Chapter 14

Tossing and turning Lexi finally got up with a sigh of disgust, it seemed like every time she closed her eye’s she saw Tommy laughing as the girls shrieked or Tommy on the beach at the island, she could still feel his bare skin under her fingers but she could also hear his hurtful word.

“no I guess I just expected a virginal magic lady, my mistake”, pulling on her bathrobe she went and took another long hot bath, laying in the bubble’s, the fragrance of roses filling the air she sipped a cup of cocoa and tried not to think about Tommy but it wasn’t working. Getting out of the tub she barely dried just pulled on her bathrobe and went downstairs to the library, maybe a dull book would help she told herself. Cad and Priss annoyed that Lexi was wandering around decided they might as well get a snack and fussed at her until she went in the kitchen and got them each a roasted leg of lamb figuring that would keep them happy for quite a while.

“There is someone at the door” house told her, Lexi frowned wondering who could be at the door at this hour, she knew it wasn’t the girls or the house would have told her that the fireball duo was there, which is what house called them.

Lexi looked and could have laughed at the perplexed look on Tommy’s face as he stared at the door if it hadn’t been in the middle of the night and her emotions all ready stretched taut, Lexi walked over and opened the door. Tommy sighed to himself, he shouldn’t be here he thought, he had been just about to turn and leave when the door opened and there she stood, her hair piled on top of her head, damp tendrils hanging down, wrapped in a bathrobe and bare feet, a look of confusion on her face “hi, I kept seeing your lights going on and off and thought there was a problem” he heard himself say. Lexi opened the door wider and stepped back “no, there’s no problem other then a restless night, would you like to come in.”

Tommy gave the door a careful look as he walked in “the door kept telling me it was an ungodly hour for visitors and didn’t I want to return at a more reasonable hour, for a minute I thought it was Riley” Lexi chuckled “I think house and Riley have been chatting, would you like a cup of coffee or cocoa? I’d offer you something stronger but Cad would smell it a mile away and be on you in a second” Tommy smiled “coffee will do fine, Mercer still laughs about that damned leopard and his penchant for ale, he says Cad is the son he never had” Lexi chuckled handing Tommy a large mug of coffee, well no time like the present she thought, might as well get the talk over and done with.

Lexi walked into the library and sat on the sofa, Tommy hesitated for a moment and sat down next to her, Lexi glanced over at him “I was going to invite you over tomorrow so we could talk, we can talk now if you want or later tomorrow if you’re tired” Tommy took a drink of his coffee, here it comes he thought, she’s going to tell me to stay away from her, that she could never forgive him for what he had done, he’d never been able to forgive himself why should she.

“now will do, might as well get things said and over with” he told her, what he really wanted to do was run before she shattered his all ready aching hurting heart. Lexi nodded, where to start? she wondered, taking a deep breath she looked down at her fingers picking at her bathrobe tie “Tommy, I’ve loved you for a very long time, even after what happened on the beach, which was my fault since you had no way of know what had happened with Finbar, I still loved you. Please let me finish before you say anything, I have to say this and get it out now or I may never be able to say it again.”

Tommy sat watching her face, clutching the coffee cup so tightly he was amazed it hadn’t shattered in his hands as her words sank into his brain, he was waiting for the blow that was to come, but I don’t love you anymore, the words that would finish breaking his heart, he felt a prickle of tears and blinked them away.

“I’ve never stopped loving you Tommy, I know you can’t possible love me back but I need to hear you say it, I need to hear you say it so I can get on with my life without hoping there might still be a chance that you had some feelings left for me.”

Lexi knotted her hands in her robe as she waited for Tommy to say something, she didn’t dare look at him, she didn’t want to see the look on his face, he must think her so pathetic to have still held onto her love for him after all these years.

Tommy could only stare at Lexi, had she just said she still loved him? had he really heard her say that? maybe it was just wishful thinking on his part “you still love me? after what I did to you and the way I treated you on Mercer’s beach?” he whispered, he needed to hear her say it again. Lexi glanced up at him, surprised to see his face and eye’s filled with disbelief and something else, she was thought looked like hope, “I’ve never stopped loving you Tommy, I would be lying if I said what happened on the beach didn’t hurt, it hurt terribly” Lexi blinked back tears “I wish I could have been that virginal magic lady for you more then anything in the world, I wish I had said something to you when you asked what other things I was afraid of but I didn’t because I was so sure that if you only held me and loved me everything would be all right again and the nightmare of the stables would be all gone.”

Tommy turned his face so she couldn’t see the tears swimming in his eye’s, he looked up at the ceiling, he looked down at the fire, oh hell, he thought and turned and pulled her into his arms and said brokenly “I’ve always loved you my magic lady, I thought you hated me after what I did on the beach, I can’t tell you how sorry I am for what I said and did, I’ve relived it a thousand times in my mind. Will you let me try in my bungling way to explain.”

Lexi looked at Tommy lovingly and wiped the tears off her cheeks and his and nodded, her fingers trembling, his words echoing in her mind, he loved her, he still could love her, then she felt her heart lurch, she knew she had to explain Tibitron to him, she wanted it all said and out in the open, finally. Tommy took a deep breath “you’re so special, always have been to me, we’d shared a few shy kisses, a few hugs, each time I had tried to say something to you about my feelings something happened to interrupt me, even after seeing your dragoness in the stables though shocked to hell and back at what I perceived as horrible viciousness, I knew you or thought I knew you well enough that you must of had a damn good reason to kill Finbar. Then out on the beach my male ego got in the way, I was a man older then you, my beautiful fragile magic lady, I hadn’t been celibate I was a man who thought he was well versed in sex. I thought I was the first man to make love to you, I wanted to be the first, last and the only one inbetween, maybe I was afraid of being compared to other lovers, maybe I just didn’t want to share you with any other man, then you were kissing me, not like a shy virgin but like a woman, your words weren’t those of a young woman who had never been touched before. I was angry Lexi, I was hurt when I realized I wasn’t the first man in your life and was so afraid I wouldn’t be the last, I made an ass of myself and ruined things for both of us. I didn’t know about what happened with Finbar until that night you walked into the Bear and Bull looking for Mac, even then I wanted to run after you and tell you how sorry I was but once again my male ego got in the way when Mercer said you had taken up with Tibitron. You can tell me to go to hell if you want or that it’s none of my business but why Tibitron? Lexi, of all the dragons you could have had, why him.”

Tommy saw the color leave her face and pulled her back into his arms “forget I asked, it doesn’t matter, let’s just leave it alone.”

Lexi let out a trembling breath “no, it does matter, I think it matters a lot to you Tommy but I don’t know if you’ll understand” she didn’t give him a chance to object “why Tibitron, because he was cruel, vicious, mean, violent but believe it or not he was also in his own way kind to me. When I came back from Mercer’s I wanted to lay down and die, I thought I had let you down, that you didn’t want me anymore and all my idealistic romantic dreams of a knight on his white charger rescuing me from myself basically it all went up in smoke, instead of physically dying I guess I died emotionally and in walked Tibitron, he turned my numbness into fury and anger and hurt then let me take it all out on him, it took me a long time to realize that he fed off of it, that he thrived sexually off of my hurt and fury, he was sucking me dry and I didn’t know it, by the time I saw what was happening it was almost to late. I wanted to blame you for a long time Tommy but I couldn’t because it wasn’t your fault. It was my fault because I didn’t know how to let anyone help me, I didn’t talk to anyone, I kept it all wrapped up inside and like Tibitron, I fed off of it until I almost lost everything.”

Tommy brushed his finger across her cheek “I’ve always wanted you magic lady, maybe we both let each other down by not saying what we really thought, can we start over? can you give this bungling seamen another chance?” Lexi let out a sob “if I told you to get lost, would you?” Tommy tucked her head against his shoulder “not likely” he whispered against her hair, holding her tightly against him. Lexi sat up and looked at Tommy, he saw the flush on her cheeks as she whispered “one thing I want you to know, I never let Tibitron near my human or my rose bed, I knew in my heart they were for you, they always had been.”

Tommy wanted to shout with joy, instead he laughed “you really think I’m the rose type huh” Lexi smiled tenderly and said softly “you are the knight in my rose bower” cupping his face in her hands she kissed him, a bare whisper of a kiss against his lips.

Lexi woke up with a start, grabbing the covers she looked at Mal standing on the side of her bed, snapping and hissing, Tommy rolled over opening one eye “you seem a little on the touchy side this morning Mal” Mal blinked, blushed scarlet under his scales and muttered he was just a little upset, Lexi almost laughed seeing the blush and Mal trying to look anywhere but at the two of them in the bed “what’s the matter kiddo?” Mal flew over to stare out the round rose window “Tee’s upset with me and I don’t understand why, Virlane and Kat say Tee is too young to attend Tabby’s coming out ball, if Tee isn’t there I’m not going either! mama is so busy with Grandmother planning this ball she is like a lunatic on the loose, she’s driving papa nuts, he and Cat are hiding out in his work room, so I thought I’d come talk to you, I didn’t know you had company, I’m sorry, I’ll go.”

Tommy chuckled “I’m not company Mal, tell you what how about you go down to the kitchen and see what’s good to eat, make sure Cad hasn’t drunk all the cooking sherry and give Lexi and I a chance to get up, then we’ll talk” Mal blushed scarlet again and disappeared with a nod. Lexi and Tommy started laughing “I told him last week he was too old to be popping in and out of bedrooms maybe he will listen now” she said tossing back the covers and sliding her legs over the side of the bed, Tommy reached out and pulled her back, he kissed her deeply “by the way, good morning” Lexi purred into his mouth “mmmmm good morning” she blinked to find herself standing next to the bed and Tommy getting out of the bed “shall we go talk to Mal, then you can tell the house not to let anyone in for the next hundred years” Lexi laugh turned to another purr as her eye’s slide over his body “make that two hundred years” Tommy grinned widely.

A short time later the two walked into the kitchen to find Mal sharing scones with Priss and Cad, he glanced up and blushed again, Lexi smiled kindly handing him a cup of cocoa and Tommy a mug of coffee “why don’t we start with Tee, why is she upset with you?” Mal sighed “beats me, she’s been acting really weird lately, she told me she didn’t want me patting her on the top of the head anymore, I’ve always done it before and she never said anything, Crispin and I were talking yesterday and he says it’s all a female hormonal thing where they say stuff and have no clue what they are saying.”