Chapter 14: Junior Year Decisions

I felt pretty good for a few weeks after that encounter, confident that I’d made the right decision with Hannah. I thought about Riley often, of course. But short of racing to Amherst and pledging my love for her, and begging her to leave Tom, there wasn’t much I could do. The race-to-Amherst thing seemed like something that would work in the movies, not in real life. I wanted Riley and I to have a future together, but I didn’t want to be a creepy stalker that scared her away for good.

So, for the most part, I kept my distance. However, my resolve wavered as the calendar approached June 11. That date, of course, marked the 5-year anniversary of our Arrangement.

Initially, I couldn’t decide what to do as the date approached. I wanted to acknowledge it, and even more so, I wanted Riley to acknowledge it. But I didn’t know how much Tom knew about me, other than the “family friend” thing she’d referred to last spring.

My first thought was to send her a dozen roses, and if she’d been living alone for the summer (or with Hannah or other teammates) I probably would have. But since she was living with Tom, I knew that receiving a bouquet of flowers from another guy would be problematic. The same went for candy, jewelry, or any other “romantic”-type gift.

So, in the end, I did the laziest, most unromantic thing possible. Not because I was lazy or unromantic, but because I couldn’t come up with any other idea.

I sent her a text.

Hi Riles. Just want you to know I’m thinking of you today, and remembering that day 5 years ago.

And indeed, I was. I could still remember the sights, the sounds, the tastes, the smells and the feelings of that momentous day. I leaned back in my office chair at work, letting the memories wash over me, and I added a miss you! to the end of my text before sending it.

Thinking about Caitlin, and her involvement in our Arrangement, made me smile and I decided to text her as well.

Hi Caitlin. Hope you are feeling well! Thinking about that special day 5 years ago today, and so glad you were a part of it!

A few minutes later, my phone buzzed with a response, and I scrambled to pull it out of my pocket and read it. I was only slightly disappointed to see that Caitlin had responded first.

Thanks, Mark. You’re sweet -- it was an amazing experience for me too. Hope you’re having a good summer.

I held the phone in my hand, trying to will Riley to answer me, but eventually put it away and tried to focus on work for the rest of the day.

After lunch, I received a response from Riley, the text of which both thrilled and saddened me, almost simultaneously.

Thanks, Mark. It was such an amazing day. I’ll never forget it, or you, as long as I live.

I read that simple text, those nineteen words, dozens of times throughout the remainder of the day. “I’ll never forget it” -- that was a nice phrase to hear, and lined up nicely with my own feelings. But the added clause “or you” had a certain finality to it, an undercurrent that made it seem that even though I wouldn’t be forgotten, I was firmly in Riley’s past.

My logical brain told me I was overthinking those 19 simple words, that Riley probably answered the text in a hurry, and didn’t necessarily mean to include any subtext.

My heart, however, wasn’t so sure.

Throughout the rest of the summer, I stayed busy at work and neglected any sort of social life. I still went out to the bars occasionally, ogling the younger women, but I hadn’t brought one home with me in months. I just wasn’t in the mood. My sex life consisted of Internet porn and my right hand, and for now, that was enough.

I tried not to think about Riley, but I was only mildly successful in that regard. Every time I’d forgotten about her, and her wild and varied sex life with her live-in boyfriend, something would remind me.

I was sitting at home on a Saturday afternoon in early August when I got one such reminder. As I picked up my ringing cell phone from the coffee table, I saw that it was Riley’s mom, Jennifer, calling me. I briefly considered not answering, but in the end, my innate courtesy won out.

“Hi, Jen.”

“Hi, Mark,” Jen said in her soft voice, so much like Riley’s it made my heart ache. We talked about innocuous things for a few minutes -- my job, the weather in both Boston and Florida, the Red Sox, she and Jim’s travels over the past couple of months, Caitlin’s pregnancy.

Finally, Jen worked around to the true reason behind her call. “So,” she began, “I assume you know where Riley’s living this summer?”

“Yeah,” I said, sighing. “With her boyfriend,” I said, my disdain for the last word evident.

Jen chuckled softly. “That’s about how Jim says it, too.”

“Do you not like this guy, do you hate his guts?” I asked hopefully.

Jen laughed brightly. “Oh, no, it’s not that. I mean we’ve only met him twice, but he seems like a nice enough guy. I just didn’t expect Riley to already be living with someone halfway through her college career. And, quite frankly, if she was going to move in with a guy, well...” Jen trailed off.

“Well, what?” I prompted.

“Well, Jim and I would have expected it to be you,” she finished.

“Yeah, me too,” I said. “We practically lived together last fall while I was working in Amherst, and I had fantasies of Riley spending a summer here sometime, doing an internship or taking classes at UMass-Boston for a couple of months.”

“Right,” Jen said softly. “Jim and I would have had no problem with that. But this thing with Tom -- seems like it came up suddenly, and so I just wondered how you are handling it.”

I sighed again, loudly. “Jen, I don’t even know what ‘handling it’ means. Do I like it? Of course not, I hate it, I fucking hate it. Am I going to drive to Amherst, pound on her door, demand she live with me? Of course not.”

“Well, there’s only a couple of weeks left in the summer anyway, and then she’ll move back on campus,” Jen pointed out.

“I know. But he’s still her boyfriend, living together or not, and the summer probably brought them even closer together.”

“Maybe,” Jen admitted. “He’s only got one more year before he gets his PhD, and so this time next year he’ll probably be moving away, unless he gets a post-doc or something at UMass. Jim and I have reminded Riley -- quite forcefully -- that she’s committed to the soccer team for a full four years, so she can’t go chasing Tom around the country when he graduates.”

“Yeah,” I said, finding small comfort in that fact.

“Mark, are you going to be working again in Amherst at all this fall?” Jen asked.

“I think so,” I said. “It’s not confirmed yet, but it looks like I’ll probably be there for most of October.”

“Good,” she said. I heard her take a deep breath before continuing. “Mark, I’m going to ask you for a favor, and you might say no. I’ll understand if it’s too difficult for you, but it’s something that Jim and I really need.”

“Okay,” I said uncertainly.

“When you’re in Amherst, can you spend some time with Riley and Tom, get to know him a little bit? Jim and I want to know what he’s like, how he treats Riley, if he’s good enough for our little girl.”

Now it was my turn to take a deep breath, and I exhaled loudly. “God, Jen -- I don’t know -- wow. I don’t know if I can do that.”

“I know, Mark. And if you say no, we’ll understand. You’ve already done so much for Riley, and so much for our family, that I hate to impose on you again for this.”

“Jen, it’s not that. I’ve gained so much from your family, and from Riley, and from the trust you’ve placed in me. I would do almost anything for you guys. But you know how I feel about Riley, so to ask me -- to ask me to spend time with her, and with the man who replaced me in her heart ... I just don’t know if I can do that.”

“Mark, no one could ever replace you in Riley’s heart. I know she’s wrapped up in this new relationship, but please know that Riley will always have a special place for you, and I believe you will always be a part of her life in some fashion.”

“That’s good to hear, Jen, but I’m not so sure.” I proceeded to tell her about Riley’s text message from June 11th, seemingly putting me in the rearview mirror. But Jen didn’t see it that way.

“I don’t think she meant it like that, Mark. I really, truly don’t.”

“OK, Jen. I want to believe you’re right, I really do.”

“Don’t forget, Mark, I’ve known Riley her whole life.”

I laughed. “You’re right. I’ll give you that. And as for your request, Jen -- all I can say is that I’ll try. If I end up in Amherst again for a month or so, I’ll reach out to Riley, and see if I can get to know Tom a little better. I can’t promise that Riley will want to introduce us, though, or will even want to see me.”

“I think she will, Mark. Thank you so much.”

Later that month, my boss confirmed that I’d be returning to Amherst. “Five weeks in total,” Bob said, “from the last week in September until the end of October. Same setup as last time, same hotel and everything.”

“No problem,” I told him, “but this year I might come back to Boston on the weekends.”

“That’s fine,” he said. “What happened -- already get sick of chasing college tail around?”

I laughed, but my heart wasn’t in it.

I didn’t call Riley the first week I was back in Amherst. Despite that, I saw her twice -- the soccer team had two home games that week, and I was in the stands for both of them

I sat high in the bleachers, not wanting to be spotted by Riley or by any of her teammates who’d recognize me. At the first game on Wednesday evening, I felt a thrill race up my spine when I saw Riley take the field. It was the first time I’d seen her in over six months, and she looked incredible.

She jogged confidently onto the field, her strong legs nicely displayed beneath her maroon soccer shorts, the matching jersey covering her torso, a white “17” emblazoned on the back. Her blonde curls were a little shorter than I remembered, but they were pulled back into that familiar, wavy ponytail that streamed behind her when she ran.

I watched her move around the field, picturing every inch of the body beneath that uniform, and I squirmed in my seat with arousal.

She was still one of the fastest players on the field, and could get so much speed out of nothing. She’d be standing still at the midfield stripe one second, and then be halfway to the penalty box in the blink of an eye.

When she slammed a goal home off a corner kick early in the second half, I stood up and cheered with the rest of the crowd. I gasped loudly when an opponent took her down with a hard slide tackle a few minutes later, and watched anxiously as she gingerly climbed off the grass, limping a little and rubbing her hip. A few minutes later, though, she was back at full speed and UMass easily won the game, 5-2.

The team hung around near the chain link fence behind the bench for a few minutes after the game, and I waited until Riley and the others dispersed before I climbed down from the bleachers. I noted, with a perverse satisfaction, that Tom didn’t seem to be there to greet Riley.

Three days later, on a gorgeous Saturday afternoon, I was back at Rudd Field to see Riley’s next game. She played even better in this one, scoring her team’s only two goals, as they shut out Richmond 2-0. Near the end of the game, Riley was on the half of the field closest to the bleachers. I felt my cock throb as she lifted the hem of her jersey to wipe the moisture from her face, exposing a stretch of her flat, sweaty stomach and the bottom of her black sports bra.

At the final buzzer, I again intended to hang around a few minutes, not making my exit until I was sure Riley wouldn’t see me. I knew I needed to honor her mother’s request and get in touch, but I didn’t want to “ambush” her at a soccer game. Unfortunately, this time Tom was there to greet her after the game, and I stared in undisguised jealousy as he leaned over the fence, kissing her deeply.

“I’ve got to get the fuck out of here,” I muttered, and headed for the nearest staircase down from the bleachers, purposely avoiding any glances in Riley’s direction. I climbed down to the grass and turned the corner, sighing with relief as I put the bulk of the bleachers between myself and Riley -- and ran smack into the back of Hannah, who was standing at the corner of the bleachers talking to a friend.

“Oh, I’m so sorry -- Hannah?!”

“Mark?” she exclaimed, hugging me. “I’ll call you later,” she said as a dismissal to her friend, who looked at me curiously before nodding and walking away.

“Mark, what are you doing here?”

I explained to Hannah that I was in town for work again, for the next month, and decided to come watch the team play. “You looked great out there,” I said, my chest and stomach still warm and slightly tingling from where she’d pressed her sweaty, tight body against me.

“Thanks,” she said. “Hey, we’re having a team party tonight at our place. Did Riley tell you about it, are you going to stop by?”

I shook my head. “Riley doesn’t know I’m in town yet. I haven’t called her, she doesn’t know I was here.”

“What? How can you not have called -- how long have you been here?”

“A week,” I admitted. “I came to your game against Davidson this week too.”

“Well thanks for supporting the team, Mark. But why haven’t you called Riley?”

“You know, I’ve been busy with work, and I just haven’t gotten around to it,” I said, gesturing vaguely with my hands and making excuses that sounded hollow even to me.

“So, because of Tom, huh?” Hannah asked.

I sighed. “Yeah, because of Tom. And even worse, Riley’s folks want me to meet him, and let them know what I think of him. How the fuck am I supposed to do that?” I asked, expressing some of the frustration I’d kept hidden so far.

“Yeah, that’s fucked up,” Hannah agreed. “Listen, I’ve got to go hit the showers,” she said, saying the last word in a sultry voice and winking at me. “But please, come by our place tonight, I know Riley would love to see you. We’re in North Apartments, B-6.”

I shook my head. “I can’t, Hannah. I can’t just ambush Riley like that. It’s creepy.”

“It’s not creepy, Mark. I live there too, and I’m inviting you. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Well, yeah.”

“So there you go. And I know Missy and Parker would love to see you again, too. Come to our party tonight, friend,” she said, before turning and walking away. I knew there was an extra wiggle in her walk just for me, and I couldn’t help staring at her ass as she departed. She turned her head back over her shoulder and smiled when she saw me staring. “You had your chance,” she called out, laughing.

A couple of hours later, I worked up the nerve to call Riley. I wasn’t sure if I wanted her to answer, or wanted to get her voicemail.

“Hi, Mark!”

We chatted for a couple of minutes, I asked about her school schedule, and the soccer team’s season up to this point. “We won 2-nil today,” she said excitedly. “I scored both goals.”

“Yeah, I know. Actually, I was at the game -- I’m working in Amherst again for about a month.”

“You were? You are??!?! How long have you been here, and why didn’t you call me?”

I took a deep breath, and answered her questions one at a time. “I was, and I am. I’ve been here a week -- I was at your game on Wednesday too. And as for the last question ... I don’t know. I felt kind of weird about calling you, since you have a boyfriend now.”

“Yeah, I understand. It’s kind of weird, I get that. But I definitely want to see you while you’re here,” she said.

“Well, funny you should say that. I ran into Hannah as I was leaving the field. She told me you guys are having a party tonight and she wants me to come by.”

Riley was silent for several seconds, and I could tell that the suggestion was unexpected, to say the least. Finally, she asked me hesitantly, “Do you want to come by? What did you tell her?”

“I told her that I might, Riley. It’d be nice to see you of course, and catch up with Hannah and Missy and Parker. I’m curious to see your new place, too.”

“It’s pretty nice,” she said softly. “But Mark -- I’m not sure -- I’m just not sure it’s a good idea. I mean, Tom will be here and everything...”

“Well, it’s a good chance for me to meet him then, right?” I said, trying to force some enthusiasm into my voice.

“Um, I guess,” Riley said.

“I won’t make a scene or make it weird for you, Riles,” I said. “But I’m going to be in town for the next four weeks, so I need to meet him sometime. Or did you plan on keeping Tom and I separate forever?”

“No, I mean maybe, I mean I don’t know!” Riley said, frustration evident in her voice. “Why does this have to be so complicated?”

I chuckled. “Relationships -- adult relationships -- are tricky sometimes, Riley. Are a pain in the ass sometimes, to be honest with you.”

She laughed. “I agree. OK, I really would like to see you tonight, and you can buy us some beer too.”

“Absolutely,” I said, laughing.

We chatted for a while longer, Riley deciding that we’d use the “friend of my brother’s” cover story we’d used at Steve and Caitlin’s wedding. “I’ll let Hannah know that’s what we’re doing, and I’ll tell Missy and Parker that I don’t call you ‘Uncle Mark’ anymore, since you’re not really related to me.”

Later that evening, as I walked up to Riley’s apartment carrying two cases of beer, I shook my head at the ridiculousness of the situation. Here I was, a 30-year-old man, bringing alcohol to a party at an undergraduate apartment, about to see my former underage lover and meet the guy who’d replaced me. It was almost too much to be believed; if someone else told me the story, I’d probably assume they were lying.

Riley opened the door to my knock, and threw her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly. “It’s so good to see you,” she said, and I tried to will my cock not to react to the feeling of her firm, warm body pressed against mine. I returned the hug best I could without setting the beer down, and she led me into their apartment.

It was a suite-style place, a shared open-plan kitchen and living room populated by a dozen people or so, all of them much younger than me. I greeted Missy and Parker, and Hannah took the beer out of my hands and hugged me just as tightly as Riley had.

I opened a beer and glanced around the room, noticing that Tom didn’t seem to be present. When I asked Riley about it, she said that he’d be there in a little while. She gave me a quick tour of the place, including her bedroom, and I tried not to think about what she and Tom might regularly do in that twin bed.

We sat down in the family room and chatted for a bit as the party continued around us. She caught me up on what was happening with her family, including Caitlin’s pregnancy. “She’s due on December 20, so I’m hoping the baby comes while I’m down in Florida for winter break,” Riley said.

“That’s great, ‘Aunt Riley, ‘“ I said, winking at her.

We chatted for a few more minutes about my family, my job, and her classes. Out of habit and familiarity with each other, we were sitting close together on the couch, my left knee resting against her right leg. When she stopped talking mid-sentence and glanced toward the front door, her cheeks coloring slightly, I knew he had just walked in.

She stood up from the couch quickly. “Hi, Tom,” she said.

I stood as well, watching as they kissed, and then Riley made introductions. “Tom, this is Mark -- he’s a friend of my brother Steve, and he’s working in Amherst for a few weeks. Mark, this is my boyfriend Tom.”

Despite the fact that I already knew who he was, hearing the word “boyfriend” from Riley’s lips, in person, stabbed me in the heart a little bit. Nonetheless, I pasted a smile on my face and shook hands with Tom. “Nice to meet you,” I said.

Riley offered to bring Tom a beer -- and me a second one -- and I talked with him for a few minutes while she was in the kitchen. I explained that I was an engineer with a firm in Boston, and that we were doing some work on campus at UMass. “When Steve heard I would be here, he asked me to check up on his little sister, which of course I’m happy to do,” I lied glibly.

Tom nodded, and when I asked him about his curriculum, he told me he was a PhD student in cell biology, graduating in the spring. He was hoping to land a post-doctoral fellowship, either at UMass or elsewhere, as a stepping stone to a faculty position.

Riley came back with our beers, and as more people filed into the small apartment, the three of us continued talking. We gave Tom an edited version of our background, noting that Riley and her teammates had spent Thanksgiving with me two years ago, and that I’d helped Riley and Hannah move into their dorm the year before.

Thankfully, despite the fact that I lived in Boston and Steve lived in Orlando, Tom didn’t ask how the two of us knew each other. I made a mental note to discuss that with Riley at a later date.

After 20 minutes or so, the topics of conversation started to wind down, and I could feel the awkwardness level start to slowly rise up. Fortunately, Hannah was there to save the situation, and I glanced over when I felt her tug on my arm.

“Hey, Riley, can I steal Mark for a minute?” Riley nodded, and Hannah pulled me away from the two of them. “You’re welcome,” she said in a low voice, grinning at me.

She pulled me into the kitchen and led me over to a brunette drinking something out of a red plastic cup. “Mark, I want you to meet Peyton. She’s a friend of mine from high school, and she’s a civil engineering major.”

I chuckled. “Nice to meet you. I’m a civil engineer, and my class was like 95% guys.”

Peyton laughed, and I tried to avoid staring at the way it made her breasts bounce under her tight t-shirt. Hannah mentioned that she wanted to introduce us, because Peyton was excited to meet a “real life” engineer.

Hannah drifted away, whispering another “you’re welcome” to me, and Peyton and I talked. She was a junior like Hannah and Riley, so she’d finished most of her introductory engineering classes, moving on to more advanced classes this semester. We discussed the perils of calculus, the horror of differential equations, and I compared her coursework to what I’d taken at Stanford a decade ago. There was a lot of overlap, and I found we had a lot in common. She was cute, with a smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks, and bright green eyes.

Peyton asked about my work, and when I named my firm, she told me she’d heard of them, and seen their name on signs around campus. I described our current projects at UMass, and told her I could likely get her on a site visit sometime, if she was interested. Her eyes lit up, and she thanked me profusely.

We stayed near each other as the party went on, sort of moving in each other’s orbit while we chatted and laughed with other people. Riley and Peyton knew each other pretty well, and for a while I chatted and joked standing together with Riley, Peyton, and Tom. Hannah, Missy, and Parker floated through the room, greeting guests, and I met quite a few more members of the soccer team as well. They were seriously hoping for a run at the national title this year, and it seemed like they had a decent chance of going all the way.

After a few hours, the party started to wind down, the kitchen trash can overflowing with empty beer bottles. Peyton had put away at least four cups of the fruity punch the roommates had made, and she was clearly feeling no pain. We were sitting next to each other on the sofa, and I was enjoying the feel of her warm hip pressed against mine as I finished my last beer.

“It was so great to meet you tonight, Mark,” she said, stifling a yawn. “But I think I better get home.”

“Where do you live?” I asked. She gestured with her hand. “Just up the street past the family housing dorms, off Pleasant. It’s like a 10 minute walk from here.”

“Come on,” I said, standing up and pulling her to her feet. “I’ll walk you home.”

I looked around the room at the dwindling crowd, and saw Missy and Parker snuggled together on an overstuffed chair across from us. “Hey Missy, Parker, thanks for a good time. I’m going to walk Peyton home and then head back to my hotel.”

The two of them nodded and thanked me for coming. “Hey, where are Riley, and Hannah?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.

“Hannah’s upstairs -- with um, a ‘friend’ of hers,” Parker said, giggling. “And I think Riley and Tom are back in her bedroom.”

“Oh, okay,” I said quickly. “Tell them I said bye.” Peyton said her own goodbyes, and she and I headed out into the evening. It was a crisp fall evening, a beautiful night for a walk, and the cool air helped sober me up a bit.

Peyton and I chatted a bit more as we walked, passing plenty of other students going to and from their own parties, or their own evening hookups. As we arrived at her apartment complex, she looked up at me, shyly. “Thanks, Mark. It was great to meet you tonight. My roommate is probably home, otherwise I’d invite you upstairs.”

My eyes widened as I realized what she meant -- I hadn’t even considered that possibility. I didn’t have time to say anything before she pressed her young body against mine, tilting her head upwards towards mine. On auto-pilot, I leaned my face down to hers and kissed her, our tongues dancing together. My cock stiffened almost instantly, and Peyton moaned into my mouth as she felt it, her hands dancing along the waistband of my jeans.

Finally, we broke the kiss, and Peyton looked at me with shining eyes. “Mmmmm,” she said. “That was nice.”

I nodded dumbly, and she laughed and kissed my cheek before heading inside to her apartment. I shook my head in wonder, thinking that I could really get to like college parties, before walking back to my car.

The next morning, I was answering some work emails in my hotel room when Riley called me. We made small talk for a couple of minutes, then Riley asked me something.

“So, did you sleep with Peyton last night?”

I paused, surprised by the directness of the query, and annoyed at such a personal question from Riley, especially given that she’d likely slept with her own boyfriend last night. On the other hand, her unexpected jealousy flattered me.

“Riley, I walked Peyton home after the party.”

“That’s not what I asked,” Riley said. “Did you fuck her?”

“Excuse me, Riley,” I said, taken aback by her language, “but that’s none of your business.”

“Of course it is, Mark. It was my apartment, my party, Peyton is one of my friends, and you’re my -- well, obviously you and I have a history. So I want to know if you fucked her, so I know if it will be weird next time I see her or you.”

I sighed. “Riley, I walked her home. We kissed. And then I went home.”

“You kissed her!?” Riley exclaimed. “Mark, she’s like ten years younger than you.”

I laughed out loud at that, taking in huge gasps of air. Riley realized the ridiculousness of that statement, and soon she was laughing too, her peals of laughter sending me into a fresh spasm, tears leaking from the corners of my eyes.

“Ohmygod, Riley, I can’t believe you -- of all people -- said that to me. But, I mean, you’re right -- she is 10 years younger than me, so I guess I’m some sort of cradle-robbing pervert,” I said.

Riley laughed again. “I’m sorry, Mark. That was ridiculous, in fact this whole conversation is ridiculous. I had no right to ask you that.”

“It’s no big deal, Riley. Hey, can I take you to lunch today?”

We made plans to meet at a burger place near downtown. I got there first, and watched with undisguised pleasure from an outside table as Riley walked up from the parking lot. She was wearing short khaki shorts, displaying her long legs to their best advantage, and a long-sleeve UMass soccer tshirt, her breasts moving alluringly under the fabric.

I stood to greet her with a hug, and we both sat back down. After we placed our orders, we looked at each other. This was the first time we’d been alone together in almost half a year, and we were both a little hesitant.

She broke the silence first. “Mark, again, I’m sorry I asked you about Peyton on the phone. I had no right to do that. I just -- when I asked Missy this morning what time you left last night, she said you and Peyton left together about 11:30, and I just couldn’t believe it. I didn’t really think you’d pick up a friend from my own apartment and have sex with her, but that’s what Missy thought had happened.”

“Riley, I get how weird this is for you, and I’m sorry too. Maybe I shouldn’t have come to the party last night. And I promise you, I wasn’t even thinking about Peyton in a sexy way -- I was just talking to her about work stuff, and was walking her home just to be nice. But then she said she would invite me upstairs if her roommate weren’t home, and I was so shocked by that I kissed her.”

Riley grinned. “She’s pretty cute, is she a good kisser?”