Chapter 36: Let’s Go Crazy! - Part II

April, 1985, Chicago, Illinois

I let the phone ring eight times before deciding that Jessica wasn't in her small apartment. I replaced the handset just as the door opened and Elyse came in.

"Who were you calling?" she asked, a hint of accusation in her question.

"Jessica."

"Oh, hell no!" Elyse exclaimed vehemently. "If you're going to decide THAT, it sure as hell better not be because you had a little spat with Bethany! I thought you were better than that! Where's the calm, cool, collected, mature Steve? If you're going back into drama queen mode, leave me out of it! And I know the rest of your friends will say the same thing. You can't go off half-cocked like this and expect it to turn out well."

"You're right," I sighed. "But what the fuck is Bethany's problem?"

"You mean besides loving you and wanting only the best for you? And thinking that church is NOT what you need?"

"Two years ago, I'd have listened to her and not even thought much about it. Sure, I might have argued, but I'd have given in. Not any more. People keep demanding that I be assertive and less submissive, and then I do it and it upsets those exact same people! It's not as if I said I was joining this church! I'm visiting it. I'm going to church for the second time in the last nine years, if you don't count the weddings. So what?"

"So you didn't talk with Bethany about it. You talked to Kara, obviously. And Sofia. Did you talk to Jessica about it?"

"Yes."

"But not Bethany? Why?"

I paused before answering.

"I guess that I was afraid she would react this way."

"If that's true, then it was a really bad move, Steve. You know better than that! Not discussing an issue doesn't make it go away. It only makes it fester."

"Even so," I replied, "it's something I want to do. It doesn't harm Bethany in any way!"

"No?" Elyse said, arching an eyebrow. "What about her assuming that she was going to be able to fall asleep in your arms tonight?"

"So I need to do what everyone assumes that I'm going to do? And I have to know what they assume? That's impossible and you know it!"

"No, but you need to be more in tune with Bethany than any other girl. Or, if you decide to accept her proposal with Jessica. Did you tell Bethany about THAT?"

"No way! If I'm going to turn down Jessica's proposal, why does Bethany even need to know? Won't that only create larger problems?"

"Don't you think that you're misleading her? At least a little bit?"

"I did tell her about Jessica. She knows that I've seen her. And knows that I have some kind of connection with her. I don't mean the old way, though that might even be there."

"Say what?!" Elyse gasped, sitting up straight.

"We kissed once, and I got that old electric feeling I used to experience. You know, the one I really don't have any more. I had it with Jennifer when she was here, but that's about it. I thought it was basically a thing of the past."

"Jesus!" Elyse gasped. "It IS as serious as Kara said it was!"

For a few seconds, she kept quiet, but I could see her expressions as she thought about it all.

"Fucking hell!" Elyse exclaimed, shaking her head. "Do you know the chaos that something like that will cause?"

"Should I avoid it at the expense of my happiness?" I asked.

"The answer to that question is WAY above my pay grade," Elyse replied. "Just be damned sure that's what you really want and what will truly make you happy in the long run. As for now, you probably should go see Bethany. She left the table in tears right after you stalked off."

"Thanks for coming in here and saving me from myself," I said.

"That's twice now since I thought you'd gotten past all the bullshit. Once with the Penny situation and now with this. Bring out the mature, thoughtful man that I know is there. I've seen him. So has everyone else. Now, go see Bethany."

"Thanks," I replied.

I left the study and went to find Bethany. I didn't find her in my room or in any of the rooms on the ground floor, so I went to the basement. I found her curled up in a ball on her bed in the guest room, sobbing. I went in, closed the door behind me, and sat down on the edge of the bed and put my hand on her shoulder.

"Sweetheart?" I said gently.

She sobbed louder, so I moved to the chair by the desk and waited for her to calm down. It was nearly ten minutes later when she sat up, and took a tissue from the box on the night stand to blow her nose, and another to wipe her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"You shouldn't be apologizing, Sweetheart. I led you to believe we'd be together tonight. We even talked about it when I picked you up at Meigs. I was stupid and insensitive. I'm sorry. I'll stay home if you want. Could we just start over?"

"It's OK if you want to go to church," Bethany said quietly. "I shouldn't have reacted that way. Melanie more or less put me in my place about how I reacted. But that's not why I was crying. I was crying because I'm afraid that I don't know you anymore, and that scares me. It scares me as your best friend, it scares me as your lover, and it scares me as your Sweetheart."

"A lot has happened to both of us in the last six months," I said, "and even though we've seen each other a lot, I suspect that we've both changed in ways that we've just never discussed. We just need to focus on good communication. Me, especially. But you're here now, and we'll be close together for the first time in four years."

"Did I lose you?" she asked softly, her voice just above a whisper.

"Why would you think that?" I asked gently. "Because we had a small disagreement over something that is, at least as I see it, trivial, and I reacted badly by going to my study? That was the old, foolish, childish me. The person I'm trying hard not to be. Elyse came and kicked my butt, just as she did when I got depressed after Alice Nichols found out about Penny and me."

"Elyse is a good friend, and I'm happy that you listen to her. I guess I'm just a bit emotional between the accident, recovery, moving here, and trying to graduate."

"And I should have thought about all of that. It's no excuse, but I wasn't thinking about when the Orthodox Easter was because it usually doesn't fall on the same day as our Easter."

"It's OK. I think part of it was because I foolishly expected you to drop everyone and everything to be with me, and I can't reasonably expect that from you. Even when you came to visit me in Ohio, we spent time apart for various reasons. I was being possessive and I shouldn't have been. I'm sorry."

"Should we go finish our dinner?" I asked.

"Yes, and I hope you'll cuddle me after dinner."

"You know it!" I grinned.

We went back to the table and Elyse went to the kitchen to get our plates, which she had put in the oven to keep warm. She brought them back and sat down with us, as everyone else had finished.

"Are things OK?" Elyse asked.

"Yes," Bethany said. "We both acknowledge where we made mistakes. I'm just overly emotional right now."

"He still needs to be smacked with a 'clue-by-four' from time to time," Elyse said with a grin. "At least it's WAY less often than in the past."

"I do," I agreed. "And I'm glad that you're here to do it. I need to get something. I'll be right back."

I went up to my room to get the box with the necklace that I'd bought for Elyse and brought it back down to the table.

I handed her the box that I'd wrapped. I hadn't picked a time to give it to her, but this seemed perfect.

"I know it's not your birthday," I said. "But I think this is as good a time as any to give you this."

She looked at me for a moment, then tore off the wrapping paper and opened the box. She gasped and looked at me again.

"What's this?" she asked.

"A token of my affection."

She turned to show it to Bethany, who smiled widely. She totally understood the implication of the ruby versus the diamond.

"A ruby. Not a diamond," Elyse said.

Bethany smiled and answered, "Yes. He gave Jennifer one like that years ago, and I think he gave one to Karin. Kara had the only diamond at one point, then I got one, and so did Sofia."

Elyse put the necklace on and fingered the ruby pendant.

"And Penny," Elyse said. "But hers is really small compared to the other three. Steve was worried what Penny's mom would say, though that was before Alice found Penny's birth control pills."

"So Penny really IS a legitimate candidate?" Bethany asked.

"She was," I said, "but she isn't now. Once I offered her a job, either I had to marry her or stop sleeping with her. Marrying a sixteen-year-old, while possible in Illinois, doesn't seem like a smart move. Everyone, including Penny, agrees. She was a bit upset, but in the end, she recognizes that she's too young to get married and she really wants to work for me. So at the end of May, it's over."

"OK. I didn't mean to sound possessive again."

"You didn't. A lot has changed with all the girls. I told you about where things are with Karin, Sofia, and Jennifer. Nothing has really changed with Elyse. We're still on the same track we've been on for years. Before I forget, and I hope you understand, I promised Penny she could spend the night with me on my birthday, which is also her birthday."

Bethany laughed, "You and your young girls! I hope that you realize just how lucky you were that her parents didn't call the police. We'd be having our conversations through thick Plexiglas at this point if they had. You remember my terms? I think I'm going to change them to the age of legal consent. I know you don't agree with that, but you can't take those risks. The only possible exception might be the daughters of close friends who gave their consent in advance."

I laughed, "Kurt, Kathy, Elyse, Stephie, and I had that conversation back when Elyse was dating Warren. I think Kurt might live to regret it!"

"So you're OK with those terms?"

"As opposed to what? Going to jail? Yes, of course!"

We finished eating and Elyse said that she'd take care of the dishes so that Bethany and I could spend time together before I had to leave for the church. We went to the Indian room, and I sat in one of the basket chairs. Bethany sat in my lap and snuggled very close.

"Why does it always seem that something comes between us just when it looks like everything is perfect?" she asked.

"Hell if I know, Sweetheart," I sighed. "I don't think either of us tries to mess it up."

"Do you ever think that we might be better off just staying friends?" Bethany asked softly.

"That's a hell of a question," I said. "Have you changed your mind about what you want?"

"No. Maybe I'm just a worry-wart."

"I think you need to get back to normality," I said. "When you start school in August at Loyola, I think things will be much better. Right now, you have too little to do and too much time to think. That's never been the way that you've lived your life. I'm the one who spends lots of time thinking and look how much trouble that's gotten ME into!"

Bethany laughed, "Oh, so true! How are you doing in that regard?"

"I'd say I'm doing OK," I said. "I'm not obsessing over anything at the moment, except maybe getting the business started. But I really think that's just mindfulness, not obsession. I'm actually reasonably at peace with how things are going."

"Good. I am sorry I reacted the way I did to you going to church. I know you went with Stephie before. I guess it was just a combination of my views on churches, plus the fact that you were taking Kara and Sofia."

"And that's why you thought that you had lost me! That one of them might have displaced you?"

"Yes," she said quietly.

"Ask them. You're free to talk to anyone — the girls here, Jennifer, my sister, Tanya, anyone. I'm not sure why you're so insecure."

"History, Steve. Our history. That's why I said what I said before about it possibly being better just to stay best friends."

"I don't think you really believe that. Let's let things get back to some semblance of normal. If you're up for it, maybe you could take a Summer class at Loyola and carry slightly less of a course load in the Fall."

"That might not be a bad idea. I'll call them on Monday and ask if it's possible."

"How much work do you have to do on your project?"

"Not a lot, but there are some recent papers I want to work into it. The University of Chicago library should have everything I need and it's walking distance, right?"

"Yes. Elyse can take you on her way to class, I'm sure. Are you sure you're going to be OK tonight without me here?"

"Yes. It was silly of me to expect you to simply drop everything else in your life. That's hardly a good basis for a healthy relationship. I'm out of sorts."

"I know, Sweetheart. The last four months haven't been exactly what you planned them to be. You figured that you would be in Madison finishing your undergraduate degree."

"True," she sighed. "Maybe I should see someone."

"Kara is seeing Doctor Alborg. He's the therapist that Doctor Mercer suggested for me. I only saw him a few times, but Kara's been seeing him regularly since she got here."

"Why did you stop seeing him?"

"Partly because I wanted Kara to be able to see him. He wasn't happy seeing both of us if we were involved, but not in couples' counseling. And partly because I didn't need his help. I've figured out a lot about relationships and myself, with your help, and Anala's, and Jackie's, and, believe it or not, Kara's."

"I believe it. I want to have an in-depth talk with her, but she's become a nearly perfect companion for you. You should consider asking her to marry you."

"Say what?" I asked, taken aback at the suggestion.

"Believe it or not, at this point, she has less baggage than Jennifer or I have. She's completely devoted to you and will never, ever, leave your side, no matter what."

"And you would?"

"No, that's not what I was implying. I was just telling you why you should consider it."

"And you?"

She smiled, "You're already considering me. And Jessica. I'm just saying you might want to consider a third option that you took off the table because Kara asked you to take it off the table. Remember, the only thing I want is for you to be happy."

"Now that last sentence, I do not believe. As my best friend, yes, that's what you want. But as my Sweetheart, no, I think you want more than that."

She sat up and looked at me, "That's true. But not at the expense of the best friend a girl could ever have."

"That is never, ever going to change. Wife or not, you'll be my best friend. No matter what. We've made it through so many things that nothing can separate us at this point. Heck, we're living under the same roof for the first time ever! How long did THAT take?"

"Too long! I should have done what Elyse did. Loyola or the University of Chicago would have been just as good as Madison."

"Don't play the regrets game," I counseled. "What's happened in the past has happened. We don't get any do-overs. If we did, I'd take a do-over for last December. How about you?"

"Hell yes!" Bethany declared emphatically.

"Do you have any idea how the accident happened?"

"No. The police insist it was a blowout even though the tires were relatively new, and they didn't find a nail or anything."

"What was the Prince song that was playing?" I asked.

She smiled, "Let's Go Crazy! Kind of fitting, don't you think?"

"Yeah, in more ways than one! How does that go again? Oh, yeah..."

Dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
To get through this thing called life

Electric word life
It means forever, and that's a mighty long time
But I'm here to tell you
There's something else
The after world

A world of never ending happiness
You can always see the Sun, day or night

So when you call up that shrink in Beverly Hills
You know the one, Doctor Everything'll Be Alright
Instead of asking him how much of your time is left
Ask him how much of your mind, baby

'Cause in this life
Things are much harder than in the after world
In this life
You're on your own
...
If you don't like the world you're living in
Take a look around you
At least you got friends