Chapter 11

The old man had more stories and puns than he had tools and that says a lot when you realize that the old guy had a cart full of them. If I had thought the building I was locked up in was big, there were three other buildings exactly identical to add to it. I suspected he had me doing all the work he put off simply because his old ass couldn’t climb a tree to cut branches away the power lines or shimmy up a water pipe to clear out a gutter.

But wait, there’s always more; considering the grass to be cut, sidewalks to sweep, trash to take out, and weeds to pull. The guy had work to do year around and if not, he had work to do that he hadn’t done yet. It seemed like a lot to me but the guy was happy with it claiming that too much help would put him out of business.

“You really like working here?” I asked, astounded at the revelation that he enjoyed hard work and dirt.

He closed an eye and squinted up at one of the windows. I followed his gaze up to the third floor and spotted what had his attention. A girl had tits and tongue sticking out and pressing them against the glass at us. It was a nice treat watching her gyrate in circles on the glass.

“Yep” he confessed, “I sure do.” and saluted the girl baring her charms.

We went in for lunch and had what the inmates had except fresh off of the stove and bigger potions. Even better, nobody wanted to take my roll.

Then it was back outside and moving sod, keeping the grounds looking pretty. By quitting time, I looked a mess while Mr. Grisham seemed as fresh as when I first met him. When asked how he managed to not break a sweat while I was out of breath, he said, “I work smart, not hard.” and gave me a cheeky grin.

I thought working smart was not working at all since I had to do the manual labor while he supervised. I was a whipped puppy riding in that cart back to the facility. But, it sure beat staring at cinder blocks all day, I figured. I got out of the cart and noticed a squirrel hopping towards a tree. It stopped to look at us and then scurried up the trunk.

I whistled while I walked in to the place thinking it might not be too bad after all.

“Darling” someone called, and I found Jones looking at me.

“Not now” I retorted, thinking she wanted to play. Besides, I was hungry again and wanted to grab a tray and eat. “I’m hungry.” and headed for the line of food.

She stepped up behind me and said, “Don’t be goofing off; the warden needs to see you.” and walked away.

She could have said anything but just knowing the warden wanted to see me was enough to make me go as slow as possible. I picked up a piece of chicken with the tongs and looked at it. Sitting it back down, I picked up a leg and studied it. I sat it back down and picked up another piece.

That bitch zapped me! The breast flew up in the air, tongs hit the sneeze guard, and I let out a yelp while my elbow twitched. “What the hell!” I protested, grabbing my arm to rub the numbness away.

“Told you to hurry.” she snapped, and walked away, tapping a cattle prong against her leg.

“Tough ain’t she?” a female voice noted rhetorically.

I turned to a fry cook, leaning on the counter, looking up at me from the other side of the food bin. “Bitch is more like it.” I replied, picking up a thigh, “What’s her first name?” I asked, and took a bite of crispy chicken.

“Barbara” she replied, standing up straight, “but I wouldn’t use it on her.” she advised, and walked away with the tongs that hit the floor.

She was a Barbie doll! I was pleasantly surprised by that. And then I thought, ‘What’s the worst she could do if I did?’ and smiled, ‘Shove a rod up my ass?’ and hurried to catch up to her.

“Can’t you pick a weapon and stick with it?” I asked, stepping up behind her.

“You keep getting them dirty.” she smirked, and headed out of the break room.

“Alright” I relented snidely, and asked, “What does Kobe want?”

“Don’t know” she huffed, “Probably wants that hair band back” and shrugged, “or wants to tie up your balls again.” and gave me a curt smile.

“Why do you have to go after the jewels, huh?” I asked, keeping up beside her on the stairs.

“It’s the only thing guys actually care about.” she huffed, and sped up in front of me.

I watched her tail dance up the stairs in front of me and let her beat me to the top while winning the race with the view from behind. I know, it sounds sexist and it probably is; but I was a male and ninety percent of a male’s thoughts have to do with sex. Women might get all pissy about it but a guy just can’t help it much.

We passed Bubbly Simmons’ office but the door was closed. She was probably gone for the day. With a brisk knock, Jones opened the door and announced my presence.

“Yes; we will be ready.” she was saying to the person of her phone conversation, and hung up the receiver. Looking up, she addressed the both of us with, “Come in, come in.” beckoning us in with a hand gesture.

We both stepped to her desk as she opened a file. I tried to look at her monitor, sure that she was spying on me in my cell. But the monitor was at an angle pointing towards the warden.

“I don’t normally get involved in the drama of inmates. We can rest assured that each has their own dilemmas.” she started, and lifted up the first page “But this particular inmate is in peril.” and sat it back down.

She looked fine to me, with long blonde hair and an innocent face. “What’s her name?” I asked.

“Mindy Weber” she replied, “She is suffering from kidney failure and her future is rather bleak.” and sighed, “A ward of the State has little benefit in the government healthcare. A transplant is required but that will never happen.”

“Pardon me, but just how are we supposed to help with that?” Jones asked, frowning at the predicament and the lack of help she could provide in the matter.

“She told the nurse that she didn’t want to die a virgin.” she stated matter-of-factly, “I have the means and opportunity to make sure she doesn’t.” and looked at me. “You will grant her that wish and you” looking at Jones, “will escort her to him.” and leaned back in her chair, “We have a window of time before she is transferred to First Memorial” and stood up, “Darling will make it special for her and keep his mouth shut about her condition while Officer Jones makes sure the guards on duty turns a blind eye to her activities.” and stepped from around her desk.

“Is that the same Mindy that got beat up in the cell block I was in?” I asked, after listening to her story and unbelievable demand.

Both jerked their heads towards me and Kobe asked, “Yes; what do you know about it?”

I shrugged and said, “My cell mate told me about her, that’s all.”

“Who did it?” Jones enquired, between parsed lips, staring at me intently.

“You know” I retorted, “I heard she had to go to the infirmary over it.”

“But who assaulted her?” Kobe asked impatiently.

It seemed to me that they wanted me to snitch out the dike. I hadn’t been in jail before but I knew jailhouse rules. I was torn between sticking to the rules and snitching on the bitch that ganged up on me.

“Well?” Jones urged, growing impatient herself.

“Ask the guard on duty.” I suggested, trying to get out of the line of questioning.

“We did; they didn’t see anything.” Kobe replied, “There’s footage of her going in the cell but nobody coming back out. Unfortunately, the computer rebooted because of updates and the culprit eluded surveillance.” and stepped closer to me, “A crime was committed and I want them to answer for it.”

“And I’m not a snitch.” I argued, “Bad things happen to people that are.” and gave them the cliché, “Snitches get stitches.”

“Bad things happen to those that aren’t too.” Jones pointed out, giving me a menacing glare. “Hold out and get knocked out.”

“There’s no time to discuss it right now.” Kobe intervened, “We need to get her downstairs and...” waving a hand in front of her nose, “this one a shower.” grimacing from my scent.

“Oh, a guy starts smelling like a man and you want him to take showers.” I smirked, trying to lighten the two grave women.