Chapter 54: The Waiting Is the Hardest Part

July, 1985, Chicago, Illinois

On the way into the house, I got the mail from the mailbox and found a letter from Jessica. I opened it and read it right away. Like the previous one, it was short and to the point, telling me about the long days, the desperate conditions, and the abject poverty of the people. She was spending most of her time changing dressings, sweeping floors, and washing instruments. I put the letter on my desk to answer on Sunday morning.

Despite the late hour, I told the girls I wanted to relax in the sauna and they both agreed.

"How is Jessica doing?" Kara asked.

"Working hard doing what she calls 'scut work'. Stuff like changing bandages, sweeping floors, washing medical instruments. She's only just finished her 2nd year of medical school so she can't really even do stuff that a nurse can do."

"Are you skydiving tomorrow?" Bethany asked.

"I hadn't planned on it. We're getting to bed late tonight and I'm having dinner with Anna Wilson tomorrow night. I just need some time to decouple tomorrow after Karin being here and working. Not to mention talking to Karin in the morning."

"Do you think Karin expects what you're going to say?" Kara asked.

"I think so. She's waited a long time, and she made it clear she doesn't plan to wait any longer. I don't blame her, either. I'm surprised she waited this long. The revelation that she's close to being serious with Kristian tells me that she knew. But like Sofia, she wanted to give it a last shot."

"As we said the other day, there really aren't that many people who could accept the lifestyle that you're proposing," Bethany said. "It's going to be hard work, Kara. You realize that, don't you?"

"Yes, of course. But I belong with Steve, and I believe that we can work through anything, just as he does."

Bethany nodded, "He is convinced of that, for sure. And that's key to making this work."

"The three of us?" Kara asked.

"That is what we're contemplating," Bethany nodded.

Elyse opened the door and asked if she could join us, and we invited her in. She was quickly followed by Jennifer, Josie, and Stephanie.

"I'm liking this!" I said with a huge grin.

"I can't be in here too long," Jennifer said. "I talked to my OB, and she said it was fine for a short amount of time, but she doesn't want me overheated."

"I thought that only happened to you in my brother's bed!" Stephanie teased.

Everyone laughed.

"Josie takes good care of me in that regard, thank you very much!" Jennifer said with a smile.

"Speaking of overheated Squirt, I saw you dancing a lot with Jorge!"

"He seems like a nice enough guy. A bit quirky, but then again, so are you, Big Brother!" she teased.

"That he is!" Jennifer said with a smirk.

"Steve, I meant to thank you for that wonderful gift you gave us," Josie said. "We're going to put it towards a crib, playpen, and high chair, and that barely dents what you gave us! I'm sure those will get more use in the long run!"

"It's still a few years before it's my turn!" Kara said. "Though if Steve asked, I'd get pregnant right now."

"Eighteen months or so for me," Elyse said.

"Bethany?" Kara asked.

"I need to finish my PhD before I even think about babies! Well, that's not true. I think about them, but I have so much work to do on a doctoral dissertation that babies need to wait until that's done. Three years, maybe four. I'll be 25 or 26, which isn't bad at all."

"Do I have any say in this matter?" I asked.

"No!" came the answer as a chorus from all the girls in the sauna, including my sister.

After about ten minutes, Jennifer and Josie got up, and they each gave me a quick peck on the lips, then left the sauna to head back to the coach house. The rest of us stayed about ten more minutes, and then I kissed Kara, Elyse, and my sister goodnight, and went up to my room with Bethany.

"Stephanie just got a kiss on the cheek, huh?" Bethany grinned.

"Yeah. Why? Did you expect something else?"

"You have given her the same kinds of kisses that you did the other girls in the past."

"True, but that also got me into trouble."

We took a quick shower, dried off, and then climbed into bed. We were both exhausted from the long day and were content to simply fall asleep in each other's arms.

On Sunday morning after breakfast, I went to my study and checked my answering machine. Anna had left a message with her details. I checked my street atlas to figure out where her apartment was and how to get there. When I had my route plotted, I picked up the phone and then put it down again. I knew I had to make the call to Karin, but I didn't relish the thought of doing it.

This was the ending of something that had actually begun in Ms. Booher's homeroom class in August 1976, when I had first noticed a very cute blonde in the seat right behind me. That was Birgit Andersson, and that chance meeting in Milford Junior High had set a crazy course for my life that had involved multiple trips to Sweden and an intense, but flawed, relationship with Birgit's younger sister. For Karin's sake, and my own, I had to bring this to an end. I had to let her get on with her life, and I had to get on with mine.

I took a deep breath and picked up the phone and dialed her number in Stockholm.

"I'm ready to talk," I said once we'd greeted each other.

"Talk? Not just an answer?" she asked.

"I was a bit surprised by your offer, and your attempt to find a middle way, but honestly, and please don't take this the wrong way, I don't think what I can offer is what you really want."

Karin was silent for a minute, and then asked, "Isn't that for me to decide?"

"It is, but it also has to be compatible with what I want and what I need. I've finally figured it out. One thing that I'm absolutely sure of is that I can't relegate Kara to some sort of secondary position."

"But she'd accept that," Karin protested.

"Of course she would, if I asked her to," I agreed. "But I'm not going to ask her to do that. I believe that Kara has to be an equal. To me, and to my legal wife. I don't think what I want can succeed any other way. I can't accept the compromise that you offered."

"So it really was goodbye," Karin said.

"I think you were aware of that when you made the offer," I said gently.

"I guess I was," she sighed. "Will you marry Bethany?"

"That's what I want, yes. I think it's just a matter of time."

Karin laughed softly, "So now it's you who's waiting, instead of the girl. That's quite the reversal for you."

"I'm glad you can laugh. I feel kind of down."

"Me too," Karin sighed. "But it was inevitable after last Summer, wasn't it?"

"It was. Though I have to say, I am very glad you came to say goodbye."

She laughed again, "Me too! I hope we can stay friends, though I fear that we'll drift apart. Will you invite me to your wedding?"

"If you promise to invite me to yours," I said.

"I'm not even close to that point with Kristian," she said. "He will be my first boyfriend after you, and I need to take a very different path with him from what I did with you."

"And avoid the mistakes we made?"

"Yes, of course, but most of those were because of our relationships with my sister. Kristian never knew her. And maybe, in the end, that's what I need. Maybe that's what you and I both need — to finally put that to rest. And we can't do it together."

"We're going to stay friends," I said. "And I will never, ever stop loving you."

"Nor I, you. It may sound strange, but I love you, Steve Adams, always and forever."

"It doesn't sound strange at all. I love you, Karin Andersson, always and forever."

"Goodbye, Steve," she said softly.

"Goodbye, Karin," I responded.

I replaced the handset in the cradle and stared at it. I'd done what I needed to do, and had seriously mixed emotions. A sense of peace on one hand, and a sense of loss on the other. Karin had been right in that every decision that I'd made had marginalized her. At the time, each choice seemed right to me, but as Karin had pointed out, it was only right for me, without consideration of how it affected others.

Karin's reproof of my behavior had caused me to try to think of how my decisions would affect others, and I'd learned an abject lesson about that when I'd made the arrangements with Anala. Arrangements that had, in one single act, nearly wrecked every relationship I had. I'd done my best to rectify that, and I was determined to never let it happen again. I wanted to get my thoughts down immediately, so I turned on my computer to write in my journal.

I had been writing about fifteen minutes when Bethany and Kara came into my study.

"How did it go?" Kara asked.

"Pretty much as I expected it to. She wasn't really surprised and I think, in the end, she knew that I wasn't going to be able to accept the compromise that she was offering."

"And how did you leave it?"

"As friends. She's going to be serious with Kristian. And I told her what I planned."

Bethany smiled, but said nothing.

"Where are you taking Anna tonight?" Kara asked.

"That'll be up to her, I guess. Chicago-style pizza is always a good choice, although Chinatown or Greektown would be just fine with me. But, and this is important, I can't be what she wants any more than I could for any of the other girls who wanted me exclusively. She's known that all along."

"What's your plan for the rest of the day before your date?"

"I don't have one, really," I said. "I was writing in my journal and then I just planned to relax."

I had lunch with Jennifer, Josie, and Stephanie, which was becoming a Sunday ritual, then spent the afternoon in the Indian room reading. At 3:45pm I went up to take a shower and dress for my date with Anna. I drove to Northbrook, found the correct street, and then found the apartment complex. I parked in front of building 12, and then walked up to the door and rang the buzzer marked 2D.

"Yes?" came a familiar voice.

"Anna, it's Steve," I said.

I heard a buzz and pushed the door open and went up the stairs just inside the door. I walked down the hall to an open door where Anna was waiting for me. She hugged me and gave me a quick kiss, then invited me into the apartment. She offered me a Coke, and I accepted.

"Where did you want to go for dinner?" she asked.

"It's up to you. We can get Chicago-style pizza, or go to Chinatown or Greektown."

"Oh, I've never had Greek food. Let's go there."

On the drive into the city, we talked about her new job and about my company and what we'd each been doing for the past year. She also told me all about Kyle and how he was doing. Gina finally had a steady boyfriend, and it looked like she might get engaged soon.

"But does Kyle approve?" I asked.

"He told her that Nelson, that's the guy, was nice, but that he likes you a lot more!"

We parked at a lot on Halsted and walked to Pegasus, an excellent Greek restaurant. We were seated quickly, even though they were relatively busy. The waiter took our drink order, and we perused the menus. When the waiter came back with our drinks, we were ready to order. He wrote down our selections and quickly went away to deliver the order to the kitchen.

"So, are you still playing the field?" Anna asked after the waiter left the table.

"That's not quite what's going on," I said. "Remember when we talked about me and multiple girls?"

"Sure. But eventually you have to decide to be with just one."

"That's just it; I've decided to be with more than one."

"So you don't plan to get married?"

"Oh no, I do, but to more than one girl."

"You can't do that!" she protested. "They won't let you!"

"True, if you're referring to a legal marriage. But nothing says I have to have a piece of paper from the state to be married! I will legally marry someone, but nothing stops me from treating two girls as equal wives."

Anna frowned, "What girl would possibly agree to that?"

"Most won't, but a few will."

"I guess you should just take me home, then," she said.

"I will, but don't you want your dinner?"

"I suppose; we're here and we've ordered," she sighed.

"I'm sorry if you think I misled you or got you here on false pretenses, but is this really a surprise? You know that except for a really brief time with Kara, I've never been with just one girl."

"I was sure that you would eventually change," Anna said. "We got along really well, and I kind of hoped once you got it all out of your system, we might date, you know, for real."

"It's not something that I can get out of my system. It's who I am. And it's really even more complicated than just having more than one wife. Jennifer and her girlfriend wanted a baby, and I agreed to have one with them. Jennifer is pregnant and the baby will be born in February."

"What?!" she gasped.

"Jennifer is a lesbian and she and her girlfriend had a commitment ceremony — a marriage, if you will. Obviously, there wasn't a priest or Justice of the Peace because they can't legally marry, but they don't care about that. They love each other and want to be together. But there's no way for them to have a baby together without some outside help. I provided the help, and Jennifer is pregnant."

"Why would you do that?" she asked.

"Because I love Jennifer. Actually, it's even more complicated than that."

"How could it be more complicated?" she said, exasperated.

"Because Elyse and I are going to have a couple of kids together, and we have no plans to marry. She asked, and I agreed."

"You're going to have kids by three women?" she gasped. "On purpose?"

"Four, probably," I said. "With both wives as well."

"And you've really found women who will accept that nonsense?"

I bristled, but controlled my emotional response, replying evenly, "I have. And a group of friends who all accept that this is the way I plan to live my life. It's not quite an open marriage like a friend's parents had back in Ohio, but there are some similarities."

"So you would be allowed to have sex with other women, too? That's nuts!" she protested.

"Maybe so, but it's what my future looks like," I said.

"Why are you even here? Why are we having dinner together? Did you expect to have sex?" she asked angrily.

"Whoa!" I cautioned. "Slow down! We're here because you called me and asked me to take you to dinner. I had no plans other than to have a nice dinner with someone who's been a friend since High School. That's it. And, if things looked like they might go the direction you're implying, then I'd have stopped it until we could talk and I could explain my situation and my thinking."

Our food arrived, and I started eating, but Anna mostly just picked at her food. She was clearly upset, but there wasn't much I could do about that. I'd told her the unvarnished truth and at that point, how she felt and what she did was up to her. And, whether or not she believed me, I hadn't expected or even really thought about having sex with her, though some pleasant memories had certainly come to mind.