Chapter 7: The Worst Day Since Yesterday

Sunday September 13

After our workouts, Wolf, Jim and I were offered scholarships. For Ty and Tim, they wanted to see what they did this year. I could see myself playing college ball for Michigan State.

When we were finally done talking to the coaches, I went to the car to go home and saw only Mom and Dad in it. It seemed Brandon and Cassidy had been told to get rides with others in our group. That could only mean my mom wanted to talk to me. I knew this because she told me.

“We need to talk through some things,” Mom informed me as soon as I got in the back seat.

Dad just concentrated on driving. He didn’t plan to play referee. I figured Mom had already gotten to him, so I didn’t expect much help out of him anyway. Plus, he still had his own issues to work out with her. If I were in his shoes, I would keep my head low, too.

“What did you think of Michigan State?” Mom asked.

This was just the first probe into enemy territory. Mom wanted to see if I would communicate with her at all, so she threw me a softball. If I gave her a one-word answer she would just launch into lecture mode, and over the next few hours in the car I would listen to every sin I’d committed since I was born. Even if I participated in the conversation, I might hear about it.

My third option was the filibuster. I could babble on about Michigan State and how great I thought they were for the rest of the trip. I decided to go that route, because I really didn’t want to talk about what my mom wanted to: Tami. I don’t know when Mom became such a staunch supporter of my ex-best friend, but there was no denying that she had. I think she always secretly wanted a daughter. I’d hoped Angie would fill that role, but apparently not.

So I launched into a spiel about the virtues of the Spartans, all of which was basically true. I liked the campus; it was still close enough that my parents could come and see my games; and I was intrigued by their Honors College. They also seemed to be a team on the rise.

Where I lost credibility was when I started talking about Lambda Chi Alpha and how I thought they might be the fraternity for me. I think my dad gave it away when by snorting when I mentioned I might like to live in the house. He knew that as soon as I could get out of the dorms I would be in a place of my own in a flash. I had no desire to live with forty other college guys. Heck, I would just about die if my brother roomed with me. How would I handle a bunch of drunken fraternity brothers who wanted to party when I had to either work out or study? While I might join a fraternity for the social aspects, there was no way I would live in the frat house.

“Okay, I get it. You like Michigan State. That wasn’t what I wanted to talk to you about,” Mom said to stop me.

“But I haven’t even talked about the intricacies of their offense and how I think I could contribute,” I said, as I tried to get back to my filibuster.

“I’d like to hear all about that,” my dad lied.

At least he tried to cover for me.

“I don’t think so,” Mom said, shooting down my attempt to derail her from her intended purpose. “How have things become so bad with you and Tami?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Could it have anything to do with her telling me she wanted to date other guys, and then jumping my best friend?” I asked without thinking.

“David, everyone knows nothing happened!”

“Bullshit,” I mumbled.

“What did you say?” she asked.

“I said bullshit! You weren’t there to see what I saw. Even if nothing happened, they ended up in bed naked, and things progressed far enough for a condom to be used.”

I could tell that my mom hadn’t been told that little factoid. I’m sure Tami had spun a tale of how I misunderstood what had happened. Granted, I had also left that out, but I had suffered through the whole forced-apology fiasco.

“Why didn’t you tell me about that?” Mom asked.

“Because you no longer want to talk to me, you just want to tell me what to do. I suppose I’m grounded again because Tami and Alan did something and I didn’t approve. I think the real question isn’t what’s wrong between Tami and me, it’s what’s wrong between us.

“I used to feel like I could tell you anything, and you’d help me work through it. It was the family against the world. Now you ground me for any perceived slight, or if I challenge you on anything. If I’m going to be your personal whipping boy, count me out.”

“Is that what you really think?” Mom asked.

I would never answer that question. I did the smart thing and just went quiet. Mom knew there was no point in continuing the conversation. It turned into a long ride home.

We came home to a full house. Greg and Angie were there with Kyle, Mac and Nate. I guess I wasn’t surprised to see Uncle John and Aunt Bonnie, but I was surprised when I saw my two grandmas. It felt good to come home and get swarmed by three babies and my wild child, who forgot there were babies and used his tail to knock them down. Nate needed some loving, but Kyle and Mac told Duke No and he minded them. I needed one of them around to help me control him. He seemed to know that they were babies, and he was very gentle with them, most of the time.

“You get yours and I’ll take the boy,” Grandma Dawson told Grandma Felton. “Come on, David.”

I almost laughed when my mom about opened her mouth, but decided to shut it as she was taken into the office and the door was closed. I grabbed my bags and hound, and we went to my apartment.

“This thing between you and your mother has to stop,” Grandma Dawson said as soon as we made it upstairs.

I started to defend myself, but she gave me a look that I’d never seen from my grandmother before. I’d never seen her mad at me, and I could tell I had pissed her off. My first instinct was to say I was sorry, but I kept my mouth shut.

“You fighting with your mother is both childish and immature. She has just been humiliated and found out that her husband is capable of cheating on her. Before you start in on how she should have talked to you about it, don’t even bother until you’ve lived it. I know, because your grandfather did it to me repeatedly during our marriage. Everything she thought she believed about your father is now in question. At every turn she’ll think she hears whispers of people talking about how foolish she was,” she said, and left that hanging in the air.

I saw a tear form at the corner of my grandmother’s eye and then trickle down her cheek. In that moment, my heart broke to see her in pain. She’d had years to come to grips with Grandpa Davey’s infidelity. That it had never occurred to me that she had a problem with it made me ashamed of myself. It had never been a secret that I had other aunts and/or uncles out there. That was why it had been so easy to buy that Phil was my uncle and not my half-brother. I’d just assumed that my grandmother had been alright with him stepping out on their wedding vows. I had a whole new respect for my grandmother. She had endured, because she loved him. I also saw the pain that it caused.

No one wants to have the stark mirror of reality shoved in front of their face. What I saw looking back appalled me. All I’d done was look at how this affected me. Yes, my mother had handled things badly, but who could blame her? It wasn’t as though there was a playbook that told you that if this happened you could do that, and everything would be better.

As I stepped back and looked at it again, things started to make sense. Over the years, as Tami and I became closer, it had been assumed we would end up together. Greg was to marry Beth and I was destined for Tami. Even Tami and I believed that until recently. Well, she still might believe it, but I couldn’t. Mom had reacted when I told her that I was going out with Mona. She had to see the parallels between the revelation that Dad had cheated on her and me stepping out on Tami. That was when she grounded me, and had not allowed me to go to Tracy’s party at the lake house.

Then she’d come back from Las Vegas and just forgiven my dad, then found I had no forgiveness for Tami. I was sure she looked at it and wondered if she’d made a mistake. If I couldn’t do it, then how had she? The one thing about my mother was she was stubborn. She knew deep down that I’d made a mistake. Tami and I had parted so that she could get life experience and have no regrets when we finally got together. At some point it was bound to happen that she would hook up with a guy. Hell, it had happened with at least two different guys when she went to the UK. My mom knew that the problem I had was that I knew this guy. Heck, this guy had been my best friend. If she could survive having my new half-brother shoved in her face, then she must have felt I could survive seeing Tami and Alan together.

I could see her logic and even understand it. The problem was I wasn’t my mother. Her choice to remain with my dad was her own. This was my life, and no matter how much my mother thought I should act a certain way, it wasn’t her call. Just as my uncle had often told me, my feelings were real. I couldn’t live my life to please anyone but myself.

I thought about my life and how it would be if I let what was going on with my mom continue, and I felt myself choke up. The one thing I did know was that I loved my mom and she loved me. She had made a decision that our family, not just my dad, meant enough to her to accept what had happened and move on. What was I willing to do to make peace with her? I was caught between growing up and being my own man, and being my mom’s little boy.

I ended up having a very long discussion with my grandmother. When we were done, we had a new, deeper relationship. She had always been just Grandma to me, but now she was much more. She was now someone I could go to for advice and love. It was one of those things you never realized was missing in your life until you found it. My grandmother was a very smart woman, and had insight that made me understand why my grandfather had loved her so much.

We ended up talking about much more than my current problem with my mom. Once she was sure we would be okay, she told me about herself and her life with my grandfather. She told me that one day I would get into politics and she’d help me. She said I had my grandfather’s gift with people and I should be of service to others. I wasn’t sure about that, but I knew I had someone I could absolutely count on. In the end, that was what mattered to me.

When we finally came down, Greg, Dad and Uncle John were making dinner. If Uncle John was involved, I knew we would be having something on the grill. He had planted a late batch of sweet corn, so we were going to be the beneficiaries of his forethought. While they cooked, my mom and my Grandma Felton came out of the office. Mom indicated she wanted to talk to me alone, so I went back into the office with her. Before I’d talked to my Grandma Dawson I would have dreaded this, but now I was surer of myself and how I felt. I knew everything was going to be alright when she hugged me.

We said I’m sorry at the same time.

“Jinx,” she said, and then laughed as she punched my arm.

“Can we just forget about the last few weeks?” I asked.

“The being mad at each other part I would say yes to, but I need to stop dictating to you. I was reminded how I reacted to that when I was your age. You’re my youngest and I forget sometimes that you’re growing up. You have to also accept that there are things I’m not willing to talk about. What happened between your father and me is private. What happened between you and Tami I should treat the same way,” she said.

“I can live with that. I don’t ever want to fight with you again like this. I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, David,” she said as we hugged again.

“Are you and Dad okay?” I asked.

I watched as my mom broke down in front of me. I went to her and pulled her into my arms as she made a sound that wrenched my heart out of my chest. Then she beat her fists against me.

“It hurts, it hurts so much. You have to promise me something: you have to promise to never be with a married woman. If it causes this kind of pain, I could never live with myself if I knew you did that.

“Oh, David! How could he? How could he step out on his sacred vow to me? We promised each other we would forsake all others. Promise me! Promise me right now!” she ordered.

“I promise. I will never help anyone break their wedding vows, including my own,” I said, as I felt hot tears stream down my face.

All I could do was hold her as she cried it out. Dawson men are not built to handle crying women, but I could tough it out for my mother. She hadn’t let me in until that moment. I had no idea how deeply she’d been hurt when she found out my dad had a son with another woman.

I felt guilty about bringing Phil into our home, even if I didn’t know he was my brother at the time. I knew this wasn’t his fault, but until my mom was okay with it, I wouldn’t invite him back. I didn’t need to bring the tangible reminder of my dad’s infidelity into our home ever again.

Mom finally was able to get herself back together.

“So, did your grandmother set you straight?”

“Did your mom do the same?” I asked, and she just smiled.

It was obvious that neither of us was ready to talk about what had been said behind closed doors. We seemed to agree to keep it that way, at least for now.

I needed to get out of the house for a little bit, so I got my Charger out and went for a drive. I found myself at the entrance to the park with the winding road that led to the Mennonite farms. I punched it, the beast under the hood gave a roar, and I was slammed into my seat as I rocketed down the road. There was nothing like the feel of power as the Charger did what it was designed to do: go extremely fast.

In what felt like just a moment I shot out of the park onto a country road. I smiled when I saw the Pearson farm coming up and I slowed down. I decided to pull in and see what Roc and Zoe were up to. Zoe came out of the barn. It looked like she’d been working.

One of my fantasies was the Farmer’s Daughter. It was right up there with the naughty Catholic Schoolgirl. Seeing Zoe in her boots, tight jeans, t-shirt and a John Deere baseball cap was a real turn-on. She had her hair pulled back in a ponytail to keep it out of her face, but all it did was show off her long neck. I looked into her brown eyes and I could see getting lost in them. Of course, she had no makeup on, and the flush in her cheeks was from honest work. I tried not to be too obvious as I was checking her out.

“Hey, what brings you out here?” she asked.

“I just got back from Michigan State and I needed some time to myself, so I went for a drive.”

“Do you want me to go get my brother?” she asked.

“No, I came to see you.”

Sometimes my bullshit works. From the embarrassed look I got, it seemed I had said the right thing. Maybe Pam was right, maybe Zoe liked me.

“What were you doing?” I asked.

“I was taking care of the horses. Want to help me?” she asked.

“Sure, why not,” I said, as I followed her into the barn.

The sounds and smells gave me a momentary flashback to my summer with my uncle. I felt at home, suddenly. I volunteered to muck out the twelve stalls. She showed me where to take the soiled straw. They had a couple of compost piles going and it was obvious which one was the newest. Over time it would break down and be used as a natural fertilizer.

Mucking stalls wasn’t hard work. The good thing about it was it didn’t take any thought. I needed the mind-numbing repetitive time to get my head straight. This was almost as good as running. When I was done, she had me fill the feed stations in each stall. I then checked to make sure they all had water. While I’d been doing that she would take a horse to the wash station and get him clean. They looked like they had been into the pond and gotten muddy.

After I finished I went to help her.

“What can I do?” I asked, because I wasn’t sure what needed to be done.

“Get the sweat scraper and get the water off of him,” she said.

The sweat scraper looked like a bent window squeegee. She showed me how to use it to get off the excess water. While he was being washed, she had him in a synthetic halter so she wouldn’t get his leather one wet. She showed me how to switch them, and then she had me lead him to his stall where his dinner was waiting. We then got the next horse.

By the time we had done the last three, I was confident I could wash a horse. I then cleaned up the wash station while she checked on her charges. Zoe and I made a good team. She was good with the horses and while we worked her focus was on them.

“I need to check the fence by the pond. Somehow they got into it today,” she said.

“Fences I know. I helped my uncle redo all his fences on his cattle farm.”

We walked the pasture fence lines and soon found how they had gotten into the one with the pond. We went back to the barn and got the tools I needed and Zoe held things in place as I fixed them.

“Can I ask you how being a Mennonite is different from being a Christian?” I asked.

“Mennonites believe in the teachings of Jesus Christ. Our beliefs stem from the Anabaptists. Anabaptists are Christians who believe in delaying baptism until the candidate confesses his or her faith. It doesn’t mean Anti-Baptist, but rather re-baptizers. When our religion was founded, the authorities started to arrest the re-baptizers. We believe that Jesus taught peace, so we didn’t resist.

“From the first group of thirteen Anabaptists other religions were founded. The most recognizable are the Amish. Unlike them, we’re allowed to wear normal clothes and drive cars. But we believe in service to our community and non-violence. That’s the quick version of what it means to be Mennonite,” Zoe said.

I looked around and took a deep breath. It was so peaceful on the farm. Zoe cocked her head and looked at me.

“I can tell something’s bothering you. Would you like to talk about it?” she asked.

“No, not really,” I said.

“Would you allow me to pray with you?” she asked, which caught me off guard.

While I had never been one to hide my faith, I’d never really put it out there either. I just nodded and she took my hands and bowed her head. I joined her, and prayed that the rift that had developed in my family would be healed. When we were done, Zoe held my hand as she walked me back to the barn. I admit I took my time to get back and just enjoyed her company.

We put the tools away and checked the horses again, and then she walked me to my car.

“You’re welcome to come help me do my chores anytime,” Zoe said.

“I’d like that,” I said, and I was serious.

The farm had a real attraction for me. As I looked closer at Zoe, I felt an allure there also. It was different from what I normally had with a girl. While I felt the sexual attraction, there seemed to be something more. I couldn’t really put my finger on it. Zoe squeezed my hand, and then let it go so I could leave. I wanted to kiss her, but something stopped me. I didn’t want to rush whatever I felt. All I know is that spending a couple of hours with her on the farm had drained all the stress out of me. I felt better than I had in long time. Maybe even before Jeff’s accident.

Monday September 14

When I pulled into school, I saw Tracy and Pam hanging out with Brook. For some reason Brook made me nervous. Maybe it was the predatory way she checked me out. When I walked up, I saw Tracy pout.

“What’s wrong with her?” I asked Pam.

“You forgot her birthday,” Brook supplied.

I felt like shit. I’d never missed her birthday since I started high school. Her birthday my freshman year had actually been our first unofficial date.

“What can I do to make it up to you?” I asked.

“You could buy me a Mustang,” Tracy suggested.

For her sixteenth birthday her parents had bought her a Mustang. Tracy had sold it to pay for the accident she’d had that destroyed the photo hut.

“I think I saw a black one at Toys “Я” Us,” I said.

That made Pam laugh, and Tracy tried to give me her sad eyes, but I wasn’t buying it. Her dad made more than enough to buy her a car if he wanted to. I wasn’t suddenly going to start spending money on my friends, though. It wasn’t like I had a ton of money in the bank right now, anyways. I’d put a big chunk of it into the farm, and I would get another big chunk of my movie money on the release. Then there was all the residual money from ad campaigns and the photo-rights funds. Dad had arranged that money to go into David’s college fund and the buy a big-assed house fund. They had that money locked down where I would never see it until I either used it for its intended purpose or turned 25. How they talked me into that, I’ll never know.

“Why don’t you take her out?” Brook suggested.

“I’d like that,” Tracy said.

“Do you want to plan it or should I?” I asked.

“I’ll plan it,” Brook offered.

We all looked at her and Tracy shrugged.

“Okay,” I said as the bell rang.

I put my arm around Tracy and my hand found its way into her back pocket and she did the same. It felt familiar as I remembered how we used to be when we went out. Several people did a double take when they saw me walk her to her locker. Brook and Pam didn’t help when they acted like teenage girls and squealed when I kissed Tracy goodbye. I shook my head, but I hoped they weren’t getting any ideas.

I finally caught up with Tami at lunchtime and we video chatted.

“How’s Missy?” I asked.

“She’s still shook up, but she’s fine. You showed up in time before anything really happened. She wants to thank Tony, Cassidy and you for coming to her rescue.”

“I want to ask you a favor: can you stop coming with me on my recruiting trips?” I asked.

She snorted and gave me a weak smile. I held my breath. I would play nice to get my way on this. Having her along had been a nightmare.

“I figured that was coming. You’re having a hard time with what happened on the last two trips. You find Alan and me in bed, and then you have to rescue Missy. Both were alcohol-related with girls you care about.”

I wasn’t surprised Tami was spot on. She knew me better than almost anyone else besides my mom.

“That, and I need to treat these trips like they’re business trips. If I fall in love with a college, I’ll let you know. So far I’ve taken Northwestern off my list, but I would consider Michigan State. Over the summer I liked Ohio State and Alabama. If I find one that I think you’d like I’ll let you know.”

“I’d like that.”

“Thanks for understanding,” I said, and then hung up.

Now if I could get rid of the parents I could have some fun on one of these trips. A guy can dream, can’t he?

The film session from the game with Washington was brutal. We’d made mistakes that we hadn’t made since the first of the summer. One of the issues was the two new linemen we had added, Johan and Neil. Johan had replaced Tim at center. While he had a lower center of gravity, and was a rock in the middle of the line, he wasn’t nearly as mobile as Tim had been. Washington had played a four-man front, which left Johan uncovered. On run plays, he was responsible for getting off the ball and blocking a linebacker if we were not double-teaming one of the tackles. He was also responsible for helping out anyone that needed it on a pass play. He was the tip of the spear that formed my pocket. What he seemed to be doing was lunging to make blocks instead of moving his feet. When you lunge, you lose your base and leverage. Coach Stephens, our offensive line coach, felt he could fix him.

The other lineman that had problems was Neil Pressley, our right tackle. Neil’s issue was one of consistency. He was the only sophomore who was starting, and his inexperience showed. He showed enough good plays that the coaching staff felt he could do the job.

Then there were a lot of mental errors made by the skill players. Mike and Bert hadn’t really done what was needed as the fullback lined up next to me. On the option, they were the main players to handle the load for inside runs. When they were given the ball, they seemed to run into the pile instead of finding the creases and exploding into the hole. I was disappointed that they weren’t willing to stick their nose in there and pound out yardage. They also weren’t following through and making the defense think they had the ball on fakes. Their job was to fake and then find someone to block. I thought Coach Diamond was going to bust a blood vessel in his head when Bert actually fell down instead of making contact with a blitzing linebacker.

Ty had a good game, and after watching what he could do, Coach Hope moved him to fullback. I was surprised when Phil, my half-brother, was promoted to varsity to back up Ty. Mike and Bert were sent to the defensive side of the ball. Mike wasn’t happy. Personally, I wouldn’t miss him. Another change was our JV quarterback, Trent Buchannan, was designated my backup. That almost made Mike’s head explode. Coach Zoon had to take him out of the film session, and you could hear shouting in the hall.

On defense, Coach Zoon only showed a couple of plays. He wanted to keep it positive and showed them things they did right. He singled out Milo, the only freshman starter, and the good job he did alongside his brother at defensive tackle. He also showed a couple of plays Yuri had made at linebacker. Finally, he showed me tracking down the reverse. He showed Tim falling on his ass several times, as he kept running the play back and forth. That had lightened the mood.

We all groaned when we saw Cassidy show up, because it was time for sixty minutes of hell.

After the football session, Cassidy and I went straight to the dojo to work out.

“Show me how to use the baton you and your dad used at the party,” I said.

Shiggy had bamboo weapons in the back, and Cassidy brought out a couple to use as demonstration props.

“Before we get started, why didn’t you have the collapsible ones?” I asked.

There are batons that you snap open with a flick of your wrist. They can be stored on your belt and not get in the way. What Cassidy had used seemed more bulky to carry around.

“I’m impressed. You’re starting to ask better questions,” Cassidy said. “The main reason we use a solid baton is because the collapsible ones have been known to close up if the tip’s hit hard enough. That leaves you with just the grip in your hand. The second reason is that a solid baton is heavier and can do a lot more damage. If we’re in a fight, what’s our goal?”

“To end the threat as soon as possible,” I said from rote.

“The difference is I can break someone’s arm instead of just bruising him. I could also potentially kill my opponent. That was why Daddy wouldn’t let you have one. If you haven’t trained, you could really hurt someone and not mean to. Our goal was to subdue the fraternity boys, not kill them.

“Now let’s begin,” she ordered.

Giving Cassidy an additional two-foot reach was totally unfair. I quickly found out that the baton hurt, also. Then the tables were turned. I got in one good whack and Cassidy decided to show me how to counter everything she’d taught me. My little ninja warrior kicked my ass. Shiggy kicked us out again for being too rough.

The thing I figured out was that Cassidy would give me an ass-kicking every so often. I admit that I was competitive. I would work hard to get to the point where I could hold my own with Cassidy. Frankly, most guys wouldn’t put up with a girl who was ten inches shorter and weighed ninety pounds less than they did getting the better of them in what amounted to a fight. Especially if they thought they were a top athlete. For some reason I never felt any humiliation. I looked at Cassidy as my teacher. So when I would finally catch up, she’d kick my ass to show me I had much more to learn. Her teaching technique worked for me, and even I could tell I was much better than I had been just a few months ago.

On the way home she broached the topic I had anticipated and dreaded ever since we lost Jeff. They’d been dating when he had his accident, and I thought they might have been one of the few high school couples that might have made it for the long haul.

“Do you like me?” she asked.

“Cassidy Hope, you know I love you.”

“I love you too, but do you love me enough to go out with me?”

I had to pull the car over because I felt Jeff on my shoulder listening in. There were moments when the emotion of the loss still overwhelmed me. I would catch myself thinking I needed to tell him something or he would really like that, whatever that was. I was used to sharing things with my lost friend, and I missed that.

There were three girls in this world that if I ever got serious with it would be all over. Tami was a given. The second was Beth Anderson. Cassidy was the third. A case could be made for a few others. Kara came to mind, as did Suzanne. Hell, what did I know? I most likely hadn’t met the one yet.