“Great day for it!”

“Huh?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I heard you up ahead going off the trail, figured you heard me too. I’m Julie.”

“Oh, uh, Claire. I didn’t. Sorry about ... this...”

“Hey, pepper spray’s a perfectly reasonable precaution, least you didn’t spray me.”

“Thanks. Wish I’d taken more precautions, though. Water bottle ran out a couple miles back.”

“Well, lucky for you, I always pack extra for a hike. Here, I haven’t drank out of this one.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“Welcome. Good clearing you’ve found. Perfect spot for a rest.”

“Yeah, it’s really nice. I found it last time I came up. I ... uh ... had more water then.”

“Well, you didn’t bring enough water, but you packed pepper spray ... I know why I’M alone today; who bailed on you?”

“Couple friends. Decided it was more a nice beach day than a nice hike day, but I had my heart set on this.”

“I can see why. My boyfriend would have come with me but he’s doing something for his Ph. D. today.”

“Oh, in what?”

“Economics. He’s always been really good with numbers.”

“How long have you known him?”

“All my life. Literally.”

“Really?”

“Yep, fell in love with the nice boy next door; one of those ‘went around the world to find true love and it was always right in front of me’ deals.”

“Aww, that’s nice.”

“It is. It really is.”

“Well, what’d you bring for protection?”

“Oh, I can take care of myself. The boy said he wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t take the sat phone, though.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve finished this.”

“That’s ok, it’s pretty hot out today. Here’s another, I got plenty. Long as we’re talking about him, I should give him a call real quick, d’ya mind?”

“Mmm, no, go ahead. And thanks again. I really needed this.”

“Thanks. Hey, Boy ... Yeah, I’m up on the trail ... No, it’s all good. Just ran into someone nice who’s here by herself too ... No, not yet ... OH? Oh ... Ok, ok. I’m going to turn off the phone for a while, do the whole nice ‘get back to nature’ thing, ya know? ... Yeah, I will ... Yeah, later ... Hee hee, no, THAT later too ... Ok, get back to your numbers ... Aww, I love you too ... Ok, bye. That’s done, power off, and now it’s just you, me, and the trees.”

“Hee ... and I’ve still got this if we run into the Big Bad Wolf.”

“I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself.”

“What?”

“Something from a show he likes.”

“Ah. Hey, didn’t mean to listen in, but... ‘no, not yet’ what?”

“Oh, er ... he asked if you brought up my hair yet; it’s usually the first thing people ask about.”

“Too busy being grateful for the water, I guess. It’s ... good! This isn’t fancy imported water, is it?”

“Well, I ported it here with me, but nah; with an economist boyfriend? He’s not cheap, but he wouldn’t go for that. Poor guy, stuck in the library on a day this hot. Missing all of this nature, all of this beauty.”

“Yeah. Hey ... when you said ‘get back to nature, ‘ you didn’t mean...”

“What? Oh, no! Not now, not like that. Totally could, though, in this nice peaceful place so far off the trail. Why, Claire? Were you hoping or something? Are you into girls?”

“Huh? No ... no. Sorry, that sort of question usually bothers me, but you’ve been so nice ... I’m kind of between guys at the moment but not THAT between. What about your boyfriend?”

“Oh, it’s ok. Turns out he likes girls too.”

“Hee hee hee hee ... I don’t know why I’m laughing so hard at that.”

“It’s ok, we’re out here in nature. We SHOULD relax! Oh hey, dropped your pepper spray. You should probably put that back in your nice bag. You don’t want to lose it.”

“Oh, thank you. Hmm ... good idea ... I don’t want to lose it.”

“Yeah. It’s easy to lose things out here in the woods, but it’s worth it. It’s like, all that stuff you’ve been worrying about, all those things weighing you down, they’re way the fuck back there in that OTHER world. Right here, with just you and me, here alone in nature, none of that stuff matters. It’s all so relaxing. It’s all so nice, isn’t it?”

“Mmm ... yeah ... really nice...”

“Maybe you should turn off YOUR phone and pack it away too. Like I did with mine. Then none of that Other World stuff can bother us here where everything’s peaceful and natural.”

“But ... I don’t...”

“You probably won’t get a signal out here anyway. And if anything happens, we’ve got my phone and we know it works, so there’s nothing to worry about. Phones are a thing of that Other World that doesn’t matter right now anyway. Turn it off and put it away and I’ll tell you about my hair like you asked earlier. I’ll satisfy your curiosity. You’ve been looking at it, so you must be curious.”

“Huh ... I didn’t ... hmm ... ok ... your hair ... curious...”

“Good girl. Put it away and finish your water. I’ve got another for you later.”

“Thank you ... sorry ... name ... Julie. You’re ... so nice...”

“Oh, you’re welcome, Claire! So, about my hair ... You might not believe this, but it’s my natural color. Well, colors. I know it looks like I dyed myself blonde for an 80s night a month ago and my brown roots are showing, but that’s how it’s looked since I was a baby. They say it never happens. Troy, my boyfriend, he likes it, says it’s proof that I’m someone special. That’s made me ok with it. I like it too. You can stare at it, Claire. I don’t mind. People find it relaxing to stare at my hair. Troy says I must’ve gotten it in the same genetic lottery that gave me great boobs. You can stare at those too, Claire. I don’t mind.”