Chapter 93

I blinked and looked over at the appendage strapped to a metal table as I contemplated her answer.

“It’s that bad?” I asked.

“It’s that bad,” Sondra answered with a grave nod. “I was going to give you a couple of more days to recuperate before I came out Sunday to explain all of this to you. It wasn’t going to be a surprise when you got the hospital on Monday. But now I hope you understand why everybody is so concerned with your well-being – me included.”

“So I can cause more damage by being up and about?” I asked.

Sondra shrugged.

“If you were to fall and rebreak the bone in your upper arm, it would be catastrophic,” she answered after a moment. “Right now, it’s held together with pins and screws and probably baling wire and bubble gum. We won’t know until Monday how well it’s healing. We won’t know if the bone grafts are holding up. A jostle might break it again. Once we get it reset to a more natural position, the danger will lessen. You’re not going to have to be bedridden for months. But no one knows better than you how awkward movement is for you. I heard all about the trouble of getting you out of the vehicle.

“Today, in the shower, if you had slipped or even turned and hit it...”

She stopped again and looked out over the pool.

“It could have ruptured the artery again,” she admitted. “You might have bled to death internally before anybody even found you. At the very least, you would have lost any chance to regain the use of the arm. And, as of right now, you still have a chance that things will turn out ... OK. I can’t honestly tell you that they’re going to be great. I don’t believe that’s going to be the case and I won’t lie to you. But there is still a chance that you’ll be able to use the arm and hand for most of what you use it for now over time. That is what we’re all hoping for.”

“But I need to stay in bed for a couple of more days for that to happen,” I finished.

“It would be best,” Sondra told me. “The truth is ... we don’t know. You might stay in bed for two days and still lose the use of the arm. You might go out and run a marathon tomorrow and everything will be ducky come Monday. I do know from my perspective that you’re taking an unnecessary risk by insisting on trying to do too much too soon. If we’re able to strap the arm across your waist on Monday, you’ll be in much better shape. You’ll still have to be careful but it will lessen the risk of someone bumping into you, or you bumping into someone or something and causing more damage than we can repair. OK?”

I sighed and nodded.

“I really feel OK,” I pointed out.

“I know you do,” Sondra said. “That’s part of what worries me so much. I’m not a vascular surgeon. I’m not a neurologist. But I am a doctor and in that capacity I can tell you that there should be a great deal of pain. The fact that there isn’t concerns me.”

“But you said the doctor did a bypass,” I said.

“He did,” Sondra confirmed. “A bypass is just what you’re thinking of in terms of traffic. He used another route to get oxygen to the cells. It wasn’t pretty but it was a fine piece of medicine. It took time for us to get you to the hospital. It took time for us to get you into surgery. It took time for him to figure out how best to proceed. I don’t have an exact timeline. Things went pretty quickly after I had to start chest compressions and I wasn’t really at my best. The only guess I can offer is that it was still close to 40 minutes. Truthfully, it might be closer to an hour. I can check the chart. Does it really matter at this point?”

“No,” I said. “I just sort of wondered why I didn’t ... stay dead, I guess, or turn into a vegetable.”

Sondra smiled softly.

“You were never actually clinically dead,” she informed me. “Yes, your heart stopped pumping for a few seconds but I was doing CPR – essentially forcing the heart to contract in order to push blood through your body – almost instantly. The body is a wonderful thing. The rest of your circulatory system recognized there was a problem and took over the load of making sure your heart and your lungs and your brain got what they needed. You went into shock because of a drop in blood pressure. You had about a sixth of your blood volume trapped and out of circulation, as it were. I know what they said on television. It’s stupid to speculate when you weren’t there ... particularly on medical issues. There was never a risk of brain damage unless a blood clot blocked blood flow. That didn’t happen.”

I didn’t have much personal knowledge of how the story played out in the media. Rick had mentioned a couple of things but I had been isolated from television, radio and computers – even in the hospital.

“Would it have been better to just ... have taken the arm off at first?” I asked.

“No!” Sondra said instantly. “There was no medical reason to remove the arm. It could be repaired. Look, Travis, even if you can’t use it for a whole lot it’s better to have it. The only reason we would remove an appendage is if your life was in danger. Yes, if we hadn’t been able to bypass the brachial, it would have come up in conversation. Yes, if it looked as though leaving it on posed a risk to your life, we would have removed it. But we do not amputate for the sake of convenience – yours or ours. It is always a last resort. This isn’t the 1800s. OK?”

“OK,” I said. “I just ... I should have been told the facts.”

“That’s not for me to say,” Sondra said. “Liz ... I’m not going to minimize what you’re going through. I’m just trying to tell you that this hit Liz really hard, too. Part of what she’s doing right now is because she loves you. You know that, I hope. The other part is ... I’ve seen this with Ryan ... she feels massive guilt and responsibility for what happened. So she’s trying to compensate for that by doing whatever she can for the men that put themselves between harm and her. You know?”

“It’s not her fault that McHenry is a douche bag,” I said.

I tried to turn to glance back at the house – where I knew Liz was probably watching out of a window. I felt pressure in my arm and stopped immediately.

“That hurt,” I said.

I got my first true indication of how serious the situation might be when Sondra was on her feet in an instant.

“Not ... broken hurt,” I said quickly. “Just that I knew I shouldn’t try to do that again. That’s what my dad always said: ‘Pain is nature’s way of telling you to stop what you’re doing.’”

“That’s good advice,” Sondra said. She leaned over to check out my brace and patted my cheek twice when she arose. She left her hand on my face for a moment and gave me a soft smile. I knew she was grateful that Ryan hadn’t been hurt worse.

My estimation of Liz’s presence was confirmed as soon as Sondra had jumped up. Liz was out of the house like a shot.

“He’s OK,” Sondra told Liz. “I think he understands the situation a little better now.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Uh, I guess I should probably go back upstairs.”

Liz took over the unbuckling of my arm and she helped me put the extender around my waist and get things situated – despite the fact I had proven that I could do it myself. I let her do it.

My mother was in the kitchen when we made our way back inside. I got a look from her that I hadn’t seen since I was 14 years old.

She pointed a finger at me.

“I don’t often tell you what to do,” she said. “I learned that’s a fool’s errand. But if you don’t stay in bed, I’m going to paddle your backside. I’m not kidding this time, young man.”

“I’ll stay in bed,” I said, holding up my left hand as though I was taking an oath. Her look softened. “But not because of threats of child abuse. If you had told me what was happening, I would have stayed there this morning. I made my decision on the facts I was presented. OK?”

Mom nodded so I glanced at Liz.

“We didn’t think you’d ... get up!” Liz protested.

“That doesn’t matter,” I replied. “Like it or not, I’m an adult – at least legally. Sondra said I’m competent to make medical decisions on my own. I know that you both had to make some choices while I wasn’t able. I’m able now and I’ll make them. I’ll consult you both, of course, but the final decision will rest with me. In order to make sure I don’t do something stupid you have to tell me the truth. That’s all I’m asking.”

Liz nodded and looked at the floor. I lifted her chin and gave her a soft kiss before we headed up the stairs. The circular stairwell was wide enough to fit six people side by side so space wasn’t an issue. I stayed by Liz’s side until we reached the bedroom door. I had to turn sideways to enter.

She sat down on the bed once she got me set up.

“None of this is your fault,” I told her.

“This is all my fault,” she countered. “Those guys were coming for me. They weren’t looking for you.”

“That doesn’t make it your fault,” I said. “The only blame to be cast lands at somebody else’s feet. I don’t want you to think that I’m ... upset ... with you in any way. I’m so relieved that you’re safe – and I’d do anything to keep you that way. Even if it cost me a lot more than an arm.”

Liz used the ball of her hand to wipe away tears. She was seated near my hip so I could barely reach her but I put my hand on her back.

“Do you have time to cuddle with me for a little while?” I asked.

Liz wiped away more tears but nodded.

“It’s OK if you don’t,” I said. “I know the world didn’t stop. You’ve got a lot going on right now.”

“No,” Liz replied. “I’ve missed cuddling with you. I just ... I’m so scared. I worry that I’m going to jostle you or something. I saw the X-rays. Your arm looks like ... a jigsaw puzzle ... taped together. I can’t lose you!”

“You won’t,” I said.

“I almost did,” Liz retorted.

“I think a lot of things were overdramatized,” I replied. “Sondra was pretty forthright with me just now. She said that she was on top of things and I don’t think I was really in any danger once she got there. And I’ll be OK so long as I don’t do anything really dumb for the next few days. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Unless I don’t let you go back to work as soon as you want,” Liz said from my good shoulder where she had snuggled up against me.

“I figure the doctor will tell me when I’m cleared to return to work,” I said.

“If you’re worried about money then file a workman’s comp claim,” Liz said. “I won’t fight it.”

“Yeah, that might pose a bit of a problem,” I said.

“Why?” Liz wondered.

“I ... in order to limit your civil liability, I told the police I wasn’t acting in any official capacity,” I admitted. “I was just a boyfriend looking out for his girlfriend. I didn’t want any of those pricks being able to come after you. I might slip into the jail and finish the job. If they want to sue somebody, let them sue me. I ain’t got shit. Hell, I don’t even have a job.”

“You have a job,” Liz said. “I ... I never meant to give the impression that I was replacing you.”

“Yeah, I see that now,” I agreed. “It seemed that way, though. I really do feel OK. Yeah, it hurts some. It’s always going to hurt some. Like I said ... life doesn’t stop. It wasn’t so much about ... the job. I like being around you. I was looking forward to going places with you and seeing things together.”

“We’ll still do that,” Liz said.

“No,” I said. “Not if you plan to treat me like I’m a piece of china or something. I don’t want to sit here making long-range plans while you’re visiting the Australian Outback or touring Japan.”

“That wasn’t the plan,” Liz told me.

“It might be a year or more before I can really do a lot of travel,” I said. “Yeah, I guess you can hire a therapist to travel with us but I’m sure some sort of equipment is going to be needed. It was the last time. That’s not always going to be available. The schedule isn’t going to permit me to go places with you. I think you know that.”