Chapter 7

Toby continued to hold Allie away from himself and looked down at her. She looked unflinchingly back up at him.

“Allie, poppet, we’ve been through all this before. You know I love you like a younger sister and as we grow older that may grow into falling in love with you but I’m much too young to commit to that and you certainly are.”

Allie shook her head. “What you’re saying, Toby, is the expected norm and you feel that way. I accept that but what you have got to accept is that I love you from the bottom of my heart. It’s not a silly schoolgirl crush. It might have been to start with but it hasn’t come and gone in waves. It’s just quietly and steadily grown. I’ve told myself not to be silly but that hasn’t made any difference at all. Unless you find someone else and marry them I’m going to be with you and love you for the rest of my life.”

Toby gazed at her stupefied. How could a fourteen year-old be so sure and so confident in herself that she would tell him? The last thing he must do was to take advantage of her love. He dropped to his knees in front of her so that their faces were much the same height and took her hands. Still her eyes never left his.

“Allie, my very precious Allie, I’m going up to university next month and we won’t see each other every day, living in each other’s pockets and doing so much together. We may both find someone else. I’m deeply, deeply touched by what you’ve told me but I certainly can’t commit myself to you at this stage in my life.”

“No, Toby, knowing you as I do I wouldn’t expect you to at this stage. I’m a bit surprised at myself but the strength of my love for you that has never diminished but goes on growing convinces me that I can’t do anything but commit myself to you. All I can do is hope and pray that in the end you will come to me.”

“Oh, Allie, you’ve put me in a very difficult position.”

“I know but I couldn’t bottle it up any longer.”

Toby pulled her into a gentle hug, gentle on his part but Allie wound her arms tightly round him and was reluctant to release him when he began to push her away. All the same, she realised that she needed to leave Toby to himself for a while so she pulled away, gave him a peck on the cheek and quietly went home.

Toby did what he normally did when there was a problem and no one to discuss it with. He sat down at the piano. For some time he just stared at the keyboard without a clear thought in his head then very slowly and very quietly he began to play Chopin’s A Minor Prelude, the one he had played to Allie when she complained about sad music in the minor key, then he drifted into Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata at which stage Nessa came silently into the room and stood there transfixed. He came to the end and let his hands drop to his knees.

Nessa put her arms round his neck and kissed the top of his head. He did not move.

“I’ve never heard you play that so beautifully,” she whispered, “so slow ... so gentle ... so emotional. Well done, my darling son.”

She said no more but stayed where she was. She knew that Toby had a major problem on his mind and she was prepared to bet it was about Allie. She had to be there for him to unburden himself.

At last he slowly raised his head and took her hands in his. “Thank you, Mum,” he said softly. “I didn’t really hear it myself. I was miles away.”

“Mm. Want to tell me?”

There was another long silence.

“Allie told me she loved me and that if I didn’t find someone else she would be with me and love me for the rest of her life. I ... I tried to persuade her that she was much too young to make a commitment like that but ... she wouldn’t accept it. She ... she said that it might have been a little girl crush to start with but when it never went away and just went on growing she realised that I was the love of her life. Mum, what am I going to do?”

“Just go on as you are, darling. There’ll come a realisation at some stage from both of you as to whether you really are in love with each other.”

“But what happens if I meet someone and fall in love with her. It would break Allie’s heart and she might do something silly.”

“I very much doubt it. She would be very upset and sad for a while but she’s sensible and a strong enough character to overcome it in the end.”

“Do you really mean that, Mum, or are you just trying to comfort and reassure me?”

“Yes to both!”

“Thanks, Mum.”

He rose, turned, took her in his arms and kissed her.

“I’m very lucky with my women: a loving, comforting mum who has taught me to be a good pianist as well, a sister who loves me as I love her, a little ‘sister’ who I love but who loves me too much and her mother who I’ve become very fond of too.”