Chapter 8: July

-- MONDAY, JULY 16, 2007 --

“So you have five girlfriends now?” June gave me an are-you-kidding-me kind of look as she poked at her Caesar salad.

“No, still just three. I’ve already told you multiple times that Kim and I aren’t technically a boyfriend/girlfriend couple.”

“But you’re co-parents to your son, AND you’re having sex with her.”

“Yes, but still, she’s not technically a ‘girlfriend’.”

“And you’re now having sex with your ex, Dawn, even though she’s not technically your girlfriend, either.” June waggled the pointy end of her fork at me for emphasis. “That’s five different women you’re having regular intercourse with, only one of whom is your new fiancée.”

I sighed. “Yes, but you’re missing the point.”

“Apparently.” June popped her eyebrows at me. “Here I was raised to believe that one man and one woman were meant to make a monogamous commitment to each other until death do they part, not get engaged to be married ... and then add even more sexual partners to the mix.”

I shook my head wryly. “Yeah, well Adrienne and I aren’t your regular old-fashioned engaged couple.”

“Certainly not.” June focused on her salad for a moment, spearing several lettuce leaves and popping them into her mouth as she stared across the restaurant for a moment, lost in thought.

I took the opportunity to stuff a large amount of lasagna into my own mouth, having spent much of our meal talking about my trip and not enough time actually eating. I was in the midst of drinking my coke when June finally looked back at me with her inscrutable June poker face and nonchalantly spoke again.

“So would I be correct in assuming your new fiancée would not mind you having sex with me?”

Great, now my lasagna plate was covered in droplets of snorted-out cola. And the couple at the table closest to our booth was now staring at us in surprise. June blushed and avoided eye contact. I merely sighed, wiped my face with the cloth napkin from my lap, and retrieved the paper napkins (the only two paper napkins provided us) to gently pat cola droplets off my lunch.

I spent enough time silently cleaning my plate with June also remaining silent for the couple at the next table to return to their own lunch. Setting down the two wadded-up paper napkins at the end of the table, I finally looked up at my co-worker and asked, “Now that my mouth isn’t full of soda, could you repeat your previous question?”

Blushing again, June glanced over at the nearby couple before giving me a sheepish look. “I think you heard me correctly. And while the ambient noise in this restaurant is typically sufficient to carry out a relatively private conversation, I think I’ve gone too far past my comfort limit to continue any discussion that includes the word ‘sex’ as often as it already has. So about Cytherion: Shares haven’t dropped below 12.5, but they’re down to 12.62. I watched their graphics card division closely, but there hasn’t been any news to suggest tha--”

“Cytherion, really?” I interrupted. “You can’t drop a bomb like that on me and switch back to talking about work as if you’d never said anything.”

June blinked at me twice, cocking her head to the side like a bird. “Actually, I just did.”

I rolled my eyes. “I know you did, but you can’t expect me to just forget a question like that.”

“On the contrary. I fully expect you to remember my question and be prepared to answer it in a more private setting. Perhaps this evening after work we can go to your apartment for dinner, and there we will resume.”

My eyebrows popped. “So this is a serious discussion now? Are you actually going to ask Adrienne if she’d mind you and me... ? Wait, are you actually asking ME if I’d... ?”

I trailed off, my hands waving in the air between us as I frowned, shut my eyes, and shook my head. When I opened my eyes again, I found that June had continued on eating her Caesar salad as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

I sighed. “You’re right, you’re right. Not the time, not the place for that kind of conversation.”

June gave me a look that plainly said, ‘Duhhh.’

I shot her a frustrated look back. “Well you still shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place. That wasn’t very nice of you to blurt out a question like that knowing that I can’t really follow up.”

She swallowed her bite and nodded. “Fair enough. So should we continue discussing Cytherion? You’ve got two weeks’ worth of news and numbers to catch up on.”

“You really expect me to be able to focus on work between now and dinner?”

June cocked her head again. “It’s your job. I believe the phrase is... ‘sack up’.”

Shaking my head, I forked my next piece of lasagna and muttered, “You’re evil. You know that, right?”

She shrugged and continued on with her meal. “If it gets the job done...” Her voice trailed off and she stared down at her plate. But after another second or two, she couldn’t conceal the smirk spreading across her face.

It was gonna be a looong wait until dinnertime.

I spent the next two hours doing my best to “sack up”, but even so I caught myself gawking at June every now and again, wondering what the hell was going through her head. I was reminded of my old “self-interest” discussions with Kim, trying to understand a person who clearly didn’t think in quite the same way I did, and I wondered if Kim might do a better job of figuring out what made June tick than me.

Actually, that’s a pretty damn good idea.

Sometimes, I found myself wondering about ... other ... things than what was inside June’s head. Call me a one-track minded male, but after presenting me with a question like that, I couldn’t stop myself from wondering what was underneath June’s clothes. She was dressed the same as always: dull-colored Macy’s pantsuit that did nothing to flatter her figure, and today’s collared shirt happened to be a dark purple one that usually showed up once a week. While it had always been obvious that June didn’t have a big rack like many of the other girls I’d slept with, I couldn’t tell if she was relatively flat-chested or if her ill-fitting suit simply smothered the shape of bigger-than-I-would’ve-thought breasts.

“ ... so you should go into Hye-Kyoung’s office and tell him that the Hello Kitty Beanie Baby foundries can be shuffled off to--”

“Hey, I’m not totally gone,” I interrupted, shooting June a dirty look.

She sighed and shook her head. “But you were pretty far gone. Now I apologize for the question I asked you at lunch. It wasn’t the proper time or place, and it’s clearly interfering with your work. I’m not a woman used to having men stare at her, so I notice when a man like you keeps evaluating me with your eyes, looking for boobs that aren’t there.”

“I’m not--” June gave me a look, and I shut up.

Holding a hand up, June gave me a frank look and stated, “I retract my previous question.”

Confused, I immediately replied, “Retract what question?”

Her eyes darted left and right, checking to see who might possibly be within hearing range of our cubes. We were up against one wall to the side of a cube farm with partitions low enough that it would be impossible for someone to eavesdrop without being seen. And even though we were presently alone, she still hissed in a hushed voice, “I think you know exactly which question.”

“Ohh... that question. In all fairness, it’s been hours since lunch and you’ve asked me a LOT of questions since then.”

“But I’m only retracting ‘the one’.”

I snorted and shook my head. “You can’t un-speak words that have already been spoken.”

“It was a hypothetical question in the first place.” After glancing to the sides again, June leaned forward and spoke in a soft voice unlikely to be overheard by anyone as she explained, “I merely made a comment about your fiancée’s permissiveness regarding your sexual fidelity. I am not going to have sex with you, and I never was, so it’s best that we both understand that the possibility of such an interaction is zero. That way we can move on and return to our original working relationship ... without you... ogling me as if I were your next conquest.”

I frowned. “I wasn’t ogling you.”

“But you were distracted*.”

“How could I not be? You knew the second you proposed we continue the discussion at dinner that it would consume a significant percentage of my brain function until we actually left here and went back to my apartment.”

June shook her head. “Not anymore. I’m not coming to your apartment for dinner.”

I frowned. “You’re not?”

“I retracted my question. There’s nothing to discuss anymore.”

“Yes there is!”

“Benjamin, volume,” June scolded.

I shot her a dirty look. But after taking a deep breath to calm myself, I stated in a much more measured voice, “You can still come over for dinner. We’ll talk about work, or even ... Just hang out. You can socialize with my roommates.”

June shook her head. “And while we’re socializing you will bring up the question I’ve already retracted in an attempt to re-start the discussion and create a very awkward situation for me. No, I’m not coming over for dinner.”

“But--”

“It’s not happening,” June cut me off. “And I won’t be coming over for dinner until I can be certain you’ve put this discussion in our past. We both move on, alright?”

“By refusing to visit my apartment solely on the basis of your wish to avoid an awkward discussion, you make a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be. That makes me believe it wasn’t a pure hypothetical and that you actually meant the question you posed.”

“I’m not talking about it,” June insisted, folding her arms across her chest and giving me a stern ‘drop it’ look.

“Look, you can trust me. I’m the last person who’d ever try to judge you or change you.”

“You mean the way you didn’t try to change me by having Adrienne offer to give me a makeover?”

I held my hands up defensively and replied, “The makeover was entirely Adrienne’s idea.”

“One that you agreed with.”

“I just passed it along as an option. I never meant for you to feel pressured by it.”

“Then don’t pressure me. Not about a makeover, and not about this, alright?”

“Fine, fine.” Taking a deep breath, I gestured with my palms for calm and nodded my agreement. “No pressure.”

Exhaling heavily, June abruptly rotated her chair and snatched the mug on her desk. “I’m going to get some tea.”

Nodding, I sat up in my chair as well. “I need some more coffee myself.”

“No, you’re staying here,” June ordered.

My hands went back up into a defensive posture. “Fine, fine.”

“Fine,” she agreed. “And when I get back, we’re talking about Cytherion, alright?”

“Fine, fine. Whatever.”

And then she was gone.

“Onto the bed and assume Second Position,” I stated quietly, but firmly. Even though I hadn’t said it very loud, it was a command and not a mere statement.

Blindfolded, Kim bent forward, folding her arms on top of the mattress and resting her cheek against them while still in a kneeling position. The position thrust her ass into the air, and she separated her knees to open up her crotch. Breathing shallowly, the beautiful Japanese-American babe quieted and waited.

She was beautiful, and yet so fragile. Even after two weeks spent under the sun in the great outdoors, she was still more fair-skinned than anyone else in this household. She’d also put on a few pounds since her college days, perfectly understandable after the weight gain of pregnancy. But she’d lost most of the baby fat, and in this position, her ribs still made slight indentations in her sides and her butt was still on the bony side. You couldn’t tell by looking at her that she’d given birth to a baby, and as I stared at her naked body from this vantage point, with the fine curtain of black hair covering her face from my view, I wondered – not for the first time tonight – what June Song might look like in the same pose.

I shook my head to clear the notion from my mind. Kim deserved better than me fantasizing about anyone else. And yet I couldn’t help but second-guess my intentions when I’d abruptly decided to seize and inseminate her tonight.

June’s declaration that she would NOT be coming over for dinner had helped me push her unexpected question out of my mind, at least enough to “sack up” and get the job done. No more daydreaming. No more comments about Big Macs and Beanie Babies. No more scrutinization of her suit jacket attempting to determine her cup size. But June’s retraction hadn’t erased the question from memory, and on the walk home I’d found myself doing my “scenarios and possibilities” musing-thing.

I’d been pretty quiet at dinner, quiet enough for Sasha to ask if I was feeling alright. I hadn’t gotten a full grip on what was going on just yet, so rather than explain about June’s question I’d shrugged and said I simply had a long day at the office. I wasn’t hiding anything, not really, and I knew I’d tell the others about it soon enough. But not just yet.

Adrienne wouldn’t be home until late; she’d been in meetings with her agent all day and they had plans to go out at night. Brandi and Dayna were meeting up with friends for dinner, so it had just been the four of us including BJ. And after the meal I’d asked Sasha to look after my son while his mommy and I got some private time.

I’d been in a weird mood all night: contemplative and distracted and horny at the same time. I’d had sex on the brain even though I wasn’t feeling particularly “loving”. I knew the sex would be a little mechanical, a little soulless. I knew Kim wouldn’t mind “servicing” me in this mood, knew that she’d recognize my need to “use” her body to work out some things in my mind, and knew that she’d probably enjoy doing so. And the sparkle that shone in her eyes the moment I’d brought her into the master bedroom and ordered her into First Position was all the confirmation I’d needed.

Kneeling on the floor with her legs together and feet pointed so that she sat on her heels, Kim thrust her chin outward and clasped her hands together with fingers straight up and her thumbs touching her chest as if praying. She inhaled sharply and quivered eagerly the moment I roughly grasped her head with my left hand. She gaped her mouth open while I unzipped myself and extracted my growing erection. And she hummed happily and sealed her lips tightly around my invading cock as soon as I crammed it down her throat.

That had been the first time June’s face invaded my mind, simultaneously making me panic and also get even harder inside Kim’s mouth. She moaned as my dick throbbed, trying to gobble up even more of my man meat. And I clenched my eyes shut in an attempt to block out the unwelcome vision while I grabbed Kim’s head with both my hands and tried to skull-fuck the imagery away.

Twice, I rammed myself to full-depth down Kim’s esophagus and held it there long enough for her to start gagging. But she gasped for air the instant I pulled out and eagerly swallowed me back up again after each time. When we’d first entered the room, I’d planned to use Kim’s mouth to get me hard before pushing her backwards across my bed and standing on the floor to hammer her skinny little body until I filled her womb with fresh baby-makers. Then I’d bend over and suckle out what breastmilk she had left in her teats before straddling her chest and feeding her my dick for Round 2.

But it was not to be. Mid-skullfuck I started to wonder what June might look like with a face covered with my sticky cum. That’d wipe the bossy, self-righteous smirk right off her face, wouldn’t it? Again, I clenched my eyes shut to ward away the unholy thoughts. June was my friend, innocent and virginal. The absolute LAST thing I’d ever want to do was sexually degrade her. Even IF we ever had sex, I knew I’d have to do it right and ensure that she genuinely enjoyed the experience.

But what was I talking about? June and I were never going to have sex. She’d said it herself. The whole makeover bit with Adrienne was one thing, but I wasn’t such an egotist to believe that every girl who crossed my orbit was just begging for a Big Ben Experience. Hell, I rather liked that there was at least ONE woman in my life who didn’t care about sex with me in the slightest.

Until suddenly she’d cared. Until suddenly she’d brought it up. June may have retracted the question, but words can’t be unspoken after they’re said. The idea had been planted in my head, and the harder I tried to NOT think about it, the more I did. With my eyes clenched shut, I couldn’t SEE the woman whose face I was currently skull-fucking. And the more I tried to NOT think about June’s face covered in cum ... well ... the next thing I knew, I was roaring out my orgasm as I yanked my dick free of Kim’s throat and stroked it spastically while spraying out ribbons of sperm that covered my baby mama’s face from hair to chin.

A minute later, I found myself slouching on a plushy armchair with my pants around my ankles, chest heaving as I caught my breath. Kim remained kneeling before me, scraping cum off her face and licking it in a manner that reminded me of a cat giving herself a tongue bath. After swallowing everything she could, Kim finally stood and went into the bathroom, returning with a clean face and a happy smile.

“Disrobe,” I commanded with a dismissive flick of the wrist, remaining in my comfortably slouched position.

Silently, Kim did as ordered, getting naked in an efficient manner without a hint of sensuality. After setting her clothes down in a neatly-folded pile on the dresser to my left, she returned to the floor in front of me, clasping her hands together and resuming First Position.

“Revive me,” I ordered, again from my slouched position.

Shuffling forward on her knees, Kim took my half-hard penis in her hands and lovingly slurped it back into her mouth. It didn’t take long for her talented tongue to inspire fresh blood flow into my rapidly-expanding column of meat, and within minutes she had me pretty much back at full mast.

I kept my hands on the armrests, letting my submissive do her thing unguided. As the pleasure built, I let my head loll back and closed my eyes. But as I did so, I found the fantasy notion that it was June currently sucking my dick flashing back into my mind, so in an effort to push the unholy thoughts away, I picked my head back up and opened my eyes to focus on Kim’s face to ensure I knew exactly where and with whom I was.

I could have let her suck me for a long while, but having spurted on her face once already, I was in the mood for pussy. As soon as I felt myself reach rock-hard rigidity, I tapped Kim’s head and gestured her to back away before standing up and rapidly stripping off my own clothing. Once I was fully naked, I retrieved a familiar blindfold and bent to place it over Kim’s eyes. She remained as still as a statue in First Position while I did so, her expression unmoving. And yet there was no hiding the smile on her face as I stated quietly but firmly, “Onto the bed and assume Second Position.”

Blindfolded, Kim bent forward, folding her arms on top of the mattress and resting her cheek against them while still in a kneeling position. The position thrust her ass into the air, and she separated her knees to open up her crotch. Breathing shallowly, the beautiful Japanese-American babe quieted and waited.

The image of June Song once again invaded my mind. Once again I pushed it aside. And without any further hesitation, I pushed myself inside.

From the very beginning I fucked her as hard as I could. For the first few seconds, that meant driving and squirming and wriggling until I could get all eight inches sunk into her tight twat. But once I got her loosened up enough to take full-length, powerful thrusts, I did just that, as hard as I freaking could. I didn’t let Kim’s fragility slow me down; experience had taught me that she could take it. And even though the young submissive wasn’t into pain, she could endure just about any level of brutal fucking I could give her.

Tonight’s sex session could not be accurately described as “lovemaking”. I fucked her, plain and simple. I used her body as my masturbatory tool to make myself physically satisfied, and in that sense I did what would make Kim emotionally satisfied. It was a strange dichotomy, one that had taken me a long time to get used to: the more selfishly I fucked her, the more I concentrated on satiating my carnal lust, the happier she was knowing that I was doing it for myself. Even when I caused her physical pain, as long as it came in the service of my pleasure, she happily chose to endure. When I did slow down and focus on Kim’s physical pleasure, she enjoyed things well enough; but if given a choice, I knew she’d want me to concentrate entirely on myself every time.

I didn’t get it. I understood it – I recognized intellectually that the statement was true – but even after all this time, after all those discussions about self-interest, I still didn’t understand it. Maybe I never would. In the meantime, I was content to let Kim be Kim.

Just like I should let June be June.

Maybe you should let Kim be June. As in: tell her straight up that you want to pretend she’s June while you’re fucking her.

What? No. No way.

Why not? She’d probably get a kick out of indulging your fantasy for you. Anything in the service of your physical pleasure, right?

No-no-no. Absolutely not. We’re getting distracted again. Focus, Ben. Focus.

Yeah, focus on fucking. And on wondering what it’d be like to fuck June.

What? No. I need to focus on Kim.

But you already know what it’s like to fuck Kim. C’mon ... Aren’t you a little curious what June’s virgin pussy might feel like while you pound her from behind like this? Wonder just a little what kind of body she hides underneath those poor-fitting clothes? Seriously, even if you can’t talk her into letting Adrienne give her a makeover, at least talk her into going to a freakin’ tailor instead of just wearing the suit off the rack.

I’m with Kim, I’m with Kim, I’m with Kim.

They’ve got very similar builds, similar frames. Granted, June wouldn’t have Kim’s milk-filled breasts, but she might have the same perky little ass. You know, the kind that can fit in the palm of one hand while your middle finger goes exploring into--

Shut UP.

Girl needs to unwind. Granted, the likelihood of June being a closet-submissive is extremely low. Even at her bossiest, Kim never gets as bitchy as June. Kim you could kinda always tell would go along with whatever you wanted. June’s probably gonna be uptight and control-freaky and unable to shut her trap even while you’re porking her, assuming you ever actually get to pork her. She walks around all day like she’s got a stick up her ass and-- Hey! I betcha if she’s used to having a stick up her ass, then maybe she’ll be into your stick going up her--

Shut UP.

“Oww-Unngh!” Kim grunted beneath me from a particularly hard thrust. Her already wobbly legs gave way and she collapsed face-down across the bed. I found myself sprawled on top of her, my chest weighing down against her shoulders while I held her tiny waist in my hands and continued to drive my dick in and out of her tight cunt from behind. Momentarily lost to the pleasure, I grit my teeth and clenched my hands while I really went to town, banging my pelvis off her bony ass over and over again until I became dissatisfied with the way her leg-positioning prevented me from getting all eight inches into her pussy with every thrust.

Angle on her pussy isn’t quite right. But if you pull out and re-aim, you’ve got a great angle on her ass.

Kim doesn’t like anal.

Kim can’t do anal without it being painful. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t like anal, especially when YOU enjoy anal.

I’m not in the mood for causing her pain. I can get plenty of selfish pleasure from her pussy. Now stop suggesting I sodomize Kim right now ‘cause it ain’t gonna happen.

Fine, fine. But I still think that maybe June might like some backdoor action, huh?

Oh, fer cryin’ out loud...

Abruptly, I stopped thrusting and yanked my dick out of Kim’s cunt. Rolling off and over to the side of the bed, I sat up and perched my heels on the bed frame, rubbing my temples to get the stupid/horny voice in my head to go away.

Instead, he only complained louder.

Hey, what the fuck? Why are you not fucking? There’s a warm, wet, willing pussy two feet away and your Johnson is throbbing in the air?!? What the FUCK?

It’s YOUR fault! Constantly putting June at the forefront of my mind.

MY fault? I’m YOU, dumbass. Why are YOU constantly putting June at the forefront of your mind?

Fine, I’m done. June is my friend, and a non-sexual friend at that. I’ve said before that her friendship means way more to me than any potential for conquest, and I meant it. And from now on, I’m only going to envision her fully-clothed, standing upright, and wearing frumpy attire, alright?

Fine.

“Ben?” Kim’s voice ventured quietly from behind me, and a moment later, her fingers slid comfortingly over my shoulder.

I turned back to look at her, and although they were both Asian females with some similar features, the two of them really didn’t look alike or anything. So I focused on Kim’s face and used that as my anchor to reassure myself of who I was with. “Sorry, my head’s just not in the right place right now.”

“Then don’t let your head get involved for a minute. Lie down and let me do all the work.”

Letting me fuck her however I wanted was only one way Kim could satisfy me physically. By lying me down and slipping a pillow under my head so I could watch her mount me, Kim could derive her emotional happiness from fucking me in a way that concentrated on satiating my carnal lust. She didn’t suggest it very often, and in hindsight I probably should have ordered her to ride me more than I had, because in this way we both got what we wanted. She got to service me, but in a manner very different from simply accepting whatever fucking I wanted to dish out. Her gift to me in this way was truly given to me, instead of me taking my pleasure from her body.

I kept my eyes open while the mother of my only son undulated her body on top of mine, focusing my attention on her face to maintain that anchor of her identity. She’d confessed to asking advice from all of my other lovers on how best to please me in this manner, and even now she practiced what she’d learned in the way she rolled her hips, gyrated around my pole, and clenched what Dayna had termed as her “milkmaid muscles” to really add to my pleasure.

Kim and I didn’t have the same special connection I shared with Dawn, or to some degree with Adrienne. I never got the sense that I could understand her unspoken thoughts, and in fact I often found myself completely surprised by what eventually came out of her mouth. Like the dichotomy of our conflicting interests in lovemaking, she and I always seemed to be on opposite wavelengths. But for right now, at least, I felt like I could read her mind.

‘Take this, ‘ her eyes told me. ‘My gift to you. Feel the most exquisite bliss and erotic ecstasy I can provide for you ... for my Master... ‘

She looked so hopeful, and so happy, that I couldn’t dream of turning her down. So I took what she gave, and I felt what she provided, and I kept myself rooted in the here and now with her. Concentrating on Kim’s face and feeling the wonderful sensations she gifted to my cock, I soon lost myself to her lovemaking. And I finally let go of my idle fantasies.

After a while, Kim began panting as the energy expenditure from doing all the work started catching up to her, and her face contorted with the pleasure she herself felt despite her intentions to focus on me. I found my hands gliding up from her hips to tickle the bony indentations of her ribs before cupping and squeezing her breasts. And when my milking hand motions began to stimulate sweet honey production from her teats, I sat up to fasten my mouth around first one nipple and then the other to suck out whatever BJ had left for me after dinner.

As much as I wanted to let Kim drive and do all the work, allowing her to “give” me my pleasure, it was only a matter of time before my urge to thrust took over once again. Twenty minutes after I’d first entered her from behind in Second Position, neither of us had yet come to a climax. My rhythm had been interrupted by my own stupid/horny head, and Kim had been too focused on me to reach orgasm herself. But I wanted that to change, so without warning I yanked her down against my chest, wrapped my legs around her thighs, and rolled us over without disengaging my cock from her cunt.