Elizabeth entered the magic shop with some trepidation. She hoped that Darwin had taken the morning off and that the bimbo he employed was running the shop. No such luck. Her former classmate grinned in recognition and greeted her. She put on her best face and hoped the minor warlock wouldn’t know what she wanted the ingredients for. She wished there was another shop in town.

“Hello Darwin,” she returned his greeting. “How is business?”

“Oh, I can’t complain,” he said. “Well, I can, clearly. I certainly didn’t plan to spend my life selling these nasties when we graduated 30 years ago. Still, it’s a living!”

Elizabeth tried to look sympathetic, even though it was his own damn fault, goofing off in school and always playing the fool. Even with the abundance of raw magical talent that Elizabeth had, she still had to study in order to become one of the most powerful witches in Saskatchewan.

After the obligatory social niceties, she got to the point.

“Darwin, there’s a spell I want to try out and I need some ingredients. Oak ash, a five-faced prism, and the pineal gland of a chameleon, or the whole brain if you don’t have the gland extracted.”

“Ah, making a glamour I see,” said Darwin, nodding knowingly.

Shit. She was made.

“Ah, yes. A little one.”

“Want to look your best for the Wizard’s Ball Saturday?”

“Um, well...”

“Nothing to be embarrassed about, Elizabeth,” Darwin said, “We aren’t as young as we were in school. There are plenty of witches who use glamours, many of them younger than you are.”

“Yes, well, I just wanted to try something ... different.”

“Sure, sure. Only one problem. True sight.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, most of the Upper Echelon have it. Sees right through glamours.”

“Yes, well, I knew that would be a possibility, but at least the lesser wizards will see the illusion.”

“Oh, the Upper Echelon will see the illusion too, but they’ll also see what’s under it. Glamours come off as a big glaring mark when you have the true sight, so I’m told.”

“Oh.” said Elizabeth.

Shit, she thought. How did this idiot know so much? She supposed he had nothing better to do than research now days. Shit.

“Of course, there is another option,” Darwin said. “I happen to be in possession of a spell that will truly divide your age in half. Not only could you go to the Ball being literally 26, but you could also go shopping or watch a movie at the same time.”

“What on earth do you mean?” she asked.

“The spell splits you in two,” he explained. “Here, let me show you how it works.”

He turned his back on her and rummaged. Elizabeth scowled, wondering what the catch might be and what being split in two had to do with it. It sounded like the old stage magician’s trick.

“Its quite simple,” said Darwin, returning to her with a lump of grey clay and a grimour. “All you do is take this clay, mix in some of your spit to add your essence (Blood works too, if you prefer, but spit works just as well.) Then as you read the incantation, you pull the clay apart into two equal pieces and voila! One 52 year old becomes two 26 year olds. To reverse, your two younger selves simply read the counter spell while you mash the two lumps back together. I’ve done it a few times when I’ve had a lot of work to do and Gelly was on vacation. It’s fun at first, but after a while ... I don’t know. If your two selves go two different places, it can be really weird when you fuse and have two separate memories merge. But if you stay together, well, it can get really annoying.”

Elizabeth held back an impulse to quip that now he knew how the rest of the world felt. Darwin was an obnoxious ass and had been even more so as a young man. It was hardly surprising even that he would be trite company, even to himself.

She resisted saying as much, though, because the spell intrigued her. She could regain real youth and have the most delightful dinner companion she could hope for: herself! Had Darwin been pushing it on her she may have been suspicious, but as he seemed to down play the spell she decided it was something she just had to try.

“Can I give it a go?” she asked. “If I like it, I’ll buy it and the other ingredients as well, but I don’t want to buy an untested spell.”

“Oh sure, go right ahead if you’re inclined to,” Darwin said. “The magic doesn’t wear out or anything. You can go back and forth as often as you can read the spell and manipulate the clay.”

“Well, o.k. then, I’ll try it!” Elizabeth declared.

“Here’s the clay. Just work a little spittle into it.”

She did so, spitting with as much dignity as was possible. The stuff was definitely magical; she could feel it. The saliva adsorbed easily, changing the clay from light gray to dark. As she blended it, the glob remained cohesive, none of it sticking to her hands or under her nails. It felt warm and seemed to pulsate faintly.

“It’s a bit like a Darkinian Slorbath,” she observed.

“Yes, but more malleable,” Darwin agreed. “It makes it more useful for this purpose. Now all that you need to do is read this paragraph right here. The second paragraph reverses the spell. It’s in a rather obscure dialect of Altuvian: Cordovell Altuvian. Do you read it?”

Elizabeth didn’t, in fact. She barely understood the more common dialects of the Saroveth and Dorfindel Altuvians, but she certainly wasn’t about to admit that to Darwin. She had a knack for pronouncing languages well, even when she didn’t understand them, and could often dupe people into thinking that she understood more than she actually did.

“It’s been a while, but I think I remember the basic grammatical structure and pronunciation,” she said.

She scanned the page and recognized a few words, including half and divided. She could definitely fake it.

“Well, you’re welcome to give it a try and see if you like it. Then we can talk price,” Darwin grinned.

“We’ll see,” said Elizabeth. She imagined she would probably find a better deal in Toronto and if she bought the spell at all it would be there. Still, most of the bigger shops didn’t let you try the spells out before they had your money. Better to take advantage of Darwin’s offer.

She read the paragraph:

“Delani Fiee Shi Kelbi Shon

Fortrithe mosiba Cantrolian Faat

Bishanti mecareth El Megoth Menshi

Talbereth Balacon Bimb!”

As she spoke, the words they seemed to squirm and come alive in her mouth, as spells were wont to, and she knew the magic was working. She had gotten the pronunciation right!

The throbbing in the clay became more pronounced, reminding her to slowly draw the lump into two equal portions as she read. The clay complied reluctantly, then finally separated with a pop as she spoke the final word.

Elizabeth blinked. The pop came from a pressure change that made her ears ring and her stomach flip flop. She was no longer looking at the book but instead to one side of it. One hand held one lump of clay, the other was empty.

Startled, she looked over to see a younger version of herself on the other side of the podium.

“Oh my!” she and her other self said at once, and then they giggled.

“This is amazing!” they both said, turning to Darwin and then looking back at each other. “How come you keep saying the same thing that I do?”

“Don’t worry about it, ladies. Your brains are identical and you’re in the same situation so you think of the same thing to say at the same moment. As you accumulate more separate experiences, it will stop happening so often.”

“OK” they said in stereo, then grinned at each other. “What number am I thinking of? Three!”

The two young Elizabeths giggled again.

“Gosh!” they said, reaching out to touch the others face. “My skin is so smooth! Were so pretty! Darwin, do you have a mirror?”

“Of course, ladies. Of course,” said the shopkeeper. “In the back room. Follow me.”

Hand in hand the two Elizabeths followed Darwin into the back room where he had a large mirror. They didn’t notice how the front door locked itself and a closed signed appeared in the window.

They giggled when they saw themselves, identical amazed and amused expressions on their young faces.

“This is so cool!” they said in tandem, then giggled. “This dress hardly fits us now, we’ve lost so much weight!”

Upon saying so, both young Elizabeths pulled at the fabric that hung loosely off their younger, slimmer bodies and both dresses tore like tissue paper.

“Hey!” the two exclaimed, then pulled at the shoulder of each dress, ripping it again, exposing a bra strap on each left shoulder which also snapped apart when tugged at.

“What happened to our clothes?” they asked each other, then giggled when they realized that neither of them knew and turned to Darwin.

“Why Elizabeth, you surprise me. Surely you realize that the spell wouldn’t duplicate your clothing! Instead, half of the fibers went to one half of Elizabeth, the other half to the other! Naturally, the integrity of the fabric was compromised.”

The Elizabeths frowned. They didn’t understand what Darwin was saying. Something about the spell ruining their dress. Why did he have to make it so complicated? He was just showing off with his big words.

“Whatever!” they said in tandem and giggled. “We need new clothes for our new bodies anyway! I can just magic some new clothes with my closet spell!”

The two young sorceresses waved their hands magically in what they were pretty sure was the right pattern. It was funny, but they were having a hard time remembering the spell, even though it was one they used all the time. A magic portal did appear before them, though it didn’t seem quite right, exactly. The Elizabeths shrugged and looked at each other, each trying to picture the other in various outfits.

“Tight black leather!” they exclaimed at once. Picturing a black leather skirt, shoes, and jacket, they reached into the portal to withdraw the imagined object.

What they grabbed didn’t feel like a hanger. They looked questioningly at each other, wondering if the other had a different outfit in mind. This felt like suede, although a suede what they couldn’t guess. It felt like a rope.

Not knowing what else to do, they pulled. What emerged from the portal was, in fact, a black suede cord with a tassel on the end. They continued to pull and met with resistance.

“Pull harder!” they told each other and gave a heave in unison. With the heave came a loud moo and the back half of a large black bull emerged from the portal.

The Elizabeths stared at the creature, dumbfounded.

“Lord, what are you girls doing?” Darwin exclaimed and slapped the bull’s tail out of their hands. A loud ‘thwap’ on the beast’s posterior propelled it back into the portal and Darwin closed it with a word and a gesture.

“It was supposed to be a leather dress,” said one Elizabeth.

“A black one,” said the other.

“Hey, we didn’t say the same thing!” they exclaimed in unison.

Once the giggling subsided, they remembered their failed spell.

“What went wrong?” they asked Darwin.

“Well, I guess it could have to do with the halving of your spirit number.”

“Huh?” they asked.

“Oh surely you didn’t forget your Altuvian numerology! The Altuvians describe every living creature by 3 numbers: Their body number, mind number, and spirit number, all of them interdependent in some vast mystical equation that only the god Cordo can solve using his Cosmic Sliderule. You divided your body number, giving each of you half your original age, so naturally the other two numbers and the aspects they represent were divided in two as well. Half the spirit number means half the magical ability of the original one. I figured since you were such a powerful sorceress, it would hardly be noticeable. Guess I was wrong. Silly me.”

The two Elizabeths looked at each other with dawning comprehension.

“Only half?” said one.

“That sucks!” said the other.

“I wanna have all my magic!” they declared.

“Well, you do, Elizabeths. You haven’t lost any magical ability–you have just divided it between two people! All Altuvian numbers are conserved, just divided.

The Elizabeths frowned. That made sense, they guessed. But it wasn’t fair. They liked being a powerful sorceress. What was the point of going to the ball looking young and pretty if all the other sorcerers were more powerful than her? After a few drinks, these parties usually degenerated into games of ‘what can we turn the lesser sorcerers into’. She wouldn’t be young and pretty if anyone who wanted to could change her into a duck or a frog.

“I wanna change back!” they demanded.

“All right, all right,” said Darwin. “If it’s that important to you to have all your power in one body, I guess this just isn’t the spell for you. Just read the counter spell and squash the clay back together and you will be your old self again–just the one of you.”

Sullenly, the two Elizabeths went back to the book. It was so fun being young and pretty! There had to be a way to keep her powers. Maybe she could come up with another spell that would let her do both. But she would have to be at full strength to create the spell. Maybe she would buy Darwin’s spell and figure out what to do with it at home.

“OK, it’s this paragraph right here,” said Darwin, “Both of you read it at once while mashing the clay together.”

The Elizabeths looked at the page. There were letters. Lots of letters. Letters were supposed to make words. But they didn’t. The Elizabeths stared hard at the book. They turned it upside down.

It didn’t help.

“Hey, what’s wrong with this thing?” they asked Darwin.

“What do you mean, what’s wrong with it?” Darwin asked.

“It doesn’t make any sense!” the Elizabeths cried.

“It’s the same book it always has been,” Darwin said, “Just read the counter spell and you’ll be back to normal!”

The Elizabeths looked hard again at the page were the shop keeper pointed. They blushed with embarrassment.

“It doesn’t make sense!” they pouted.

“It makes perfect sense!” Darwin insisted. “Daliga Forma Sagil Bothus”

He pointed at each group of letters as he said the words. The Elizabeths tried to follow along but it was so confusing!

“I can’t!” the divided sorceress cried, tears welling up in their eyes, “I can’t read it!”

“What do you mean you can’t ... Ooooh,” said Darwin. “I know why.”

“Why?”

“Well, your mental number was divided in two along with your body and spirit numbers, so each of you are half as smart as your original self. That’s to be expected, but I would have thought half your intelligence would be more than enough to still be able to read! Is it possible that our dear Elizabeth, Valedictorian, wasn’t nearly as smart as she claimed to be?”

“But ... but I am smart!” they protested.

“Well, half of smart is mediocre, but half of mediocre is dumb as a brick. No offense, but you seem to have gotten pretty stupid.”

The Elizabeths pouted, but it was hard to deny; they couldn’t even read anymore!

“But I don’t wanna be stupid!” they whined.

Darwin sighed.

“This is a problem. I can’t read the spell for you. It has to be read by the person it acts on.”

The Elizabeths cried harder. They were stuck like this!

“Oh there, there,” Darwin said, patting them each on their bare shoulders. “There are other options. I think I have a potion that could put you two back together. Just let me mix it up.”

The two Elizabeths sniffed and wiped their tears away. They smiled gratefully.

“Thank you, Darwin!” they chimed in stereo.

“Let me see...” said the shop keeper as he searched the shelves and took down a bottle of blue powder. It had a label on it but the identical young women couldn’t read it. He measured a spoonful into each of two glasses, then filled the glasses with a clear fluid and stirred them. He handed each Elizabeth a glass. They sniffed it and their eyebrows raised. It smelled very strongly of alcohol.

“I have to dissolve the stuff in pure gin,” he explained before they could ask. “It won’t go into solution in anything less than 80 proof. Just drink it down quick–it’s not so bad.”

“You first!” the Elizabeths said to each other.

“No, no, no” said Darwin. “It has to be at the same time. I’ll count to three, then you both down it quick. One, two, three, drink!”

The divided sorceress downed the blue potion. It burned as they swallowed and tears again began to flow.

Blinking their blurry eyes, each Elizabeth saw her younger self blinking back at her. They were still two. Maybe it took some time. Yes, they could feel something happening–a warmth spreading throughout their bodies. Each Elizabeth smiled at the other. It felt funny! Their breasts felt so warm and tingly!

Both women cupped their own breasts with both hands. They were even warm to the touch! And they seemed to be swelling!

“Oh my God!” they said in tandem. “They’re growing!”

“Really? Let me feel,” said Darwin, pushing away the left hand from the left breast of the left Elizabeth and cupping said breast in his own hand.

“Amazing!” said Darwin.

Elizabeth on the right sniggered. “He’s touchin’ your booby!”

“Hey!” exclaimed left Elizabeth, “You’re not supposed to touch my boobies!”

“Well, you’re the one who said they were growing,” Darwin countered.

The left Elizabeth thought about that a moment. She had said that. His argument was irrefutable.

“Yeah, well, she said it too,” she said, pointing an accusatory finger at her other self.

“So I should feel her boobies as well?” he asked.

“Yeah!” said the left Elizabeth, glad to get her way.

“Hey!” protested the right Elizabeth.

“Well, you heard the other Elizabeth. It’s only fair that you let me feel your boobies,” Darwin explained.

“Yeah! You gotta let him feel your boobies,” left Elizabeth demanded.

Right Elizabeth was confused, but if her other self said she had to, she must have to.

The Elizabeth on the right dropped her hands to give the shop owner access and he quickly took advantage, giving both breasts a firm squeeze.

“Ha!” said Elizabeth left. “He touched yer boobies!”

Elizabeth right blushed furiously.

“Yeah, well, he touched yers too!” she exclaimed.

“Uhuh!” said Elizabeth left. “He only touched this one.”

She hefted the left boob and the fragile dress tore and pealed away to show the left cup of her bra straining to contain her growing bosom.

“Oops!” she said and giggled.

“Hey! Thas not fair!” Right Elizabeth exclaimed. “You gotta feel her ‘nother one boobie too!”

“All right, all right,” said Darwin, withdrawing his hand and pulling away a large panel from the flimsy dress.

“Oh, I’m sorry Elizabeth,” Darwin apologized. “My ring must have caught on your dress. Here, let me try and fix it.”

He made valiant attempts that left her nearly topless.

“No, no no!” said the Elizabeth on the right, brushing him away, “You gotta touch her other boobie or it’s not fair!”

“All right, if you insist,” Darwin said.

“Sorry Elizabeth,” he said to the left Elizabeth. “You heard Elizabeth.”

The Elizabeth-right gave the Elizabeth-left a self satisfied smirk.

Elizabeth-left stuck her chin out.

“I don’t even care!” she said. “See!”

She grabbed Darwin’s hand and pressed it against her right breast, making him rub it hard.

“He’s touchin your boobie! He’s touchin your boobie”! Elizabeth right taunted in a sing-song voice.

Elizabeth left stuck her tongue out.

“Well, I think you’re right. Your boobs are definitely growing. I can’t imagine what went wrong.”

“Huh?” the Elizabeths asked, having fully forgotten what had brought about the boob squeezing.

“Oh, I know!” Darwin snapped his fingers, “I forgot to say the magic words! How stupid of me!”

“Yeah, you’re stupid <giggle>” said Elizabeth on the left.

“Yeah! Uh ... about what?” asked Elizabeth on the right.

“I dunno,” she replied and they both giggled.

“About the potion, of course!” Darwin declared, “Let’s try it again. I’ll get it right for sure this time!”

He measured out 3 spoonfuls into each glass this time and stirred in the gin.

“And now the magic words,” Darwin said as the Elizabeths watched in fascination at how the blue liquid swirled in their glasses. “Hocus Pocus, Bibbity bobbity boo! Now drink up!”

The divided sorceress took the glasses and downed the potion in two gulps, one for each half.

“Wow!” they said and wobbled on their feet.

“Yeah, your tolerance for alcohol is half of what it was too,” Darwin observed.

“You ain’t kiddin’ <hic!>” said one Elizabeth. The other one was distracted by something sparkly and started giggling.

“I think she’s drunk <hic!>,” the Elizabeth who wasn’t giggling said conspiratorially to Darwin.

“You know, you could be right about that,” Darwin agreed.

“Hey, my boobies feel funny!”

“Really? Again?” Darwin asked.

“Huh?” said the Elizabeth. “Oh yeah! I ‘member. My boobies felt funny the las’ time we drinked the blue stuff!”

“Yeah, I wonder if the other Elizabeth’s boobies feel funny,” Darwin wondered.

“I’ll asp her. Hey ‘lizbeth!”

“Huh?” said the other Elizabeth, looking away from the sparkly thing.

“Do your boobies feel funny?”

The other Elizabeth cupped her boobies.

“No, they feel firm and bouncy!” she declared.

“No, no, no, you stupid silly!” the first Elizabeth rebuked, “Not on the outside, on the inside!”

Still cupping her breasts, the other Elizabeth looked at the ceiling with exasperation.

“I can’t feel my boobies on the inside, silly,” she declared. “My hans are on the outside!”

“Not with your hans, dummy! Do your boobies feel all warm an tingly like mine?”

“Ooh <giggle> Yeah, they do! I like it <giggle> but this bra is too tight.”

Just as she said it, the compromised undergarment ripped and shredded and her expanding jugs jiggled with their new found freedom.”

“Whoopsie!” she exclaimed and then giggled.

“Hey, I can see your boobies!” the first Elizabeth exclaimed just as her own bra gave in to the inevitable and fell to the ground in tatters.

“Yeah, well I can see yers too, so shut up!”

“Yeah, well I saw yours first!”

“Yeah, well my boobies are bigger!”

“Nu-uh, dummy, we’re eccsacaly the same! God, I can’t believe how dumb you are!”

“Nu-uh, stupid head, cuz my boobies are gettin’ bigger!”

“Hey, thas not fair!” she turned to Darwin, “How come her boobies are getting bigger?”

“Well, I don’t know,” exclaimed Darwin, “That potion should have smooshed you two together, but it seems to have just inflated your titties.”

“Nu-uh, it inflated her titties,” exclaimed the complaining Elizabeth. “Not mine! Oh ... Oops!”

She noticed then that her jugs hung full and heavy just like her other half and seemed to still be growing. She giggled and gave them a squeeze.

“Oh well, I must say it is a nice improvement, even if it didn’t succeed in making you one person again. I can’t imagine what went wrong.”

The Elizabeths shrugged. They didn’t know either.

Darwin picked up the bottle of blue powder and peered at it.

“Oh how silly of me! I should have read the label! This isn’t body merging powder at all! It’s breast expansion powder! Well, I guess that explains it.”

“Darwin, you are so stupid!” one Elizabeth declared and the other giggled in agreement.

“Yeah, well, that’s why I’m just a shop keeper and you’re a big famous sorceress. We can’t all be as smart as you, you know.”

Both halves giggled at this, though they weren’t sure why.

“Now where did I put that body merging powder?” Darwin said, turning back to the shelves.

“I betcha I can find it!” one Elizabeth declared.

“Yeah, let us help!” exclaimed the other. “We’re a powerful sorceress! We know losss about magic an stuff!”

The two Elizabeths followed Darwin to the shelves, or at least tried to. Each of their four breasts now bigger than their two heads and the combination of being extremely top heavy and quite tipsy made walking awkward. They weaved and tottered wildly.

They may have been all right had they not tried to occupy the same space at once, but as it was, their expanding hooters collided and they both toppled over.

“Hey, look where you’re going!” they told each other.

“Our boobies are too big,” they explained, awkwardly trying to get up as the weight of their huge knockers pulled them one way or another.

“Yes, you are a bit top heavy, aren’t you. Well, I think I can help out with that. Let me see. Ah, here it is!”

The shop keeper spooned some yellow powder into their glasses and dissolved it in gin. He handed the potion to the divided woman.

“Drink up, ladies,” he said, “This will help you out.”

“Are you sure?” they asked, looking suspiciously at the potion.

“Sure I’m sure. I read the label and everything. See.”

They looked at the label but the letters didn’t make any sense to them.

“Now drink up–we can’t have those super-sized melons of yours making you loose your balance, now can we.”

“All right,” the Elizabeths conceded and downed their medicine.

Blinking back tears from the straight gin, they waited.

“My tushie feels funny,” one Elizabeth complained.

“Yeah, mine too,” said the other. “And my boobies aren’t getting any smaller.”

“Who said anything about your boobies getting smaller?” declared Darwin, “That was bum enhancer you just drank!”

“Huh?” they asked.

“Bum enhancer!” Darwin explained, “You see, the reason you can’t keep your balance is because all your weight is up top. You’ve both got such skinny little asses that you’ve got nothing to counter balance those huge tits of yours. So logically, I gave you something to give you a fuller, rounder backside. It’ll broaden your hips a bit too.”

And indeed it did. There was a sudden rip as the tattered remains of the divided dress, along with the divided panties, gave in to the onslaught of the Elizabeths’ burgeoning buttocks and fell in shreds to the floor.

“Now that’s more like it!” exclaimed Darwin.

“Hey!” they exclaimed.

Then they noticed what the other was wearing. Or rather wasn’t.

“You’re naked!” they exclaimed, pointing at each other.

“I’m naked!” they exclaimed, looking down.

“Well, that dress really wasn’t appropriate for your current condition anyway,” Darwin observed.

“But ... I’m not supposta be naked.”

“Oh come on, you’re a grown woman! Surely you’ve seen yourself naked before.”

The Elizabeths looked at each other. Yes, they had seen themself naked before, but never looking like this, with boobs and butts jutting out front and back.

“Besides,” said Darwin, “I’ve got an idea! Maybe if you just press your naked bodies together, the division will destabilize and you will pop back together!”

“You think that’ll work?” asked the drunken Elizabeths.

“Hey, what do you have to loose?”

The divided sorceress shrugged her four shoulders.

“OK then! Just stand chest to chest and squeeze your two bodies together. Try to get as much of your bodies touching as possible. The more contact the better!”

The Elizabeths stood tit to tit and tit to tit. Given their inflated bosoms, their feet were still two feet apart. At Darwin’s insistence, they embraced, mashing their massive mammaries together until their tummies touched. He helped them line up their pelvises and press the front of their thighs together.

“Now stick your tongues in each other’s mouths,” he instructed.

“Ew! Gross!” they said in tandem.

“Don’t be silly,” he chided. “You’re the same person! It’s not gross to have you’re own tongue in your own mouth, is it?”

The Elizabeths couldn’t argue with that and tentatively started frenching each other. Eventually, though, they gave up.

“This isn’t working!” they complained.

Darwin tugged at his beard.

“Hmmm. Maybe it’s a kinetics problem. You have to reach a certain energy of activation in order to achieve the merger to the lower enthalpy of a single Elizabeth.”

“Huh?” said the half-witted witches.

“You need to put more energy into the system,” he said. “Try running in place or doing jumping jacks.”

The Elizabeths looked at each other. They didn’t understand, but Darwin certainly sounded like he knew what he was talking about.

“Come now, no time to waste. Run in place! Get those heart rates up!”

The two complied, beginning a gentle stationary jog.

“Come, now, girls! Lift those knees! One, two! One, two!”

They kept the pace he set for them and as they did their magically massive mammaries bounced and bounded.

“O.K.,” said Darwin. “Looking good. Now clap your hands over your heads. One, two! One, two! Are you feeling the burn? Are your hearts racing?”