"Sup Eva Grrrl?" Amy asked me. I heard her before I saw her, and I turned away from my locker to greet her.

"Sup Amy Grrrl", I replied. We liked to add "grrrl" to each other's names whenever we saw each other. I don't know why we started doing that, but it was fun. It was like a ritual to us, and only our group of friends could do it.

Amy leaned against the locker next to mine. I could tell she had something juicy to say.

"So, I was talkin to Brad at second period, and he told me that there was a boy who liked you." Her eyes lit up, "Guess".

I had no idea who liked me, but the thought intrigued me. "Connor?" I said.

Amy shook her head. "Nope". She wanted me to keep the game going.

"Ew, not Danny Buchowski."

"Ew, no" Amy said, disgustingly. There was a small pause, which was more than Amy could take.

"Tom Browning" she blurted out. She was waiting for a dramatic expression or response from me, but the idea of Tom Browning liking me was not something I wanted to hear.

"Oh" I said. Amy picked up on my lack of interest, and gave me a light backhanded smack to the shoulder.

"C'mon Eva, he's a really good-looking. You should go out with him. Plus, he's like a major player on the football squad." I could tell from her wording that Amy didn't really watch football.

But he was also a major player in his social life too, I mused. "I don't know", I replied.

"Well if you won't do him, put in a good word for me, will ya?" She smiled, then bounced away.

"Yeah, sure. C'ya later grrrl" I managed to say.

"Later grrrl. Think about it" she replied, before disappearing in the crowded hallway.

The bell for fifth period rang, so I quickly finished up at my locker and walked to my next class. It got me thinking... Tom and me? That would never last. Yeah, he's cute and all. He's popular. But he's also too cute and too popular. Girls are always asking about his relationships, wanting to be his next fling. Those types of girls didn't understand why they were inevitably left broken-hearted, but that's what happens when you go looking for the wrong thing.

I'd like to think that I'm better than that, but who am I kidding? My previous relationships only lasted a few weeks, at most, and the endings were always awkward. I tried to let the boys down easy by explaining- hey, it's not your fault, I'm just not that into you. If they were really sensitive, I would give the cliché line- it's not you, it's me. Yeah, I don't wanna go through that again.

Finding love in high school is just about the hardest time to do it in life. I mean, we're all running around with crazy hormones, and we have no experience handling other people's emotions. Older people definitely have it easier. I mean, how many high school sweethearts do you see actually getting married? Not very many.

Why can't there be any real men in high school? Like, emotionally mature men. They wouldn't have to be super attractive, just easy on the eyes. Give me one good man in this place, someone who is confident, funny, and attentive. That's all I'm asking for.

It's not that hard, boys, I thought, shaking my head. And someone loyal, too. Can't find that much around here either.

After fifth period class, I had lunch period, where I hung out with my girlfriends- Jessie, Emily, Patty, and Tonya (Amy was in 7th period lunch period). We weren't the most popular girls, with their over-the-top makeup, but we definitely weren't like the other kids. You know- goths, nerds, geeks, and the loners. We liked to talk about boys (I told everyone about Tom, with mixed reactions), makeup, and celebrities. We usually had a different magazine to comb over every day. It was fun to make fun of some of the fashion, or the ridiculous things reality stars were doing. But we also liked to imagine wearing those dresses or making ourselves look beautiful. When hanging out, we would often talk about how ugly we looked, and be happy when our girlfriends told us how pretty we were. This kind of stuff happened every day, and I always looked forward to chatting with my girls. It was like the only time I felt social at school.

Just before sixth period ended, I went to the ladies room with Emily and Patty. Patty was more into sports than any of my other friends, and Emily's interests were usually in reading- she was definitely the brains of our group.

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, examining myself like I always do. First it was my face, cuz the worst thing in the world is having acne pop up on you during school. That shit grossed me out. Next, I looked for facial hair, cuz I sometimes missed them in the morning. I had experimented with eyebrow pencil like a month ago, but it didn't really make a difference since I was good at plucking and shaping my eyebrows.

In fact, I really didn't use much makeup at all. Just a little eyeliner- a copper color, for my blue eyes, and some mascara for my lashes. That was like, the minimum that any self-respecting girl in her senior year would wear. Anything less and you look like garbage rolled out of bed. And there were girls that always looked tired, cuz, they wore no makeup at all. Bianca Besterman. Ugh. She would so much better if she put some effort into it. But there were girls that also used a ton of foundation and blush, too. Like, why? You're going to school, not a fashion runway. They probably spend an hour on makeup every morning.

After checking my face out, I pull some lip gloss out and apply it to my upper lip, then my lower lip. I smack my lips, and I like how the light red color looks on me. I lean back from the mirror, checking on my outfit. Today it's a comfy cream-colored ¾ sweater over my skinny jeans. With my beach-blond hair, it's actually a nice look.

But look at my small boobs, I thought. I squeezed my boobs together with my arms, imagining how great it would be to be bigger. I was only a size 34BB. More than half of my friends were bigger in that department.

I could be in the itty-bitty-titty-committee. I sighed. And another weird thing- my areolas were too big, too. It didn't make sense that God would give me such small tits and saucers around my nipples.

Maybe if I had bigger boobs, I could attract a real man. I started to absent-mindedly play with my beach-blonde hair. It had subtle highlights in it from the summer, which I really liked cuz it gave it more shades of color. After smoothing the hair down with my hand, it was a little longer than shoulder length.

I turned myself around to look at my butt. The jeans were tight enough that it gave my butt some shape, but I wish I had more in that area, too. Maybe it made sense for my butt and boobs to stay small on my lithe 5'8'' frame, but it just wasn't sexy enough. One of my biggest fears was that the man of my dreams would pass by me because I wasn't busty enough or curvy enough to hold his attention.

I was looking myself over again when Becky and Melissa walked up to the bathroom mirror. They were some of the more popular girls in our grade, and both these girls were dating football players. I caught Becky's glance in the mirror.

"Hey" I said. No response from her. Whatever.

"So I heard you have a crush on Tom Browning from the football team" Becky said to the mirror.

"Where'd you hear that?" I replied.

"Just a rumor going around. Is it true?"

"I mean, he's nice looking and all, but I don't think he's my type". It was the truth.

Melissa gave a little laugh, "yeah, you got that right". What a bitch, I thought.

I heard the toilet flush, and a few seconds later I hear a loud bang coming from the stall, which made all of us jump. Patty strode out of the stall and made a beeline for Becky and Melissa, with that same mean face she puts on when she plays volleyball. She walked right up to Becky and me.

"You girls done washing up?" she asked them. You could tell from her expression that she wanted some trouble. Patty had almost thrown down with Melissa before, so they knew this wasn't a bluff.

"Chill, Patty. We're just talking" Becky said. Boy, it was a good thing Melissa hadn't opened her mouth. Patty really hated her.

"Actually" Becky continued, "we were about to tell Eva about a party at Jason's house tonight. His parents are out of town for the weekend, but they're leaving early today." She paused. "Tom should be there" she added to me.

"Cool" I said, "thanks for letting me know. I'll think about it."

Becky glanced over to Melissa, and the two of them left the bathroom together.

"Fuckin' skank bitches" Patty muttered. Emily was joining us now.

"What do ya think, should we go?" I asked.

"Not with them hoes there" Patty said. I looked over to Emily for some unbiased advice.

"I've heard about those parties" she said, "They're good if you want to get wasted and laid. You can bet those football players like to get rowdy too. If you're into that kind of thing." I could tell from Emily's expression that she was not.

"Girl, we need to use those fake I.D.'s we got from Oscar and hit the clubs" said Patty. She was always bringing up the clubs, cuz that girl loved to dance.

I thought about it for a moment, "Well, it is a Friday night. Maybe we can go tonight, but only if we all go" I was looking at Emily.

"You know that's not my thing" she pleaded. This was going to take some peer pressure, and Patty wasn't about to disappoint.

"What else you doin' tonight? Masturbating at home?" Patty could be a little crude. "I bet you'll find plenty of dudes at the club willin' to take you home with them." Patty was smiling, enjoying how uncomfortable this kind of talk made Emily feel. "They be buyin' you drinks all night, tryin' to get at your cooch." Emily was blushing.

She was looking at me next, "How about you Eva? You ready to get back in the saddle?"

"I know, it's been awhile" I admitted. And it had, almost 3 months now since that break up with John. It was a bad experience all around, and we definitely rushed things, physically. I punched my V-card with John, then broke up with him a week later because of it. The sex was that bad.

"Let's do it" I said with some confidence.

"Yeah, ladies night at the club. C'mon Emily, let's try to get a guy rub up on you." Emily didn't seem interested, and looked back at me. I nodded at her, as if to say, don't worry, I won't force you to do anything.

"Alright", she said.

After school was over, I was at my house, thinking about the club we were going to. It was a new place downtown called Club Soho, right by the downtown bars. Not a lot of high schoolers had been there, since it was 18 and over. Luckily for us, Oscar had gotten us some authentic-looking fake I.D.'s, which cost me $100. This was the first time I was gonna use it, which made me pretty nervous. I looked at my fake I.D. again.

What if we get caught? I had asked Patty. It was her idea, after all. Girl, they just take your I.D. away and you go home. Nobody cares about some high school girl hanging out at a club, she told me. Police have better things to do.

They better. The last thing I wanted was to go to jail and have my parents bail me out. I would never be allowed to go out again. They probably wouldn't let me go to college, either. They were always talking about frat hazing's and women getting raped on campus.

I wonder what they would think if I went to Jason's party tonight.Ha ha, they would kill me.

I put my fake I.D. back in my purse and thought about the club again. Maybe I would find a nice college student, one who was mature and interesting. Someone who was studying to become something rich and successful, like a businessman or a lawyer. Then we could get married and afford a nice house to live in. We would start a family, and have our own beautiful, successful children. A man who was tall, and handsome, someone physically fit who could easily sweep me off my feet. Oh, and someone with a big penis, who could really go to town on me. I'd give anything to find that man.

I closed my eyes. Mmmmm. I could imagine someone like Chris Hemsworth making love to me, holding me down with his big, strong arms. I reached down with my hand to my outer lips, and slowly bucked against it. I wanted it so bad.

Obviously my parents weren't going to let me go out to the club, so Patty and I devised a plan. First I would tell them I was going over to Emily's to hang out before going to the movies, since my parents liked Emily. Once at Emily's, Emily and I would tell her folks we were going to the movies with Patty, but instead would go over to Patty's house. Her parents didn't care too much what Patty did, and if anything, we were seen as a good influence on her. There I would get dressed up and put on my makeup. Then Patty would drive us downtown, to be at Club Soho by 10:30. They were open 'til 3 in the morning, but we would be back well before then.

The plan worked perfectly, and we were at Patty's house with none of our parents the wiser. Now we had plenty of time to get dolled up for the night.

"How much money did you girls bring?" I asked them. The three of us were all in front of the bathroom mirror, fixing our makeup.

"I'm only spending $20" Emily said. Out of all of us, she had the least amount of makeup on. She still looked cute, though. Patty gave her a look.

"You know it's a $10 cover, right?"

"Yeah, but I don't wanna get drunk. Just listen to the music, ya know?" Emily replied. "Besides, I hear girls can get drinks for free in these places. You just have to show a little interest in the boys. I'm sure you could get free drinks, Patty". She was giving Patty a coy smile. No way was Patty going to walk away from a potential challenge.

"Girl, I'll be gettin' so many drinks y'all gonna have to carry me home", Patty laughed. "In fact, let's make that a bet- girl who gets the most free drinks tonight, wins. You in Eva grrrl?"

"Sure, I'll play" I said. It didn't really seem fair to tease the boys like that, but it might be fun to go out of my comfort zone and flirt a bit for once. There was no harm in flirting, especially at a club where everyone was doing it.

I decided to wear the hottest outfit I had, since this was my first night at a real nightclub. It was early October, which meant the nights were getting cold, but Patty told me that girls still dress slutty (lots of skin) when going out. The clubs were always warm, she said. So I decided on the more revealing diagonally-striped black and shimmering gold dress I had. It had a Sweetheart neckline and short (just below the armpit) sleeve to it, and it extended down to my mid-thigh. With the push-up bra I had on, I had more cleavage showing than I was comfortable with, but Patty said all the girls were doing it. Besides, tonight was all about doing something new.

She also said that clubs were dark, so you had to make your makeup count. For my beach blonde hair, this meant a beige foundation for my face and a light smoky brown eyeshadow. I went with a slightly darker pink lipstick, and a volumizing mascara to make my blue eyes pop.

I looked over at Patty, who was using a glittered purple eye shadow that went well with her dark complexion. She had some bright red lipstick on that was almost too distracting, but that fit her personality perfectly. She was wearing a super tight black and silver body suit and bare midriff that showed off her impressive ass.

And lastly, Emily was wearing a modest floral dress and stockings.

"Look at us sexy bitches", Patty said, "Those boys better watch out!"

By the time we drove downtown at quarter to 11, there weren't a lot of available spots for street parking. Patty had to park a couple blocks away from the club, so it was a long walk in the cold. Compared to my girlfriends, I was showing a lot more skin, which made me more miserable. Fortunately for me I had wedges on, so I could walk at a fast pace. It took all of Patty's effort to keep up with her high heels.

Even if we hadn't known where we were, the sounds of the club pumping its bass told us which direction to go. It was like a beacon for horny adults looking to make bad decisions, and that's where we wanted to be. To be honest, I was feeling nervous about the whole thing.

We saw the club's neon light on the other side of the street, but there was a line of about a dozen people waiting outside. We crossed the street and made our way towards the club entrance, on the opposite side of the line to get in. Patty slowed up near the entrance, where a large bouncer in a coat was partially blocking the door. She was peering inside the doorway, when the bouncer noticed her. She walked up to him and started talking to him, and he looked at Emily and me. The look he gave us made me feel uncomfortable, like I was in some pageant competition being judged on my appearance. He was looking back at Patty, but didn't say anything.

I heard Patty mention the word "cold", so I rubbed my hands on the opposite arms for effect. I couldn't see what the bouncer said, but Patty looked back at us and told us to come in.

Patty handed her I.D. over, then he looked at it, passed a light over it, and nodded for her to go in. I forgot to take my I.D. out, so I ushered Emily to go next. I was still pulling out my I.D. when it was my turn. He nodded at me with some impatience.

I was shaking as I gave him the I.D. Whether it was the cold, or my nervousness, I couldn't tell. He was definitely taking a longer time with this one than Patty or Emily. Oh no, did I give him the wrong one?

"Are you 21?" he asked.

"Yup" I answered quickly, trying to hide the nervousness in my voice.

He looked over the card again, and passed the black light over it. "Enjoy", he said, passing the card back to me. I took the card and stepped inside, letting go of the breath I only now realized I was holding in. My heart was pounding in my chest as I walked into the foyer and met up with Emily and Patty, who were waiting for me. Emily arched her eyebrows up, as if to say, that was close.

The next door was also manned by a large man, who was wearing a tight black shirt with white lettering spelling "SECURITY" on the front. After paying the cover charge, he put bracelets on our wrists and moved to the side, letting us in.

The club was definitely dark inside, but constantly-moving multi-colored lights were coming from the stage straight ahead. Between the flashing lights and booming sound system, it was very disorienting. I looked around, adjusting to the atmosphere, and trying to get the club's layout. The bar was ahead and to the right, and it was easy to make out with its lighted counter and premium liquors stacked high together on the wall. There seemed to be a lot of people at the bar, which had three counters to it since it was built against the wall. A mirrored wall. Cool, I thought.

Straight ahead there were a lot of people dancing to the music, which at this point was a techno beat mixed with a loud bass. The dancers were all in a square depression in front of the DJ station, and I could see a couple railings going down the two steps into the dance floor. To the left of the dance floor I saw some smaller, circular tables set up. There were a lot of empty bottles and half-finished drinks on the waist-height tables, with only a few people standing there.

I was tapped on the shoulder, and I turned towards my right, almost smacking my face into Patty's. "Let's get a drink" she yelled in my ear. The music was so loud that it took me a moment to understand what she said. I looked over at Emily, and craned my head in the direction of the bar.

It took a minute for us to get drinks at the bar, and I noticed both the guys and girls making their furtive looks at us. It made me feel self-conscious, and I subconsciously pulled my dress up at the neckline because of it. I also noticed that a lot of the girls were dressed more like Patty and me- deeper necklines, sparkling dresses, lots of eye shadow, and bare legs. At least I was dressed for the part, like I belonged here.

Poor Emily, I thought. She does stick out. But then again, she does seem pretty happy here. Emily was the type of girlfriend who always had your back, and was always willing to try something new, even if she complained about it.

As for the men, almost all of them wore some sort of button down shirt that was tight against their bodies. Most of them wore jeans, too. So jealous. I also noticed that the majority of them had short hair, like they had just gotten a haircut. You could smell their cologne if you got close enough to them. And they were tall, too. This is more like what I want, I thought, as Patty handed me my drink. I started drinking it immediately, but couldn't taste the alcohol.

Patty yelled something into Emily's ear, and they were now having a back and forth yelling conversation, which I couldn't hear. The music, which felt deafening at first, was now pleasant to listen to. I watched the people dance while I continued nursing my Long Island Iced Tea. I could feel the nerves dissipating.

There were a lot of chaotic movements going on down there, but that fit house music. Both guys and girls were jumping or moving their heads up and down with the beat, not really paying attention to each other.

"Did you want to dance? Emily and I are going down" Patty said. I nodded my head, and downed my drink while Patty and Emily left theirs on a nearby table.

There was still some room near one of the corners of the dance floor, so the three of us walked down there and bopped around to the music. At first I was self-conscious about dancing in public, but I became more comfortable once I started imitating what other people were doing.

The songs seemed to go on for a long time, with repeating rhythms and random sounds mixed in. Some people had glow sticks on them, which were fun to watch.

I was starting to get warm after all the frenetic movement, so I made a motion to my girls that I was going to the bar, and signaled them to stay there. Once I made it up the steps, I realized that I was feeling that drink I had, and had to take a second to steady myself. Next one I'll just sip, I told myself.

I found a spot at the bar and leaned over the counter, trying to get the attention of the bartender. He glanced at my direction, and came over when he was finished ringing out another patron.

He gave a quick nod up at me. "Another Long Island" I yelled. He seemed to be looking at me for another second, then went to make the drink. Maybe he likes me, I thought. While waiting for the drink, I decided to look bored and scan the bar. Right away I noticed a good-looking man from the opposite side of the bar looking at me, and we locked eyes. Wow, he's cute. I looked back at the Long Island Iced Tea in front of me, and paid the bartender. I brushed my hair back with my hand while trying not to look in the same direction as the man. I was continuing to look elsewhere when I heard someone say,

"Mind if I stand over here for a bit?"

I looked and saw it was the same man as before. He had a gorgeous smile on, but all I could do was stare at his deep brown eyes. They matched his dark eyebrows and his tanned, spotless face.

"Yeah" I said. Wait, what did I say?

"Yeah, you can stand here" I corrected myself. He had longer hair on top that was blown up, with a buzz cut on the sides. His hair looked so natural, though, no gel. And it wasn't too long on top, because it didn't move when he bobbed his head.

"Cool. I'm Rob. What's your name?"

"Eva." I couldn't help staring into those eyes again.

"Nice to meet you, Eva. Have you been here before?" he asked.

"No, is it obvious?" I smiled back at him, feeling embarrassed.

He seemed apologetic. "No, not at all. This is my first time too." Oh, good. "How do you like it?"

I felt relieved. This felt natural, like a totally normal thing to do. Talking to strangers felt pretty good.

"I really like it" I said. "It's got a lot of energy, you know?"

Rob broke eye contact with me and scanned the club. This gave me a chance to glance at his body, which looked big. He was probably around 6' compared to my 5'8'', but leaning against the counter brought him closer to my height. I noticed he was wearing a black suit jacket over a white shirt that showed some chest, when he started bringing his head back towards me. I quickly brought my eyes back to his eyes, maybe a bit too late.

He smiled again, "Yeah, I feel it too. Do you like dancing?"

Oh no, don't let him see me dancing. "Sometimes. I usually like to get loosened up first", I said while grabbing my drink. Oh fuck, that sounded so dumb. Think of something cool to say. He was first to talk, though,

"Alright. Do you want to dance later?" he said. I would dance with you anywhere, anytime.

"Sure. I'd like that." I took a sip of my drink.

"Cool, I'll see you later then." As he left, I watched him from behind to get another good look at him- although he looked muscular in the chest and shoulders, the cut of the jacket also gave him a slim waist. Damn, he's got to be built like a truck. I sipped my drink for half a minute, thinking about Rob before I realized that I was going back to the dance floor. I hurried over to them, and excitedly waved them to come follow me to the bathroom. Once inside I told them what Rob looked like, what he said, and what I said.

"I knew them boys weren't ready for us" Patty said. "Grrrrl, I'm so proud of you!"

"Didn't get a free drink, though" Emily said smartly.

Patty brushed Emily's comment aside. "Girl, don't worry about that. All you got to do now is keep him interested. Keep flirtin' with him, and grind the hell out of him." Patty was grinding next to Emily, and both of them laughed.

I wasn't great at dancing, but grinding was pretty easy- just move your ass to the beat and let him follow you with his crotch. It was all about moving as one unit, kind of like sex. I mean, you could make it passionate, like in Dirty Dancing, but it didn't have to be that way.

I reapplied my lipstick in the mirror and checked myself out again. You can do this, Eva. He's just a guy. A really, really, hot guy.

Patty, Emily and I walked back to our drinks, but I didn't see Rob. In fact, it was starting to get crowded, so we brought our drinks with us to the dance floor before there wasn't any more room. When we got there though, the DJ was saying something on the mic about changing it up.

That's when I heard a deep voice on the speaker, "It was all a dream..." and people in the crowd cheered, including Patty. In an instant, the mood of the entire club changed from techno to R&B. I saw some excited girls rushing down to the floor to get loose on Notorious B.I.G's "Juicy", rotating their shoulders and swaying from side to side. There was a small exodus of clubbers from the floor, too. I looked over and saw Patty rapping the lyrics, occasionally yelling, " ... and if you don't know, now you know". 90's rap wasn't really my thing, but the alcohol was making me feel loose inside, so it was easy to follow along with the beat. There were a couple more vintage hip hop songs played, like Snoop Dogg's "Gin and Juice" and Dr. Dre's "Nuthin' But A G Thang".

The DJ switched up the track with a more modern hit- Lil Wayne's "Lollipop". As soon as Patty heard the opening synthesizer line, she went nuts. Since she was yelling, I was yelling too. This was more like my music.

I was rocking my body out to the music and feeling totally buzzed when I felt something on my hips. I looked behind and saw Rob standing there, flashing his smile again. He looked even sexier with only his white dress shirt and black pants on, and I wanted to dance.

Facing towards him, I was rolling my shoulders and stepping side to side with the beat, inviting him to dance too. Rob responded by putting his hands behind his head, bending his knees, and thrusting his hips forward with the beat in a ridiculous fashion, which made me laugh. He's funny, too.

That's when he started popping and locking and I thought, Oh my gosh, he can dance!

He was a way better dancer than me, so I did my best to look sexy by slowly rotating my hips and my chest. I was running out of dance moves and didn't want to keep doing the same thing- Patty's keep him interested, popped in my head- so I slowly slid over to him while gyrating.

He was waiting to see what I would do next, so I surprised him by quickly turning around as soon as I got close. Mmmm, he smells good.