Chapter 95

The only light in the room came from a green LED display on a piece of machinery off to my right. It gave the white wall of the sanitary room an eerie glow.

I didn’t really give a shit. My head was still foggy from the anesthesia and the medication. It took me a few seconds to open my eyes but then I was completely awake.

I hurt.

I hurt in places I had never before hurt. I hurt in places I didn’t even know existed. It wasn’t the constant ache that I’d learned to live with. It wasn’t even the sharp stabs that occurred when I shifted the wrong direction.

This was pain.

It started in my chest and ran to my back. It began at my neck and ended at my fingertips. It was so intense that I wasn’t certain that any portion of my body did not hurt.

I felt Liz shift. Her hair brushed against my left hand as she lifted her head. I tried to speak but it came out as a strangled groan.

She saw the look of distress on my face and jumped to her feet.

“I’m going to get the doctor,” she said. Her voice was thick with sleep but her face was clear. The room filled with light as she hustled out the door. I saw one of the security team head down the hall and then Sean stepped into the doorway.

I noticed his look of concern before I closed my eyes in the vain attempt to stop the tears.

“The doc is on the way,” he said. “Just hang tight.”

I nodded. I hoped the pain would fade but it didn’t go away. It was becoming difficult for me to even breathe.

I didn’t realize that Liz had returned until she took my hand in hers. I hadn’t heard her shoes squeaking against the waxed floors. The lights came on. I opened my eyes and saw Sondra with her.

“Hurts,” I grunted.

Sondra looked at a chart and then walked around to the right side of the bed. My eyes followed her until she was in a blind spot. I looked over at Liz but she was watching Sondra intently.

“Give this just a couple of minutes,” Sondra said.

Liz was holding my hand tightly, a look of worry on her face.

“Just breathe, Travis,” Sondra said.

I realized that I had been holding my breath and the air came out in a rush. I felt a slight chill and I tried look down at my arm. It was strapped across my waist, just like they promised. There was an intravenous tube running into my wrist.

It took a couple of minutes but the pain receded to a dull roar. I pulled my left hand from Liz’s grasp and wiped my eyes and cheeks.

“Better?” Sondra asked.

“Holy shit,” I said.

“It’s OK,” Sondra said. “We gave you about a third of the normal dosage since you have an aversion to pain medication. I just increased to about half. Let me know if you need more.”

“It’s OK,” I said.

I saw something pass in front of my eyes and felt a cold rag against my forehead. Liz wiped my face for me.

“Thanks, Babe,” I said while I searched for her hand again. It still held the washrag in it when I located it. I didn’t care at all. Sondra walked around to stand behind Liz. Over her shoulder I saw Sean discreetly pull the door closed.

“I know this might sound silly to you,” Sondra said as she put her hand on Liz’s shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze, “but pain is a good thing right now. I need to ask you a few questions. OK?”

“Yeah,” I croaked. Liz offered a straw to my lips and took a drink. I felt the cold water all the way down to my stomach so I took a second pull on the straw and choked slightly.

“We’re not going to take it away from you,” Sondra said with a laugh.

I nodded.

“OK, let me explain what we’ve done,” Sondra told me. “Are you good with that now or do you want to wait until morning?”

“Now is good,” I said.

“First off, the surgery went very well,” she said. “The bone is in very good shape and everybody is pleased with the way you’re healing. I’m sure you noticed that we went ahead and changed the position of your arm. That’s going to give you a lot more freedom. I know it had to be incredibly difficult to have your arm at such an awkward angle for so long. This is more natural. Now, it’s important that you keep it strapped until we tell you differently. OK?”

I nodded.

“Good,” she said. “I’m appointing Liz and your mother to make sure you follow instructions. Liz will be shown how to hook and unhook the sling. Probably by this time next week, you can have it unhooked for a few minutes at a time – for showering and changing clothes.”

“Until then?” I cut in.

“Until then ... you can’t,” Sondra said with a shrug. “Your upper arm is still restricted. We put a waterproof shell around the cast. You can wear it into the shower.”

“Not if I can’t get my shirt off,” I noted. I glanced downward and saw the hospital gown was just drawn across my shoulder.

“Skye and Jill went shopping this afternoon,” Liz said, speaking for the first time since Sondra entered with her. “They got you some T-shirts and they’re going to cut the sleeves off of them. We’ll work it out. Don’t worry about that.”

I nodded again.

“Right now, we’ve put a Cryo-cuff on your shoulder and upper arm,” Sondra said. “You had one on for a few days after the surgery but it was off by the time we woke you up. It’s going to help with the swelling.”

I gave my arm another glance.

“We mentioned this before the surgery but I’m not sure you caught it,” Sondra continued. “The cast will come off in a week or 10 days. Once we’re sure the bone and artery are going to hold, you’ll be able to have more freedom. But, for now at least, pretend we know what we’re talking about. OK?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I’ll do what you tell me to do.”

“I know,” Sondra said. “Otherwise you’ll wake up like you woke up just now. Let’s talk about the pain. Was it localized?”

I considered the question for a moment.

“I don’t really know,” I admitted. “It hurt so bad that it seemed to be everywhere.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Sondra said. “I should have started you out on a heavy dose of pain relief and backed it down.”

“No, it’s fine,” I said. “I prefer it this way.”

“Then you’re not very bright,” Liz said. “I thought you were having a freakin’ heart attack. You squeezed my hand so tightly that I was a little worried that I’d be going in for surgery soon.”

“Sorry,” I said. “I didn’t realize that. I just ... when I came to ... God. It was brutal.”

“On a scale of one to 10, one low, where would you put it?” Sondra asked.

“Eight ... maybe nine,” I answered. “I couldn’t breathe.”

Sondra gave a sad smile.

“I’m really sorry,” she said. “Where is it now on that scale?”

“Three or four,” I said. “It hurts. I mean, it hurts more than it did last week. It hurts more than the first time. But it’s a lot less than when I woke up. A lot less!”

“Good,” Sondra said. “If it starts to be unmanageable, you remember the button you use.”

I nodded. I hadn’t used it the first time and I didn’t imagine using it this time either – particularly when the hospital staff seemed so attentive.

“Now that the edge is off, can you tell where the pain is?” Sondra asked. She was remarkably patient for whatever time in the morning it happened to be. All I knew was that it was dark outside.

“It starts in my chest,” I said.

She reached down to touch my pectoral muscle.

“Here?” she wondered.

“Yes,” I said.

“OK, that’s OK,” she said. “That muscle was traumatized during the first surgery and it hasn’t seen much use in the past couple of weeks. That’s normal. Where else?”

“It goes across my shoulder to my back,” I noted.

“Also normal,” Sondra said, nodding. “How about your arm? Do you feel pain there?”

“Yes,” I said.

“That’s really good,” Sondra replied. “Tell me about the pain in your arm.”

“It hurts,” I answered.

She laughed lightly.

“I was talking a little more specifically,” she said.

“It hurts a lot,” I answered. The painkiller was starting to make me a bit loopy, I think.

“You goof,” she said. “Is the pain restricted to the shoulder or does it radiate downward?”

“It hurts all the way,” I said.

Sondra actually pumped her fist at the news.

“Yes,” she said in a hiss.

“Is that good?” Liz asked.

Sondra nodded.

“It’s very promising,” she said. She reached down and ran her fingers down my forearm. “Can you feel that?”

I shook my head.

“That’s OK,” she said quickly. “We gave you a regional anesthetic along with the general anesthesia. It was ... well, it was to help deaden the feelings in your arm. But the fact that you feel pain is very good.”

She took my fingers in her hands and looked at me. I shook my head again. She tightened her grip slightly.

“I feel that,” I said. “Sort of.”

“Let’s try this,” she said. “Your hands are warm to the touch. That means the circulation is good. Can you feel this?”

She pressed her fingertip down on my thumbnail.

“Yeah,” I said, smiling in spite of myself. The smile faded when she moved to the pinkie. She did the same thing but I felt absolutely nothing.

“It’s OK,” she said again. “There is some scar tissue at your elbow. It’s what we commonly call the funny bone. It isn’t a bone at all. It’s actually a cluster of nerves. The vascular surgery has left some scarring there. If it remains a problem, we’ll go in and take it out and see if it helps. Don’t worry. It won’t be anything like this one. It’ll be completely arthroscopic. It’ll take an hour or two and you’ll be home in time for supper. But we want to wait to see if it is necessary before we do anything else to you. Do you understand?”

“Sure,” I said.

“Do you have any questions?” she asked.

“One,” I said.

“Go ahead,” Sondra instructed.

“Do you people ever sleep?” I asked. “You were here before I got here. Sean was at work before I got out of bed. Liz was bustling around hours before I got up.”

Sondra laughed at my query.

“We’ve slept,” Liz answered. “I’ve been napping off and on since about eight. Sean went home at two and didn’t come back on duty until midnight. He’s going to stick around to drive us home in the morning and then he’s off for three days.”

“And I was going to be awake tonight anyway,” Sondra added. “Once I knew you were coming in yesterday, I switched my shift so I was here overnight tonight. I went to sleep as soon as you came out of recovery and I didn’t get up until midnight. Don’t you worry about us. Let us worry about you.”