Chapter 30: Searching for Clarity

Saturday December 5

I talked Fritz into taking me to a local surf shop so I could replace the board I broke. When we walked in, there was an older guy and a woman in her early twenties. I think Fritz was surprised when I went up to the older guy. When I say older, I would guess he was my parents’ age. I picked him because he just looked like he’d surfed all his life.

“You need a replacement?” he asked when he saw my broken board.

“Yeah, I borrowed a friend’s to learn on and tried to kill myself.”

He looked it over.

“I still have this model in either lime green or pink.”

Neither sounded good to me, so I turned and looked at Fritz and he just shrugged.

“Can we see them?” I asked.

“Sure, come to the back.”

We went to the back room and there had to be a thousand boards. At the back there was a work area where a young man was making a board. He looked like the man that was helping us. I would guess father and son. He found the two boards and pulled them out.

“At least you wouldn’t lose them,” Fritz said.

“Would Rita like either of these?”

“No,” Fritz finally answered.

“I have something similar, but it’s custom and will cost a little more.”

It was orange-reddish and had been given a weathered look, so it looked like a vintage board. In the center was a stylized blazing sun. It looked more like a piece of art than a surfboard. It was the same size and shape. I knew Rita would like it.

“Do you want to get a beginner board for yourself? This one’s too small for you.”

The guy working on shaping a board stopped and looked up.

“You’re an actor,” he said. “I saw some pictures of you surfing. I’ve got a board that’d fit you better, and I’d be willing to give you a deal if you mentioned my dad’s and my shop.”

“What kind of deal?” I asked.

He thought about it for a moment.

“How about I give you a board?” he offered.

It turned out that I needed at least a nine-and-a-half-foot board. The rule of thumb was it needed to be at least three feet longer than you were tall. He gave me a ten-footer. This one was white with a burnt orange octopus with orange and yellow tentacles and bright green suction cups. While I was there, I also got a wetsuit vest. I’d found that if my lower back got cold, I was cold all over. I also bought a pair of surf shoes.

While I paid, Fritz ran next door and got a couple of breakfast sandwiches. Nearly three grand later, we were on our way to the beach house. I about choked when I saw the price on Rita’s new board, but I bit my tongue because the guy’d given me my board.

We found Rita and Halle sitting on the patio enjoying another perfect California morning.

“I got this to replace the one I broke,” I said as I showed it to Rita.

“Mine!” Halle called.

“This is a much more expensive board than the one you broke,” Rita said.

“They only had it in pink or lime green. I thought this one looked better,” I said.

“This one should be hanging on our wall, not taken surfing,” Rita said.

I showed them the one I’d been given and Rita’s eyebrows went up.

“You say he gave you this board?” Rita asked.

“Yeah, he custom makes them in the back of his dad’s shop,” I said. “He just asked that if anyone asked, I tell them where I got it.”

He’d given me a stack of business cards, so I gave one to Rita.

“So, do I get this board?” Halle asked.

“No, you have a perfectly good board. This is too nice for you to be surfing on it,” Rita said.

“MO-om.”

“Don’t ‘Mom’ me. What happened to your last three boards?”

I could guess by the look that they’d all been damaged in some way. I’d bet that Halle would have a new board for Christmas, because Rita tucked the card away.

We all went surfing again. The young guys loved my new board and wanted to know where I got it. I showed it to the paparazzi when we came out of the water and told them. This time when I changed out of my suit I had a towel in place. I thought I might be capable of learning.

Rosy had the day off, so we went to lunch at a deli. This time it wasn’t the paparazzi who were the problem, it was the patrons. Rita James was enough to set them off, but my recent antics caused a problem. Fans suddenly surrounded our table. That might have been okay, but as more people poured into the deli things began to get tight in a hurry. I could see someone might be hurt in the crush, so I stood up and pushed through the crowd to get outside.

I’ll admit that I’d had fantasies of fans groping me and later naughty things occurring. The reality wasn’t even close to my sexy dreams. Fritz and Flo were able to get Rita and Halle out of the deli and into the car. They had to wade into the fans to be able to get me out. When I got into the car, I found my shirt was ripped and I had several scratches on my arms and neck. That had been a little unsettling.

“That was new,” I said.

“Something like that can get dangerous. We may need to rethink some things,” Fritz said.

“Maybe he shouldn’t be getting naked all the time,” Halle offered.

I stuck my tongue out at her. She just gave me a self-satisfied smirk. My naked butt had made the rounds. I would swear that Hollywood was worse than high school, as far as the gossip mill went. At least I hadn’t given them the full Monty like Justin Bieber had. I still chuckled when I remembered TMZ making fun of his junk. No guy wants his dick compared to an eggplant. There had to be something seriously wrong with that. At least they hadn’t called it a gherkin.

“Let’s hope this calms down. We don’t want you to have to call ahead and close a store just so you can go shopping,” Rita said.

She was right. I didn’t want to have to be like Beyoncé and Jay Z. That would be nuts.

I think Rita threw that out there just to get my attention. She was right; I needed to reevaluate some things before this got out of hand.

When we got home, I was happy when Fritz handed me my sandwich. He was now officially my favorite security person.

Halle hadn’t just said ‘No’, but ‘Hell, no’, when I asked if she wanted to go to Zak’s party. When she found out I planned to attend and take some of my football friends, she decided to hang out with her old high school buddies. I figured it was a good plan, because I had no desire to hang out with a bunch of posers.

We picked up Ridge and Bill first. They lived in the dorms. We met Penny and Sage at Penny’s apartment. Hunter wasn’t able to meet us, so they suggested a restaurant where we could get some good food and then go to the party at Zak’s. We went to the Food Haus Café and everyone had Blue Burgers and Truffle Fries.

Fritz finally let me ride shotgun as he drove us all to Zak’s house. Zak was in a subdivision called Malibu Colony. The guard at the gate gave us the third degree before he let us in. If we hadn’t been on the list, we would’ve been turned away.

You could tell that the houses in the neighborhood were special, and when we pulled up in front of Zak’s home, it was no exception. Zak met us at the door.

“Everyone’s excited you’re here,” he said.

I wasn’t sure what that meant, so I introduced him to my friends. Fritz insisted that he’d hang out with the other bodyguards while we had fun. We walked into what looked like a large hallway with a twenty-foot vaulted ceiling and a fireplace at the end. Zak took us to the right and we found a huge kitchen with food on all the countertops. That led to a dining area and then out back to a large patio where everyone seemed to be. I would later discover a path that led to a pool and tennis court where another group had congregated.

Ridge and Bill decided to hit the bar while Zak took me around to meet everybody. I soon found out he’d used my name to entice people to come to the party. I got the impression Zak had a bad reputation as a pussy-hound. I hadn’t expected I would recognize so many people from both film and TV.

I finally was able to ditch Zak when there was some emergency with the food. I found myself alone with a cute blonde.

“Sorry about that. I’m David,” I said to excuse Zak’s rude behavior.

“Sasha,” she said as she shook my hand.

“I never know what to say at one of these things,” I said.

“How about you get me another drink and I coach you on what you need to know to survive these parties?”

She had a hint of an accent I couldn’t place. I got her drink and came back to find her fending off a young actor who was on Modern Families. I never realized he was so short in person. He had to be five-seven at the most.

“Nolan, this is David. He’s my date tonight,” Sasha said.

“I heard you were single,” Nolan said, and then turned to look up at me.

It was funny to see his confident demeanor take a hit when he saw who I was.

“You’re that flash-in-the-pan that just hit town,” he snapped.

“You got me,” I said, and smiled. “I’ve enjoyed watching you grow up on TV. You’re a funny guy.”

Sasha gave me an appreciative look because I hadn’t reacted to his snide remark. Nolan wasn’t sure if I was being sincere or not.

“Sasha was going to introduce me around. You’re more than welcome to join us,” I offered.

I was actually surprised when he did. Sasha gave me a dirty look as I made her introduce me to all the celebrities she knew and tell them that I was her date. I’ve never been one to ham it up, so you can imagine how embarrassed she was.

I was a little starstruck when I met Taylor Lautner, who played the werewolf in the Twilight movies. I also met Selena Gomez, most famous for being Justin Bieber’s ex. If Sasha hadn’t been my ‘girlfriend’, I might have made a run at Selena, even though she’s seven years older than I am. I was willing to date an older woman.

I had to bite my tongue when Nolan took his shot. I found out he was my age when she pointed out the age difference. I watched as Sasha rubbed up against me when Selena checked me out. I guess my new girlfriend was staking her claim. Selena found it amusing. I decided we needed to move on before things got ugly.

I introduced my new girlfriend and friend to everyone I brought with me. Nolan was a fan of USC football and latched onto Ridge and Bill. I stole their girlfriends. We discovered the pool area and I kicked myself for not finding it sooner. There were girls in various states of undress. I saw Zak had decided to allow a girl to give him a blowjob in a lounge chair. I was upset when Sasha, Penny and Sage made me go back to the non-naked party. I decided to see if I could change their minds.

“I’ll strip down to my boxers. You could just take your tops off and fit in,” I offered.

“I’ve already seen you naked. Why would I want to just see you in your boxers?” Sage asked.

I thought back and I knew we’d seen each other in various states of undress when we did our photo shoot in Napa Valley. I didn’t remember being naked, but it was possible. I did remember how flexible she was when she had hooked her toe behind my neck in a parking lot. Sage’s background was in ballet.

“Really? So have I,” Penny said.

That had been a bad memory. She’d wanted a threesome with Ridge and I’d said no, but she pushed it.

“What are they talking about? Do you get naked a lot?” Sasha asked.

“I model, and when you need to change outfits you just do it.”

“Oh, I’ve done some modeling. I can see that happening,” Sasha said.

I dared Penny to say anything more with the look I gave her. Fortunately, she played nice. When we got back, I took Nolan aside and told him what was down the path we’d just come back from. I never saw him the rest of the night.

We all found a table and relaxed. I got to know Sasha. She was originally from Australia, but had moved to the States when she was five. She had done modeling, cut a record and was now on a hit TV show. It was one of those chick ones, so I’d never watched it. I found out she was just a year older than me.

I really enjoyed her company until she got drunk.

“I want to have sex,” she slurred.

“You’ve had too much to drink,” I said. “Let me take you home.”

“No. I want to see if your cock is as big as they say.”

I looked at Penny and Sage, and neither of them would look at me.

“You’d have sex with me,” she said as she reached for Bill’s lap and rubbed his crotch.

I think the only two sober people at the table were Sage and myself. Bill, Ridge and Penny had hit the free bar hard. I looked at Sage as Bill let Sasha rub his dick.

“Why don’t we all find a room and have some fun?” Penny asked.

“Yeah, like a road trip,” Bill said.

I cringed when I saw the look on Sage’s face. Penny seemed to know all about it because she just giggled.

“Do you think we can use a bedroom?” Ridge asked.

I sighed. I didn’t want them running amok in Zak’s house.

“Let me see,” I said, and sent him a text.

I was surprised when he sent me one right back. There was a guest bedroom on the main floor I could use if no one else was using it. I led them to the room and I was stunned when they just started stripping off clothes. Sage and I looked on. I guess I wasn’t surprised when Penny and Bill kissed like they were lovers. Ridge leaned back and let Sasha suck his dick.

I wasn’t into watching my friends have sex, so I stepped out the door. Sage followed me.

“Did that just happen?” Sage asked.

I just shrugged. What could I possibly say to make this better?

“How long has this been going on?” she asked.

“I’ve no idea.”

She shook her head.

“Can I get a ride home?” she asked.

I sent a text to Zak to let him know my friends were using his bedroom and I was leaving. I sent another one to Fritz to let him know we were ready to go. We made our way outside and Fritz was pulling around. When we were situated and began our ride to Sage’s place, she grabbed my hand. I gave her a weak smile, but didn’t pull it away. I couldn’t compound things by encouraging Sage to do anything she wouldn’t normally do.

It turned out that she didn’t live too far away. She had a condo in a nice building.

“Will you come up? I really don’t want to be alone tonight.”

“I’d better not. I want us to be friends after tonight, and friends don’t take advantage of their friends,” I explained.

“This might be a one-time offer,” she said to put the pressure on.

“Take my number. If you want to talk, or more, call me. I’ve always been attracted to you, but I don’t want our first time to be like this,” I said.

“I understand,” she said, and then sent me a text to make sure I hadn’t given her a bogus number.

“What are you going to do about your new girlfriend?”

“I think I’m looking for someone who only sleeps with me,” I said with a smile.

Our eyes locked and I couldn’t believe conservative Bill would give up someone like Sage just to sleep with Penny and Sasha. He’d always been the one to hold us back when we wanted to go a little wild. I wondered if Ridge and Penny were the ones that had corrupted my friend. If you’d asked me before tonight if he would ever do something like this, I would’ve said no. Sage gave me a doubting look.

“I might have a one-night stand, but for a girlfriend I want it to be just the two of us,” I said.

“Okay, I believe that. Let me get this mess worked out and then I’ll call you,” she said.

“I look forward to it,” I said, and kissed her.

“Thanks, David,” she said, and got out of the car.

“Rough night?” Fritz asked, on the ride home.

“Young people and alcohol,” I said.

Fritz got the idea that I didn’t want to talk about it.

Monday December 7

Sunday I’d been a complete slug and did nothing but go to church and watch some movies. Rita was convinced my education wasn’t complete, and decided there were films I needed to see. I enjoyed Casablanca and Mutiny on the Bounty, but I wasn’t a fan of Annie Hall.

I found out that the paparazzi were slugs too. None of them was waiting for us when we ran. As we came back home Caryn was pulling into the drive from her weekend at her mom and dad’s. I showered as she unpacked. I couldn’t believe she’d taken her clothes home to have them washed. I found if you put them in the hamper, they magically reappeared in your closet a couple of days later. What she did seemed too much like work.

When we arrived at the set I saw I had one scene first thing in the morning and then another at the end of the day. I finished my first scene and then Caryn, Fritz and I went to my baseball practice. I was happy to see Ray was warming up. I watched until he was ready, and I could see the couple of days of rest had done him some good. His curve ball and slider were breaking like crazy.

Coach Camarillo came out, took his position, and nodded to Coach Boyd to begin. I mentally went through the five steps: rhythm, seeing the ball, separation, staying square, and weight shift and transfer. I stepped into the box and Ray overthrew a fastball. What happens when you do that is they tend to rise. I saw it as soon as it came out of his hand. I concentrated on my mechanics, and from the crack of the bat I knew I got all of it. If there hadn’t been a net it might’ve ended up in the parking lot.

“Shake it off! Go again,” Coach Boyd told Ray.

The next pitch was a changeup that dipped away for a ball.

“Good eye,” Coach Camarillo said.

On the next pitch, Ray unleashed a curve ball that looked like it was coming at my head. I stood in and ripped it right back at him. That was a sure double. Today they weren’t stopping to coach us. You could feel the intensity level amp up. Ray had seen two of his first three pitches get tagged. I could tell he was ready to show up this high school kid.

The next pitch he did just that. I misread it and the curve ball had me looking foolish. Coach Camarillo didn’t say a word. I felt myself fall into the zone. For the next thirty pitches, I put on a hitting show. I just couldn’t miss. When Ray finally got so frustrated he threw at me, we called it a day.

Coach Camarillo didn’t comment on my hitting today. He gave me a new drill to do on the batting tee and said he would see me Wednesday.

The reason Caryn had come with us was because I had a meeting with a director, Laurent Vance. He’d been green-lighted to make a movie called The Royal Palm, set in early-sixties Cuba right before the Cuban missile crisis. It was set at a hotel where foreigners would stay, many of whom were spies. The role I was trying for was that of a young man who gets tangled up in the intrigue. My character is killed off in the third act.

Ari had called Caryn and said the director wanted to meet with me to see if we could work together. It was supposed to be just a friendly hello.

We arrived at the Soho House in West Hollywood and were whisked to the northeast corner of the upper-level garden. I saw Reese Witherspoon having lunch with three other people who appeared to be lawyers. Mr. Vance looked like he’d just crawled out of bed.

“Sit and listen,” he began. “I didn’t want you for this role, but the studio has forced you upon me. I have no interest in dealing with the flavor of the month and making him into a star. Why don’t you do everyone a favor and drop out of this picture.

“Order what you want. I have other things to do,” he said, and got up and left.

“Well, fuck me,” I said when he left.

“I think you should do it,” Caryn said.

“Well, fuck you,” I shot back.

“Do you think he meant it when he said lunch was on him?” Caryn asked.

I called over the waiter and he confirmed that lunch was on Mr. Vance. I got up and walked over to Reese Witherspoon’s table.

“Excuse me, could I ask you a question?”

Even Reese could give me ‘the look’. I held up my hands and mouthed ‘sorry’.

“What did you want?” Reese asked.

“Do you come here often?”

“Some.”

“I just had a jerk French director tell me why he didn’t want to work with me. He made the mistake of leaving his credit card to pay for our lunch,” I said, pointing at Caryn.

For some reason Caryn acted like she didn’t know me.

“I was wondering if you could help me decide what to eat? Maybe even a bottle of wine or two,” I suggested.

Reese smiled.

“Let me finish up and I’ll join you,” she said.

I went back to our table and Caryn had a panicked look on her face.

“What did you just do?” she hissed at me.

“I thought we might need help spending Mr. Vance’s money. Reese looked like she’d been here before and would be able to help,” I said.

When Reese’s meeting broke up, she came and joined us.

“Reese, this is Caryn Buckley, my manager,” I said by way of introduction.

Reese looked at me. I played dumb, as if she should know who I was. I thought Caryn was going to have kittens.

“This is David A. Dawson,” Caryn said.

Reese got her phone out and looked me up. I really couldn’t blame her.

“Who was the French director that gave you a hard time?” Reese asked.

“Laurent Vance. Do you know him?” I asked.

“No, but I’ve heard rumors,” she said, and then smiled. “I think someone mentioned wine.”

I found out that the Soho House was a members-only club. If I ever lived in LA I would want to be a member. They served a spicy tuna appetizer that confirmed I loved tuna. I had a barbequed carrot salad and black truffle and goat cheese pizza, two things I’d never had before, and loved. I do know that Reese and Caryn polished off two bottles of a chardonnay that were $240 each.

Reese was funny after she’d had some wine. She dropped into her Tennessee accent and regaled us with stories. I had to leave Caryn because I had one more scene to shoot. I invited Reese to dinner at Rita’s house and to my surprise, she accepted.

On the way back to the studio, Ari called. I’d told Fritz the story and he wanted to hear what Ari had to say, so I put it on speaker.

“Hey, what’s up, Ari?”

“Hey, I got some feedback from the frog director.”

“Listen...” I said, starting to explain what happened.

“He loved you.”

“Really?”

“They want to wrap you up in a scarf and give you a baguette.”

I mouthed ‘He loved me’ and then acted like I was blowing my brains out, which caused Fritz to snort.

“They want to throw four million at you.”

“You’re kidding,” I deadpanned.

“You smiling?” he asked.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m smiling,” I said with a frown.

Fritz was having trouble holding in the laughter.

“Can you hear me smiling? You got my balls tingling. Call me.”

“Yeah, I’ll talk to you later.”

Fritz finally burst out laughing, and I joined in. That movie was never happening. Someone was jerking Ari’s chain.

When I got home, I had Halle and Rita with me. Rosy came stomping out of the kitchen.

“You, you,” she huffed, and then turned around and stomped back to the kitchen.

“Does she do that often?” I asked.

“I’ve never seen her do that. Something you might want to tell me?” Rita asked.

I could hear laughter in the kitchen. Rita and Halle looked at me and decided it would be easier to just go see what was going on.

“Rita, Halle, when did you get back?” Reese asked.

It was apparent they were friends. I went upstairs and took a shower, because the last scene had me running all over, and the James women wanted to go home before I could take one in my trailer. When I was done I went downstairs and hugged Rosy to make up. She explained that if I ever invited someone like Reese over unannounced again, I would be in trouble. I just told her ‘I no speak English.’

The women broke out more wine after dinner, so I retreated to my room. I needed to prepare for my commercial tomorrow. I had a couple of lines and had to learn them phonetically. They had emailed me audio bites that I said repeatedly until it sounded like the recording. I had no idea what I was saying. I was trusting they wouldn’t have me say anything too bad.

I was about ready to go to bed when Halle came into my room.

I gave her my first line in the commercial.

“Are you the lead in the next Godzilla movie?” she teased.

I gave her the second line and pointed in front of me.

“I see. You’ve discovered a monster and need my help to slay it.”

I was starting to like this game. I said my last line as sexily as I could. She laughed at me. I grabbed her and roared. She squealed so loud that Rita came bursting in. I had Halle over my shoulder and was about to spank her butt. I looked at Rita and said my first line.

I think she called me retarded as she left. I swatted Halle’s bottom. I gently laid her down on my bed.

“How does your mom know Reese?” I asked.

“They did Pleasantville before either of them was famous. They’ve been friends ever since.”

“How big a dork does Reese think I am?”

“She likes you. She felt bad about lunch and paid for it.”

“You want to hear something funny? They offered me the job even after the director tried to run me off,” I said.

“Ari called Caryn and she told him what was said. Ari didn’t care. He said let them pay you four million and then kick you off the set.”

“I’m not sure I could do that.”

“It’s only a four-week shoot for you. I could put up with a lot for four million,” Halle said.

I hadn’t thought of it in those terms. He could scream at me the whole time, if he wanted. I could ask my mom to practice on me so I could handle it.

Halle and I talked for a while and then she went to her room. There was no need to make things awkward for Rita. We were sure she knew we were having sex, but I respected her too much to toss it in her face.

Tuesday December 8

It turned out some other celeb had done something and there were no more paparazzi at our gates. I was just about ready to go to my sunglasses advertisement shoot when my phone rang. I guess I wasn’t surprised to see it was Bill. What surprised me was it took him so long to call. I answered as Caryn and I got into the car.

“What did you say to Sage?” he asked.

I sighed. I guess I needed to play along.

“What are you talking about, Bill?”

“She won’t answer my calls. I went to her condo and they won’t let me in. I heard that she left town to take a job. I know you left with her. What did you say?” he asked.

“Bill, do I really need to explain it to you? The last she saw of you was when you crawled into bed with Penny.”

“And you took advantage of it. She told me you were interested. Don’t deny it.”

“Of course I was interested.”

“So you did sleep with her,” Bill accused.

“Bill, you know me. When have I ever slept with a girl who’s dating someone, especially a friend’s girl?” I asked.

“That’s just it. You might have thought that Sage and I were done. I wanted you to know that isn’t the case.”

“I would probably disagree with you, but I assure you that I’ve never slept with Sage,” I said.

“God damn it, David! What am I supposed to do? I love her.”

“I know, but I don’t think you can come back from this one. You admitted to sleeping around on her when you went to away games. It was obvious that you and Penny had been together before. If you were going to do that, you needed to talk to her before it ever happened. You can’t expect her to take you back after you didn’t man up and tell her what you either planned to do or did,” I said.

“See, that’s why you’re abnormal. No guy in his right mind would ever tell his girl he planned to have sex with other girls at away games. He most certainly wouldn’t tell her about his threesomes with Ridge and Penny.”

“I don’t know what to tell you then. The reason I’m ‘abnormal’ is because I don’t want something like this happening to me. Let me give you some advice, because we’re friends: the best way to get over this is to find someone and spend the day in bed with her. I’m sure Penny would be willing to help you out. Believe me, you’ll feel much better afterwards,” I said.

“I call bullshit.”

“Maybe, but what do you have to lose?” I asked.

He actually laughed.

“Fuck you, Dawson,” Bill said, and hung up on me.

“What was that about?” Caryn asked.

I told her about the weekend, and my friend getting drunk, and him both revealing secrets and having sex with one of his girlfriend’s friends.

“So your advice was that he should have told her beforehand?” she asked.

I explained my theory on communication and how you wouldn’t know what you could or couldn’t do unless you talked about it. Caryn didn’t believe me, so I had her call Harper, and let Harper explain about the sorority party we’d gone to.

When they rang off, Caryn turned to me with the look. I was beginning to think it was the one truly devastating weapon every girl in existence had honed to a killing edge.