Chapter 29: Pleasantly Surprised

Jared Reznik clapped his hands with the sincerest enthusiasm he could muster. He clapped his hands as his smile beamed out across the students sitting before him in his last class of his one week stint as a substitute teacher at Blanke Schande College. That last class was the same bunch of students he had addressed in his first session on Monday morning. That was only five days ago now but already it seemed like a life time.

Over the five days of his posting at BSC he had gotten to know these students and others really well and he knew he was going to miss them all. The fact that half of those students were female and the fact that those females were always totally naked while on campus was a fact that Jared Reznik had become so normalized too that he no longer even saw it. They were just one big bunch of young men and young women that had all performed extremely well at the task he had set them all in that first session way back on Monday morning.

Right now Jared Reznik was displaying his open appreciation for the dozen or so group presentations he had just witnessed. He was also very appreciative of the very professional way all those groups had written up their calculations and findings as related to parabolic curves and the mathematics of quadratics that went with that. Those write ups all sat in a neat pile on the desk at the front ready for Jared to take away and mark properly over the weekend. Even though he was not coming back on the following Monday he would still be able to drop by to hand back their assignments and his grading. Part of that total grading also involved his mark given to the presentations he had just witnessed. Jared already knew that he was going to be awarding some very high grades because all of the presentations he had seen had been just so superb.

The first presentation involved an exquisitely produced Power Point and video demonstration on all the various sizes and shapes of penises there were in the room. The demonstration showed how, when erect, the different types of penises dramatically affected the parabolic trajectory of the ejaculated semen. This one particular presentation also enjoyed lots of giggling by the girls as they tried to work out which penis on the screen belonged to which boy in the room. Despite the lighter side if this presentation there was also some very serious number crunching and formula manipulation being demonstrated. This all showed how some simple differential calculus could derive equations for the height, speed, acceleration and distance traveled of each semen spurt.

Jared Reznik found himself more than just pleasantly surprised at the amount of work this one group of students had put into this task. As each of the other groups took their turn in front of the class his admiration just continued to grow and grow and grow. Even the young man that promised to calculate what it would take to ejaculate right across space to the moon had done just exactly that. He had obtained screeds of data sheets from American, European and Japanese websites on rocketry dating right back to the Apollo missions. He even had stuff on the world’s very first satellite called Sputnik sent into orbit by the Russians in 1957. All this information was used to calculate what size a penis would need to be and how fast it would need to ejaculate at to get a bucket sized payload of semen to splat down onto Mare Tranquillitatis. Even though the trajectory was not going to be truly parabolic the equations involved were still all very quadratic in nature. This young man had also used some very sophisticated mathematical modeling to do his work. He had even taken into account other factors like wind resistance at launch and the effects of the semen globules breaking up into smaller globules in transit.

As the young man returned to his seat the whole class gave him a rapturous applause at the amount of effort they could all clearly see he had put into his presentation. After that young man had finished there was just one more presentation to go and that was going to be the presentation that no one in that room would forget for a very long time.