Chapter 20: Should I or Shouldn’t I?

July 23, 1986, Chicago, Illinois

"Hello, Kara Alanovna!" Lyudmila exclaimed as we walked into the house.

I gave Kara a quick kiss and a hug, and she hugged Lyudmila.

"Hi, Lyudmila! How are you?"

"Good, thank you! My mother said to thank you for allowing Stephen Rayevich to visit us in New York. She sends her greetings as well."

"Please tell her that she's welcome! Now, come with me, I have a guest room prepared for you. Steve needs to get to work, so you and I will spend some time together with Jesse Stephen."

"Ah yes, Stepa's baby! I would like to see him!"

The girls followed as I carried Lyudmila's bags to the guest room, then left them to get reacquainted and I headed up to the attic room to get to work. I had explained the situation to Lyudmila, and while she wasn't happy, she said that she understood. I promised that she'd have plenty of time with me in the evenings, and that she was welcome to have breakfast with us and go on my lunchtime walks with Kara and Jesse.

"Where's your Russian fox?" Penny teased as I sat down at my computer.

"With Kara. And she is NOT my 'Russian fox'!" I chuckled. "You know I only have eyes for you, Pretty Penny!"

"If only that were true!" she giggled. "Then we could..."

"Penny!" I said, trying to be stern but laughing.

Charlie laughed, and Zeke looked confused. I wasn't about to try to explain things to him in any detail. I picked up the modules list and the bug list and scanned them. I talked to Penny briefly about what she was working on, then pulled out two spec sheets and started working on the new modules for the law office software that had been requested by Ford, Jackson, and Finch. Penny was working on the medical office software, but given the additional money that the law firm had agreed to pay for the new modules, they were my priority.

Late in the afternoon, I pulled Julia aside to have her fill me in, as I'd missed the Monday morning meeting. Everything had gone well in both California and Ohio, and things were moving along as expected in Waukesha. Dave would be back in the office four days a week starting the first week in August, and Debbie would be full time in Waukesha, along with Tom.

"How is Mario's cold-calling going?" I asked.

"He has about two dozen solid leads that he and Cindi are following up on now. Mostly law firms, but a couple of construction firms in St. Louis and Milwaukee. He's been spending some time with the doctor's office out in the 'burbs that is beta testing the medical software. Penny has a long list of bugs she's working on, and there are also quite a few feature enhancements. How long do you think it'll take to finish the modules for the law office software?"

"With the couple of days I'll miss because of Georgia, I figure I can have them to Dave for testing by Thursday night of next week. I'll work whatever hours are necessary on Wednesday and Thursday to do that. He can start testing on Friday morning."

"Do you have plans to take any more time off?" Julia asked.

"No. I'll even be here every weekend during August and September, so I'll be able to put in extra hours if need be."

"Good. Here's the latest financial report that Elyse and Stephanie put together."

She handed me a sheet of paper full of figures, along with a note at the bottom.

I chuckled, "Nice. Am I really that bad?"

"No, but you know Elyse likes to tease you. She left that on the copies she sent to Joyce and your dad, but not the other board members!"

"Of course she did!" I said, scanning the numbers. "These are really, really good!"

"Remember, the initial purchase price for the software is paid in a lump sum, so be sure you look at the projected revenues line, not just the June and July month-to-date numbers."

"That's actually what I was looking at. Even the least optimistic forecast line is really good. I assume that we're using that line for planning?"

"Exactly. Our CPA, Elyse, and I talked about it, and we know that you're conservative, so we're working from that forecast, rather than the middle one, which is more typical. As we exceed it, we adjust the rolling forecast."

"What about losing a client or two? You know it's going to happen sooner or later."

"The forecast we're using takes that into account. In addition to assuming that we'll only get half of the deals that Cindi and Mario rate as 75% or higher, it also assumes only 90% of current recurring revenues."

"Damn. OK. Keep using that one. I honestly want to be at a point where we can run the company for a year simply from reserves if necessary."

"I remember. The CPA thinks that's a bit excessive, but because Dave and I totally depend on income from the company, I can't argue with you on this one. We do have to watch to make sure that we're not over-committing resources."

"How busy is Zeke?" I asked.

"About what we expected — he receives four or five support calls a day, and he's also fielding all incoming calls. He's updating documentation and even doing some testing for Dave. We're in good shape because Dave will be here four days a week soon. Of course, Elyse and Stephanie start school in a couple of weeks, and Penny in about a month. We need to talk about programming resources."

"Charlie won't be spending all her time on Purina," I said. "Zeke covers the support, so that means Dave can use her on the other projects as well. If we get the first actual release of the medical office software done before Penny goes back to school, I think Charlie and I can handle things, at least for the short term. Once we get some revenue from the medical software, then we can think about another programmer."

"What about an intern from IIT or UofC?" Julia asked. "If we sign up for work-study, we'd get someone full time for the semester and the wages are in the same range as what we're paying Penny."

"Isn't it a bit late for fall semester?" I asked.

"Let me make some calls and find out."

We finished our meeting, and I went to find Kara, Lyudmila, and Jesse. They were in the Indian room, with Jesse sitting in Lyudmila's lap.

"Da!" Jesse said, smiling.

"Hi, Jesse!" I said, kissing his forehead.

"You have a cute baby, Stepa! He seems well behaved!"

"I keep saying that he's a good baby," Kara said. "He was upset at lunch because Francesca wasn't in the park."

"Problem?" I asked.

"No, I don't think so. You know that Carol doesn't show up every day. She'll probably be there tomorrow. Are you going to make dinner?"

"I thought we'd go out," I said. "If that's OK with the two of you."

"Yes, of course!" Lyudmila said. "I would like Chicago pizza, please!"

Kara smiled and nodded.

"We'll head to Connie's as soon as Jennifer or Josie get home from work. Lyudmila, will you watch Jesse Stepanovich while I talk with Kara Alanovna?"

"Of course!" she said.

Kara and I went up to our room. I pulled her to me and hugged her tightly, and then we sat on the loveseat.

"How was Lyudmila this afternoon?" I asked.

"She was the very model of a proper young woman! I think you're telling stories about how wild she is!" Kara teased.

"You know better than that from her last visit! Besides lunch and the park, what did you guys do?"

"We drank tea, played with Jesse, and talked quite a bit. All joking aside, she's a sweet, intelligent, young woman. She also said that she has no intention of returning to the Soviet Union when she completes her doctoral degree."

I sighed, "She needs to be very careful about who she says that to. The Communist Party is paying her tuition and room and board with the understanding that she returns to the Soviet Union when she finishes. If it gets back that she doesn't intend to follow through, there will be hell to pay, and not just for her."

"I told her that, because of things you've said in the past. She said that she knows it's safe to talk to you and me because we are, and I'm quoting here, 'intelligent capitalists who do not wish to live under Soviet rule'!"

"She has that right," I said. "Even with Gorbachev's changes, I don't see much chance of Lyudmila being happy working in Russia. She's going to end up in Silicon Valley for sure."

"I have our reservations for Boston," Kara said. "I put them on the Amex as you said. The travel agent also reserved a room for us at the InterContinental Hotel. According to Katy, we can either take a taxi or the 'T' from there to the Catholic church where they're getting married, and the reception is only a couple of blocks from the church."

"Cool. Did you let Jess know?"

"I called her about an hour ago. Hopefully, she's free that weekend. We leave late on Friday as you asked me to arrange — 8:00pm — and we're back on Sunday on a 2:00pm flight from Boston."

"Cool. So I don't miss work and you don't miss school. Thanks for taking care of that."

"It's fun to make plans like that and I like to travel! You know, before I met you, I had only ever even been out of Ohio overnight once, and that was to go to a Bible Quiz competition in Michigan! Now I've even been to Sweden!"

"I suspect we'll be going to Russia at some point. Ivan Konstantinovich wants us to visit, and according to Colonel Anisimova, Tanya hit it off with the Lieutenant Colonel she went to the reception with."

"You're assuming that they'll be getting married?"

"It's too soon to assume that, but if I know Tanya as well as I think I do, I think there's a good chance, yes. She wouldn't go on a second date if she didn't think he was worthy of her attention."

"She certainly thought YOU were worthy of attention," Kara giggled.

"She did. But our world views were so different that we couldn't work it out. We were compatible in every other way."

"And Lyudmila?" Kara smirked.

"We're certainly more compatible with regard to our belief in the superiority of capitalism! She might make a very good business partner some day."

"Uh-huh," Kara giggled. "Let's go see if one of Jesse's moms has come home."

We went downstairs to find Lyudmila talking with Jennifer.

"I see you left our son in the care of a communist!" Jennifer teased.

"I am no communist!" Lyudmila protested fiercely. "I am as capitalist as Stepa is! Perhaps more!"

"Were you giving her last-minute tips about Stanford?" I asked.

"Where to find the cute guys, which bars to go to, where to try to get a tan to pick up guys," Jennifer teased. "You know, all the important things!"

"This is not true!" Lyudmila protested. "Jennifer Robertovna was telling me about first-year classes. She is trying to make trouble!"

"I have no doubt!" I agreed. "She's very good at making trouble. But now that she's here, we'll go get our pizza."

I winked at Jennifer, who laughed mirthfully. She took Jesse and headed back to the coach house while Kara, Lyudmila, and I headed to my car for the drive to Connie's. Lyudmila and Kara sat in the back seat, chatting the entire way to the restaurant. I was surprised at how mature and calm Lyudmila sounded compared to the way that she usually acted. Even on the flight to Chicago, when I had expected her demeanor to change into an aggressive full-court press, it hadn't.

"How long did you actually live in Russia?" Kara asked Lyudmila.

"Until I was five. Then Mother had a posting to Finland. Father was in Germany, so they could see each other sometimes. When Mother was assigned to Minister Voronin, I went to Germany with Father. We all moved to Washington when Minister Voronin was assigned here and Father transferred to the embassy."

"How is it that you hate Russia so much if you hardly lived there?" Kara asked.

"It is idea of Soviet Union. I have been to Russia on holiday and is beautiful place. But I do not like controls on what I can say or do. I wish to be free to do what I want to do!"

Kara smiled, "You do realize that even in the US you can't just do anything you want!"

"I know this!" Lyudmila said with a smile. "For example, I may not have Stepa in the way that I wish!"

Kara laughed, "And you still want that, even knowing that he's married?"

"I do not believe it matters what I want. It only matters what Stepa wants. And of course, what you and Jessica Troyovna would permit."

"Lyudmila Alekseyevna, you've become a «культурный» young woman," I said. "In the past, you were not so thoughtful and mature. I'm pleased."

She smiled, "How pleased, Stephen Rayevich?"

Both she and Kara laughed hard, and I smiled.

"Lyusya, do you really, truly believe that it would be a good idea?" I asked.

"This I do not know," she said. "I have desires, but I do not know if I should do what I desire to do."

"And that is exactly what it means to be an adult," I said. "It's something that I learned the hard way. Sometimes, we want things that aren't good for us, or for other people. Those are the things we shouldn't do."

"So this explains why you have said that you wish to love with me, but have refused to do so. You are afraid it would not be a good idea for me, or would cause troubles with my mother or Tatyana Ivanovna?"

"Exactly."

"This makes sense to me now. It did not before. But I am confused."

Kara nodded, "That's normal, Lyusya. But even if you were not confused, it would depend on Stepa agreeing with you that it was the right thing to do. And that is not a sure thing."

"This I know. If he can resist me being naked in sauna, and me being naked in Tatyana Ivanovna's bed, this means that I cannot assume anything about what he might do."

We finished our meal and drove back to the house. I was not surprised when Lyudmila suggested that we use the sauna. I looked at Kara, who nodded and so I agreed. Fifteen minutes later, steam was hissing from the hot rocks in the sauna. We sat quietly for about fifteen minutes, with Lyudmila sitting a proper distance from me.

"Kara Alanovna, would you mind if I spoke to Stepa privately?" Lyudmila asked.

"Now?" Kara asked.

"Yes, please."

Kara got up, kissed me, whispered permission into my ear, and then turned to leave the sauna.

"I'll be in the Indian room," Kara said, as the door closed behind her.

"What can I do for you?" I asked.

"I have question," she said.

I nodded, "Ask it."

"Would you be able to help me buy computer?"

I sat back, slightly stunned by the request. It was not at all what I had expected.

"I think I could do that. An IBM compatible?"

"This makes sense, I think. I know you like Apple, but I believe you said your business used IBM more."

"That's true," I said. "You don't have the money to buy one?"

"I do not. I am permitted to work by my student visa and I will find a job at University so that I can pay you."

"Then yes. I'll order you a PC's Limited computer and have it shipped to you at Stanford. I'll need your address as soon as you have it."

"Thank you, Stepa!"

"And that's why you wanted Kara to leave the sauna?"

"I was not sure if it was polite to discuss business in front of her."

I chuckled, "You can ask to make love with me in front of her, but not talk about business?"

"Yes. I would need permission from Kara Alanovna to love with you. Computer was private question between us."

I nodded, "True. I guess most people wouldn't see it that way."

"Of course, if you would love with me, I would be very pleased!"

So would I, but if I agreed, it would have to be kept completely private between Lyudmila, Kara, Jessica, and me. And I'd need to talk to Jessica first.

"I'm sure I would be as well. If I were to do that, you could tell no one! Not your mother, your father, and most certainly not Tanya."

"You are considering this?" she said with a huge smile.

"I am. Let me talk with Kara and Jessica."

"Tonight?" she asked expectantly.

"No. If, and I mean if, it would be tomorrow. But I wouldn't be able to spend the night with you in your bed."

"Yes, I understand."

"Shall we go find Kara and have some tea?"

"Yes. Thank you for agreeing to help me with computer."

"It's my pleasure!" I said.

"And it would be MY pleasure to love with you!" she giggled.

"Go take a shower and then meet me upstairs," I said.

We put on robes and left the sauna. I stopped in the Indian room and asked Kara to make some tea and set out the Russian tea service. I went up to my room and showered, and when I'd dressed, I met Kara and Lyudmila in the Indian room to drink tea. When we finished our tea, we went to the great room to watch HBO. They were showing The Karate Kid, which we all enjoyed.

"I will see you in the morning, Lyudmila," Kara said. "Steve has to work. We can have breakfast together and then lunch. He'll take us to dinner tomorrow evening."