Chapter 32: Jennifer Lynn Block

March 1985, Chicago, Illinois

The rest of Sunday, the last day of March, was calm and relaxing. I had wanted to watch the NASCAR race at Bristol on ESPN, but it had rained all afternoon in Tennessee and the race was postponed a week. It wasn't usual for NASCAR to race on Easter weekend, but they would this year, though on Saturday instead of Sunday. Bill Elliott had won his second race of the year in Atlanta two weeks previously, and was looking strong.

Most of my housemates left for home for Spring Break before dinner. Sofia stayed because she wasn't planning to fly home, so we had the house more or less to ourselves. I cooked us a nice dinner, and we spent some time talking and watching MTV.

About 9:00pm, Jennifer called and confirmed her flight information with me. She sounded better, though she and Josie hadn't moved past a bit of cuddling. I reminded her that Josh and Mary would be at the house, as we'd discussed, and that Sofia was still in town. I told her I was really looking forward to seeing her. I didn't tell her about Becky, because the last thing I wanted to do was upset her. I'd decide whether or not to raise that subject when we talked.

I had no sooner hung up the phone than it rang again and I answered.

"Hi, Steve! This is Aimee!"

"Hi, Aimee. What's up?"

"I was just calling to confirm that we're flying Bethany up to Chicago on the 13th, and we also have everything set for the 18th."

"Thanks. I really appreciate it! Do I need to call my dad with the details?"

"No. My dad talked to him. What are you doing next Saturday night?"

"The 6th? I don't have any plans. Why?"

"I was thinking of flying our Piper Archer up to Meigs. Will you take me to dinner?"

"Sure. That's a long way to come for dinner."

"A couple of hours each way isn't a big deal. Besides, I was hoping that you'd invite me to stay the night!"

"I suppose I could," I chuckled. "Your dad is OK with it?"

"Absolutely! I've flown the Piper all over the Midwest, sometimes staying overnight. It's cool."

"What time do you plan to get into Meigs?"

"I was thinking around 2:00pm. Could you pick me up?"

"I certainly could! See you on the 6th."

I hung up and went to hang out with Sofia for the rest of the evening. We went to bed around 10:00pm, and as she had the night before, she joined me in bed. We cuddled and fell asleep in each other's arms.

April, 1985, Chicago, Illinois

On Monday morning, Sofia and I did the shopping, then cleaned the house. At noon, we left for O'Hare to meet Jennifer's flight. We parked in the short-term lot and walked into the terminal. A quick check of the arrival board indicated that her flight was on time. We walked to the listed gate and sat down to wait.

Jennifer walked off the plane about ten minutes after they opened the door to the Jetway. She was dressed nicely, her hair was brushed and draped over her shoulders, and she had a smile on her face. All of that boded well. I stood up and walked to meet her. We hugged, and I walked her over to meet Sofia.

"Sofia Katsaros, meet Jennifer Block. Jennifer, meet Sofia."

"I've heard so much about you!" they said at the same time, causing all of us to laugh.

We headed for the baggage claim and the girls chatted back and forth, getting to know each other. I picked up Jennifer's bag when it arrived on the carousel, then we headed to the car. Jennifer said that she loved the new Daytona and Sofia got into the back so Jennifer could sit up front with me. I asked her about the flight, school, and her parents, purposefully avoiding discussions of her mental state or anything to do with Josie.

When we arrived at the house, I took Jennifer's bags to one of the guest rooms in the basement. I went back upstairs and went to the kitchen to make some tea. When it was finished, I invited Jennifer to the Indian room to talk. Sofia left to meet Alejandra and Leila, and said that she'd be back late. I put the tea down and walked Sofia to the door and thanked her. She gave me a quick kiss and headed out, and then I went back to the Indian room.

"How are you and Josie doing?" I asked after we sat down in two of the basket chairs.

"Better. Lots of cuddling. I kissed her goodbye when she left to go home. A real kiss."

"So that means that you two are OK?"

"Yes. I treated both of you pretty badly in Indianapolis."

"You did, but I certainly understand why you were out of sorts. But forget that. I don't care about anything that you said to me. The only thing I care about is helping you. Whatever it takes."

"Whatever?" Jennifer smirked.

"You know that I will do whatever's necessary to help you. But I won't do anything that I think will hurt you."

"And you think that would hurt me?"

"I think it might. How are you going to react to sex with a guy?"

"A guy? I'm talking about sex with you! Don't make it sound like some random pick-up at a bar in Stanford!"

I chuckled, "Sorry. I meant intercourse with me."

Jennifer laughed, "You mean fucking? Can't you say that anymore? You used to have a real problem with that word."

"Yes, Jen, fucking," I chuckled. "That's what I meant. But I don't think that you're ready for that."

"How the hell can you be so sure about that?"

"Do I have to spell it all out?"

"Go on," she said with a mirthful smile.

"The last time we had sex, you recoiled at the first penetration, though you were OK after that. Then, just before Christmas, you told Josie you couldn't be with me and have a baby. You refused to even talk to her, and she left to go to Minneapolis. You had a complete breakdown in Indianapolis. Since then, you've managed to get things together enough to finish your degree. BUT, you've kissed Josie one time. You're a lesbian and you can barely kiss your lover. How the heck can you even contemplate doing anything with me? Then add in the promise you made to Josie about sex with me. What happens if it all goes wrong?"

"Now you sound like my psychologist!" Jennifer observed.

"That's probably a good thing in this case," I replied. "What you're asking for is dangerous."

"What's dangerous is you refusing to help me," she sighed.

"I don't see it that way."

Jennifer was quiet for a moment and then got a glint in her eye.

"Did you talk with Bethany about this?" she asked.

Oh, I sure had! And Bethany had told me that we'd fuck ourselves silly this week, and then never again until Jennifer was ready to have a baby. I STILL thought Bethany was wrong.

"Yes, of course. You know I talk to her about everything."

"And what was her advice?"

"It wasn't so much advice as a prediction. She told me to use my best judgment."

"You're stalling. What did she predict?"

I sighed, "That you would ask me to fuck you senseless. It would be cathartic and help you get over what happened. But, when we're done, that'll be it until you want to get pregnant. In the end, you really are a lesbian. Now, my take on that, after thinking about it for a long time, is that sex with me was an attempt to erase what happened with Mr. Dixon. It didn't, and couldn't, work until you came to terms with the original rape. Now it could. But that doesn't mean I think that it's the right thing to do. At least now."

"Because of the reasons you gave before."

"Yes. Exactly. You made a promise to Josie. Think about my most important rule. I gave up a wild night with Cindi because of that rule."

"Cindi? That's off?"

"Yes, because Chris proposed, and she accepted."

"Hang on; you knew in advance it was going to be after she was engaged. That was part of the original deal."

"A deal I should never have made. And her marrying Chris, a guy I consider a friend, makes it even more of a problem. I asked Cindi what she would think if Chris made the same kind of deal and whether or not that was the basis for a good relationship. In the end, she conceded that violating his trust wasn't the best way to start their relationship."

"That makes sense. But you've broken your rule with Sofia."

"That was under very special circumstances. You made the point about exceptions to rules a long time ago. That was a good exception. Although it's not likely to turn out how Sofia wanted, we'll be lifelong friends and neither of us has any regrets about how we behaved. The thing is, I didn't know the guy, Sofia wasn't in love with him, and they were never, ever intimate."

"And that's the only time?"

"There was one other, but again, it was a super-special circumstance and hopefully will prevent a much larger problem down the road."

"But I don't qualify?"

"You and Josie are a couple, and you told me about the agreement you have. Both of you. Right here in this house. Are YOU going to break YOUR word to Josie?"

Jennifer sighed, "Bethany is probably right."

"You mean about sex between us in the long run?"

"Yes. And about why. Would you be upset if you and Josie never did it again?"

"No. In fact, I wanted to talk to you about that because of an interesting development."

"I'm all ears!"

"I don't know if you saw her or not, but there was a medical student named Jessica in Indianapolis. who I met when Bethany had her surgery. We've gone out a few times and last Friday she met Kara."

"Wait a minute! A new girl? And your comment about Sofia before? I think I've missed quite a bit in the last several months."

I nodded, "That's certainly true. I've had long talks with all the girls and honestly, the only real candidates at this point are Bethany and Jessica."

"You have to explain how this happened. Sofia's here with you, but she's not an option?"

"To answer the second question first, she's an option, but she's an unlikely option. I'll try to explain."

I spent the next thirty minutes trying to explain how things had developed since November. Jennifer listened carefully and asked a few questions, especially about Karin. When I got to Jessica, she frowned, and her tone changed.

"So you would reject Bethany in favor of this new girl who just popped up in your life and seems to be a control freak?"

"First off, no matter what happens, Bethany and I are going to be best friends. Second, Jessica isn't a control freak."

"She's just like Becky! Do you remember THAT disaster?"

I sighed, "With Becky, it's worse than you know. She came to see me on Saturday and we had lunch. That evening, she tried to kill herself."

"First off, I'm sorry for her. But WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING HAVING LUNCH WITH HER?" Jennifer demanded angrily.

I resolved to remain calm and to not allow her to provoke me.

"She showed up unannounced and uninvited at the house and asked to talk to me. Sofia maintained — rightly, mind you — that it would be mean to not talk to Becky. There is nothing between Becky and me! She tried to kill herself! Do you think she'd have done that if I had said anything to her that gave her even a glimmer of hope?"

"That girl is sick, Steve!" Jennifer protested. "Sick!"

"Yes, she is," I said gently. "Healthy people don't try to kill themselves. Or, give up on living and turn to alcohol and pot."

Jennifer's eyes went wide, her mouth forming an 'O'. She stared at me for a moment, then pulled her legs up to her chest, wrapped her arms around them and started crying. Given the circumstances, all I could do was wait for her to compose herself. About ten minutes later, she got up and got some tissues to blow her nose. She excused herself to use the bathroom and was back a few minutes later.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"I've spent a LOT of time talking to Anala, Jackie, Elyse, and eventually, Bethany, about Becky. I now know what the problem was, and I've put it behind me. You need to do the same thing. She is no threat to you, Jen. She's a lost young woman who has spent nearly eight years obsessing over me instead of accepting the situation and moving on. She needs help, and fortunately, what she took had a very low chance of killing her. Now, maybe she'll get the help she sorely needs."

"Did you go see her?"

"Of course I did. I tried to talk to her, but she wasn't really interested. I talked to her parents a bit, and her dad showed me the note that she wrote him. Basically, it came down to feeling rejected by me."

"And you're OK?"

"Yes. She has to be responsible for her own actions and I have to be responsible for mine. Please don't get upset, but I really did give her a second chance after I came to Chicago. We did some things together, had lunch regularly, that kind of thing. But nothing at all came of it. And I told her in no uncertain terms that we weren't getting back together. At one point, she said she'd talk to me around graduation, and I guess that this was her last-ditch attempt."

"Do you know if she has ever dated anyone else?"

"No, I don't think she did. She talked about it, but I don't think she ever did. I'm pretty sure that she never slept with anyone but me."

"That is a bit obsessive."

"It is. And truth be told, I was obsessed with her. Anala thinks it's because Becky was actually my first true love and the person I could have been with in a committed, monogamous relationship. But I pushed her away because of Birgit and then because of you, Bethany, and Kara. Anala had a good point. But I got over that."

"How?"

I chuckled, "A fifteen-year-old who loves to fuck and who I obsess over a bit."

"Penny? You obsess over her?"

"She is smart, funny, sexy, loves sex, will enthusiastically do anything I ask, and wants to be with me for the rest of my life. And for the most part, I feel the same way and spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to make it happen. I think that's probably enough reason!"

"So why not pick her?"

"She's too young, she isn't willing to share, and frankly, as much fun as sex with her is, I'd rather have her work for me for the next forty or fifty years. Besides, no matter what, I have to either marry her or stop sleeping with her by the end of May."

"Why?"

"I offered her a job in my new company. I can't very well sleep with an employee," I chuckled.

"No, you can't!" Jennifer agreed. "But you know what? If you stop and think about it, you and I have been obsessed with each other since we first started playing chess together. If I was straight, we'd have been together, Becky would never have been a factor, and life would be very different."

"I don't play those 'What if?' games with the past. It's over and done with. We can learn from the past, but we sure can't change it."

"True, but it's also true that we've been obsessed with each other and, no matter how badly either of us has screwed up, we've found a way to be together, even if it's seriously unconventional. And that takes us back to Jessica. I suppose you need to tell me more."

"Believe it or not," I said, "she's fine with you and me having a kid together. And with me having a kid or two with Elyse. She compared it to her mentor, who had kids with his first two wives. And that's part of her issue — she sees lots of divorces happening with doctors and is trying to find a creative solution to avoid that outcome. Even if it means buying into something very different from something most people would even think of trying."