Chapter 40: The Fate of All Men

January 23, 1987, Chicago, Illinois

"Hi, Peaches," I said as she walked out of the Jetway door.

"Hi, Yankee!" she said, flashing me a smile.

She stepped aside and dropped her carry-on bag, and I pulled her into a tight hug. I immediately started crying.

"Damnit, Yankee! Don't start that already!" she ordered. "You can cry later."

"But Peaches..." I protested.

"But nothin'. Look at me."

I released her slightly so we could look into each other's eyes. I fought back the tears, and she nodded.

"Good," she said. "Now, take me home, please."

"Home?" I asked.

"It was home for a long time, Yankee. It's my home away from home. Come on, let's go see everyone."

Stephie slipped her hand into mine as we walked through the terminal and headed for the short-term parking. I remembered the very first time that she'd done that, and where it had eventually led. And then I remembered that she'd done it again after we'd ended our intimate relationship the first time, and where THAT had led. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Stephie smirk.

"What's that look for?" I asked.

"I know you well enough to know what you're thinking, Yankee. I held your hand when I wanted to sleep with you. Well, I still do, but we both know that ain't ever going to happen, no matter how much either of us wants it. I'm married, and can't do that to Jason and you would never do it to him, neither."

"You're right on all accounts, Peaches," I said.

"That don't mean we can't sit in the sauna naked, though!" she giggled.

"Can I ask you something?"

"How can I laugh and be happy? What's the alternative? Mope around? Go sit in a rocking chair with a quilt on my lap and wait to die? Hell no!"

"There are really no treatments?" I asked.

"It's spread too far, too fast. Even if it hadn't, the mortality rate from surgery is so high that I'm not sure it would be worth the extra pain and suffering, even if it was possible. And chemotherapy failed the first time. No, Yankee, unless someone comes up with a magic bullet to clear it out of my liver, kidneys, and pancreas, it's going to kill me. And soon."

"Shit," I sighed.

"And that is the last I'm going to say about it and the last time you're goin' to even think about it while I am here. I didn't come here to see you mope around or talk about me dyin' for four solid days. I came to see my friend, to have a good time, and to make sure he knows how much I love him. And how grateful I am for everythin' he did for me. And to me!" she giggled.

"Oh, just get in the car!" I said with a wan smile, holding the door open for her.

She smiled at me and got in. I shut the door and walked around to the other side, opened the door and got in. Stephie was mostly quiet on the way to Hyde Park, just asking a few questions about who was going to be around and making sure she could see everyone that she wanted to.

We walked into the empty house — everyone was at class — and put Stephie's bag in one of the guest rooms, and then went to the coach house to collect Jesse from Beverly.

"Well, shoot, Yankee, he's as cute as can be! He even looks like you!"

"Jesse, this is Aunt Stephie," I said.

"Stephie?" he said, looking confused.

"That's what he calls my sister," I said. "He can't quite say 'Stephanie'."

"Stephie!" Jesse said.

"This is a different girl, Jesse. Her name is Stephie!"

"Hi, Jesse!" Stephie said.

"Hi!" he grinned, doing his best to look as cute as a button.

"He's turning on all the charm, Peaches," I said. "He already has a girlfriend and every woman in the two houses is eating out of his hand."

"Francesca!" he said emphatically.

"That's the girlfriend?" Stephie laughed.

"Oh yeah. They have you and Red beat by quite a bit; he was about three months and she was about six months when they met."

"Wow! And I thought knowin' each other since we was two was long! Think they'll figure it out better than me and Red?"

"Who knows," I said, as we walked back to the house. "Her mom is getting divorced; her husband decided to leave her for his secretary."

"Now that's low," Stephie said. "It was bad enough what Rose did to Jason. But bein' married and doin' that? That's just lower 'en dirt! And no, Yankee, I don't think that about you. You got a totally different situation. Can I hold him?"

"Of course," I said, handing Jesse to her.

We went to the great room and sat on the couch. Stephie bounced Jesse on her knee and talked to him. I watched, and once again fought back tears as I realized that she would never have a baby of her own, not even an adopted one. She might not even live long enough to hear about Elyse's baby.

"You're going to have a passel of kids, ain't ya?" she asked with a knowing smile.

"So it would appear! Kara wants two, and so does Jessica. And so does Elyse. Jennifer and Josie only wanted the little guy you have on your lap."

Stephie played with Jesse until lunchtime. The three of us ate lunch and then went for a brief walk in the frigid air.

"Damn, Yankee, you saved the coldest day of the year for me! I didn't really notice so much just walking into the house from the car, but now? Wow!"

"Jesse can't stay out too long," I said. "We'll just go a couple of blocks. But I want him to get used to Chicago weather."

"See Francesca?" Jesse asked.

"No, it's too cold for her to be at the park," I said. "You'll probably see her at your play group on Thursday."

"Jesse miss Francesca!" he said.

"Yankee, he's not even one yet!"

"I know. But think about where he lives. There are a dozen adults around pretty consistently. Jorge is around a lot because he and Stephanie are dating pretty seriously, and Nick is here pretty often because of Bethany, and of course Kathy and Kurt, and Jamie and Jackie are here a lot."

"Nick and Bethany?" she asked.

"They're going to get engaged. Her parents are in town this weekend and Nick's going to ask for her hand."

"Now that's right gallant!" she said. "Will I get to see them?"

"Yes. They're going to dinner tomorrow night. Bethany will miss the girls' night out, but she and Nick will be at the gathering and dinner on Sunday."

"Come off it! It's a party. Have a fucking party! And enjoy it! Got it?"

"Yes, Ma'am!" I chuckled.

"I mean it, Yankee! Music, dancing, and booze. And the sauna!"

"OK. You win! Like always."

"Of course! You always gave me exactly what I wanted, even if I didn't know I wanted it."

"That first night?" I smirked.

"You know, that's one thing nobody will ever do with me except for you," she said softly.

"Then I'm privileged, Peaches."

We walked back into the house and took off our Winter clothes. We went to the kitchen, and I made some hot chocolate for Stephie and me and some warm apple juice for Jesse.

"Isn't he going to need a nap?" Stephie asked.

I chuckled, "Jesse hates taking naps. I think he's afraid he's going to miss something interesting. He does pretty well with just one short nap mid-afternoon."

Elyse arrived home a few minutes later. The girls hugged tightly and started talking. I decided it was a good time to take Jesse back to Beverly because it would be time for his nap. She took him from me and after I gave him a kiss on the top of his head, I headed back to the house where Bethany had joined Stephie and Elyse.

I made some tea and set the pot and my Russian tea set out in the great room. The rest of the girls trickled in over the next few hours, with Josie and Jennifer being the last to arrive because they had been at work. Jorge had arrived just before them, and Nick just after them.

Elyse and I had decided to order pizza for dinner, and it was delivered about 6:30pm. We told Stephie about the time that Kara, Cindi, and Elyse had greeted the pizza delivery guy from Connie's naked at the door and she laughed, saying that it sounded just like the usual craziness in my house. We finished eating, and I opened several bottles of wine and we drank and talked. When Jessica arrived just after 8:00pm, we decided on a sauna.

I pulled Nick aside, "It's your call. Are you comfortable with our usual rules?"

He chuckled, "There's only one way to find out. I take it that Bethany is OK with it?"

"She is. You and I will be the only guys because Stephanie and Jorge went out, and so did Sofia, Leila, and Alejandra. Well, Jen will bring Jesse, but you know what I mean."

"I do. Sure. Let's do it!" he said firmly.

I went downstairs and set the controls and ten minutes later, everyone was sitting naked in the sauna. Nick was a bit uncomfortable, but he quickly relaxed. Given the amount of gorgeous female flesh, that was a good thing for a first-timer. I noticed Stephie's scars, but they were small compared to Bethany's. As badly as Bethany had been hurt, she'd had a chance. Stephie did not.

"How was your day, Jess?" I asked.

"Boring. It's cold so we mostly get flu symptoms. One more week and I'm done with Medicine."

"What's your next rotation?" Elyse asked.

"Uhm," she said, not wanting to say what it was.

"It's OK, Jess," I said.

"Oncology," she said softly, looking at Stephie. "At Loyola."

"Well, if they got some magic thing there that nobody in Georgia knows about, make sure you let me know right away!"

"I promise," Jessica said, looking at me.

"It's OK, Babe. She read me the Riot Act about being morose or treating her any different from how I used to."

"I told Yankee that I wasn't about to go sit in a rocking chair with a quilt on my lap and wait to die. I'm going to keep living my life as long as I can. I'll be traveling to the race tracks with Jason as long as possible. And tomorrow night, we're going to have a good time, and Sunday we're going to have a party."

"You heard her," I said. "Show her a good time tomorrow night!"

"Do you have any restrictions, Stephie?" Jennifer asked.

"Like what?" she asked with a rueful smile. "I could smoke two packs of cigarettes and drink a fifth of whisky every day and it wouldn't make no difference. But no, I'm just taking ibuprofen when I feel bad. For now, it's Advil, which is over the counter. I'll get stronger stuff when I need it. And eventually other drugs. But I haven't needed my Advil today. If I don't need it tomorrow, I can drink."

"You're not taking any other drugs?" Josie asked.

"No. There's nothing else to do at this point. Like I told Yankee, I'm goin' to die and ain't nobody or nothin' goin' to stop that. So I'm just going to take things to make it so I can do what I want until I just can't."

When we finished in the sauna, we all showered and dressed, and met in the great room to have wine, whisky, and, in Jessica's case, 7-Up. I continued to be amazed at Stephie's attitude, but the more I thought about it, the more I understood what she had said. Sitting around and waiting to die made no sense at all. If you only had a short time to live, then you should get as much as you could out of each and every day.

Then I thought about Jason — the guy they called Red. If I was contemplating an empty spot in my heart and my life because of Stephie's impending death, he was certainly feeling, or would feel, the same way that I had when Birgit had died. Those feelings were trying their damnedest to crowd out any positive thoughts I had, and I wondered how he had agreed to let Stephie go for four days, when that could be a significant amount of the time she had left.

"Stephie, what's Jason doing while you're here?" Elyse asked, seemingly reading my mind.

"He's working three out of four days. They would have let him off work, but he wanted me to have time with my friends here. Steve invited him, but Jason said that given how Steve treated him when he asked for me, it was the least he could do."

That made him a better man than I was, because I didn't know that I could do the same thing. If Jessica or Kara were dying, I don't know that I could let them out of my sight for a second, let alone for four days. It had been tough enough to leave Bethany's side when she'd been in the hospital, but Doctor Barton had insisted, and given the favors he had done for me, I'd listened to his advice. I'd struggled with balancing time with Bethany and with my other responsibilities. I wondered if I'd handled it correctly, though, given the ultimate outcome for everyone, if push came to shove, I'd say that I had.

Just before midnight, Stephie said that she wanted to get some sleep, and pretty much everyone agreed. My wives and I went up to bed, as the others mostly went to their rooms, or moved to another place in the house. After my quick bathroom routine, I got into bed with my wives and pulled them close to me. I needed the closeness and comfort to sustain me, and I was very glad that they were with me.

January 24, 1987, Chicago, Illinois

"Stephie?!" Sensei Jim said happily as we walked in to the dojo.

I groaned inwardly. I had not said a word to him about her situation. That had been a major mistake that I suspected was about to bite me in the butt, and might create a very awkward situation. Kara looked at me and immediately knew what I was thinking. She took my hand and squeezed it to reassure me that everything would be OK.

"Hi, Sensei!" Stephie said, bowing to him.

"I see you've earned your black belt. And that you're Second Dan! Very good!"

She had earned her belt before me, despite having been behind in Chicago, and having taken time off for her surgery. She glanced over at me and I shrugged, letting her know I'd made a mistake and trying to apologize without saying a word. She flashed me a quick smile and simply took her place with the class. I watched her, and saw nothing but smooth, crisp movements, and was surprised at her endurance. To any observer, it would seem as if nothing at all was wrong.

When class finished, Stephie asked to speak to Sensei Jim privately, and they went to the small office he kept just off the foyer. Kara, Sofia, and my sister came over to sit on one of the benches along the wall of the dojo with me. I leaned back against the wall and closed my eyes.