlfriend?”

My mind did a quick flashback to John jacking off for me. “Yes, I remember.”

“I’m really hoping you and I can have the same relationship. I really want to stay friends with you. I like you and I’m afraid when I tell you my secret you’ll go running and screaming back to Gloria.”

“Angela, I like you, too. And there’s no way I’m going anywhere near Gloria. You are my best friend so just tell me already!”

Angela took a deep breath then said, “I’m a lesbian.”

To say I wasn’t totally mowed down would be a lie. I didn’t say anything for at least a minute. Finally I said, “I’m not.”

“I know that. I’ve known that from the very beginning. I’m not trying to hook up with you. I just want to be your friend like the guy in high school. Can we be like that?”

Poor Angela. For the first time since we met I thought she was going to cry.

“Angela,” I said. “We can’t be like that.”

She kind of gave a little choke sob and nodded. “I understand.”

I shook my head. “No you don’t understand. We can’t be like that because we already are. You are my best friend and I don’t care what you are or what you do. We are buds.”

By now tears were running down Angela’s beautiful face. I went to her and we hugged. And for the first time in my life I felt a feeling that I’d only felt with my brother, John Fuller and of course that boy, so long ago, in Cape Cod.

Life for Angela and me went on as it had. We studied, gossiped and laughed just like always. But I felt bad that Angela had revealed something about herself that was so personal and yet I still held something deep inside. But it wasn’t as deep inside as it had been. It was fighting its way to the surface each day. Finally one evening it broke free.

We were sitting in our room having coffee when I said without warning, “I like to watch boys masturbate!” I think it shocked me more than it shocked Angela.

She put her cup down. “I thought maybe you were into girls and just not interested in me. Cool.”

The room felt very hot. “That’s it? Just cool. Isn’t there something you want to know? A question maybe?”

Angela shrugged. “Well, yeah. But I figure you’ll tell me when you’re ready.”

Suddenly the flood gates opened. I poured out my life’s obsession with boys jacking off. I told her about how it started in Cape Code and how I did it with my brother and about Fuller-the-puller. I told her how frustrated I had been since coming to the campus and how much I missed my brother and John.

Angela laughed. “You’re preaching to the choir Honey. It’s been so long since I strapped a chick on I think I might be going straight.” We both started to laugh and maybe because of the tension or just because I had come clean we laughed until we nearly lost control.

It was about a month later that Angela approached me with a proposition. Again, like always, we were in our room.

“Do you know what an estim is?” She asked.

I had to admit I didn’t.

“It an electronic device they use in medical procedures. Something about muscle toning and shit. It sends an electrical impulse through unbroken skin to stimulate the muscles.”

“Is that something you’re studying?”

“No, I’m not, but you may be.”