Chapter 7: Picking up the Pieces, Part I

December 30, Indianapolis, Indiana

At 3:00am, I was sitting in the chair in my hotel room watching Jennifer sleep. It had taken nearly two hours to get her to calm down enough so that I could get her into the bed. Unfortunately, I wasn't calm enough to sleep. In my mind, thoughts of torture and murder had spun around, and I developed intricate plots to avenge what had been done to Jennifer. I was finally able to put those machinations aside and thought back over everything that I knew about Jennifer. And everything began to line up.

She had always been cagey about her relationship with Ted, the student. I'd rarely seen them together, and Jennifer had never once introduced us, nor had Ted been at any of the parties or gatherings at her house. He was, I was sure, merely a cover for the REAL Ted — Ted Dixon, the history teacher. Everything that she'd said back then made so much more sense now. And everything she'd done.

There had always been a big question mark in my mind as to why Jennifer had suggested Bethany ask me out. Jennifer had known about Bethany's rape and her need to find a guy who she could trust. And that guy was me. Jennifer knew that I was loving, caring, and gentle, and that I would never push Bethany beyond her comfort zone. It made sense. But it raised another question — why had Jennifer come to me? I couldn't wrap my head around why a lesbian would want to have sex with me.

Certainly, I knew about Jennifer's struggles with her sexuality, and those struggles made sense of a lot of things that had happened, including the disastrous incident with Melanie in the sauna. It explained why Jennifer would struggle to go out with a guy like the one she went to Prom with and then couldn't bring herself to be with. But it didn't explain why she could be with me, and always seemed to enjoy it and crave it. I didn't understand that at all.

She'd once joked about me being important because I had the right anatomy to give her a baby, something that she'd wanted since she was little. I wondered if that was the only attraction once she'd settled her sexuality. There was an extended period when she and I didn't make love, and our first lovemaking in Milford, on what we called our first date, was really a prelude to what Jennifer really wanted — my little sister.

Was that the key to all of this? Was Jennifer's relationship with me really about getting to Stephanie? Josie was the spitting image of my sister — as close as two girls who were not twins could be. Was I simply a means to an end? Not as a friend, but as a sexual partner. I shook my head. I'd tie myself up in knots trying to figure out the actions of a confused, sexually frustrated teenager.

I recoiled in horror when I remembered the violent sex that we'd had after one of our major fights. I'd called it Jennifer's rape fantasy, and she hadn't objected to that classification. Was having me take her that way an attempt to erase what Ted Dixon had done to her? Was it some sort of penance? Or was it just an urge that she had to have rough sex? Bethany had those occasionally as well. And so did Elyse.

The three women had one important thing in common — they had all been abused in one way or another. Both Bethany and Jennifer had been raped, and in a sense, so had Elyse, though her situation was different — more coercion than force. Josh Benton had been dealt with by karma. I had no idea where Sean was, but Elyse's situation was different from Jennifer's or Bethany's. Ted Dixon needed to go to jail. Or the grave. Or both, just as Josh Benton had.

I realized that there were two things I needed to do. First, I needed to call Josie early in the morning and get her to Indianapolis, AND convince her to go back to Seattle with Jennifer. I didn't think that would be a problem, but I didn't know if Josie could do that. If she couldn't, I'd have to either keep Jennifer with me, go to Seattle with her, or see if my sister could go. Any of those solutions could cause trouble with Tatyana's visit, as well as with me taking care of Bethany.

That was the second thing I needed to do — talk to Bethany. She would certainly be able to provide some insight into what to do. I was sure one of the things that Bethany would insist on would be Jennifer getting professional counseling. And that was something with which I would agree wholeheartedly. My first concern with Jennifer was her mental and physical health. My second concern was her graduating on time, which would let her move to Chicago as planned.

I knew I needed some sleep, but I didn't want to disturb Jennifer and I also didn't know how she would react to a male presence in her bed. I went to the closet and got an extra pillow and blanket from the shelf and found a spot on the floor to lie down, positioning myself between the bed and the door, so I'd know if Jennifer tried to leave the room. I closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind. It took some time, but eventually I drifted into a fitful sleep, dreaming of all the ways I would torture Ted Dixon.

I woke when I heard the door to the bathroom close and then the sounds of Jennifer urinating. I stretched and got up, and put the pillow and blanket on the end of the bed. I sat in one of the chairs and waited for Jennifer to come out of the bathroom. I heard the toilet flush and then the water run as she washed her hands, and then the door opened. She looked like hell, but that didn't surprise me at all.

"Good morning," I said.

"What's good about it?" she sighed.

"That I love you. That you love me. That we're here together. My sister is here, and she loves you. Should I continue?"

"Does any of that even matter?" she said, her voice full of despair.

"Of course it does! All of us want to help you. I'm going to call Josie and have her come to Indianapolis."

"No! I can't face her!" she wailed. "You can't tell anyone what I told you! Promise me!"

"You need help, Jen. And not just professional help. You can't cut out all of your friends. You know what happened when I did that!"

She didn't answer, but simply got back into the bed and pulled the covers over her. She'd never changed out of her clothes and still had them on. She curled up in a small ball and began crying. I decided that I wasn't going to listen to her with regard to getting help for her. I went to the phone and, despite the early hour, dialed Josie's number in Minnesota. A tired-sounding woman answered the phone, and I begged forgiveness for the early hour and asked for Josie.

Jennifer screamed, "No!" and sprang from the bed and launched herself at me, trying to wrest the phone from me. I did my best to hold her off with one arm while I waited for Josie to come to the phone. Jennifer began raining hard blows on my chest, shoulder, and arm, violently clawing for the phone between punches. She had a crazed look on her face and was screaming 'No' over and over again. Josie eventually came to the phone.

"Josie, it's Steve," I said over Jennifer's loud protests. "I know what happened. You need to come to Indianapolis right away. I mean immediately. Today."

"Is that her screaming at you?" she asked.

"Yes!"

Jennifer collapsed to the floor in a ball and sobbed loudly.

"What happened?" she asked.

"That's something we need to talk about face-to-face. It's really important, Josie. Jen is in really, really, bad shape."

"Let me talk to my dad. Can someone pick me up at the airport later today?"

"Yes. It will probably be my little sister."

"Hang on," she said.

She was back about two minutes later.

"How can I let you know about the travel plans?" she asked.

"Now I wish I had one of those radio telephones like they have on TV shows or one of those communicators from Star Trek! Call the hotel and leave a message. I'll check back in two hours."

I gave her the number and my room number.

"Thanks, Steve. Take care of her. I know she's in good hands."

"Just get here, Josie. And you might plan to go to Seattle with her when she eventually goes."

"That's complicated, but let me talk to my dad so we can at least get the flight to Indianapolis reserved."

We hung up, and I risked touching Jennifer and helped her up from the floor and back into the bed. She looked even worse now than she had earlier, and the dazed look in her eyes told me that this was just as bad as Bethany had predicted, if not worse. Even Kara, in her worst despair, hadn't looked like this. Well, she might have when Nancy had found her in her bed, but I hadn't seen that.

I called Stephanie's room and asked her to come to my room alone. She said she'd be right there, and a minute later, she was.

"Oh my God! What happened?"

"She told me. But I can't share right now. Just sit with her while I shower, please."

"Shit, Steve," she whispered. "She looks like hell. Worse than she did back in Milford."

"I know. I'll be less than five minutes."

I went into the bathroom and quickly stripped off my clothes and got into the shower. I was done in about two minutes, then dried off, wrapped a towel around me and went to get fresh clothes. Stephanie was sitting on the edge of the bed, gently stroking Jennifer's hair. I grabbed fresh underwear as well as pants and a polo, and went back into the bathroom. I was out two minutes later.

"When did you get modest?" Stephanie asked.

"It's not you, Squirt; it's Jennifer. I have no idea how she'd react."

"Huh?" she said, giving me a querulous look.

"Later! Will you stay here while I go see Bethany? We'll figure things out after that. Josie is going to be here today. I'll need you to go get her at the airport."

"OK. Dad is supposed to pick me up tomorrow afternoon. Should I change that?"

"I don't think so, though maybe you should come with us to Chicago for the next week or so. You could drive home when I get my car back. I think Dad will go for that."

"Me too. I'll call later. Go see Bethany."

I hugged my sister, then headed to the hospital, walking as quickly as I could. I was tempted to run, but that wasn't necessary. I showed my ID and went up to Bethany's floor and walked down the hall to her room. Both her mom and dad were with her, which presented a problem.

"Hi, Sweetheart," I said.

"Hi, Steve. They're just about to bring me breakfast. Tomorrow I'm back on clear liquid because of the surgery early on Monday."

"Do you think we could talk alone?" I asked.

"Yes. Mom, could you and Dad please go have your breakfast? Together? I need to talk to Steve."

"Of course," Harry said, taking his wife's hand. "We'll be back in twenty minutes."

I waited for them to leave, and then waited a bit more to make sure they didn't return.

"She told me everything last night," I said. "Did you know? Or were you really in the dark?"

"I have my suspicions, but no, I don't actually know her secret."

"She doesn't want anyone to know what happened. She lost control when I called Josie to ask her to come here."

"Lost control?" Bethany asked.

"She hit me repeatedly, probably hard enough to leave bruises. She screamed. She tried to wrest the phone from my hands. Then, when I got Josie on the phone, Jennifer collapsed in a heap. I got her back into bed and Stephanie's with her right now."

"Did you tell Josie what it was? Is that what set Jennifer off?"

"No. She said she can't face Josie, which I don't think makes sense."

"Are you going to tell me what Jennifer said?"

"I have to tell someone, and you're the right person to give me advice for a host of reasons. She was raped. By a teacher at Milford."

Bethany's eyes flew wide and her mouth formed an 'O' and she breathed in sharply.

"Jesus," she breathed. "That was NOT what I was expecting to hear. Male or female?"

"Male."

"Oh, Lord. She's been hiding that all these years. I assume you know who it was?"

"I do," I said firmly. "But that's not important right now."

"Steve, I know what you're thinking, and it's not worth it. No! You're of no use to her, or me, or Kara, or anyone else if you're in jail."

I sighed, "One day, Bethany. But not today. She told me that she'd messed around with him occasionally, but he took it too far."

"She couldn't have consented, Steve. Not to someone like a teacher. The power disparity is just too great."

"If Miss De Ronde had come on to me, I wouldn't have called it coercion!" I said, referring to the cute, young driver's education teacher.

Bethany smiled, "It's a double standard. That would be just as abusive as a male teacher with a female student, but society doesn't see it that way. They pat the kid on the back and tell him how lucky he is."

"Wait a minute! Are you saying that Jennie Sanders abused me by having sex with me when I was fourteen?"

"It's complicated. When there's a serious difference in power in a relationship, consent is a hard thing to determine."

"I am the only one who gets to decide the answer to that question with regard to Jennie. I'm almost afraid to ask your opinion of me and Penny."

"Same thing. You have too much power in that situation."

I sighed, "I think we'll save this conversation for later. I need to know what to do about Jennifer."

"She needs professional help," Bethany said.

"Tell me something I didn't already know. The question is how to make that happen. If she won't go on her own, how can I tell her mom without telling her what happened and unleashing a shit storm?"

"It would be a shit storm, that's for sure. I'd suggest not telling anyone else who it was until Jennifer is in a state to talk about it rationally."

"But what if he's still doing the same thing to other girls?"

"An accusation from seven or eight years ago that can't be backed up by a girl who is a lesbian and who was undergoing psychological counseling? They'd eat her alive. It sucks, but it's true. I think you've done the right thing so far. Getting Josie here will help. Your sister will help. When is Jennifer supposed to fly home?"

"On Wednesday. I already asked Josie to see if she could fly home with Jennifer. Another option is to keep Jennifer here while Tatyana is here."

"That might be best."

"But I can't see you then," I said. "I want to see you every day."

"Steve, I sleep most of the time. After Monday's surgery, I'm going to sleep even more and they're going to increase the pain meds, at least for a time. I'm tired now and I slept all night. You can call me. I want you to take Jennifer back to Chicago. Take Josie with you. And your sister. They can help Jennifer and you can spend time with Tatyana as well. You aren't doing anything here except running up a hotel bill."