Chapter 6

Susan sat in the office on a hot August Monday just over a week after returning from her holiday, trying to do paper work, but her mind kept drifting, and eventually she put it away and went to the living room where the Gail was playing with Carl, who was babbling at her, playing peek-a-boo, and shuffling about on his bottom. She thought it would not be long before she could not be taking him with her on her trips round the flats, or to meetings.

Carl was beginning be get fractious, so she gave him her breast and when he dropped off to sleep, burped him and put him to bed. Then she got Gail ready for a party at one of the girls’ houses, and handed her over when the girl’s mother picked her up.

She had been in a rush since she returned, catching up with everything that needed to be done, but now for the first time she was going to sit down and rest. She made a cup of tea and sat down in her favourite chair.

She wondered where Victor was. When she had returned, she went up to his flat to tell him she was back, to find he was not at home. Later in the week when she had entered the flat to clean it, it was obvious that he had not been there for some time. She had kept a watch every time the buzzer sounded to tell her someone was moving about the landings, but it was not he. It had been over a week since she returned and it looked as if he had gone the week before that. She felt lonely knowing he was not nearby.

Thinking about the holiday she mused over her treatment of Seth. She was amazed at her aggression towards him, felt vaguely embarrassed at having sex and then just leaving. Did she really mean she didn’t want him any more? She had felt so much at home in his arms, and the sex had a warm familiarity about it; why had she suddenly turned against him?

Really she knew the exact moment when her feelings changed. It was when she had the flash picture of Victor playing with Carl. It brought out all her feelings of independence. She had a job; she was not just coping with life but actively living it, and did not want to be dependent on Seth and his secrets. He didn’t even have a job but wanted her to leave all her success and comfort behind to live in uncertainty with a homeless man!

She thought that it was then that she realised she had moved on, and though he was a adequate bed-mate, he was not enough for her any more. She had outgrown him.

Why did that picture of Victor bring all that out? Perhaps it was the feeling of security Victor gave her, and also the security she really had in her well-paid job. Perhaps. Did she feel more for Victor than just friendship? She put that idea out of her head. He was too old for her and he was out of her class. He was being kind to her from a position of strength, and she didn’t want to be reliant on anyone after her experience with Seth. Yes, he was always going to be just a friend.

Satisfied with her knowledge, she shrugged her shoulders and stood to clear up after the children before Carl woke up and Gail returned.

It was next day, when she was in the office phoning round the caretakers for reports when the buzzer alerted her to movement on the top floor. She activated the screen and what she saw unnerved her. Arriving at the front door of the penthouse flat was Victor with suitcases – and a woman.

The woman was tall, slender and pretty, with that special attractiveness which comes from being on the verge of middle age, and having been well looked after. She was about Victor’s age, or a little younger, and the two entered the flat and, having dragged the suitcases inside, closed the door.

Susan stared at the closed door on the screen dumbfounded. He had said nothing to her about a woman friend in all their talks together. She had heard all about his marriage and the few affairs after it dissolved, and would have expected to be told about any new liaison. Why had he kept it a secret from her? She felt angry and betrayed. His so-called friendship was a sham; he had kept things from her.

Then a new emotion made itself felt. She realised she felt jealous. Of what, she asked herself. She wasn’t expecting anything more from him than friendship, and was prepared to give no more than that in return. Surely she couldn’t want anything better for him than that he found a lover after all these years? She should be delighted, but she certainly was not.

The next day Amy arrived as usual to baby-sit and Susan was due to clean his flat, as she had the previous weeks, though with him gone there was precious little to keep clean. But she found a note for her on his door.

Why leave the cleaning a whole week, just because he was having a lie-in today? Her thoughts were racing. They must be spending the day in bed together; otherwise he could have asked her to return in the afternoon. She felt a pang of loneliness, as though he had left her.

During the next few days she became obsessed with the couple. She set the recorder to catalogue their movements, and added sound in case they spoke to each other while in earshot of the camera. She pored over the results, seeing them leaving and returning to the flat arm in arm. On one occasion the woman had her head on his shoulder. Yes, they were obviously in the first flush of love, but she did not feel happy for them.

The following Wednesday she again went to the top floor, and this time there was no note. She rang the bell and waited; there was no answer. She let herself in and shouted, but the flat seemed to be empty. Then she remembered she had not reset the recorder, and so had missed them going out.

She began cleaning, and eventually came to his bedroom. She had left it till last. She stood before the closed door and unaccountably felt afraid of what she would find. She opened the door quietly and, finding no one in the throes of passion on the bed, entered.

The room bore the signs of a woman hastily dressing, and her heart leapt into her mouth as she saw that the clothes scattered about were Victor’s lover’s. There was her nightdress lying across the pillow, a bra and panties draped over the chair, and a couple of dresses and a pair of jeans on the bed and on the floor next to it. A pair of tights draped the dressing table.

Tears sprang unbidden to her eyes and she left the room closing the door. He now belonged to another, she would not clean in there in case he felt embarrassed that she knew. He normally kept his room so clean and tidy that all she needed to do was vacuum the carpet and dust the surfaces.

Why was she crying? She felt as though she had lost him. How stupid, she thought as she collected her things and returned downstairs.

September dawned and still Victor had not been in touch. Gail had just returned to Nursery School and Susan was increasingly pre-occupied with Carl as he began to be more mobile and more demanding.

The second time she visited the flat upstairs she found another note.

She did the flat and noticed that the bedroom was back to its pristine tidiness.

That afternoon, she had just put Carl down for his afternoon sleep when her doorbell rang. She wondered which of the tenants it might be, and out of habit opened the door without checking the spy hole.

There stood Seth. He looked unkempt and his coat was dirty. He carried a large hold-all.

“Hello, Suzy,” he said. His eyes were dull and he looked miserable.

Susan stood transfixed.

“Aren’t you going to let me in?” he asked plaintively.

She was tempted to shut the door in his face, but found she could not do it. She stood back and let him in. He shuffled down the hallway into the living room.

Susan found her voice. “Sit down Seth. Would you like a drink?”

“Have you any scotch?” he asked.

“Tea.” She replied, and he nodded. She went to the kitchen and called through. “What brings you up this way? I thought you wanted to keep clear of those thugs.”

There was no immediate response, and while the kettle was boiling she came back into the room.