Chapter 29: Sofia Helene Katsaros

March, 1985, Chicago, Illinois

I arrived back in Chicago just before noon, and had several curious looks from my housemates, but I just went up to my room and unpacked my overnight bag, then went to my study. I wasn't surprised when Sofia showed up at my door.

"You didn't come home last night," she said in Swedish.

"I ended up crashing in Indianapolis. I suppose I should have called you, but you did see me pack a bag just in case."

"True. I hope you don't mind that I slept in your bed. I wanted to be there if you arrived home late."

"That's fine. Come here," I beckoned.

She walked over and sat in my lap. I kissed her softly and apologized again. I wondered if it was time to talk to her about my situation and be very clear about what I thought was going to happen. Both Karin and Joyce had taken me to task for not really giving them a chance and simply assuming what their responses would be, and I didn't want a repeat of those situations.

"I think we need to have a very deep, heart-to-heart talk," I said.

"That doesn't sound good," she sighed.

"I suppose not, but it's necessary. I've made some serious mistakes by making assumptions that turned out to be unfounded, and I don't want to do it again."

"What assumptions?"

"About what girls could and couldn't accept about my life. It should be pretty clear by now what the trajectory is."

"I think so,' Sofia said. "I've talked to Kara and Elyse. And Jackie, too."

"In all honesty, I don't think the future I contemplate is for you. It never has been. You struggle with it now, even without being in a committed relationship with me. I'm not sure you can handle it."

She sighed deeply, "I really, really hate to admit that you're right. I could tolerate you having a kid with Jennifer because she's a lesbian. That kind of makes some sense at some level. But the other two? Elyse is bad enough, but what Kara wants just doesn't seem right. It's not the living together without being married part. I totally get that, and you know how common that is in Sweden. It's that I would have to share you with her, maybe forever."

"And that's my concern," I said gently. "I want to make sure you know exactly where things stand so you can decide. I don't want to assume anything, only to be accused of not giving you a chance."

"And you don't think that there's a chance you'll change your mind about the trajectory?" she asked.

"At this point? Probably not. Ask yourself if YOU think I will?"

She was quiet for a moment, "No, I guess I don't think you will."

"And if I don't change, and you can't handle the situation, where does that leave us?"

A single tear ran down her cheek and she put her head on my shoulder.

"Nowhere," she said, with a hitch in her voice.

"That's not even close to true," I said softly, and gently stroked her hair. "You are one of my very best and closest friends. I hope you'll stay my friend. I want to be yours."

"I should have known years ago that this wouldn't work," Sofia said with a deep sigh. "You couldn't be exclusive with me when you were sixteen. You had Pia and Katt, and other girls, too. You had those two more or less as permanent girlfriends. And the same was true when you came home and were with Bethany and Kara. And then here in Chicago with Kara and Stephie. And later, Stephie and Jackie."

"Jackie?" I asked.

"Sure. She was basically your girlfriend for a whole year. Kind of like Penny has been for the last year. It's who you are, and I just fooled myself into believing that you would grow out of it or something."

"I'm sorry if I hurt you. I did my best to tell you the truth and never mislead you."

She sat up and looked me straight in the eyes, caressing my cheek with her hand.

"You never, ever misled me. Ever. You were truthful and warned me several times about the situation. I thought I could somehow change you, but I was mistaken. I love you and wish things were different."

"I love you too, and I always will. I want you to be part of my life."

"But not as your wife," Sofia said with resignation. "As your friend."

"Yes. If you could accept me for who and what I am, and what being married to me would mean, then it might be different; in fact, I'm sure it would be different. But that's not you. You need someone who can commit totally and unreservedly to you, and only you. But remember my promise. You can stay here for as long as you wish. I'd be very happy if you stayed a long, long time."

"I'd like that. But I think this means we have to stop sleeping together."

"The same as when I was in Sweden the first time."

"Yes," Sofia agreed. "And, same as then, I'll want to make love with you one last time before I go home for the Summer."

"How about the weekend between the end of classes and exams? The next weekend is commencement for me and I need to go to my little sister's graduation that evening in Cincinnati. And I'm guessing you'll fly home pretty much right after exams."

"Yes. I'll cook you dinner! Greek chicken and potatoes. I'll have to see if I can find the same wine here."

"There are some stores in Greektown on Halsted that can probably help you with that."

"I'll check. I hate this, but I don't see any other option."

"Me neither," I said.

I kissed her softly, and she got up from my lap and left the study. I turned on the Macintosh and started on my homework. I needed to take my mind off the conversation with Sofia, and homework seemed the best way to do it. I worked until lunchtime and then joined my friends for our usual Sunday afternoon gathering. Kara's new friends were there, and I finally had a chance to talk to them. They seemed nice enough, and I was glad to see Kara was making friends.

About mid-afternoon, Kathy and Elyse took me aside and asked if something was bothering me. The three of us went to the Indian room to talk.

"Sofia and I basically brought things to what we pretty much knew was a foregone conclusion, even if we hadn't admitted it," I said.

"Anyone who didn't see THAT coming was blind, and willfully so," Elyse observed.

"That's true," Kathy said. "But this kind of thing is difficult for Steve to do. I suspect that there are a few more conversations like that coming fairly soon."

I nodded, "Probably so. Well, I've had them with Joyce and Karin, and now Sofia. Penny's probably the next one. And who knows what's going to happen with Jennifer when she's here in a couple of weeks."

"But you're already reconciled to how that turns out, aren't you?" Elyse asked.

"Yes. But she's not exactly in a good place emotionally at the moment," I said. "So I'm not sure what's going to happen."

"You didn't mention Tatyana," Kathy said.

"We had that conversation some time ago. We just confirmed it the last time we were together, and we're both very satisfied with our decisions, which were pretty much dictated by geopolitics. I'll see her a few more times before she goes back to Russia. I really hope to keep in touch with her, her father, and Colonel Anisimova."

"So who does that leave besides Bethany?" Kathy asked.

"Truthfully, only Penny really could displace her amongst the core girls. But I don't know that Penny can accept my lifestyle long-term any more than Sofia, or girls like Anna Wilson."

Kathy arched her eyebrow, "OK, Mr. 'I Word Everything Carefully' — what does 'among the core girls' mean? Why say it that way?"

"Kara has a theory that some girl from outside the core group could swoop in, so to speak," Elyse answered before I could say anything.

"Can I take my ring off and be a candidate? Please?" Kathy giggled, her hand already going to her ring.

"Oh, shush!" Elyse laughed, playfully batting Kathy's right hand away from her left.

I smiled, "You know how much I love you, Kathy. But the answer to that has to be not just 'no', but 'hell no'! Kurt would be destroyed and I can't do that to him. Besides, you prefer a one-woman man almost as much as Tatyana and Sofia do. The only way that we could have ever worked together was if we'd started in seventh grade."

She nodded, "I suppose that's true. I could have kept you from being shared around like a stud horse to half the girls in Milford by Melanie Spencer!"

All three of us laughed.

I nodded, "It would have been a very, very different life, that's for sure."

"Are you doing OK?" Kathy said.

"Yes, I am," I replied. "Things really are coming together. Bethany will be here in a couple of weeks. My sister in about two months. And Jennifer not long after that."

"Who's your date for my wedding?" Kathy asked.

"Your maid of honor. Who else?" I grinned. "What about you, Elyse?"

"I don't need a date, really. I'll just enjoy being there."

Kathy and I looked at each other and at the same time said, "Larry!"

Elyse laughed, "Sure. Why not? It's a pattern, isn't it?"

Kathy and I both laughed, and I confirmed that it was, indeed, a pattern. The girls, satisfied that I was doing OK, got up to leave. I thanked them both and the three of us went back to the great room.

Sunday evening, after dinner and more homework, Kara joined me in bed. She told me that she'd talked to Sofia during the evening and when I asked how she thought Sofia was doing, she said that it was about as well as I could expect, but that she thought Sofia would be fine. I told her I was glad to hear that.

"I do have something to tell you," I said.

"Oh?" Kara said, propping herself on her elbow and looking at me.

"You know how you said that there might be an outside girl? One who wasn't a member of the core group?"

"Sure. Is there?"

"Maybe," I said. "I'd like you to come to dinner with me on Friday so you can meet someone."

"Who? Wait! Let me guess. The med student from Indianapolis."

"Good guess! Yes. She wants to meet you."

"Me? Why?" Kara asked.

"She's trying to decide if she could accept you as nanny to her children. And as my long-term lover."

Kara laughed, "You actually found someone who could deal with your crazy world? Really?"

"You mean besides Bethany?" I asked.

"Well, yes. Does Bethany know about this girl?"

"She does."

"So Jessica, that was her name, right? She could just jump the line at the last moment?"

"Yes, that is her name. I have no idea. I'm not in control of the relationship!"

Kara laughed, "I would LOVE to talk with her! Sure. I'll go. What about Jennifer and Elyse?"

"I'm sure that you remember Doctor Barton? He's Jessica's mentor. She compared it to his two kids with his two ex-wives. It does make sense in a bizarrely logical way."

"That's a very interesting and practical take on things. So one out-of-this-world screw was enough to convince her to test the waters?"

"The only thing that's happened is a few kisses on the cheek. From her to me, and a couple of hugs. Oh, and I've held her hand, and I put my arm around her at the movies. Both at her request, of course."

"If all of that is true, and I have no reason to doubt it, then Bethany should be very, very worried," Kara observed.

"Because I'm being myself?" I asked.

"No, because that means that you're serious. Three dates and not even a kiss? That's serious. Where did you sleep last night?"

"On her couch. She asked where I planned to sleep and that's what I chose."

"It's deadly serious, then. It'll be interesting to meet this woman. But right now, I think that we've talked enough!"

We made love before falling asleep, and then again in the morning when we woke. We showered together, dressed, ate breakfast together, and started a new week. Monday and Tuesday were fairly typical days at school, work, and karate practice.

On Wednesday, instead of having lunch at The Bog, I drove back to Hyde Park to meet Elyse so we could go to the bank and open the business accounts. We had all the documents that we needed, and I wrote out a check to transfer money from my personal account into the business account in exchange for complete ownership of the shares in the company. Once I received the checks from my dad and Don Joseph, Samuel Jacobsen would do the paperwork to issue their shares in the company. The other shares would be granted upon employment.

When we left the bank, we stopped at the Post Office and I arranged to rent a PO Box that we could use for NIKA. That way, we didn't have to put our home address on stationery or business cards. Lastly, before I went back to school, I stopped to pick up Kara's birthday present.

I'd arranged with Penny to come over after karate that evening because of my date with Kara that was planned for Thursday. She arrived about 8:30pm and said that her mom had made it clear that she had to be home no later than 10:00pm sharp. Penny dragged me to my room and did her best to make up for the time we'd missed together.

"Penny," I said, as we cuddled after our second round, "have you thought more about us?"

"Yes. I talked to Jackie on the phone a couple of times. You won't give up your other girls for me, will you?"

"No, Penny, I don't think I can."

"But you still love me? And you still want me around?"

"I do. In fact, we opened our bank account for the new company today. I want you to start working for NIKA Consulting as soon as school is out."

"Working? Like for money?"

"Yes. I don't know the exact amount yet because I need to work it out with Elyse. You can work every Summer until you graduate from college, and then if everything goes well, you can have a job."

"Working with you? Like we do now?"

"Yes, Pretty Penny. Like we do now! Well, probably without the sex."

"Hah! As long as I can get that, I will. I know I have to find a boy close to my age, but I don't want to stop fucking until somebody makes us!"

I chuckled, "You're taking this better than I expected."

"I knew deep down you would never marry me. Remember the talk with Jackie? You're going to marry that Bethany girl. I'm sure. Especially after she got hurt so bad. I never expected a job! That's so awesome!"

"I'm glad you think so. I need to talk to your mom and Bart, of course."

"I know. I can't wait until I'm eighteen and I can decide stuff like that without asking them! And sleep over whenever I want to! Well, if we're still doing it."

"Right now, we need a shower so we can get you home before you turn into a pumpkin!" I chuckled. "Tell your mom I'll talk to her sometime this weekend."

She kissed me hard, "You are the best!"

We showered, dressed, and then I walked her to the front door and watched her scamper home, more excited than I'd seen her since the night we spent together in her bed. I shut the door once she'd gone inside her house and turned to see Elyse standing there smirking.

"What the hell did you do to her to make her so happy? And can I get some?"

"Come to my study. I need to talk to you."

"How about I just come to bed with you?"

"An offer I can't refuse!" I replied. "I have a bit of homework to finish, and then I want a sauna."

"I'll join you when you're ready."

I went back to my study and worked on my homework for about an hour, then made a short call to Jennifer to see how she was doing. Not much had changed, and we agreed we'd talk in detail when she arrived in just over a week. After I hung up, I went to find Elyse, and we went down to the sauna.

"I offered Penny a Summer job," I said, once the steam was rising from the rocks. "But I need to know what we should pay her."

"I was looking at the numbers and with the money that you kicked in, and the money from the two investors, plus the income from the unions, I think I have a pay schedule for you, Dave, Julia, and Cindi that will work. I'm only going to pay myself for the hours I spend, which really won't be that many to start with. My parents are covering the costs for grad school and I'm living here, so I don't need much money. I think we can pay Penny $6.00 an hour and she'll be super happy and it won't break the bank."