Chapter 84

As with many things in my new life, I was not prepared for the shitstorm that landed on me Sunday morning.

Jill started the ball rolling.

“You just can’t keep from stepping on your wang, can you?” she asked before I’d had a cup of coffee to jump start my brain.

I glanced down to my middle and knew my legs were going to have to get a lot shorter before that became a problem for me.

“What did I do?” I wondered.

“You were caught making out with that woman from last night,” Jill said, turning her computer around to show me a grainy picture of Rosalita kissing me by her car.

“Oh, shit,” I grumbled.

“You sort of left that part out when you told me about the evening,” Jill said. “You need to call Liz before she sees this.”

“I talked to her last night before I went to bed,” I protested.

“Did you mention Frenching that chick?” Jill inquired.

“I didn’t French anybody,” I countered. “I walked her to her car and she gave me a hug and a quick peck. It wasn’t anything worse than that!”

“‘Source says Liz’s main squeeze greeted his unnamed companion with a less-than-sisterly kiss and then shared an intimate dinner with the comely lass, ‘“ she read.

“What the fuck!” I said, pinching my nose to stem a rising headache. “I can’t believe Dallas has a gossip rag.”

“This is from New York,” Jill said. “Shit like this travels faster than the speed of light. Your business phone has been buzzing since daybreak with people looking for comment from Liz about your perceived indiscretion. Isn’t that ironic?”

“God damn it,” I said.

I pulled out my phone to call my girlfriend.

“I saw it,” she said when she answered.

“I didn’t...” I began.

“Sure you did,” Liz said. “I can see it right there. Her lips are on your lips. That’s a kiss.”

“Well, yeah, but...” I tried.

“But what?” Liz cut in. “You told me last night that she used to want to bang you. It looks like she was well on the way to getting naked. You didn’t tell me that she had on a dress that tight.”

“It wasn’t...” I said.

“I can see her nipples poking through the fabric,” Liz interrupted. “Are you going to tell me it wasn’t tight?”

“No,” I said. “I mean ... I didn’t notice.”

“And it’s so short that you could probably see her pussy when she sat down,” Liz said. “Are you going to tell me that you didn’t notice that either?”

“I didn’t!” I said. “It was...”

“Innocent?” Liz said. “That dress doesn’t look innocent and neither does the fact she’s humping your leg.”

“She was not!” I said loudly.

Liz broke out into laughter.

“I know and I’m sorry,” she said. “I just couldn’t resist.”

“Fuck,” I said, exhaling sharply. “I thought you were really pissed at me.”

“Nah,” Liz replied. “I learned my lesson about jumping to conclusions. Besides, I got a PM from Rosalita already. She said it was just a kiss of gratitude that she’d been meaning to give you since she was 18.”

“A PM?” I asked, still off balance.

“On your web site,” Liz said. “I guess the photos got posted somewhere just after midnight. She got online to tell everybody at the site that she wasn’t trying to steal you away – and that even if she was, it wouldn’t have worked. She posted a picture of her at a club – by herself – long after I knew you were in bed.”

“Maybe I snuck out after I called you,” I said, regaining my footing a little bit.

“Not a prayer, Babe,” Liz said, laughing again. “You know you already got the best pussy you’re going to get in this lifetime.”

“Deb was pretty good,” I said.

“Ouch,” Liz said. “OK, I deserved that one. It’s a shame you went there though. I had a pretty interesting idea about how to make it up to you for picking on you. Now I guess you’ll just have to jerk off again. Sucks to be you!”

“This morning it kind of does,” I said. “Jill said I’ve got a dozen calls as your publicist seeking comment about what I did as your boyfriend.”

“You can tell them I am officially crushed and heartbroken at your betrayal,” Liz said. “Oh, and that I plan to cut your dick off when I see you again. Throw that in there so I won’t have to worry about my next boyfriend screwing around on me.”

“Yeah, that’d be a great statement,” I said.

“Don’t like that one?” Liz asked. “How about ... what a poopy head you turned out to be. I let you out of my sight for two minutes and what do you do? First you shack up in a hotel room with some two-bit floozy and then flagrantly make out with someone in public.”

“I didn’t shack up with a floozy!” I said, getting irritated.

“Oh?” Liz asked. “Did you not spend the night in a hotel room with a topless woman on Thursday?”

“That was...” I stammered. “Oh, fuck. Will you stop?”

“For now,” Liz said. “On a serious note: You need to watch things like that.”

“Yeah, no shit,” I said. “If I had known she planned to do that I would let her walk to the car by herself.”

“Don’t say that,” Liz told me. “She wrote that you were the first friend she had in America ... and the first person to really treat her like a person. I completely understand how she feels. I’m not mad or anything. I’m just goofing around with you about Rosalita. But there are others that are not going to try to kiss you out of gratitude. Some women get a kick out making a play for guys like you.”

“I know,” I said. “I’m always careful when I’m out.”

“Now, one more thing,” Liz said. “This does create a little problem for us.”

“What kind of problem?” I asked.

“I was planning to come down this evening because I miss you,” she said. “Now ... I really can’t. If I go rushing to Dallas it’s going to add fuel to a non-existent fire. I won’t be coming down because I really want to see you. I’ll be coming down to confront you or to try to salvage our relationship. It will give the appearance that I don’t trust you and that’s not true at all. As you like to say ... it will give this thing legs. I don’t really want to do that.”

“Shit,” I groused. But I knew she was correct. In fact, what she said sounded exactly like something I would say.

“So I’ve pushed the flight back to tomorrow afternoon,” she informed me. “It’ll work better for Ryan anyway. He insists he’s coming down with me even though I told him to take as much time as he needs. It’ll let everybody fly down together, too. Conny had a show at the Ryman tonight that she obviously couldn’t skip. So we’ll all be arriving about three.”

“I’ll be there to greet you,” I said.

“I know and I plan to take you straight to bed,” she said, giggling. “I gotta keep you from chasing after those younger women and it’s all I got.”

“Hey,” I said.

“Playing again,” Liz said. “Well, not about what I plan to do to you tomorrow! I’m totally serious about that. We were so busy last week that I ain’t given you no lovin’ in a while.”

“Hey, that’s right!” I said. “It’s all your fault. A man has his needs!”

“And you’re needier than most,” Liz laughed.

“Your parents are coming in tomorrow,” I pointed out.

“Yep,” Liz said. “It lets me live out another fantasy from my teenage years. I always wanted to sneak you into my bed while they were sleeping next door. Now I will.”

“You’re bad,” I told her.

“But I’m so good when I’m being bad,” she answered. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I replied. “I am sorry about last night.”

“Don’t be,” Liz asked. “But I wondered ... are those tits real?”

“I don’t know!” I said.

“Well, with your arm in a sling like it is, you could have turned your hand around in that picture I saw and had nothing but booby on your palm,” Liz joked.

“Your boobies are the only ones I want on my palm – or anywhere else,” I informed her.

“Sweet talker,” Liz laughed. “Well, you’ll just have to find out and let me know.”

I shook my head.

“Well, she did say if things don’t work out with you that I should look her up,” I said. “Maybe you could dump me for a day or two. I’ll console myself with Rosalita and give you a full report. How does that sound?”

“Uh-huh,” Liz said. “You just tell little Miss Rosalita that things are going to work out just fine for us! And I guess I’ll just have to wonder about her tits ... at least until she starts to send you nude selfies.”

“Oh, God,” I muttered.

“I really have to get moving,” Liz said in a sorrowful voice. “I need to work out and everybody is coming over this morning to go over some dance steps. I’ll call you tonight and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I put down the phone and walked out to where Jill sat with our breakfast. My first order of business was a cup of coffee.

“Liz called you a floozy,” I said when I sat down.

“I am a floozy,” Jill replied with a shrug. She had on her normal morning attire – a sports bra and a pair of tight shorts. I figured she was headed to the workout center as soon as she ate a light breakfast.

“And they’re not coming down tonight,” I added.

“What?” Jill asked, the fork stopping midway to her mouth.

“She doesn’t want to give the impression that there is any validity to the story,” I replied.

“You dick!” Jill said. “I haven’t really seen Brian at all since Tuesday!”

“Sorry,” I said. “But ... the time away from you probably did him some good.”

“Asshole,” Jill exclaimed.

“They’ll be here tomorrow afternoon,” I continued. “Liz’s parents are coming in tomorrow night. Liz said the arrangements meant Ryan could fly with them and so could Conny. It’ll probably be a zoo at the airport tomorrow but she wants us there to meet them. Did you call about the transportation?”

“Yeah,” Jill grumbled. “Sean and his guys are going out this afternoon to pick them up. Are you sure seven will be enough?”

“I think so,” I said. “You said two of them are three-seaters. Ryan, Dom and Brian will travel with Liz, Skye and us, and probably Chelsea. She’s been staying at Liz’s house since Wednesday night and I’m not sure she ever plans to leave again. Conny and Ben and their families can share one. They’re close friends. Lucas and Melissa know each other and can share one if it becomes necessary. Liz told me last night that the security teams will be light. Conny and Melissa are bringing two bodyguards each. Conny has her husband and her nanny with her. Ben and Kim have their boys and a nanny. Conny is going to share her security with them. Melissa and Lucas are going to share security. Lucas doesn’t really travel with anybody but he wants somebody with his wife and kids. It’ll be OK.”

“Except it will be tomorrow instead of today,” Jill pointed out helpfully.

“I’m no happier about it than you are,” I said. “The last time I really got the chance to sit down and talk to Liz about things was a week ago. She got busy as soon as we hit Nashville and she hasn’t stopped since.”

“Yeah but Brian and I were just getting to know each other!” Jill whined.

I just stared across the table at her but she didn’t blink.

“You do realize that Liz and I have been together a week longer than you and Brian,” I noted with a pointed look.

“I ... uh ... good God,” Jill stammered. “It seems like you two have been together forever.”

“We haven’t,” I said unnecessarily. “And we’ve probably spent less time alone together than you and he have. We haven’t had any time alone since we left San Diego a week ago. Somebody has been at the house or on their way to the house or on the phone with one of us for a week now. We’d be awake at dawn and she’d drag herself to bed at midnight after rehearsing or writing all day. If we managed to eat at the same time there was always somebody else at the table with us. So, yeah, I’m not real happy that it’s going to be another day before I get to see her again. I get that you’re pissed but so am I.”

“Yeah, my bad,” Jill said, shaking her head. “It’s just ... the last week has been pretty cool. I spent most of my time working at home and Brian was with me. Neither of us had to be on the go. It was nice to just ... be. It didn’t occur to me that I was able to do that because Liz was too busy doing other things to worry about what I was doing. Sorry that I didn’t see that you got stuck being the chef and the assistant and the gofer all week.”