Chapter 7: Friends &

There were sixteen of us crowded into the kitchen. All male.

“Right, well, welcome to the Ground Floor,” said Jem. “I think I’ve met most of you, but I’m Jeremy Stern, although everyone calls me Jem.”

There was a not-very-enthusiastic chorus of “Hello, Jem,” and other variations.

“Perhaps we should go around the room and introduce ourselves? Everyone okay with that?”

Mummers and nods followed but before anyone could start, my phone blared into life. I pulled it out of my pocket, rolling my eyes, and said, “Excuse me. Just, carry on. I’ll catch up later.”

Jem smirked and nodded and as I left the room he asked who wanted to start. Perhaps predictably from what I’d seen so far, it was Mark.

“Hi. I’m Mark Atwell. I’m from Manchester, and I’m here to drink and much as possible and sleep with as many fit birds as I can. Oh, and study Physics in between I suppose.”

Once in the corridor, I shut the kitchen door and answered the phone.

“Hi, Ems.”

“Hi! I can’t believe you’re in Wintersmith. That’s awesome. Have you said Hi to the guys on the committee for me?”

“Why would I do that? I didn’t even know you knew them?”

“Dur! We shared a hall last year. We’re friends. Lucie’s a bit of an airhead, but she’s lovely. Actually, I think it’s an act to get the boys to play nice with her. Pippa’s a riot and she can drink most guys from the rugby club under the table so don’t even think of getting into a drinking contest with her whatever you do. Phil is a good guy. A lot like you were at school, you know? Solid. Dependable. Do anything for anyone. That’s why we voted him chair. We actually ... Never mind. It’s Jem you want to watch out for, though. He’s a laugh a minute, but he’ll get you into all sorts of trouble if you let him.”

“I’m on the same floor as Jem. We were just having a meeting in the kitchen when you called.”

“Oh, right, sorry. Hey, you’ll never guess which flat I’m in?”

“I don’t know! Number five?”

“No! I mean, this is the same flat that Chloe Goodman’s boyfriend stayed in during his first year! I’m in his room, apparently! Do you know what that means? I’ll be sleeping in the same bed as Chloe Goodman slept in!”

“You mean the same bed she fucked him in.”

“Paul! Do you have to be so vulgar? I want to change the sheets now.”

“Wasn’t it, like four years ago or something? I’d imagine the sheets have been changed plenty of times.”

“Whatever. Hey, can I speak to Jem? You said he was there.”

“Hang on.” I went back into the kitchen and held out the phone for Jem. “It’s for you?”

He gave me an odd look, but took the phone anyway and said, cautiously, “Hello?” That was followed by “Emmy!” A few seconds later he said, “Oh, right. So, this is the famous Paul.” He smirked at me. “Yes. Of course.” It sounded like she was talking his ear off. “I will. Absolutely. You know you can count on me. Look, you coming to the fresher’s thing in The Union tonight?” Evidently, she said yes, because Jem said, “We’re taking the new fish on a campus bar tour. Why don’t you girls meet us in The Cap? We’ll be there from about half-seven for about an hour.” He nodded, hung up the phone and held it back out to me. “She said I’m to keep you out of trouble.”

“Really?”

“Well, actually, her exact words were Don’t you fucking dare get him into trouble or I’ll cut your fucking balls off. She would as well. She’s fucking nuts. Don’t get me wrong, I love her death, but her and Amanda are both fucking nuts. A right pair. You want to watch it though, when Mands gets her hands on you, you won’t know what’s hit you. She’s been looking forward to this ever since Emmy started talking about you last year, which was about an hour into our first night here. It’s your turn for the intro, by the way. Not that you’ll need it for any of us from last year.”

Shit. This really didn’t sound good at all.

We had the afternoon to ourselves before we’d been asked to meet up again to go for dinner in the canteen on the second floor of the admin block, so I went back to my room to watch some TV. Jem had told us that one of the unwritten rules of hall life was that if you wanted privacy for studying for any other reasons, then all you needed to do was close your door, but most of the time people left their doors open as an invitation to company.

I left mine open wide and lay back on my new bed, remote control in hand ready for a couple of hours of channel surfing. I’d only gotten from the first channel—some dull cooking show—to the second—a wildlife documentary—when there was a tap on my door.

“What you watching?” Mark asked as he came in and sat on the hideous red lounge chair.

“It’s Saturday afternoon. There’s bugger all on.”

“Can you get the sports news channel so we can keep on top of the footy?”

I shrugged and flipped channels again.

“So, what did you do last year?” he asked. “You mentioned America, but was that the only place? Or did you do one of those dodgy volunteer things in Africa or something?”

“Just The States. Flew out to New York then sort of worked my way around as much as of the country as I could. Flew back last week.”

“Sounds awesome. Hey, is it right what they say about Yank birds?”

“What do they say?”

“That they’re all suckers for a British accent. They reckon that a few lines sounding British gets ‘em wet, and a few more opens their legs right wide.”

“Well, I wouldn’t generalise all American women like that.”

“But enough to make it a worthwhile trip, right?”

I smirked. “Possibly.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet you got your fair share of ass. Am I wrong? I’m not wrong, am I? Damn, knew I should have gone abroad instead of working.”

There was another tap on the door. Jem entered and leant against my desk. “I’m glad I’ve caught the two of you together, saves me doing this twice.”

“Doing what?” I said. I still had that habit of asking questions that I didn’t really want to know the answers to.

“You two have both had gap years, right?”

We nodded.

“So, unless I’m way off the mark here, you’ll both have a bit more life experience than the rest of the lads on this floor. I mean, they’re all right out of school, never lived away from home before, always had Mommy and Daddy to rely on when they needed them. Except Mommy and Daddy aren’t there anymore, are they? Well, they’re at the end of a phone I suppose but, believe me, I know, it’s not the same thing. So, I was thinking, if you both don’t mind, you might help me keep an eye on them. You know, just watch out for any signs they aren’t coping.”

“Sure,” said Mark. “I mean, I’ve never lived away from home before neither, technically, but while I was working last year, it was as if I was a lodger in my parent’s house, rather than it being my home. I paid rent and board and I could come and go as I pleased.”

“Thanks. What about you?” Jem said, looking at me.

“I bet Ems told you I spent the last year travelling but did she tell you the reason?” He shook his head. “Honestly, Jem, I don’t know if I’m the best person to ask—”

“Hey boys!”

All three of our heads snapped towards the doorway where a stunning young woman stood, hip jutted slightly to one side, arms above her head forming a ‘Y’ shape as she held on to the doorframe. Big Boobs, blonde hair, killer legs. I couldn’t see her arse, but I bet it was to die for.

<<Well, what do we have here? Just your type. Right, Paul?>>

Damn, I’d been hoping that voice had stayed in Micester or something. Should have known better, shouldn’t I?

“Mands?” said Jem “What are you doing here.”

“She couldn’t wait. Or should that be wouldn’t wait?” She was currently out of sight, but that was definitely Emily’s voice.

Jem looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

“So,” said Mands—or Amanda, whatever—as she stepped into the room and towards the bed. “You must be Paul.”

You ever heard someone say they were being undressed by someone with their eyes? I’d never had it happen to me. Until now. Well, not from a stranger at least. She had done it a few times I could remember. But never someone I’d literally just met. If you could call that dramatic entrance meeting someone and I’m not sure you could.

She stood with her hands on her hips. “You weren’t lying Emmy, he is gorgeous.”

<<Of course, he is! And you should see him naked. Which, I’m guessing, you will, soon enough.>>

I stole a glance at Emmy—I mean Emily—who at least had the good grace to have blushed. When I looked back at Amanda, I saw Jem behind her trying really hard not to laugh.

“Seems a bit quiet though. Not much to say. Good, I like the strong silent type. He’ll do.”

<<So will she, for starters. Right, Paul?>>

She turned and strode from the room, stopping at the doorway to turn around and point at me. “Have a big meal this evening, you’re going to need the energy. Oh, and drink plenty of fluids. And not the alcoholic type. Chio!”

Emily looked at me and shrugged. “Sorry. I tried to stop her but...”

“You better go after her before she tracks down some of the other freshers,” said Jem. “I’m pretty sure she’ll think one or two would qualify as more gorgeous than Paul here, and they’re probably not as well suited to dealing with her as he is.”

Emily rolled her eyes but trotted after her friend. As soon as she was out of the room, Jem held his stomach and laughed like it was the funniest thing he’d seen in ages.

“You know,” said Mark, “I reckon someone’s bed is going to get well and truly christened tonight.”

“You think,” said Jem, between more belly laughs.

Mark grinned. “So, you know this Emmy then?”

I nodded.

“And that Mands is her friend?”

“Apparently.”

“So ... d’you reckon Emmy’s got any more friends?”

That made Jem laugh even harder.

The less said about the quality of the evening meal served up in the canteen, the better. I’ll readily admit I’ve had worse—much worse—but the prospect of a whole year of what was on offer over in the admin block didn’t exactly fill me with joy.

After eating, we had about an hour to get ready for the night out that the committee had planned. That gave us all time for a least a shower—I shaved too—and to change our clothes. Jem had told us to meet in the common room on the first floor at seven. I waited for Mark, who insisted we waited for Jon, Micky and Mazher as well before we trooped upstairs.

The first floor had a different layout to ours. Whereas our floor had 8 rooms on either side of the kitchen and bathroom section, the first floor had ten rooms on the east side of the kitchen and bathroom, both of which had been shifted slightly west, and then space for six rooms had been sacrificed for the hall common room.

Part of the common room was walled off to make a computer suite full of ageing PCs. I didn’t really see the point of that since there was WiFi access to the university network and internet which covered the whole building anyway. The remaining open-plan ‘L’-shaped space seemed to be roughly divided into three areas—one with a series of sofas and chairs clustered around a wall-mounted plasma television, one with desks and chairs, presumably a study area, and then a leisure area which was home to a couple of pool tables, a dartboard and some vending machines.

The television was off, and one of the study desks was laden with crates of lager and bottles of alchopops. Phil and Jem stood guard beside it. Mark led us over to them. I think he could smell a freebie or two.

“Help yourselves,” Phil said, gesturing to the goodies on the desk. “They’ve been in the fridge all day, so should still be cold.”

All five of us chose a can of lager over the sickly sweet girly drinks.

“This,” Jem said to Phil, waving his arm in my direction, “is Paul.”

Phil gave him an odd look and said, “The Paul?” Jem nodded. “You mean, Emmy’s Paul?” Jem nodded again, this time with a big smirk. Phil held his hand out to me to shake. “You’re a lucky sod. Emmy’s a lovely girl.”

“Eh?”

“Emmy. She’s lovely. You’re a lucky guy. I mean, I should hate you, after all, we split up before the summer because you were coming home, but—”

“Wait a sec. You and Ems?”

“For about five months,” Jem said.

“Oh, shit, man, I’m sorry. That’s ... Look, Ems and I are just friends. I mean, she’s my best friend, but there’s nothing like—”

He held up his hand to stop me. “It’s okay. I knew how it was going to end before it started. I don’t hold it against you. I mean,” he leaned forward to whisper, “Emmy told me everything. I think. She certainly told me more than she told anyone else. So, I understand. I think. Either way, it was what it was and I’m glad for it. She’s a great girl. I’m lucky to have had the time with her I did.”

“Hang on, what did she tell you that she didn’t tell me?” Jem asked.

“None of your business,” Phil replied. “Unless Paul here wants to fill you in, which I doubt. I know I wouldn’t.”

“Whatever. Anyway, Mands came waltzing into his room earlier, gave him the once over, proclaimed that he’d do and waltzed out again. It was hilarious.”

“Really? Oh well, I hope you had a big dinner. You’re gonna need the energy. That girl is seriously hard work if you know what I mean.”

“Tell me about it,” Jem said with a grin.

“You mean,” I pointed from Jem to Paul and back again. “You two?”

“And a whole troop of others. She’s a bit of a slut, to be honest,” Jem said. “Actually, she’s a lot of a slut.”

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” Phil added. “Equal rights for women and all that.”

“Yeah,” said Jem, “And do you see either of us complaining?” They both laughed.