Chapter 5: Questions and Answers

ISPOTA

International Society for Protection of The Arrangement

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

What is “The Arrangement”?

The Arrangement is a set of guidelines developed to ensure that a young woman’s (*) first sexual experience is safe, healthy, consensual, and enjoyable. These guidelines are based on those used throughout the world for centuries by families and societies wishing to properly introduce their daughters to sexuality in an appropriate and safe manner. ISPOTA has adapted these customs and traditions used by many cultures and codified them to provide a consistent and safe experience for young women and their families.

ISPOTA, and those that participate in an Arrangement, realize that there are many ways for a young woman to lose her virginity. Many young women enjoy their first sexual experience, but many others do not. They are pressured into activities they are not ready for, or they choose a partner more concerned with his own pleasure than theirs. The Arrangement is designed to circumvent these issues.

(*) Note: the most common type of Arrangement is a heterosexual one, where the Novice is female and the Expert is male -- this is the basis for the answers in this FAQ. This is not the only type permitted; same-sex Arrangements as well as heterosexual Arrangements between a younger male and an older woman can be facilitated. Please see the “Alternate Arrangements” link for further details, or contact ISPOTA for assistance.

Who participates in an Arrangement?

All Arrangements must include the following:

* The Novice: A young girl, typically between the ages of 13-17 (may vary by local laws and customs) who has not yet engaged in penetrative sexual intercourse or oral sex (giving or receiving). Ideally, she will have little or no experience with any other sexual activity (manual stimulation, frottage, etc.) as well. Prior to an Arrangement, the Novice must be on pharmaceutical birth control for at least six months. A sexual health exam from a board-certified physician must confirm this, and confirm that the Novice is in good health and sexually mature.

* The Expert: A male, typically somewhere between 6-12 years older than the Novice, who is sexually experienced. The Expert must be on male hormonal birth control and in good health (to be confirmed by a board-certified physician). The Expert must be single, or in a relationship which permits outside sexual activity. In the latter case, the Expert’s spouse or partner must consent to The Arrangement and sign the Pledge.

* The Parents: The parents of the Novice must have met the Expert in person at least once, and must consent to allowing him their daughter’s virginity, without reservation. In the case of divorce or other joint custodial situations, all custodial parents must agree and must sign the Pledge. Parents may not be present during the sexual encounter, and may not observe it (live or recorded) through any video or audio devices.

* The Chaperone: This is a sexually experienced adult, usually (though not necessarily) female. All participants must agree to the selected Chaperone. This person remains present with the Novice and the Expert through at least the initial sexual encounter (to include the first penetrative intercourse.) The Chaperone may not be related to the Expert, though is often related to the Novice (however, a parent cannot be a Chaperone). The Chaperone may not engage in any sexual contact with either the Novice or the Expert. In rare cases, ISPOTA may consent to allowing more than one Chaperone, if a compelling reason is provided. (NB: Previous Novices or Experts tend to make excellent Chaperones, and are commonly asked to fulfill this role.)

How does an Arrangement work?

In its purest form, an Arrangement works as follows: the Novice and her parents choose an Expert. If he is not familiar with the Arrangement, it is explained to him (usually via this website). If the Expert chooses to proceed, he will be asked to fill out the Expert Selection Questionnaire (ESQ), linked here. The ISPOTA Expert Committee will review his ESQ and notify the Expert (and the Novice and her family) of their decision within 24 hours.

The Expert candidate will then receive a full sexual health exam (all costs paid by the Novice’s parents) from a board-certified physician. If the Expert is not on hormonal birth control, the physician can provide the injection at this time.

Once it is confirmed that the Expert is in good health, on birth control, and free of sexually-transmittable diseases, a suitable Chaperone will be chosen. If the Chaperone incurs any travel or other costs, these are customarily repaid by the Novice’s family.

All participants will then sign the Pledge, promising to keep the details of the Arrangement confidential, and confirming that each is entering the Arrangement of his or her own free will. Note that spouses / partners (if any) of the Expert and/or the Chaperone will be asked to sign as well.

All documentation (to include signed Pledges and medical test results for both the Novice and the Expert) will be submitted to ISPOTA. This documentation will be held in escrow and the participants’ confidentiality will never be violated, except in one specific circumstance: all participation in an Agreement must be 100% consensual; no coercion, whether physical, psychological, financial, or pharmacological, is permitted. Any violation of consensuality will be immediately reported to local authorities by ISPOTA; this is the only cause for violation of the confidentiality pledge.

A date and location will then be selected for the sexual encounter that is acceptable and convenient for the Novice, the Expert, and the Chaperone(s). Following the initial encounter (which must include first penetration), the Chaperone is permitted to leave the Novice and the Expert unattended for a period of no longer than 6 hours.

After the initial encounter period, the Novice and the Expert are permitted one more period of sexual activity, assuming it takes place within 72 hours. Following this 72 hour period, the Novice and the Expert are prohibited from sexual contact with each other for six months. (Over the decades, ISPOTA has realized that some Novices become overly attached to their Expert, and forsake interest in other potential partners. This six-month enforced separation is intended to remedy that situation.) Although non-sexual contact is permitted, the participants are encouraged to keep it as minimal as possible.