Chapter 9: Finding Our Footing

April 19, 1986, Chicago, Illinois

After the party ended, Jessica, Kara, and I went up to our room to talk.

"Now may I ask the question?" Kara said, looking at me for approval, which I gave with a nod.

"Jess," she continued, "please don't be upset, but it seems like you're trying to goad Steve into doing something just so you can beat him up for doing it."

"Why would I do that?" Jessica asked.

I found it interesting that she didn't deny it. That revelation meant that the conversation might be even more perilous than I had originally feared.

"I don't know," Kara said. "Steve's been focused on both of us, and that's more or less dampened his interest in other girls. Maybe it stays that way, maybe it doesn't. I don't think it will stay dampened. I can't predict the future, though I'm reasonably sure it'll be few and far between if he does do it, but I don't know for sure. You seem to be pushing the issue at every opportunity, despite being uncomfortable with the whole idea."

"I guess I'm afraid of how I'm going to feel and the longer it goes, the more worried I am about how I'm going to react." Jessica said with a deep sigh. "How did you feel when Steve confessed to you that he cheated with Becky?"

"Hurt and disappointed," Kara said. "At least at first. But ultimately, I wasn't really surprised because I knew his past. He gave me his word, but honestly, I knew he'd have a tough time keeping it. But you know what? After five-and-a-half years, I can trust him. Implicitly. He won't break his word to us.

"So he occasionally fucks some cute girl? Who cares? Does it hurt either of us? No! You have what you want. I have what I want. Steve's made lifetime commitments to us on terms the three of us agreed upon. You know some of his history, and that he was with 75 or so girls. And yet, here you are. What's one or two or six more? He's a good husband and he'll be a great dad. I mean, look how he is with Jesse! He's sweet and loving and caring. You can't be concerned with monogamy! If you were, you wouldn't be here with us! Or did you make a mistake?"

Kara was really pushing hard, but from her interactions with Stephanie, I'd learned that Kara had my best interest at heart, and she was saying things and asking questions that would be difficult for me to ask. It dawned on me that this relationship was going to work only because Kara was going to make it work. She was, in effect, the glue that was going to hold the threesome together, not me.

That realization put everything into a whole new perspective, and made me wonder if I'd chosen the third member of the relationship, or if Kara had, for her own purposes, as well as for mine. That was something to talk to Kara about after Jessica left. All of that ran through my mind while Kara was talking, and in the fifteen or so seconds of silence that followed.

"No, I don't think I made a mistake," Jessica said thoughtfully. "I love you both, and this is where I belong."

"Do you want to change our agreement?" I asked gently.

"I don't know," Jessica said. "This is way more confusing than I thought it would be. I'm really conflicted."

"About the entire relationship?" Kara asked. "Or just the idea that Steve might be with another girl besides us?"

"Not about the relationship! No way! I guess I'm just afraid of how I'm going to feel when it happens."

"You don't seem to have a problem with Steve and Elyse," Kara observed.

"That's true," Jessica admitted. "I know he's with her once a week, and that they're going to have two kids. And it doesn't bother me."

"But some random girl would?" Kara asked.

Jessica smiled, "I guess I'm being irrational. I'm sorry. You're right, Kara. About everything that you've said. I trust you, Tiger. I gave you my word and if I go back on it, you won't be able to trust me."

"Babe, I don't want to do anything that will hurt you," I said.

"I know that, silly!" Jessica said. "I don't think that you would ever hurt me. I'm sorry for acting this way."

"This relationship is new to all of us, even though it's been four months," I said. "And there isn't a lot of precedent to learn from."

"I think Kara has it figured out better than either of us does, Tiger. She's the real reason you are who you are today. And she's the real reason we're together, isn't she?"

I nodded, "That's exactly what I was thinking when she was talking before. I can't think of a single time she's ever led me astray."

"Then I need to trust her like you do," Jessica said.

"Jess, Josie, Jennifer, and Stephanie asked if we'd come for a private birthday celebration for Steve tomorrow at lunch."

"Sure. His sister and the mother of his eldest son? How could I say 'no'?"

"Great!" Kara said. "Now, how about the three of us celebrate Steve's birthday properly?"

"What would you like, Tiger?" Jessica asked.

"Just to make love with my wives. That's all."

"Then let's go to bed!"

April 20, 1986, Chicago, Illinois

"Jesse, it's Daddy's birthday!" Jennifer said, rubbing a bit of chocolate icing from the cake on his lips.

"I'd love to know what he's thinking right about now," I chuckled.

"He's thinking he wants tit!" Josie said. "He's a guy!"

"He's a baby, Josie!" Jessica protested.

"He's a guy! And he's Steve's son! In fourteen or fifteen years, he's going to be getting laid!"

Jennifer laughed, "I think we can wait on that one!"

Everyone laughed and Josie served cake and ice cream. The bit of chocolate on Jesse's lips made him demand to be fed, and Jennifer laughed and opened her shirt to let him latch on.

"That looks like fun!" I chuckled.

"See!" Josie laughed. "I told you! Men!"

"Ignore her, Tiger," Jessica said sweetly. "You can have mine any time!"

"Mine, too!" Kara added with a huge grin.

"I'm going to have to share pretty soon!" I chuckled. "But it'll be worth it."

"Pretty soon? I guess in the scheme of things, two years is soon!" Kara giggled.

"Her boobs will get bigger, too!" Josie teased.

"You say that like it's a good thing!" my sister teased. "My Big Brother likes them small like Jessica's!"

"He has never once complained about mine!" Kara said primly, then smirked, "And he can do something with them he can't do with Jess!"

All the girls laughed, and I just shook my head. We finished our cake and coffee and then headed back to the main house, given Jessica needed to leave for Indianapolis. She packed her things and Kara and I walked her to her car. The three of us exchanged deep, longing kisses, and Jessica got into her car and drove off with her usual wave.

That evening, while Kara and I were cuddling in bed, I thought about asking Kara about my earlier thoughts, but decided that I wasn't really ready to discuss it. I didn't know why, but I just felt the timing wasn't right for some reason.

April 21, 1986, Chicago, Illinois

"Seriously?" Dave laughed. "A broken moonshine bottle? That's it?"

"That was a lot of hype for nothing!" Julia said. "Geraldo has been talking about Al Capone's vault for MONTHS. And all for a freakin' moonshine bottle!"

"Forget the hype!" Elyse groused. "Can I get the last two hours of my life back?"

"I don't think so," I chuckled. "But I'm not going to fall for this kind of scam again, that's for sure."

April 22, 1986, Chicago, Illinois

"Happy birthday, Penny!" I said as I walked into her house.

"Happy birthday, Steve!" she said excitedly, throwing herself into my arms.

I hugged her tightly, then let her go. She frowned, but then her smile quickly returned. Most of her friends were there, and when the last of them arrived two minutes later, we went to the dining room for Penny's traditional home-made pizza dinner. For dessert we had Angel Food cake, and then Penny opened her presents. She and I had agreed on small gifts. She'd given me a dress shirt, and I gave her a sweater.

The one major difference between this year's party and the previous one was that there were a few guys at the party, including Jonathan. It didn't surprise me that he was athletic and good looking, and seemed overall to be a nice kid. If Penny ever let this kid sample her delights, he'd never know what hit him. I felt a minor pang of jealousy, knowing what those delights were, but also knowing that most likely I would never be able to sample them again.

I spent a bit of time talking to Jonathan in between dancing with the girls. As Penny had told me, he had zero interest in computers. From everything he said, it sounded to me like he was going for a career in law enforcement. He talked about getting a criminal justice degree, but he was more interested in being a police detective than he was in being a federal agent of any kind.

The pattern for the party was followed in one other detail besides food — Penny's friend Mary flirted up a storm and did her best to try to arouse me by dancing very close and making suggestive comments. I played along, but when the song ended, I simply thanked her for the dance and went back to sit with Penny, earning an evil look from Mary.

"She wants you," Penny whispered.

"That was abundantly clear two years ago, and even more so tonight!" I chuckled. "I think she was offended that she couldn't get me hard just by dancing."

"I can!" Penny whispered as Jonathan came to sit on her other side.

I smiled and nodded. There was no doubt that she could, but given the situation, it didn't really matter. One thing I was sure of, though, was that she'd be teasing me about stuff like this for the rest of our lives. Penny did prove her point when we danced right before the party broke up. Feeling her firm, sexy body pressed against me was more than enough to achieve Penny's desired result.

"I want that in me right now," she whispered sexily.

I simply groaned softly as she ground against me, making me very uncomfortable. And she didn't let up at all.

"Just think how it would feel to slide it in and out of me," she whispered. "Hot, tight, and dripping wet!"

"You're bad, Penny," I groaned softly.

Mercifully, the song ended, and I carefully made my way to a chair and sat down uncomfortably, willing the blood away from where it had gathered. Thankfully, the pressure eased and as far as I could tell, nobody but Penny had noticed just how excited I was by the dance. When I felt it was safe, I got up and told Penny I was going to head back home. She excused herself and walked me to the front door.

"I want a good kiss," she whispered.

"You're playing with fire, Penelope Margaret O'Neil!" I responded.

"Just shut up and kiss me, you dope!" she whispered urgently.

I pulled her into my arms and gave her a good kiss, similar to the kind that Melanie gave me. Penny was gasping for breath when we broke the kiss.

"Just for your birthday, Pretty Penny. No other time."

"Meanie!" she said with a smile.

We hugged again, and I headed home and spent the next hour fielding phone calls from people who hadn't had a chance to come to the party. Karin had called early in the morning, as had Katt and Mikael. Tonight I heard from Mary, Josh, Larry, Colonel Anisimova, Tatyana, Lyudmila, Jennie Sanders, Stephie, and my dad.

"That was a lot of calls, Snuggle Bear!" Kara said as we lay in bed together after making love.

"It was! And Jess called mid-afternoon when she arrived home from the hospital."

"Did you have a good birthday?"

"The last four days have been awesome," I said. "It's great to have all my friends around, and I was very happy about Bethany's progress. It's been eight months since things fell apart, and it seems that being away from the house has helped."

"You still love her," Kara said.

It was a declaration, not a question.

"Of course I do! I could never stop loving her. If I could put things back to the way they were, I would."

"At the expense of Jessica?" she asked.

"Before I answer that, will you answer something for me?"

"Yes, of course," Kara said.

"I'm just thinking back over everything that's happened since the Christmas when Bethany had her accident. Did you choose Jessica or did I?"

Kara propped herself on her elbow and looked me in the eyes, "Does it matter?"

"Your answer won't change anything, but I have this sense that somehow you led me to this situation — away from Bethany and to Jessica."

"Would it upset you if that was what happened?"

"No. I don't see why it should. For the past two years, you've been focused on me and my needs, and you've helped guide me to where I belong. I'd like to know."

"Come sit with me on the loveseat," Kara said, getting up and putting on her robe.

I got up, put on my robe, and went to sit with her.

She took a deep breath, "You and Bethany weren't meant to be together as husband and wife. You both thought that the deep friendship you had meant that you could make it work. It couldn't. I think that deep down, you both knew it and that's what kept you from being together. If you were so sure, why see Jessica? If Bethany was so sure, why see Andrew?

"I've known you and Bethany for a long time, and there was always tension there. I guess that started when you two thought you were in love with each other and you started calling her 'Sweetheart'. But that was before you met me and decided that I wasn't just going to be a great fuck that you would move on from. Even then, you had your doubts about Bethany."

"I had my doubts about everyone at that point, except Jennifer," I said. "That was all before the Becky incident. And before Jennifer decided to go to Stanford."

"I suppose that's true, though if you had doubts about me, and you loved Bethany, why ask me to go steady?"

"I was such a mess back then that I can't even begin to explain why I did what I did," I said. "I knew I was a mess, but I didn't realize how much of a mess I was. The Becky incident pretty much proved that. That led to the Triumvirate, and each of you played your roles. Those roles have changed, but all three of you are still important in my life."

"Well, it became clear to me, even before Christmas, that Bethany wasn't the girl for you to marry. You were still working through things in your mind."

"But you suggested that I marry Bethany and have you as a subordinate wife!" I protested.

"I did. You were confused and needed to see the solution that was right before you. You were blind to it. So I showed it to you. Bethany was the logical person to include, though if you recall, I did at one point start talking about a new girl. And that was even before you met Jessica. And there was a reason for that.

"I was sure that Bethany was not the right girl for you to marry. But there wasn't anything overt I could do about it. All I could do was nudge you and get you to see the possibilities. If I'd pushed harder, it would have backfired because of your stubborn streak. I also had to do my best to keep your sister from interfering. Her fixation on Bethany was similar to her fixation on Jennifer the Summer after you graduated. And then I met Jessica, and I was absolutely sure she was the woman who should be your wife."

"Would you tell me about the private talk you had with her?"

Kara smiled, "I told her that she had to take the initiative and put the idea in your mind that she was the girl for you to marry, and that if she didn't lead you down that path, you'd end up marrying Bethany, which I thought was a mistake."

"YOU put her up to the proposal?" I asked, astonished.

"Not directly. She was sure she wanted you from the first time she met you in that observation room. But there were impediments, of course, with Bethany being the main one. And your chosen lifestyle."

"What did you say to her?" I asked.

"That if she wanted you, the only way she could have you is if she was willing to share. If she'd insisted on pure monogamy, you'd have been friends, and nothing more."

"That's a pretty huge interference in my life, don't you think?" I asked.

Kara nodded, "In a sense, you gave me that right when you offered me the engagement ring on my birthday last year. But I didn't interfere. I never once said anything bad about Bethany, nor did I try to interfere in your relationship. Yes, I encouraged Jessica to be direct and let you know what she wanted, but she knew, as I did, that it was Bethany who would ultimately decide what happened.

"You see, I think you knew everything we've talked about since August, and especially since the wedding. You just didn't want to admit it. That's why you had no trouble at all proposing to Jess. Once Bethany set you free, you could do what you should have done before. It's like you and Stephie — you set her free to do what she should have done on her own, but wouldn't. Do you see the similarities?"

I smiled, "I do. And Machiavellian machinations aside, I think the end result is the right one. Well, assuming Bethany and I can fix things."