Chapter 11: The Last Semester

January, 1985, Chicago, Illinois

My friends filtered back into town during the week, with Sofia returning on Thursday. Tanya had left on Wednesday as planned, with a promise that we would see each other sometime over the Summer, or sooner if her father had business in Chicago. On Friday, Kara and I went to buy our books. We didn't have any classes in common, though Julia, Dave, and Cindi would be in my microcomputers class, and Wen would be in my compiler class. For my electives, Staci would be in my World Religions class, and my friend Andrei would be in my European History class.

"What would you think about me going to graduate school?" Kara asked as we drove home.

"You've just finished one semester and you're thinking of graduate school? I thought you wanted to teach High School?"

"I was thinking maybe being a college professor was a better choice. I talked to Kathy about how her student teaching was going and what it was like. And when I think about it, I honestly think I might be better suited teaching college. Can you imagine a High School teacher with the lifestyle I hope to lead?"

I laughed hard, "Well, that pretty much completes it!"

"Why are you laughing? Completes what?" she asked, offended.

"Sorry, I wasn't laughing at you. Bethany is going for her PhD. Jennifer told me she wants to eventually get a PhD. Sofia will be a medical doctor. Even Elyse talked about a PhD in Economics. I'm going to be surrounded by doctors! And if Tanya changes her mind and stays in the US, she'll get a PhD in international relations from the Kennedy School."

"And that little old BS degree will make you feel inferior?" Kara giggled. "Degree envy?"

"No chance! I want to be done with school and run my company. I'll let all you crazy overachievers get your doctorates and I'll make a pile of money! But tell me, can you afford it?"

"I have enough money for about five years of school the way I figure it. But I can get a TA job or do research work to earn extra money. Or borrow from my mom. I'll make it work."

"I can lend you money if you need it, Kara. I've been saving as much as possible over the last four years. And no, I can't imagine that your proposed solution to my dilemma would be acceptable to elementary school parents if they ever found out."

"I don't think a school board would ever accept me living with a guy and having kids, while he was married to someone else and had kids with two other women! And thanks for the offer of a loan, Snuggle Bear."

"You're welcome. Anything for you!" I said.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Kara smirked.

"Sure," I said, warily.

She giggled, then grew serious, "I watched you and Tanya make love. It was beautiful!"

"What?!" I gasped, shocked.

"Relax, Snuggle Bear. It was very, very moving. You were so tender and gentle. Sometimes I wish I could be out of my body and watch you make love to me."

"Oh?" I said.

"Yes. I wonder what it looks like," she said wistfully.

I chuckled, "I could buy a video camera."

"You could..." she replied, letting the phrase hang in the air.

I smiled and shook my head. Kara was a very, very different person. The High School Kara was gone, and a modern young woman had taken her place. A young woman that each day grew more interesting and, to be honest, more like the woman I wanted to spend my future with. It was a surprising revelation, one that would require some careful consideration.

As I drove home, I thought about how things were shaping up. It was going to be an interesting semester. Elyse, Cindi, Katy, Julia and I would all be graduating, as would Dave, Jackie, and Kathy. Big changes were coming over the next several months, but before school started, I had an important trip to make — one that I'd be repeating every weekend for the next few months, though I would miss one so that Kara and I could join Stephie and Red at the Daytona 500.

On Friday evening, I had a visit from Alice, which didn't really answer any questions. She told me that Penny was back from Florida, but that they hadn't reached any conclusions. I explained about being away for the weekends, so the Saturday morning computer times would be out, but that Penny could still come over on Thursdays if Alice was OK with that.

"Yes. We don't want to cut her off completely from the computer stuff, but I'm going to come with her. I hope you don't mind."

I didn't, though I was sure Penny was going to pitch an absolute fit. I just hoped that she didn't get so upset that she let the cat out of the bag.

"Whatever you think is best," was my answer.

She nodded and said that they would see me on Thursday.

Early on Saturday morning, I drove to Meigs field and parked my car in a lot by the administration building. I went inside and found Harry Krajick's friend Patrick Shaughnessy. He was filing his flight plan and five minutes later, we were walking out to his Twin Beech, that was fueled and ready for the flight to Milford.

"Want to sit up front with me?" he asked. "The co-pilot's seat is empty. You can wear a headset and listen in."

"Cool," I said. "Starting next week, I'll probably sit in the back and do homework, if you don't mind."

"That's up to you. I'm the taxi driver."

"I really appreciate it," I said.

"Bethany is a sweet girl, and I'd do anything for her," Patrick said.

"Me too."

I waited while Patrick pre-flighted the aircraft and a few minutes later, I listened to him talk to the tower. He gave his tail number and requested clearance. He was cleared, and the tower reported light traffic in the area, which was not a problem given we'd be keeping away from the Midway and O'Hare approaches. He acknowledged the clearance by repeating it back and we were off.

January, 1985, Milford, Ohio

A private flight sure beat going to O'Hare. The drive had been shorter and less than twenty minutes after parking my car, we were in the air on our way to Blue Ash airport in Cincinnati. We landed less than three hours after I'd left my house in Hyde Park and my sister had me to the Krajick's twenty minutes later. All in all, the trip was twice as fast as driving, and the fact that I'd be able to study during those hours would make a huge difference.

"Hi, Sweetheart," I said, walking into the family room that had been converted into Bethany's room, just as the Spencers had done for Melanie when she'd had her accident.

"Hi!" she said, much more alert and happy than she'd been when I'd last seen her a week and a half ago.

"Hi, Bethany!" Stephanie said. "I'm going to go see Ed. Is he upstairs?"

"In his room, I think."

My sister bounded up the steps, and I heard her knock on the door and then go into Ed's room.

"Well, you sound much more chipper," I said, kissing her softly.

"At least until my own personal Torquemada arrives," she groused.

"Physical therapist?" I asked.

"Yes. The chest injury is actually worse than my arm right now. There are all kinds of possible complications if I don't watch my posture and keep my lungs free of mucus. I actually have to cough as part of my therapy, and that hurt like hell for the first few days. It's better now, but the exercises will get tougher."

"And the arm?"

"It aches, but not terribly so. The routine is pretty much like Melanie's, if you remember."

"I do. How long before you can tackle the stairs?" I asked.

"Another week, supposedly. I can't wait to take a shower. Sponge baths are getting old really fast. Having my mom bathe me is just so demeaning."

"I could do it," I said, leering at her.

She laughed, "THOSE parts aren't the problem, Mr. Adams. Though I will be climbing the walls in that regard if I have to wait six months!"

"I'm going to require a notarized doctor's order for that, Miss Krajick!"

"Bastard," she hissed, but then she laughed, "All kidding aside, even attempting something like that is dangerous at this point."

"Seriously," I said. "If you want, I can give you your sponge baths when I'm here on the weekends."

"I'd like that, actually. It's very intimate. Should we set a date?"

"A date?" I asked.

"For the wedding, dummy!" she giggled. "I understand we got engaged while I was in a coma! Only YOU would pull a stunt like that!"

I chuckled, "Your mom's bit of subterfuge for which I owe her big time. I do have something for you, though."

I pulled a small box out of my pocket and removed the diamond pendant, and carefully put it on her.

"With this pendant, I thee love," I whispered, giving her a soft kiss.

"Mom told me that the nurse brought that to you. I'm glad it didn't get lost. Now, if it only was on a ring, instead, Mr. Fiancé," she said with a smile, showing me that she was teasing, but only partly.

"I know what you want, Sweetheart. Let me get past graduation and help Jennifer."

"How did that go?"

"In the end, about as well as can be expected. She and Josie spent the day talking when I came to see you in Indy. She told me that she was going to restart her counseling sessions, and I called her mom right after she left to make sure that happens. I'll talk to Josie in a couple of weeks to confirm as well. The only concern I have there is that Jennifer said that she's not ready to be intimate with Josie. I found that a bit odd, given that she asked me to make love to her."

Bethany was quiet for a moment, "I've considered that because you told me about it the other day. I wanted to talk to you when you came to visit, but you brought Tatyana with you. And bringing her with you was the right thing to do, by the way. Speaking of which, before we talk about Jennifer, how are things with Tanya?"

I smiled, "Another piece off the chessboard, I think."

"Oh? She told you that she's going home?"

"No, she told me that she assumed that I assumed that she was going home and, as such, that she and I were just lovers, and it was unlikely to be more than that. Of course, things could change, but I honestly don't think so. From what I can see, her dad is, and I don't mean this disrespectfully, a functionary. A good one, mind you, but he's not a political animal and I would guess he'll be just fine in any transition. And that means that Tanya will be heading to Moscow in eighteen months to attend their Higher Diplomatic School."

Bethany nodded, "None of that should surprise you. It's more or less what you expected to happen. If she was serious about marrying you, she would have told you at least a year ago that she was going to stay here."

"True. And honestly, it didn't bother me the way the situation with Karin did, and still does. There's just something gnawing at me about that whole situation."

Bethany looked pensive, "If you feel that way, then you need to figure out a way to sort it out in your mind. If it's gnawing at you now, it'll gnaw at you for the rest of your life. Figure out what the issue is, and address it."

"Good advice, as always! I'll think about it. I have no plans to go to Sweden anytime soon, though, and she's not planning on coming here. But that's just a distraction at the moment, honestly. I have to worry about you and Jennifer above all else."

"Back to Jennifer, then. Why did you turn her down?"

I was quiet for a minute, "Because it was the wrong thing to do at that point, for a bunch of reasons. I was afraid that if she reacted badly, that would be the end of everything and we all might lose her. She'd also had an agreement with Josie that she wouldn't be with me unless Josie was there. And, honestly, because she hasn't properly addressed the rape."

"Those are good reasons and show that you're thinking more clearly about things like this. The old Steve might well have just asked if she was sure and then fucked her silly. And as you say, that might have been a disaster."

"There's more to the story," I said.

I explained the other details that Jennifer had shared with me. I knew that Jennifer might be upset by that, but she and Bethany both thought I was the one to help her pick up the pieces, which meant I needed to be able to talk to someone about it, and that someone had to be Bethany.

"Well, that certainly complicates things. I guess you could trace everything back to that early traumatic experience."

"So, what are you thinking?" I asked.

"It's hard to say without an extensive conversation. Everyone deals with trauma differently. When will you see her again?"

"It looks like Spring Break. She's planning on coming to Chicago. Just her, not her and Josie."

"Make sure you talk to her regularly!"

"I do need to call her today or tomorrow," I said. "Can I ask you a question?"

"I suspect that I know what it is, because you asked it before. Jennifer's sexuality is a complete mess. I suspect that she doesn't even know for sure. That may be what was behind her request."

"She specifically said 'show me what it can be like again'," I said.

"She's searching for answers. I can't predict how this is going to turn out, but I will say I find it highly unlikely that her attraction to girls is a phase she's going through or a response to the emotional trauma of seeing a very young girl have intercourse at age eleven. There just isn't any data to back that up. The human psyche generally, and sexual orientation specifically, are very, very complex. If it was as cut-and-dried as Kent van der Meer thought, life would be easier. But it's not. Well, unless you believe all that sin bullshit he was pushing."

"I most certainly do not. So how do I help her?"

"That's a damned good question," Bethany replied. "The only advice I can give you right at this moment is to be her friend, find out what she needs, and if it's within your ability, do it. That may be harder than you think, because figuring out what she needs is going to take some serious effort and conversation."

"She told me she needed me to make love to her," I said.

"Then you ultimately have to decide if that's true, and then what you're going to do about it."

"Move to Russia and become a monk," I sighed. "It was difficult enough with you. Yours was a date rape, I guess is the term."

"Yes, that's been used for the last six or so years to describe exactly what happened to me. I wouldn't classify Jennifer's that way, though. Both are obviously rape and ought to be punished, but the psychological effects do really have a lot to do with who the perpetrator was and the circumstances of the rape. For Jennifer, there was a complete betrayal of trust in someone who she would expect to protect her, not violate her. In my case, it was an asshole football player who thought he deserved whatever he wanted. He didn't betray me in the way Jennifer's rapist betrayed her."

"And that makes it harder for Jennifer to trust anyone," I said.

"Yes. For me, it was different. I could safely go to parents or teachers or you, for that matter, and not worry about it. Jennifer, on the other hand, has lived in fear of people in authority since that happened. Add in the threats from the asshole that was raping an eleven-year-old, and you can see why she's messed up worse than I was. Her solution was to degrade herself by getting you to screw other girls because she felt she wasn't worthy, and to engage in more extreme sex — the rape fantasy, the threesomes, sex with your sister and you, and so on."